What race is the father...

Angela - posted on 05/29/2009 ( 68 moms have responded )

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Has anyone had a random person come up to you and ASK what race your child's father is?!?! I will backhand the next person that askes me that...



I can admit that I'm so white I glow in the dark, and my husband loves to tease me about it because he knows I would rather be darker like him. Liliana looks more like her dad then she does me, and good for her. Maybe I overreact when I precieve people as being rude... Is it wrong for me to be irritated?

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Charlotte - posted on 09/07/2011

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"I get this all the time. I am a single mom by choice. I adopted my daughter on my own. I am Caucasian and she is Hispanic. People (strangers) always ask me if her dad is Mexican. I don't feel it's any of their business. For me to truly answer that, I need to launch into the whole adoption story and it's not my place to do that. It's up to my daughter who she wants to tell and under what circumstances. I would love an easy generic answer that would get me out of an 'explanation'. Any suggestions? "
You shouldnt have to explain yourself or about the adoption if you feel uncomfortable, no-one should be made to feel like they need to explain themselves, expecially to strangers!! you should just say "my daugther/her father is a little bit of everything (arent we all?)" or "her father was human, so is she"

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Michelle - posted on 12/30/2011

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Yup, had people ask me if their father was spanish.
Im a dark skin latina.
i would say uh no, i am their father is white.

Karon - posted on 12/27/2011

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Hi Angela,
The next time some ignorant fool asks you what race is the dad simply answer " I dont know. She was a gift from God" and walk away. :)

Charlotte - posted on 09/07/2011

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another easy answer, just say "i dont know, not sure who the father is" ;) sound rude and makes you out to be a ho, but if you dont take yourself seriously, its just a bit of a laugh. But i know someone who said this as an old lady kept bugging her about the father's race/nationality. lets just say, the old lady was very shocked and never bothered my friend again!!

Charlotte - posted on 09/07/2011

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I'm not a mum, but from a daughter's point of view, this happens to me too. I'm 25, i was born in England (& still live here) and I have olive/tanned skin. My Mum has the same skin color & she was born in the Caribbean but lives in England (& has lived here longer than she has lived in the Caribbean, so is stated as an UK resident) my dad is English and part German and is white. I always get asked where i am from. i always say "I am from England. where are you from?" not in a rude or a sarcastic way, but in a friendly way and just smile. I think this makes people feel like they have asked a dumb question & makes them realise it at the same time. i have been mistaken for Indian, Italian, Portuguese & Spanish. When i was younger I was confused to why people would ask all these questions. i used to ask my mummy "why are they being so nosey?" in a little innocent way. i didnt know why they needed to ask me those questons ::( But now that i'm older, secretly find it kind of funny that they cant put a finger on what natonality i am. I have been bullied in the past when i was at school, but i didnt understand why, as i didnt think i was different from anyone else. and i didnt understand the names why called me either. I think there is a good & bad situation. it shows i was innocent enough not to know those bad insulting names they called me, but i also wasnt prepared for it. in time, my mum just told me people who ask such questions are ignorrant & that i have the best of both worlds.
Angela - I know what you mean when you say that you wsh you were darker. I used to wish i was lighter and wanted to be white like most of the people in my school. But as i am older, i have grown to love myself for who i am. i love my skin colour as i always looked so tanned & sun-kissed and i hardly ever get burnt in the sun, only a nice tan :) my friends are jealous as they always have to use fake tan. When i visit my family in the caribbean, they are mostly medium-dark toned, i feel i fit right in. but my dad stands out a bit more being pale white ;) (not to be misdirected, as there are also white caribbeans!) Also angela - yes alot of people used to ask me if my dad was really my dad as he was lighter skin than me, and i used to say yes of course he is!! :) haha that shut them up. It isnt wrong to be irritated, that is just a natural reacton from us humans. its easier said than done, but just have to not let it get to you. just smile and say yes of course. or "arent you a little inquisitive man/lady?! you're so cute! coochy coochy coo!" just talk to down to them. just joking ;) just remember, it gets easier. I'm sure your daughter is beautiful and she has the best of both worlds and she will also learn to stand up for herself. good luck for the future x

Angel - posted on 07/12/2011

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I am white and my husband is black, I took my son into the store the one day when he was a baby (hubby was working) and ran into a friend who is Hispanic. He was holding my son and got spit up on. I said I am sorry that you just got spit up on (friend was on his way to work) and some woman walks past and says oh that is what daddies are for! She thought he was the father.

