A sensitive topic...

Julie - posted on 03/17/2009 ( 64 moms have responded )

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I don't want this to turn into a circumcise or not to circumcise debate. I want moms(&/or dads) of older boys to PLEASE tell me what they decided and if they have any regrets, either way.



Here is my dilemma: my son was 3 months early and for whatever reason, even though I signed (reluctantly) the consent to cut, he wasn't circumcised in the NICU. He is now 1 year old, I am against it and my husband is for it. I've tried to convince him it's not medically necessary, but he's made up his mind (I think). I am afraid of it being messed up or him hating me that he is not "intact" when he is older. On the other hand, I'm worried about problems from him not being circumcised or him hating me because I didn't have it done when he was a baby. Maybe it would be more clearcut to me if I had my own penis... I've just read so much that I really can't decide. Moms? Dads? what did you decide for your boy(s)? --ANY REGRETS?



Thank you in advance for keeping mainly to the "any regrets" question, I REALLY don't need to be educated on pros and cons.

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Julie - posted on 01/07/2011

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i ahve always wondered why it is common place to have your babies circumsized. what makes you think of it in the first place to say oh look my beautiful baby now lets cut his skin off. its not meant to sound or in anyway be derogatory but as i said earlier its not common place in england unless for medical reasons. there are no scientific or medical reasons to think it is cleaner because like everything about your body if you look after it and keep it clean ten there is no reason why you should suffer anything. anyway if it is common place then i agree with stacey that it is best done while he is little my son as i said was only 5. the hospital was scarey to him and he just knows he woke up in pain with lots of stitches and a swollen penis which he couldnt even bare to have his underwear on let alone any bedding. he recovered nicely and quickly but it was still harrowing for him. anyway if i did seem a little off with my question i do apologies it was simply that A QUESTION and not a statement like everything else its each to their own

[deleted account]

I had both of my son's circumcised right after birth. I don't regret it at all. It's easier to take care of, from a cleaning perspective. And not circumcised looks, well, odd. I don't want my son's to have issues with women when they grow up because it looks different.

Schmoopy - posted on 04/15/2011

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NICU's won't circumcise. They don't address any issues that aren't life-threatening, including reflux. Liability issues, I'm guessing.



I had a very tough time deciding with my son. I talked to everyone I knew who had a boy, and ALL of them said they either chose to circumcise or wish they had. So I elected to do it.



That said, it still saddens me to know that my son's body isn't in tact. Part of me wishes I had chosen not to circumcise.



I just have to say that if my baby were already a year old, there's NO WAY I would do it! It's a painful procedure, and a one-y.o is definitely old enough to feel anxiety about any new experience, much less one that's packed with strangers, new places and PAIN! Tell your husband to let it go!!!

Robin - posted on 03/01/2011

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My son was born on his due date and is now 14 months. He was born with the cord wrapped twice around his neck and mecconium in his lungs. He wasn't circumcised in the NICU where he spent the first 10 days of his life. I am torn. It isn't easy with his current pediatrician, who won't do it unless medically necessary. So, I will need to change doctors if I decide to persue it. I REALLY find it helpful to ask my husband. One thing I haven't done. So, I will start there. Thanks ladies =)

Stephanie - posted on 01/25/2011

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Hi! I have two sons and my husband and I had them both done. I think you are stressing yourself out way too much =) I don't really think they will care when they get older. I left it up to my husband, since he is the "expert". Your son will be fine. He won't make a big deal about it unless it is made a big deal of. So don't worry yourself, us mom's have enough stress to worry about =)

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Jay - posted on 04/15/2011

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and most boys here are not cut so he would look different to the other boys at school if he has no skin....

Jay - posted on 04/15/2011

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and most boys here are not cut so he would look different to the other boys at school if he has no skin....

