why do we think mixed is a good way to identify one's self?

TINA - posted on 08/03/2012

I think it depends on the conotation. I say my daughter is korean all the time and you should see the looks. Lol I am half white and half Korean, just under 6ft tall and full figured. my husband is 5'9 nine years younger and black. Our daughter of coursehas more black features than anything else. We live in Los Angeles and depending how I do her hair that day she occasionally gets puerto rican. I figure she can say anything she likes as long as its said with love. As far as the boxes I check all that apply.

Jenni - posted on 08/24/2011

Even after Two Years I find this thread fascinating!
The facts are 'we should'nt tell each other what to say' instead try to 'understand WHY' people say what they say.
We all want to BE RIGHT and we all want to be ALRIGHT! and....YOU ARE! LOL!
As a rule i do not like labels, but when it serves a purpose of humour and happiness or to lighten a mood , it works for us.

Shea - posted on 08/23/2011

I don't think that labels are a good thing actually. I define my self as mixed on occasion because that's what I am in essence, a mix of different races. I generally started referring to my self as mixed so that I could identify with both parents. Why should I be just white, red or black. I also refuse to say black or white etc.. I'm neither. I'm Irish Portuguese french Native American and Druze & African. Yup did the ancestry lol ..A color doesn't define me. I refuse to let society hand me a one drop rule. Or tell me a drop of black erases everything else. Mixed or multi-racial encompasses me in a way. I think that's positive!

Jeniffer - posted on 08/23/2011

I have 3 kids and they are "super mixed" and I like to use that word and dont see it as a bad term. Their dad is mixed (black and white) and I am Salvadorian (Hispanic). I think it is the newer generation and the part of the world you live in. I have lived in the South and people say "mixed" about anybody that isnt black, white or hispanic but rather a blend of either 2. I grew up in California, where it is the same thing. I have never heard it be a negative thing and I proudly say my kids are "super mixed" and eventhough they are under 5, we make sure to let them know that they are the best because they have a little of everything and their culture is so broad that they are thier own individuals and hopefully this will ensure they dont try to fit a certain stereotype... :)

Jenni - posted on 06/30/2009

I don't use the word mixed...I like that fact we have a moccha-latte child who is a combination of an Indian and Anglo parent. We have mixed religion, mixed race and multiple nationalities. We like to think we are helping acceptance of cultural diversity.We live happily together and thats all most people see. Funnily enough it was the Indian community (excluding his relatives) that stared and commented in public about my husband and I. The whites seemed more accepting (according to my husband). I did notice some old-fashioned comments from some old country folk though...bit backwards.



Now that we have a beautiful child...thats all they see!!! We are no longer the spotlight.

We love our moccha-latte! and wish all of you beautiful parents a beautiful time with yours!



We share all values with our child, proud of culture, country, background, religion but most importantly respect for all people.

Lynn - posted on 06/30/2009

Me and my children which try are white and black use the term bi-racial. sometimes they get questioned onthe like bi racial with what. there response black and white.

Karen - posted on 06/29/2009

Hi Amy,

In the Uk,we used this term constantly,and I always felt this is a positive term,

As it what I been tought to use by family.

thanks karen

Cheridah - posted on 06/23/2009

After reading all of the posts, I see the terms and reasons behind them will probably remain as varied as the population. Back in my research days, whether I wanted to break the responders to my studies by their race/ethnicity, there were plenty of people who wanted me to break it down. It seems to be what we do in this country. As an African American person, I can understand the desire to acknowledge all the different parts of you. It can be like showing respect/acknowledgment. But my family has been here a long time, and my husband's family is newer, and we know that there was a VERY long time where different groups were not acknowledged for their contributions. We use whatever term we feel like for the situation, and know that people will be interested to know what our child is. Even after we say "mixed", "bi-racial", or "American" (which when I was growing up referred to "whites").