Sara - posted on 07/11/2011

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I get this all the time. I am a single mom by choice. I adopted my daughter on my own. I am Caucasian and she is Hispanic. People (strangers) always ask me if her dad is Mexican. I don't feel it's any of their business. For me to truly answer that, I need to launch into the whole adoption story and it's not my place to do that. It's up to my daughter who she wants to tell and under what circumstances. I would love an easy generic answer that would get me out of an 'explanation'. Any suggestions?

Jackie - posted on 11/20/2010

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Depends on how they ask. Many people are just curious. If they ask rudly then yes but most of the time they are just curious. Im the same as you and I'm neon clear almost. My little man is chicano and has the beautiful skin color, brown hair, and huge brown eyes. Hes going to be a heart breaker when he grows up. Its just really obious that my sons mixed so people ask. Doesnt bother me unless they ask with a smart mouth or follow up with a rude comment.

Jessica - posted on 11/13/2010

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not really I never get that question it seems. Most people will just assume that he's whatever I am.

Adriana - posted on 09/27/2010

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LOL!!! Sorry i dont mean to laugh but this reminded me of when I was in a cashiers line with my less than 2 yr old daughter in the cart and my 7 yr old son next to me, the guy behind me asks "Is she yours?" I said "yes" and he continued to tell me how beautiful she was and how he never wanted children until he saw her.... .OK the last part of what he said was kinda sweet but usually when a child is with you (and no other adults around) that child is usually yours LOL

Terra - posted on 09/07/2010

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Hello!! I'm black with white in my genes,(mom was half white and black)my husband is white. My son when he was born didn't look anything like me he was so white it scared the mess out of me, I had dreams when I was pregnant that he would be albino. But now my son look Puerto Rican.

Brooke - posted on 09/06/2010

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My kids are half black ( my husband is black and I'm white ) but they look hispanic. I get compliments often on how pretty and tan their complexion is.....haha

Brooke - posted on 09/06/2010

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When my daughter was 4 months old I had a cashier ask me if her father was Asian.......I kindly replied, "no, he's black....actually half Jamaican and AA ".....in the cashier's defense my husband's Jamaican side has very almond eyes ( as does my husband and daughter ) and I think she thought it was neat and she told me how gorgeous my baby was. I thought it was pretty bold though !!

Malina - posted on 09/05/2010

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i'm african american & my son is half mexican. sometimes i get asked what race his dad is. most of the time when i let my hair down, they just assume that we're both dominican. where i live, there are hispanics of every shade

[deleted account]

Since my daughter is half Asian, and I'm Caucasian, it's just--obvious what race her father must be. No one has ever needed to ask me. If they did, rather than feeling annoyed, I think I'd have serious doubts about their intelligence.

Incorrigibly,

Sharon

Bobbyjoe - posted on 09/04/2010

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I also get the same questions over and over and im getting a little annoyed you see my husband is from elsalvador and all 5of my kids have the dark skin dark hair and eyes and than there is me white brown hair and eyes and totally stand out when im with them out and about people also think im the sitter or neighbour just cuz our skin dosnt match dosent mean im not the mother and some times that really upsets me.

Janet - posted on 08/31/2010

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Ladies, life tooooo short to get up set about ignorant fokes. Me being Black and my hubby being Puerto Rician I got that alot with my boys because they are so much lighter than me. But now that they are older we actually have fun with it and turn the table on dumb-@&& with the stupid questions or comments.

Cynthia - posted on 08/31/2010

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I don't think its rude if they are asking with kindness. Like saying"she is so beautiful- or as the elders say, her complexion is gorgeous" but if they are being rude ----yah, I think I whould be mad.
My husband is Mexican and everyone think s he is from Iraq or something.... So we definetly have rude comments and I think no matter what you are there is no reason for UGLINESS.
However, we are to be Christlike and he wouldn't be rude EVER!