Jay - posted on 04/15/2011

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I live in Ireland where circumcision is only done for medical reasons if there is a problem with the penis.
My husband wants to go private and have it done but the waiting list to get it done is three years at least.
I am very much against it! I think it is not needed and there is no point putting my son at risk for something he doesnt need! (all surgery has risks)
And we are told here that the skin helps to keep the penis clean with its friendly bacteria it only needs washin every few days, And sex feels nicer when he is old enough (they know from asking older men who have had it done for medical reasons) and also because removing the skin makes the sensitive part under the skin go hard and therfor become less sensitive.
Men who have their foreskin suffer from less infections to the penis due to the fact that the skin protects and cleans the penis.
Me and my husband are at war over this, but I am not budging, we agreed not to do it in the pregnancy but now that he is here he wants it done!! :(
I have already told him I will take him to court if he gets it done behind my back, but we both feel so strongly about it!
his reasons are that it looks nicer and he will b able to last longer in bed. both true also,
ps my husband is not irish and is circumcised....
good luck with your choice anyway xx

Kylie - posted on 03/25/2011

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My son is over a year old now and is NOT circumsized. Neither is my husband, so we decided it would be better this way so that if he should ever see my husband, they would "look" the same. I have no regrets about it whatsoever.

Sarah - posted on 03/15/2011

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I'm in NZ, and here, it's not actually that easy to find someone to do it. I have a 4yr old son, and we did not get him done, I don't believe it's necessary, my husband is, and wanted our son to be, I had no problem with that if he wanted to take him, and nurse him until he recovered... but the bottom line was it was too hard to find someone to do it here.

Either way, its a personal decision, good luck!

APRIL - posted on 01/23/2011

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I had my son circumcised when he was born for cleanliness reasons! I do not regret it! He is not a year old!

Stacey - posted on 01/17/2011

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I def. agree with you about the government should not have any say in anything of this matter! There are alot of people that do not have this done for religous reasons also. I believe that it should be the parents choice no matter what! I also think that things need to be taken into consideration for the child. Other children are and can be so cruel these days as to making fun of other children. But thats where the parent steps in before this happens and explains to their child why it had been done or why it had not been done. Personally i dont intend for any other child to see my childs private parts but boys will be boys lol! Anyway good luck and I hope that all ends well and your happy with your choice no matter what! Because in the end it is your choice only!!

[deleted account]

We had our son circumcised and plan on having our second boy who is due in April to be circumcised as well. We have no regrets, we think it is important for a boy to look like his father.

Amanda - posted on 01/07/2011

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I am curious where Stacey lives. I don't think the goverment should make a law taking that choice away from parents esp with regards to something that is not medically nessicary

Julie - posted on 01/07/2011

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its not common practise here in the uk to have your baby circuumsized but i understand it is not as bad at birth. my son however was done when he was 5 due to medical needs and it was not nice for him at all. the older they are the worse it is. even if it was cmmon practise i wouldnt have anything donw unless it was necessary

Stacey - posted on 01/07/2011

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We had this done to both our sons. There was no doubt in my mind or my husbands about having it done. It is more clean, diseases are more prone to someone who is not circumcised! In our state when our boys were born it was not the law, now it is the law that every boy have it done and I agree with that. Those are just my opinions on this subject. Now I can tell you that my cousin is in his late 30's and he had himself circumcised about 4 months ago and all he could say is he wished it would have been done when he couldnt remember it! He said he was always embarrased when he was in the shower rooms after games. Other guys would ask him what was wrong with him and etc. Anyway my choice would be have it done now, and dont let him go through all the hurt and pain later! Good luck with your choice!

Amanda - posted on 01/03/2011

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In my family non of the boys were circumcised. The only aunt who did circumcise her boys said she regrets it everyday. My son is intact and none of my cousins or brothers have had any hygiene issues, I have been told that having the circumcision done will make him smaller.

Talea - posted on 12/15/2010

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We don't really have any regrets for having our boys circumcised. I only did my oldest for medical reasons (his skin was abnormally tight and I was told it could result in complications) as for the other two I left it up to their Dad. I personally didn't think it was necessary but hubby wanted it so I left it up to him. I would leave it up to him though it would be a bit harder now he's a bit older. ((hugs)) can't be easy going through this

Kristy - posted on 12/12/2010

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No regrets so far, my sons are 4 and 2, they aren't circumcised, we'll see how it goes when they're older.

Denise - posted on 05/08/2009

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That is a little old to do something so traumatic -- in my opinion. None of my 3 boys are circumcised and it doesn't bother them. They are 17, 15 & 12. I've explained to them why it wasn't necessary and what the process is; they get it!

Lana - posted on 05/07/2009

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I let me husband decide this, and he wanted it done.. I didn't mind either way but thought it would be alittle easier than having to tell him why he looked different to other boys who had been cut.. we have no regrets. everything healed great!!
My sister did not have her son circ. but her hubby is from England and they don't generally do it over there.. she has no regrets
So i think it is completly on preference, but like other posters have said get it done sooner than later if thats what you decide..