Brittni - posted on 06/19/2009

I dont like to use mixed or blended my daughters who she is and shes beautiful yea im white and yea hes hispanic but oh well shes her own thing and i will not call her mixed unless she chosses so she just comes from 2 diff backgrounds whos to say that mixed is the word i didnt throw a lil brown and white in a blender. Shes her own race mexican and white not mixed but i guess thats just because of where im from mixed just isnt something you here much

Monica - posted on 06/19/2009

Quoting Carolyn:

I have three children, two young men 23 and 21, my daughter is 17. They are bi-racial, i hate the terminology mixed as well. i was fortunate in raising my kids because they had the best of both worlds, white and black. i have always raised my children to be black men, and they consider themselves black. Like you said, if we trace the roots back a lot of afroamericans have white somewhere down the line. i take a bunch of crap bc people say i don't get any credit for contributing to the white half. doesn't matter to me..i know what it is and i'd rather have my kids growing up knowing who they are and not confused. my sons have thanked me on more than one occasion for raising them to be what society views them, BLACK MEN. Like i said..they had major black influences in their lives, so that helped to mold them into the young men they are today. they are both in college now, and they have chose friends that they feel comfortible with while at college. they identify with the black men, more than the white. let's face it, my kids where born in the 1980's and the country has come along way, but to pretend that prejudice doesn't still exsists is crazy. they were raised in a community where 90% of the school was white, and they were still able to form their own identity. all of my children are popular, my sons played sports, and my daughter cheers. so to answer the question....there is no black and white answer...it's your opinion and your kids and how you want to raise, mold and shape them

 I totally agree with you. I don't see no reason for me to keep telling the no your not black you are mixed sound kind of stupid to me. I want them to grow up and be proud black women and men. That is why I am sooooo happy that Obama is our president because he identify himself as black not mixed and have a big argument about it. Mostly all black or african american are mixed with something we are not a pure race in american nor is anyother race. Society will view my children as black why confuse them.

Monica - posted on 06/19/2009

I don't used the term mixed because yes every african american is mixed with something thanks to slavery. But I tell my children they are black period. I don't explain this half half junk because they are not. Their father is mexican, japanese and white. I just keep it simply my children are black hispanic ( which hispanic isn't a race)

Denitra - posted on 06/10/2009

Lydia,

Ultimately, you are your husband will decide how to raise your child. While our advice is nice... it should really be decided by what you feel in your heart. My daughter is just as much a part of me as my Irish husband, so on St. Patrick's Day when his family had a huge day long party, she wore a shirt that said "Black Irish". To me, we both count equally. Our goal is to raise her to be strong enough to understand she does not have to wear any label or fit into any box that is not large enough to hold her.

For centuries, America has believed if a child is part black, then they are classified as black. That's the same America that would not have let you and your husband marry 40 years ago. Are you going to let THAT America decide what your child should or should not be called?

Lydia - posted on 06/09/2009

I never really thought about my own racial identity until I became pregnant. Suddenly I found myself looking more at black babies in the grocery store than the white babies because I knew my child would look more like them. A lot goes through your head when you start wondering about the life into which you're bringing your child. In what type of environment will we all be most comfortable so that our children are comfortable with BOTH sides of their racial identity? I want my son (and maybe other children) to be comfortable, to truly identify, with black people and white people....or is that even possible? Will they only really identify with others who have one white and one black parent, or even more specifically, a white mother and a black father? I've seen others comment on their desire to raise "strong black men/women"....maybe my husband will be able to raise my son to be a strong black man, but how or why would I raise any daughters we may have to be strong black women when I'm not one? I know that society may put them in one category immediately because they may look more black than white, but I want my children to be comfortable with each side of themselves. Can anyone relate?

Dani - posted on 06/01/2009

they we should start identifying ourselves as grey!!!!!!

Dani - posted on 06/01/2009

Quoting Carolyn:

