What do I do to make sure my son grows up to be a strong black man and not worthless like his father

Thanisha - posted on 12/08/2009

U can never teach a young man how good he is by telling him how much his father sucks, even if his father really does suck.

Leah - posted on 11/22/2009

One of the best things you can do is never refer to his father in a negative fashion where he can can see or hear about it. Calling his father worthless is really not a great idea. It is okay to think it, but be mindful of what you say. After all he is the father and you carry just as much responsiblity for the decision to lay down as he did. Unfortunately you may not have had all the facts, but it was still a decision none-the-less.



Irregardless of who / what his father may be, he is still so much more than his gene pool. Surround him with love and positive reinforcements. Show and teach him how a man is supposed to treat a woman. I do that with my boys. I teach them based upon how I expect any man to treat me. If u expect a man to open doors for you, then teach him to do the same. My boys hold the door open for me and anyone else who may come through the door. They open the car door for me, carry in the groceries, etc. Not because I make them, but because that is how I have taught them to treat others. No you cannot teach an old dog new tricks, but you can definitely teach a puppy!!!

Michelle - posted on 11/22/2009

Be a good mother and when you decide to date somone make sure he is a good romodel for your son.

Jenequa - posted on 11/22/2009

are u close with the family? If not then just try to get him really familiar with strong black men figures. Learn urself. But most of all give him strength through ur love. B tough when needed be, and give him space when he asks. Don't throw in his face what hes going to turn into if he doesnt follow ur rule. U can do it just follow ur heart.

Deborah - posted on 11/09/2009

Teach your son how to treat you and thats how he will treat others..My husband is the best in the world..He knows how to treat his momma, his daughters and he treats me better than i could ever imagine..Teaach him to respect his momma..

Nadine - posted on 10/31/2009

I agree with Teresa - your son needs to have a positive male influence in his life. I am a single mom and am making sure to surround my daughter with positive men because I don't want her growing up seeking attention from men because she missed out on this as a child. Is your son's father's parents or siblings involved? My daughter's father's brother is way more interested in my daughter than her father is, and I am glad that my daughter will have black cousins to grow up with, so she will know this side of her heritage. Also, as hard as it may be, I agree with not bad-mouthing his dad to the child. My daughter is only nine months, so I haven't had to worry about this yet- but I do have to bite my tongue when speaking to his family...i'm sure they have no idea what he is really like.

Teresa - posted on 10/30/2009

1. NEVER bad-mouth his dad in your son's presence. 2. Expose and surround him with PLENTY of positive, influential Black men in your community.

April - posted on 10/29/2009

sounds like to me your issue is not w/ how to raise your child, you seem a bit bitter about your "babydaddy" situation. but never the less, if you stay positve, and try not to bad mouth the "sperm donor" in front of the child, i think that will make a difference. raise him up to be a "good man" (period) and try not to put so much emphasis on being a "strong black man", the ones i know, actually taught themselves this by being what they didnt have in their lives growing up. hope this makes sense. and be blessed!

Keema - posted on 10/29/2009

Baby girl raise your son like you want him to be surround him by successful men and put him in like a big brother program. Get him involved.

Denise - posted on 10/28/2009

number one thing (If you want him to be a confident and strong asiatic man) don't repeat your negative remarks about his father in front of him.....he will feel bad and have no confidence in who he is. put your personal feelings aside and remember what is important to you....you childs happiness and a future full of positive things. saying less is best...when he starts asking about him-stay general with your comments and just tell him you didn't know him that well or you don't know what he is like cause you lost contact,etc....just no negatives and you will be better for it (in his eyes) and your heart.

Ronique - posted on 10/27/2009

Just make sure to lecture and teach by example on how he should treat women, try to have a strong male figure in his life that handles his business, because no matter how hard we try, a woman can never teach a boy how to be a man, because we r not men

Michelle - posted on 10/27/2009

here are some pointers which you can try throughout your lil boys life:

- dont diss his daddy...dont let him disprespect his father because of the way you feel towards him. Let him know who his father is and if so where he is so that he can find out on his own what his father is like.

- you have to be truthful to your son as he gets older he may want to know what his father does, lives etc...what he did in the past and why hes not around. Tell him all you know in an honest manner. This will teach your son honesty and not to lie.

- dont tell lies about anything throughout raising him...dont teach your son to be a liar, or to hide feelings, or mistakes he has made.

- raise him to respect you as a woman and as his mother.

- teach him ways he can and cant talk to women around him such as 'dont call them slags' 'you can tell her shes beautiful if you think that'

- teach him 'if he has nothing good to say, dont say anything' rule.

- keep his growing life positive. build a positive environment around him and make sure hes well educated throughout different walks of life.

- a boy needs discipline in his life to a great extent. they need guiding more than most girls. show him there are other ways of venting his anger at times, like starting a kick boxing class or learning a new skill.



ill add more if you like later just gotta do dinner x

Liz - posted on 10/20/2009

It is healthy to seek counseling in many situations and think people fail to realize it sometimes in their own. I am happy that you are strong enough to acknowledge the need for it in your life. I am currently working on my masters in counseling and our department stresses personal counseling for all of the students. Good luck in your venture, have patience with yourself, and know that you are only one person. You define your own "good" as a mother and single parent and don't allow others judgements and opinions to impede the strengths that you have.

KRISSY - posted on 10/20/2009

I am religious to a point and Lord knows I need more God in my life. I have been really struggling lately t the point where I am going to see a counselor tomorrow.. thank you for your response.

KRISSY - posted on 10/20/2009

That is a good idea.. I wasnt going to raise him as "african american" but "biracial"..i just think it is important to have knowledge of the african american side of him of which I dont know muchabout. I am mexi/white so I know my side but that's about it. I was never out wiith his dad enough or even met his family to be around the culture, etc. I do have a few black male friends that I suppose if I have questions they too can help.. but man it's hard being a single mom especially with boys.. thanks for your repsonse and suggestions.

Liz - posted on 10/20/2009

One thing that he will need to know is that he is a biracial (or multiracial) man... not just African American. You can not teach him something that you are not (African American). Many people say or think that they should raised their child as the predominant minority race if their child is bi/multiracial. This is a common misperception and can actually be harmful to identity development. Personally, I would suggest something like the Big Brother Big Sister program when he is a little older and maybe it would be ideal for him to have a "big brother" with the same or similar mixed racial heritage he does.

Kristina - posted on 10/20/2009

You just have to raise your child in a good loving environment. Set a very good example for how your child should behave and what you expect of him but anytime he mess up lest him know there are concenquences but you still love him through it all. Its very hard for a child to not have a father but yall can overcome it. Dont know if you are religious but God is the best place to put your worries and fears. Bring your child up with that and lots of support and he will be a stand up man. :)