Shauna - posted on 04/30/2009

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Well I chose to circumcize my son after talking to my mom about it. Any regrets? No, other than when I saw his tears right after it was done....but that regret disappeared. I didn't do it for medical or religious reasons either (though my uncle was 13 or so when he had to go get circumsized for medical reasons). As my mom mentioned (and she had a son) is if the boy sees the father and the father is (or isn't) he may be quite confused as to why "he isn't just like daddy".



I think boys turn into men and don't "hate" their parents for having it or not having it done. They don't know what its like on the other side of the fence, as to being circumsized or not. Its all in how and what you teach him (how to clean himself...etc.). There will be pros and cons to it, either way.

Claire - posted on 04/30/2009

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my son is not circumcised! ur son will not hate u i think u should leave it the way it is and he can make up his own mind when he is old enough!

[deleted account]

My son is 7 1/2 months old, and I did not have him circumcised. I agree with the sentiment that its a personal decision, but I don't think it is a parental decision - its his penis, should be his choice, not mine. Since it is a cosmetic procedure with zero heath or hygienic benefits, my son can decide if he wants it done when he's older. I see it in the same category as tattoos, piercings, and breast implants.

Patti - posted on 04/25/2009

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I have 3 sons, all were circumcised. I have no regrets. Unfortunately, here in Alberta it is not done in a hospital and you have to go to a doctor when your child is about a week old to have it done.

Janice - posted on 04/25/2009

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All three of my boys had it as babies. We just had a conversation about it and they are glad that we did it. My nephew on the other hand has a bleeding disorder so he never had it done. He seems OK, but I haven't (and probably won't) had a conversation w/him about it.

Laura - posted on 04/24/2009

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We had both our boys done and where we live they won't do it before 6 months which is stupid but both ours were about a year old. There are arguments for and against and some people can be very passionate about it and even be judgemental so whatever you decide, be firm in your convictions and don't let anyone make you feel wrong.

We had no problems. It was not easy at the time because all your doubts surface, but I don't regret it for a second. You don't look back and he simply won't spend long thinking about it because his body looks the way it looks and it is all he knows. I do know of men who had to go and get it done as adults for medical reasons and not because they didn't clean it properly....they'd been doing it all their life so they knew how to.

I had different doctors saying different things about whether it should be done....it all comes down to personal beliefs, even for doctors!

As long as you and Dad agree, whatever your choice, just go with it and don't look back!

April - posted on 04/24/2009

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I did not circumcise my son and many of his friends aren't done. I don't feel it should be my decision to alter my child's appearance for unnecessary reasons!

Mika - posted on 04/24/2009

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My son is 7 months and I had it done to him. His dad wanted it done so I was for it. I also think its gross if not done. Dont wait to late because he will remember.

Sarah - posted on 04/24/2009

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I have 2 boys (ages 4 and 2 yrs) and we didn't have either one of them circumcised. I have had NO problems and NO regrests. If I had it to do over again, I'd do the same thing.

Amanda - posted on 04/16/2009

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I was against the "cut" and every male I came in contact while preg. were extremely opinionated about it , husband,father,brothers and uncles all said to do it or he would get picked on later in the locker room!! So I did go with those more experienced than I in the knowlege of the male genitalia. The agreement was that my husband wanted it so badly that he would go with our sons ( now that we have had 2) during proceedure and would change all diapers for the first 48 hrs. I couldnt stand to have to change and clean it while it was still painful for the littl guys. That only lasted a day or two.

Dana - posted on 04/07/2009

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i agree with youre dilemma i chose to have it done to my first son i was 18 ignorant didnt research it and regret it totally. my 3 yr old son no way i decided right away i did not want to put him thur it. and i love my decision he can have it done as an adult if he wants its cosmetic surgery. and unnecessary. thats the proven recommendation now. its unnessecary pain and dicomfort and my sister had her son done and it did not turn out he looks mutilated and also you hear of burning from the procedure follow youre gut whatever youre son grows up with is what will be normal to him. and as for people going on about infecions and stuff my fiance is 55 and not cut and not one infection if you can teach youre child to wash between his toys he can wash his winky just fine.its also more sensitive to stimulation sexually when they are not circumsised so he may thank you one day when he is married.