I have three children, two young men 23 and 21, my daughter is 17. They are bi-racial, i hate the terminology mixed as well. i was fortunate in raising my kids because they had the best of both worlds, white and black. i have always raised my children to be black men, and they consider themselves black. Like you said, if we trace the roots back a lot of afroamericans have white somewhere down the line. i take a bunch of crap bc people say i don't get any credit for contributing to the white half. doesn't matter to me..i know what it is and i'd rather have my kids growing up knowini have always raised my children to be black men, and they consider themselves black.g who they are and not confused. my sons have thanked me on more than one occasion for raising them to be what society views them, BLACK MEN. Like i said..they had major black influences in their lives, so that helped to mold them into the young men they are today. they are both in college now, and they have chose friends that they feel comfortible with while at college. they identify with the black men, more than the white. let's face it, my kids where born in the 1980's and the country has come along way, but to pretend that prejudice doesn't still exsists is crazy. they were raised in a community where 90% of the school was white, and they were still able to form their own identity. all of my children are popular, my sons played sports, and my daughter cheers. so to answer the question....there is no black and white answer...it's your opinion and your kids and how you want to raise, mold and shape them

 i have always raised my children to be black men, and they consider themselves black....carolyn if you raised your children to enjoy both world them why have them identify with only one race...are they not white as well.  i grew up in a very "white" area.  I do not identify myself as a black woman in any sense.  I am DANIELLE.  what is a "balck man" compared to a "white man".  what you should have focused on is raising a MAN!!!!  Are you raising your daughter to be a "black female" as well.  I will raise my girls to be strong, independent WOMEN, with no regard to color.  I too was born in the 80's...so i can identify with what your children may have expreienced growing up and completely disagree with you. 

Denitra - posted on 05/28/2009

Quoting Cheryl:

I have fostered "mixed" children. It would make me so angry to see people give me hateful looks and make racial comments when we went to town just because they thought the girls were mine. So what? You don't like what you see? Dont look! I especially hated to be asked, "What are they?" I always answered, "little girls."

I love that.  "What are they?"  LITTLE GIRLS!  I will use that forever and teach my daughter the same mentality.  When they ask her, "What are you?"  I want her to proudly say, "HUMAN! AND YOU?" :)

Denitra - posted on 05/27/2009

Quoting Lee-Ann:

why does mixed have to refer to race? i use mixed all the time, to me it means my children are a part of two cultures! ( most of the time we call our kids "halfers")The reality is I am "white", their dad is "asian", I'm very proud of that! And my children are too. Mixed is the same as blended... like when you add chocolate cake to white cake in order to make marble. blended/mixed.. two cultures... two sets of traditions. Almost all of us are mixed cultures, It's not a word to be ashamed of.



btw i have never come across any forms that require me to identify my, or my children's race. i'm unsure if that is a canadian thing, or if i've just somehow missed those forms...

God has blessed you that you have never filled out any forms that ask you to identify yourself (or your children) by race.  My daughter is only two and we have already experienced this on her birth certificate, a doctor's office, and her school.  I think it's because of the Census in the United States that everyone wants to know what "box" to put people into. 

In the United States, up until the late 1900s, there were actually laws that said it was illegal to "mix" races.  And that all children born to a mother of a non-white where considered a minority.  So, if my daughter was born in 1960, even though her father is Irish, she could not vote.  She was not considered a citizen of this country.  With that in mind, you have to understand that being "mixed" in the US... up until about one generation (I am being nice and avoiding the discussion about what happens in our generation) could lead to exclusion of rights, negative preception by society, being targeted and shunned by the community and in some cases, a threat to your person safety.

Listen, I love my husband (and Irish Catholic) and his family, but lets face it.  What we feel is right and what is the reality of our world is in some cases the opposite.  Where I live (Connecticut) I have to identify my child by race.  Even as my mother in law buys bibs that say "Irish Princess" and her grandfather plays the bag pipes for her... I still have to prepare her for a world where she will be followed around a high-end department store because "some people" believe based on her skin color she doesn't belong there.

I pray that when my daugther is an adult woman she will "somehow miss those forms".  Ahhh.... Bliss.

Cheryl - posted on 05/27/2009

I have fostered "mixed" children. It would make me so angry to see people give me hateful looks and make racial comments when we went to town just because they thought the girls were mine. So what? You don't like what you see? Dont look! I especially hated to be asked, "What are they?" I always answered, "little girls."

Cheryl - posted on 05/27/2009

We do not used Mixed in our home. It is a negative label. My girls have chosen to call themselves by their bio-mother's race rather than "white". Other children consider them mixed and we have had some issues comments from students at school. It seems that in the south, one must choose to be white, or black. I don't know why the cant just be people. It is a shame... but true.