Candace - posted on 08/31/2010

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My son is mixed i'm black and his father is white. The only person to ever ask about his father's race is pediatrician because of the color of his eyes

Tara - posted on 08/31/2010

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I have been asked that question a few times, but what really took me back was what a classmate of my 13yr old said. I was picking my son up from a field trip to NYC all us parents had to pick them up from the school. When my son got off the bus he was looking around to find me so I yelled and waved so he would see me, and one of the other kids asked him who I was so he said thats my Mother. The kid opened his eyes wide and said how can she be your Mom your black and she is white!!! My son turned to him and said where have you been? living under a rock?...lol!

Amanda - posted on 08/31/2010

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I get this alot. My daughter looks mixed and my sons are very white, I also get the do they have the same dad question like it matters. My favorite was when I got asked why I adopted my baby girl at such a young age when I could have kids of my own and when they told my Italian Nanny that HER daughter was so beautiful. I'm like excuse me that's MY daughter. It is very irritating and these people are just plain ignorant. You can do one of two things, choose to ignore it or just tell them its not their business. I sometimes like to show a family portrait to ignorant people because of the dramatic skin tone differences in my family and just say genetics are funny Huh?

Sonya - posted on 07/08/2009

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I constantly get asked if I'm my son's older half sister.... We look nothing alike, I did give birth to him, and I do look terribly young. But I've never had anyone ask what race my son is yet. I'm waiting for it.

Desirée - posted on 07/04/2009

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I'm kind of the opposite, I'm and my husband is mexican and people assume that my daughter is just white due to her ghostly complexion lol which kind of upsets my husband when he's standing right there. But we just shrug it off, we know her herritage and she will too and it doesn't really matter what anybody else thinks.

Lesley - posted on 07/04/2009

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I have people tell me that my kids have a beautiful tan. Then my smart kids tell them they are biracial.

Helen - posted on 07/03/2009

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I used to get people who actually said "What is she?" At first I was offended and then I would simply reply "human". I tried to make it as uncomfortable for them to continue their absurd line of questioning as possible.

Keri - posted on 07/02/2009

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i dont think i get the what race is her father question.. i get what is she?! my daughter is 50% puerto rican from her father. &+ 25% italian 25% irish from me. she is a very nice tan complection so yu can see she is mixed with something being as im white lol. i dont think its rude it all depends on the tone in their voice

Katie - posted on 07/01/2009

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my daughter is half korean and half white. my mom was one time in a store and some random lady came up to her and said "oh where did u get your baby from?" lol i can't wait for someone to ask me point blank i got the best response "same place i got my husband from". another time someone asked me "when did u get her at birth?" i said "yes i gave birth to her" she was confused (she also compared my kid to dora which she looks nothing like her) anyways people are ignorant it's up to us as parents to educate them!

Kerrin - posted on 06/30/2009

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I get it all the time, along with assumptions that I've adopted my kids and where did I do that from.



I don't mind the questions about where their dad is from, I guess they're just interested. I'm not sure I understand where the questions about being adopted come from though. I just think they shouldn't assume things.

Katy - posted on 06/30/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

I don't get that question. The one I hate is are you sure he is the father of those boys. My husband is Mexican and our sons are all almost as white as me. Drives me nuts. I want to answer the next person "No they are the mailman's Kids I am just lying to my husband to make him feel better."


That's exactly what I deal with with my son.  He has sandy blonde hair and blue eyes, my husband is mixed with black hair and brownish orange eyes.  My husband says he's the Schwann guys baby as a joke, but people really piss me off with their assumptions. 

Michelle - posted on 06/30/2009

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I don't get that question. The one I hate is are you sure he is the father of those boys. My husband is Mexican and our sons are all almost as white as me. Drives me nuts. I want to answer the next person "No they are the mailman's Kids I am just lying to my husband to make him feel better."

Katy - posted on 06/30/2009

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I haven't had that happen yet, hopefully wont. I do have a few things said that are rude though. I'm white, my husband is bi-racial (black and white), our daughter is "brown" as she and her brother like to call it and our son is "pink" (lol aren't they cute). Anyways, I've had people assume I'm the baby sitter for my daughter... not so bad, no biggy... but the one that upsets me is when I'm asked if my husband is really the father of our son.... I'm really tempted to say "no I'm just a cheating whore, thanks for askin".