Charmaine - posted on 04/06/2009

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I have three sons aged 29, 23 and 17. I had them all done when they were three months old.It was my decision. My husband (who was never circumcised)supported it purely because he wished his mother made that decision when he was younger.I have not had any complaints from them or maybe they are not even aware that it's different because they grow up with it. It takes about a week to heal and then it's over- have it done you won't have any regrets- that's a promise.

Renee - posted on 04/03/2009

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i am sorry you are dealing with this now, it must ne confusing and heartbreaking to no know what to do.



my son was shortly after birth, we have no regrets. in fact i rarely think about it now.

Yvonne - posted on 04/03/2009

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I have 13, 11 and 11 month old.  With my two older boys I didn't get them done because their father wasn't and didn't want it.  I was given incorrect care information and my now 13 year old had to be circumcised in first grade.  He did well.  A week at home lots of baths.  No hard feelings. 



My 11 month old wasn't done in the hospital and to make a long story short, his father insisted upon it, because he is, so he was done at 9 months.  He cried and it was terrible for a week.  He is fine now. 



My 11 year old was given a choice.  When we were getting the new baby done we took him in to talk to the doctor and the doctor advised if we were going to have it done to do it now.  Once they reach puberty and involuntary erections become frequent he said it could be very terrible/painful for him.  He was done and again a week at home on the couch running around naked and he is fine.   He claims it wasn't that bad.



Remember though there is 2 ways.  Scalpel and the clamp thing.  I have been told the clamp is the worst possible pain.  I recommend finding out which method will be done and go with just cutting it off.

Tara - posted on 04/02/2009

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I adopted my son when he was 2-1/2 years old. I had already started fostering him (and therefore changing his diapers) when my social worker told me that I could have my son circumcised once his adoption was final. I looked at her kind of blankly and said, "He has already been circumcised." She was surprised because she said that most boys who are in care right from birth aren't. I'm glad he was circumcised (selfishness, really...I'd never seen and certainly hadn't cleaned...an uncircumcised penis) because I don't think I could have put him through that at 3 years of age!

Meghan - posted on 04/01/2009

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I let my boyfriend decide because I felt that if my son was different than his dad then he would wonder why

Kristine - posted on 03/31/2009

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My son was circumcised and I don't have any regrets.  I just didn't want to have to deal with cleaning it if I didn't do it, and my grandmother said she was always getting infections from my uncircumcised grandfather.  

Rebecca - posted on 03/31/2009

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I actually had a male friend who was uncut. he was never taught to pull the skin back and clean it and such luckily he never got an infection, but when he decided to be sexually active he still didnt know that the skin had to be pulled back first.so the skin tore and tooks months to heal.he said it hurt really bad and he wished to be cut at the age of 19...but the healing time at that point was too long he couldnt.My son had to have tubes put in his ears and be put under.I was scared bt he did great.he just had a hard time getting out of the fog it scares them but he is fine and had no side effects.but you will always know what is best for your little guy and i hope you the best!

[deleted account]

The circumsision has become the thing to do in the last 80 years. Prior to that it was not standard practice, but as doctors took over deliveries and midwivery faded out as the main way of having babies hospitals told parents it was medically necessary. My Grandfathers were not circumcised, but my father and husband were. My step sons are and my own 4 sons are not. The first three of mine boys were home births and the last I told the hospital to not circumcise. Not because of any beliefs, but because his big brothers were not!

This is entirely a personal decision and really not a big deal! Relax. Your son will never really care if it is done or not.

Julie - posted on 03/31/2009

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I really kind of hate the argument that a little boy should "look" like his daddy. A little boy will never look like a grown man. This just is not possible until his is also past puberty and grown up. By that point, he will understand the difference.



Besides the decision being difficult to make on its own, I have to decide to have my child undergo general anesthesia for the procedure. It is much safer than it used to be, but it still carries the risk of complications. Is the potential benefit of having him "cut" worth the possible risk of anesthesia? It would be one thing if he was already being anesthetized for a medically necessary procedure ...



I just can't find enough strength in the argument that it might make him more socially acceptible in the future to justify the possible risk of anesthetic complications. I need a crystal ball to tell me what HE will want!