Lee-Ann - posted on 05/27/2009

why does mixed have to refer to race? i use mixed all the time, to me it means my children are a part of two cultures! ( most of the time we call our kids "halfers")The reality is I am "white", their dad is "asian", I'm very proud of that! And my children are too. Mixed is the same as blended... like when you add chocolate cake to white cake in order to make marble. blended/mixed.. two cultures... two sets of traditions. Almost all of us are mixed cultures, It's not a word to be ashamed of.





btw i have never come across any forms that require me to identify my, or my children's race. i'm unsure if that is a canadian thing, or if i've just somehow missed those forms...

Denitra - posted on 05/27/2009

I have said the same thing since my daughter was born. Mixed what? She's not part human part fish... I perfer "bi-racial" and was so happy when I took a survey the other day at a doctor's office that gave the option of chosing "multi-racial" up until now I have been circling both black and white on her applications.

Shannon - posted on 05/10/2009

I disagree. Labels are B A D. I might be white in color but I'm mix or as I say a mutt. Mixed to me means that in my past my family didn't believe in not loving someone because they were a different color.



What I hate is when people say "I'm african american" or "european american". Unless your parents were born in a different country then You are American. If my husband said that he woudl have to say "african-irish native american" and I would have to say "european-asian-african native american".



No. I am just as mixed as my kids and d---- proud of coming from a family that wasn't into advoiding certain people because of skin color. I am a true American; a child of the melting pot.

Amanda - posted on 05/06/2009

Well my children are mixed and I don't have a prolem saying they are. They are "mixed" with different nationalities. Society seems to put the term in a derogatory way which is not right. We are all mixed with some other culture somewhere down the line I believe. You don't have to be a differnent color to be mixed. I mean my mom has done our family genealogy and I couldn't believe all the different places my ancestors have come from! When I see my kids, I don't think of them as different from their brother that isn't mixed. He has blonde hair and blue eyes and they twins are what I like to say golden, with brown eyes. My husband is Quarter Rican LOL (He's 1/4 Puerto Rican and 3/4 white). When my boys refer to their real dad they call him their brown dad. When I say someone is black they correct me and tell me no one is black they are brown.



A LOT of people think that when you say mixed though, you are automatically thinking they are black and white and I am not sure why people do that.

Maria - posted on 05/01/2009

My question is this: why should there be racial defining? Everytime I hear the term, "mixed", I feel like my kids were produced in a blender! We're talking about interracial and multicultural ethnicities for crying out loud! For once, I'd like to hear someone, I'm an American and am proud of it! Since most Americans nowadays are interracial. How can we expect change to happen if we allow ourselves to be labeled?? My husband may not be African-American but he's Irish/Scandinavian/Caucasian/American and I'm Filipino/Spanish/Chinese/American. What does that make us??? Exactly!

Brooke - posted on 02/22/2009

Quoting Amber:

You say most African Americans could be considered mixed, but have you ever considered that not all black people are African America? My husband is black, but he is not African American. But because he is black he is automatically put in that category. Not one single ounce of him is from Africa. When someone says they are mixed, they aren't talking about where their ancestors came from, I am not Swedish American. I am an American and I am white, my husband is an American and he is black. My children are not half Swedish American and half African American. They are half white and half black. They are mixed, it's not racist. It's a fact. What do you tell your child the color of his skin is? Half European American and half African American. When he meets other kids thats not what they are going to see. He is Brown, half white and half black. MIXED

Amber, THANK YOU.......my husband is black yet is always called A.A. His father is not any from here; he's from Jamaica and still has his VERY thick Jamaican accent. My MIL is from America but my husband does not agree with the term African American ( unless you are truly from there.....not from the 1800's era ) He always tells others that his wife ( me ) isn't referred to as a German/Dutch/English/Scottish American; I'm just white or caucasian to most Americans. We complain that racism is still very much alive here but we continue to label people. I am always asked on forms whether our children are black or white, etc. We always check other......the HUMAN race. Let's get over this profiling of people and just look at each other as people. Period......