Janet - posted on 06/29/2009

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i like this message board.........i'm white and my husband is half white/half black....he looks more dark then most mixed people but most people assume hes Hispanic.....often at the factory he use to work at for about the first 2 years all the hispanic's would speak spanish to him until one day he got sick of it and told them he was black and doesnt know what they are saying....kindda funny we laughed it off......but once at the grocery store some lady in line behind me told me i had a beautiful little hispanic daughter since she is more carmel color year round and darker in the summer so i just said thank you for sayin my daughter was beautiful but did tell her shes 1/4 black but she was very kind about it and just went on with my day. but i do get that a lot most people mistake her for being hispanic then black even though she has more African facial features i think. but i really dont mind the questions asked what i mind is hearing the whispers being said as we walk past. i have a older daughter whos 100% white blond hair blue eyes and no one ever believes my girls are sisters......i taught my kids just to laugh it off and move on with their day, i think when their old enough to realize we are a mixed family they will some people sadly enough dont except "bi-racial" families. i look at it as a learning experience my kids are lucky enough to learn more about different ethnic backrounds then just one.

Erin - posted on 06/24/2009

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Quoting Kelsey:

My son's father is Filipino and I am Caucasian. I don't mind at all when people ask. I ask people all the time. I am just curious and it is so interesting seeing children of combined races. I just want to know what combination they are.. Most of them are just gorgeous I think! I would rather someone ask me what my son race is rather then assume he is something he is not.



I'm with Kelsey on this one, I've never felt like someone was being rude about asking and her Dad's race, infact most people start of saying "I think mixed kids are so beautiful" or "Mixed kids seem to get the best features from everything" and then ask about her Dad (arabic).  I'm also curious and ask about the Dad's background and I don't think I've ever offended anyone.  She would never get that question if she was just with her Dad though, since she's all Daddy (I tell people her intestines look like mine).

TRACEY - posted on 06/24/2009

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I get that a lot of the time especially when my daughter was younger because she is just starting to get her color so i had a lot of fights just to prove to people my baby is bi racial. now i go somewhere and right away someone would say she is mixed isn't she. I don't understand why people can't just leave it at she is a cute baby why do they always need to know race.

Djhonia - posted on 06/24/2009

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People ask me that all the time. My son is half latino/half black. Im black and his father is latino. My son looks latino and not a bit of black. So people are always looking like who's baby did she take Lol. But it irritates me when people dont ask questions and just assume he's not mine. I had him and everyone should know it!

Kara - posted on 06/21/2009

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People have asked me, and it really catches me off guard because my son is half white/half mexican, but I don't think that he looks particularly "anything" yet- he just looks like a squishy black haired tan baby! But I guess to be fair he's a lot darker than me. I wouldn't take the question as racist unless it's asked in a rude way. The last stranger who asked me, I just asked her right back "why are you asking what race he is?" and she said "Oh, well, he just has such beautiful skin tone, I was curious" So hey, I say just chose to take it as a compliment. Mixed babies are adorable.

Rose - posted on 06/21/2009

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I am expecting my daughter in Sept. My husband is Puerto Rican. People mistaken him for being black all the time lol. He is pretty dark skinned but its obvious at the same time that he is hispanic. I can only imagine what people are going to say about my daughter. But quite frankly I dont care what people think. Their opinions dont matter to me at all. I love my husband to death & I love my daughter to be more than life itself.

Lisamarie - posted on 06/21/2009

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My oldest looks all puerto rican, my 2nd child looks like a regular black and white mixed, boy but his hair is as soft as mine with curls. My daughter's skin is slight draker than mine, and thats just recently, for a while she looked all white, b/c her dad is black and puerto rican, she's a good mix when it comes to her hair. Its thin, curly, and is dark blonde with red highlights.. its beautiful. I'm guessing the red came from my scottish side. But I don't mind when someone asks what my kids are mixed with. Just kind of bothers me when they seem surprised that they are mine..lol. Well, no one can deny me of my daughter she looks just like me, other than her chin.. she's all mine. But I can understand if some gets offended when they ask what your child is mixed with, especially when its a random person. But I have rarely been asked by random ppl, mosly am asked by co-workers or class mates. But don't be bothered by it too much. Depending on the way they ask, just simply tell them their mix or tell them you don't feel comfortable telling them. Simple.