Rebecca - posted on 03/30/2009

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I had to wait until my son was 3 months old and it was harder but well worth it. its alot easier to clean and will continue to be easier to clean as your son gets older and has to clean himself. I woould also recommend that he "look" like his daddy because he will always wonder why he is different if his daddy is circumcised.

Schmoopy - posted on 03/30/2009

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I'm so glad you asked this question. I'm having a boy, too, and am VERY conflicted. Your case is that much more complicated b/c you have to do it so much later than most.

Wanted to add that I talked to my neighbor, who's a doctor, and to my pediatrician. They both said that it ISN'T medically necessary - it's considered "cosmetic" surgery. But my ped did say that the evidence is split on the pros/cons. Both of them said they would opt for the procedure for social reasons. (My ped has an uncircumcised boy, by the way.)

Good luck on your decision....

Jill - posted on 03/29/2009

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I had all three of my boys circumcised and I have no regrets. I just left up to my husband. He preferred they were like him...lol

Stacy - posted on 03/24/2009

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Both of my boys are circumcised, but our nephew is not. He is now asking his my why did she not do it. He does feel uncomfortable in Gym class around all the boys who are circumcised. My boys did not have any problems and they are not growing very well. We made the boys look like Dad, this really helps when they have questions about their parts vs dad parts vs mom parts. But with what every you decide, remember your son could decide to circumcise himself later(by a doctor) if he feels uncomfortable. Goo Luck!!!

Carmecia - posted on 03/24/2009

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My son was cir'ed at 3 days old and didn't cry. My Hubby isn't but he wanted my son to be.

[deleted account]

My son was done at 6 weeks. No regrets.



One of my good male friends didn't have it done as a boy. Recently he was discovering alot of pain and had to go in for the surgery. He said he was in pain for several weeks afterwards (my son was back to his normal self 15 mins after the surgery). He had said he wished his mom would have gotten him done.



It's a hard decision to make, me and my husband had a hard time deciding, but we both have no regrets with the decision we made.

Charloette - posted on 03/22/2009

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I had all three of my son's circumcised because their dad is. I have no regrets.

[deleted account]

Neither of my boys are circumcised. My oldest has had no problems and I taught them both how to clean themselves when the foreskin was able to retract. My youngest got an infection under the foreskin (at about 6 months) and his penis swelled quite a bit. It was easily treated with antibiotics and 2-3 baths a day for about a week. But really, I have no regrets.



I used to do daycare and the split between cut and uncut was about 50/50. So, uncut boys will not look odd in the locker room when they are older. I did have one little one I took care of that was circumcised at birth and had to be recut at about 2 years of age because some of the left over skin fused to the head of his penis. That was pretty aweful for him to have to go through.

Tina - posted on 03/21/2009

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We had our son circumcised and have no regrets. It went well, he healed fine, and did not seem to be in too much pain. Good luck with your decision.

[deleted account]

My son was the day after he was born.  He was more mad about the nurses prepping him than he was about the actual procedure.  I have no regrets.



My cousin-in-law didn't have her 2 boys (almost 2 years and 2 months) done and so far no regrets there either.

Cherrie - posted on 03/20/2009

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All 4 of my sons are circumcised and we have no regrets.  My 4th son slept through his circumcision and the other 3 cried very little.  My nephew isn't circumcised and I remember the first time I went to change his diaper, I was a little shocked...reminded me of an unpeeled banana! lol   In the end it's a personal decision...we decided that since dh was circumcised, the kids would be too.

Christine - posted on 03/19/2009

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I have 3 boys 1 is and 2 aren't,the oldest one is...because that was what they were doing in 1995 and his father is,the other 2 not because their father isn't,it doesn't seem to make a difference either way as long as its cleaned properly,so many men now a days are so I don't think he will resent you when he is older,I even know some men who have had it done in their late 20's because they needed to medically.You need to understand your partners need or want for this to be done and ultimately come to an understanding,if your partner is then to him it is natural and this is why he would want this for his son...if he isn't then maybe he knows from experience the reality of it!

Stevie - posted on 03/19/2009

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me and my husband had this talk also only oppisite but not we ended up doing it and we have no regrets but my husband wasnt circumcised until he was in like the 2nd or 3rd grade and he sure does remember it and that it hurts im with your husband and alyssa to get it done fast if you do but hey you can leave it up to your son when he gets older cuz he can get it done at any age (that was my husbands fight lol) 

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