Sarah - posted on 02/16/2009

I just think it's a whole lot simpler and easier to say mixed then bi-racial and in the case of my son I would have to say tri-racial, who says that? No one, I think that's why and where the term "mixed" comes into play.

I always hated filling out those forms on test cause I never knew what to put cause they always had "white non-hispanic" "hispanic non white" "pacific islander" and whatever else. Well, I'm Mexican and white(French and English) so where does that put me? I could never fit so I switched it up each time between "white," "hispanic," "other."

Not only is my son mixed but his father isn't in the picture but I think it is important that he knows where he comes from. In that aspect I'm glad I do live at home with my parents because at least my dad is here to be his male role model and he doesn't feel so different because my dad is dark skinned and has curly hair. But anyways, what I was going to say was my mom also thinks it's important that he can identify with his black side and for Christmas she bought him a little nativity set with black people and my nephew a white set. My nephew's dad is white so he looks all white, no bit of color in him at all. My son is very light for being black and mexican but you know he has something of color in him. He's darker then me but still not that dark.

My dad would call me whitey and my sister brownie because she's the dark one or he'd say honkey and now my sister identifies herself as beaner. It's no biggie to us.

Tara - posted on 02/16/2009

I am bi-racial, mother white, father black. My husband is too...which also makes our daughter the same. I don't think mixed is a racist term but I do prefer Bi-Racial because that's what I am. One thing that I do HATE is checking boxes that say OTHER as if I'm some unidentified species of human! How much time does it really take to add a box that simply says Bi-Racial...or Multi-Racial for ppl that can't as easily check Black, White, Hispanic, or Asian.



I do plan on creating a post tomorrow if I have time. Because I am a grown woman who is bi-racial, I know what life was like to grow up that way. I can share my stories and hopefully help you to help your child(ren). I can for sure tell you that it was NOT at all easy growing up bi-racial. It's confusing and frustrating for a child and the situations that they come into because of being seen with their white parent etc...I hope really hope that I can help.



If you have any questions, let me know...even if it's just about hair...ANYTHING about being bi-racial...just ask! =)

Lisset - posted on 02/12/2009

I don't like the term mixed. I think it defines us in an enclosed frame of thinking. I like to use Multi-Cultural, because I think it's something beautiful that should be embraced. Mixed sounds like we're dogs, or mutts. I am cuban and dominican. My husband is Moroccan/african.

Michelle - posted on 02/12/2009

Quoting Amber:

You say most African Americans could be considered mixed, but have you ever considered that not all black people are African America? My husband is black, but he is not African American. But because he is black he is automatically put in that category. Not one single ounce of him is from Africa. When someone says they are mixed, they aren't talking about where their ancestors came from, I am not Swedish American. I am an American and I am white, my husband is an American and he is black. My children are not half Swedish American and half African American. They are half white and half black. They are mixed, it's not racist. It's a fact. What do you tell your child the color of his skin is? Half European American and half African American. When he meets other kids thats not what they are going to see. He is Brown, half white and half black. MIXED

white and black MIXED makes gray. Stop using the word Mixed your kids are not peanuts.

Kori - posted on 02/03/2009

I heard it all..mixed, biracial, mulatto, etc.

I personally don't like nor use any of the terms.  I should not have to explain "what" my children are...they are children.  I really wish racial terms did not exist...they are often hurtful and confusing.

I'm cuban/caucasian and am always asked "what are you?"  Excuse me, but I'm a Woman. People often mistake me for being Italian.

How does one break down their hertiage, ancestry and ethnicity?  I don't know many people who are just one of the above.

Gabrielle - posted on 02/03/2009

I'm multi-ethnic myself (Mexican and Caucasian) and I have never minded the term "mixed". I've dealt with trying to figure out my own identity, with other people trying to identify me, and with learning about both cultures. I've used mixed, mutt, half-breed, MexiJew, and other terms for myself without ever thinking I was demeaning myself, but I also know that part of it can be laughing at yourself so others can't laugh at you and hurt you (that's the Jewish side talking, there). I think you have to embrace being mixed (or whatever you call it) and then decide what it means for you, as an individual, and how you're going to identify yourself. Bi-racial people will always have to deal with others trying to figure out "what" you are, so you need to be strong in yourself and know who you are. I like that I get to choose who I am, taking the things that matter to me from both sides of my heritage.