[deleted account]

While I agree that it is irritating sometimes (my children are a mix of black and white often mistaken for hispanic here in central FL) most people are just curious, I can't tell you how many times I have looked at a person and thought to myself "what the hell are you?" I would answer depending on your mood at that particular moment. and not woory about it.

Yasmeen - posted on 06/19/2009

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When my daughter was little she had hair as curly as shirley temple and I used to get asked this question a lot too and yes it is rude but your daughter is beautiful reguardless of her skin color and you should teach your daughter to say it with pride where her parents are from or what race they are. Fear/anger of naming her race shows her to be ashamed of it, and she may grow up being ashamed of herself and her race. Always show her herself in a mirror and tell her how beautiful she is and let her to kiss her reflection in the mirror (this teaches self-love). Take care.

Rozalin - posted on 06/19/2009

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I agree. My daughter as you can see in the picture is very light and I am dark. My daughter does not even have curly hair and she has blue eyes. I am black, white and hispanic and my husband is puerto rican and italian. So she is mixed with about everything. Sometimes when my mom shops with us, people think my baby is my moms. When people ask me the questions I respond and move on. Some people do question me because she does have blue eyes and neither me or my husband have blue eyes. She is mine, I birthed her and she looks just like her daddy! LOL

Brittni - posted on 06/19/2009

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I dont take it as rude most of the time sometimes im like hes mexican why have a problem the thing that gets me is when other hispanic people look at me like i shouldnt be with him or tell me i need to learn spanish i know more than he does he was adopted by a white family when he was 4 he cant speak any spanish. i have a brother and a sis who are mixed and its hard when a doctor tells my sister she cant be there unless shes family but my only problem is how many hispanics think he needs to be with another hispanic girl any one else run into this?

Nakeisha - posted on 06/18/2009

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People pretty much assume that I'm the babysitter and right of the bat says she must look like her father. It's not wrong for you to be irritated at all.

Christi - posted on 06/16/2009

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No...in fact my husband thinks nobody will think hes the father...cause my daughter has brown hair green eyes and very light skin...and hes hispanic...hes said that a couple of times and it kinda hurts my feelings

Crystal - posted on 06/15/2009

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My husband is Haitian and I am Caucasian. My daughter looks as though she has a permanent tan with dark black curly hair and brown eyes. I on the other hand have light brown hair and blue eyes. I have never minded people asking me about my daughter's ethnicity as I would like to educate and broaden their horizons on bi-racial/ethnic children. And while I was pregnant I would always look at bi-racial/ethnic children and think how beautiful it is to have people from different cultures celebrate their diversity and bring a child into the world. Although I have NEVER been asked if I am the babysitter, I can only imagine that would lead to a little friction in the conversation.

Stephanie - posted on 06/10/2009

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Wow i can totally relate to every1 here, ever since my son was born i have been asked so many questions, if im the babysitter? y does he have blue eyes? y is he white? so many questions i jus look at people like wth, yes my son is white wit dark black straight hair & baby blue eyes & im a caramel color wit brownish curly hair & brown eyes, he is still my child, my son looks exactly like his father, he is White/Arabic/Dominican when i take him to the doctor & the nurses look at his last name they jus look at me like wow his last name is long, u dont look arabic, i jus be laughin, im jus now gettin used to people askin me constantly is he mines

[deleted account]

I got that question a lot when my kids were babies. My kids are white and Ecuadorian. People would ask me if they were everything from black to Asian to Filipino. If my kids were in a group of other kids and they would ask me which ones were mine, when i would point them out, they'd make comments like "wow, they don't look anything like you". Which completely annoyed me since they totally do other then being darker than me. I don't get that much now that they are older.

Kelsey - posted on 06/08/2009

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My son's father is Filipino and I am Caucasian. I don't mind at all when people ask. I ask people all the time. I am just curious and it is so interesting seeing children of combined races. I just want to know what combination they are.. Most of them are just gorgeous I think! I would rather someone ask me what my son race is rather then assume he is something he is not.

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