I agree that people who are part black, especially, will find themselves "pushed" to be black, and they will need to come to terms with that in some way, whether by deciding to identify black or by strongly identifying mixed while being aware that not everyone will see it that way. Hopefully, in the age of Halle Berry, Tiger Woods, and Barack Obama, people will become more aware and understanding of the complexities of being black/part-black in America. I love that Obama used "mutt" to describe himself - it showed he didn't take it too seriously.

Maria - posted on 01/30/2009

I agree with Brandi - "mixed" makes me think of puppies. I prefer "biracial" but as Amber pointed out - and in my case, my husband is quite a "mix" himself - and, ethnically speaking - there are at least 9 nationalities represented in my daughter - and "multi-racial" is such a mouthful. So, I prefer "American" I think after at least 2 full generations in a single country - thats what you should be identified as.



I hate filling out forms with check boxes...

Michelle - posted on 01/30/2009

i have 6 kids, two of whom are 'mixed'...have never given it much thought but when i consider the term, it makes me think of them as belonging to a global community (well, at the end of the day we all do, really). its something that i am really happy to be doing, all my other babies are 'white' and i love the fact that they all look at each others personality and irritating habits before even considering something as meaningless as skin color! i know, it may not stay that way forever but i hope that if it can be instilled in them from a young age, they will look at racist people as the ones to be avoided. many of my close friends refer to our family as the united nations...and i don't mind at all. in a weird way, i find our diversity is the very thing that unites us...does that make sense when i say it out loud?

AmyBith - posted on 01/17/2009

you know i just had an enlightening converstion with my mom. we were talking about educational and class disparity and it came around to her saying if she just saw my son mario she'd think he was black. i said, yeah that's how most kids of a white parent and a black parent are seen. and a lightbulb went off for her--she said, so everyone i've met who look like him are mixed? crazy right? there is just so far to go in truly accepting differences.

Uvoltta - posted on 01/17/2009

Whats wrong with the word "mixed" I'm Dominican and Afro-Cuban and I have always been called black or mixed. Mixed is just a label. One thing I cant stand is when people sit there and name off there entire ethnicity. I'm black, Irish, Mexican, German, Indian and Polish. Who cares, when people look at your kids they KNOW they are mixed, bi-racial or what have you. Don't tell your kids they are a color, that's crazy. We as Americans don't go by that. Society will view your kids as Black... Period. You can try to confuse them by telling them they are tan or egg white, peach colored, but the fact remains; they will be considered BLACK. My kids are mixed and when they get old enough to ask me why they are lighter or darker than some people, I will simply tell them, because your black and white. No mind games no Easter eggs colors.. Simply the truth.

Valencia - posted on 01/17/2009

You know what Amy - I find myself explaining that to people all the time - that every black person in America is probably "mixed."  It is so weird that we live in a society that considers you one thing even though you are many things.  It just goes to show that the negativity toward people of black descent runs VERY deep - so deep in fact that people feel the need to cordon you off into a category all your own if you have even one drop of the 'offensive' blood!  Its pretty ironic considering if we go back far enough ALL of us come from Africa. 

Melissa - posted on 11/24/2008

I agree with Carolyn about raising her children to understand how society will see them, and that is as black children. My children are only 2 1/2 years and almost 7 months old, but I know that I want them to be raised as a strong black woman and strong black man. I don't do this because I don't want them to embrace the fact that they are multi-racial (they also are 1/8 mexican) but because society will view them as such and they need to be prepared to deal with it. However, saying this, my children may be viewed more hispanic because they have such fine hair, they do not have the typical "black" hair or "mixed" hair, it's as fine as mine is, but dark. My daughter is darker than my son, and he has more of my features, where my daughter looks like her father. But even when she was only a year old she was referred to as a "black" girl by a white mom who didn't know who she was. I may be rambling, but I am writing as thoughts come to my mind. I am okay with them identifying more with the black side than the white side (I say mostly black and white because, even though my husband is 1/4 mexican he is dark skinned and doesn't identify himself as mexican, but black). I know that many bi/multi-racial children have issues with whom they identify because society doesn't accept them as either. So, if my children identify themselves with the culture that they look more like, then that is what they need to do. And yes, race is a social construct created during slavery in order to justify the cruelty, but unfortunately we have to live in this society which still uses this social construct to identify and discriminate/oppress, both on individual levels and on institutional levels.
Again, forgive me for rambling. I feel there is so much I could write and discuss on this topic, that a lot of it tends to spill out and not make much sense. But, I deal with this on a daily basis and not only having multi-racial children, but my husband works in racial reconciliation at a university and I attend a church whose focus is racial reconciliation, so it is always present. Thank you all for your thoughts and honesty.

Brandi - posted on 11/24/2008

I have to say, that I like this open discussion. We may all choose to use terms that WE like, but we are open to each other. I also appreciate the humor that others use such as ".5" and such.

As for using "actual colors"... It works well at home, but not so well with the general public. People may think it is cute for a child to say something about a "brown man" but look odd at me when I use "brown" to describe someone. (as necessary - I don't usually refer to a person by their skin color unless it is a needed adjetive for the situation)

It is wonderful to feel like we can have open discussions and support here. THANKS LADIES.

~as for which box to check - there is a whole thread about that too. Check it out!

AmyBith - posted on 11/23/2008

i'm so appreciative of your responses. i really wanted to hear what people's experiences were. i live in nc and when i was in the hospital i didn't get to check a box. they don't put the child's race, they just put the parents'. my husband wasn't there when the lady came in to fill it out. she asked me some questions, but didn't ask my race, she just decided i was white and i guess looked at mario and decided my husband must be white. when she came to have us proofread it my husbnad was there and went over it with her. i will never forget hearing him say, "i'm not white." it was really funny at the time because the woman was so taken aback at her mistake. but that really prepared me for taking him into the world.

also i had a woman training to be a doula with me and my husband during the birth. she has a white mother and black father, and i was talking to her about this before mario was even born and she said, "i can't tell you what will help him most, but i just appreciate that you're thinking about it. i wish my parent's had." so i'm sure erin is glad we're out hear thinking and learning.

Carolyn - posted on 11/23/2008

Kate you brought a long lost memory by saying that you use the term .5 .....when my son was in high school he had a friend that was from Puerto Rico, my son use to call him Rican... So his friend, being full of humor and quick tongue called him a halfrican..it was a longtime joke between the two of them all throughout high school and I had forgot that memory until you jarred it open... thanks for putting a smile on my face. I appologize if this offends anyone, this is truly not my intent..just sharing some of my personal experiences with the topic

Kate - posted on 11/23/2008

I like this thread. It makes me think. I have never really thought about what I or others call our children. My husband & I, and a few other friends who are in bi-racial marriages, we playfully call our children ".5's" but I guess there are offensive tones to that also. We've always just had fun with that term within our family/friends. But outside of that group, I guess I generally refer to them as bi-racial kids. I will have to pay more attention to what others refer to them as.



Thanks for this line of posting, again, it makes me think...

Mishelle - posted on 11/23/2008

I guess I am what people would call "mixed" but I prefer to use bi-racial if I have to choose. My mother is white and my father was black. I dont look at race at all, im just Mishelle. My son is also bi-racial with me being bi-racial and my husband being white. I think it's really important to teach our children that race does not really matter, it's who the person is that matters. That's what my parents taught us and we all love who we are.

Bobbie - posted on 11/23/2008

thats why its so hard for me to have friends bc sometimes you notice they try to act different when they're around you versus other people. i dont act black either. i am who i am and the people that care for me except me just that way. it ticks me off when people try to be something they are not and it makes it difficult to find people you can relate to. thats why i was happy to see this site bc you can talk to people that can relate and ask those questions you cant ask just anyone. sometimes i say things and it sounds so country but it is what it is. will never try and change that. i dont have a strong accent but it comes out every now and again; more so the cajun part but im not ashamed of who i am. he picks on me sometimes but thats just part of our laughing. he's never tried to be me and i have never tried to be him so i think our son will become exactly who he is suppose to be. i feel bad bc ive gotten off the original subject, so sorry people that are reading and wondering what in the world we are talking about:) i sure most of you can relate.

Carolyn - posted on 11/23/2008

Truth be told, there are probably more opportunities out there for checking the black box because of the laws and having to fill quotas, so as not to be a discrimitive company or campus or whatever. I truly would be pissed though if my kids ever tried to pull the black card, whoa is me, or it's due to me. I would tell them in a heartbeat that hard work is what gets you respect, not your skin color

Carolyn - posted on 11/23/2008

My family, sister-in-law,mother-in-law etc. all accept me for who I am, and never acknowledge that I'm white...I've never been one of those girls who get it all mixed up and try and "act black", it is what it is...I'm just me and accepted by all those around me white or black. I'm from a small town, and there are quiet a few families moving into the area. I get so upset with some of these white women who try and act like they were brought up in inner city Phillie when truth be told they were raised with a corn field in their back yards...drives me nuts. Makes it hard for people like me..who are now stereotyped. As for checking a white box..why would anyone do that to a child. As soon as they walk into a room that's not what is perceived or accepted. Keep checkin that black box girl

Bobbie - posted on 11/23/2008

See. I was also proud to check black. His dad just threw me off when he said otherwise. I will never try and change it and I will always check black. That makes me feel so much better about that. Its funny bc I work as a hair stylist and another stylist has an assistant who is black and 69 years old. When we have conversations, she refers to herself and me as 'us black people'. I know being considered caucasian I dont deserve to be labeled black, but she makes me feel good bc she is old school and she still loves me like she loves her own children/grandchildren. She grew up during the 1940's and on and she doesnt hold it against me that I am white & have a bi-racial famliy. You just never know how different people will feel.

Carolyn - posted on 11/23/2008

i've checked the black box on every application or form i have ever filled out for my children starting at birth, i don't think i have EVER checked other. I have no regrets in that decision, and wouldn't have it any other way. What do they say "black and proud" that definately describes my kids outlook....it's terrible to say, but i think they would be upset if someone refered to them as white, biracial okay, but white naaaa.

Bobbie - posted on 11/23/2008

I have to agree with you on that. Your qualifications and experience should matter when it comes to that. If we didnt have to specify our color, it would be more fair. People tend to look at that and maybe throw you out bc of what color you are and not bc maybe you werent qualified. I think its sad I had to choose on his birth certificate if I wanted him to be labeled as caucasian or african-american. I chose african-american bc I wanted to respect his dads side and then his father was kinda upset bc he felt he would get more qualifications on college, jobs, etc. if I had checked caucasian. He wasnt at the hospital when I filled it out and now its so hard to go back and change it. Unfortunately, since we do have to check something, I would rather wait until he was old enough and make that decision for himself. Its just so messed up. If I have another child, what am I going to do?

Carolyn - posted on 11/23/2008

Does anyone agree with me that in this day and age we shouldn't even have to check a box anymore pertaining to ethnicity. So many shades of color have been added to this country over the past decades. why is it important anymore? I know it all started as a way of making sure discrimination wasn't part of hiring, or acceptance, but we have come far enough as a society that we should be judged by our performance and not what box is checked on an application. I would hope Obama wasn't elected because his box was checked black or other, although I do know quiet a few people that did vote for him simply bc of his skin color, and that's not cool either.

Bobbie - posted on 11/23/2008

I usually refer to my child as bi-racial and never thought 'mixed' was offensive, but I apologize to others if I have offended you. People refer to my child as black, but I also agree with those that they arent black,he is brown. Im not going to freak out if he is called black though bc his dads side of the family, refer to themselves as black. Just like im referred to as white but i am more of a beige color. I just cant get upset about everybody elses explanation of the actual color they use to refer to people. If they say it in an ugly way, then off course I will be bothered. I refer to myself as mixed; french, irish, & native american but if i filled out a govt app, I would have to check caucasian. Sometimes that bothers me. We should have more explanations to check to refer to ourselves and our children; especially our children bc they are a more distinct combination of nationalities. We are all people and we just need to respect ourselves

and others. I am really sorry if i have offended someone by ever using the term mixed.