Help!! My 5 year old won't stop playing with himself,

Rachel - posted on 01/25/2009 ( 45 moms have responded )

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I told him not to do it in public and luckily he's listened but at home he'll go to his room and do it quite often, mostly at bedtime. Are their any other mums who have experienced this with their sons?

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Laura - posted on 05/01/2012

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Totally dealing with this and I am freaking out! He has been saying that it itches and so he grabs it constantly. He has been caught playing with it many times too. Took him to the doctor to have him checked out, and he said it looks fine no rash or irritation. Did a urine test and it came back clean. So why does he say it itches??? Oh and when we walked out of the dr's office he bluntly says," It tickled when he touched me." OMG! I know no one is doing anything to him. He stays at his aunt's during the morning and it's a very safe environment and then he's home with us (mom and dad). I am very touchy about this kind of thing and really don't know how to deal with it. I'm worried.

Laura - posted on 06/27/2012

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Hi Rachel, how are you,?I am Laura Mornings,ND.&LC ...... Take heart there is nothing bad,nasty,or disgusting here,it is totally 100 %normal and natural....all boys in history have 'played with their penis',all that are here now,and all that will exist in the future..(.the idea that there is something 'wrong','nasty',or 'perverted' about this comes from the training that we have all heard,the social programmings held over from the decrepit Victorian times,that try to load this load on us..).The only reason boys..( and most girls also ,or have you forgotten ?)do so,is because it feels good...what could possibly be wrong with that? ........in the world's crazy social paradigm,GOOD is BAD....nothing bad BAD going on here,no violence

,or negativity of any kind what-so-ever ! KIDS that age are not into sex,don't even know about it..

Also natural is having erections,and ...And when he turns 11 or 12,and begins masturbating. We moms should instead of judging of complaining,take the positive road.See these things in a new light of normalcy and understanding..'.nastiness' vs 'nothing wrong here' is of course in the EYE of the beholder,the same concerning the body

........The question I get a lot is"how can I stop my child from liking to be naked in the home? I say to the parent,"All little kids LOVE to be naked, it is natural to them,they have not yet been influenced by parents who project adult dynamics off onto to their kids...such as "naked means sex"...'just take them aside and tell them that you certainly do understand that the human body is beautiful,and that you will respect his wishes to be free in that way,when no visitors are there."

{ Laura Mornings~Admin.Nature Moms community } ~you may send me a PM any time

Casey - posted on 07/21/2012

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As Laura said it is nothing out of the norm. My daughter (7) was always playing w/ herself. I simply sat her down and told her that I know it feels good and there is nothing wrong w/ it but she can be doing it where everyone can see. If she wants to play w/ herself then we needs to do it in private and that nothing should ever do inside her. My boys are 4 and also are always playing w/ themselves. Ive told them a little differently b/c they are younger. I only told them that they dont need to play w/ themselves in front of ppl that they are called privates for a reason and no one need to see them or see them playing w/ it. That if they are goin to play they need to play where no one is around. That respectful young boys do not play w/ themselves in public and respectful young ladies dont touch themselves in front of others. As long as hes not doing it where everyone in the house can see I would just let it go. Its normal.

One other thing if I catch them doing it around ppl I simply ask them do you have to go to the bathroom. If they are just playing they always do no and stop touching it. Its not as obvious as stop playing w/ yourself and it gets them to stop

Meredyth - posted on 04/01/2009

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My 3 & 5yo both do it but we have from the start told them that they are the only ones to touch it and only when they are by themselves. Mummy does not want to see that.



A gentle reminder if they do start in my presence and the put it away again. They only really do it at bath time or if they are naked watching TV for some reason and it's a mindless fiddle more than anything oh and I assume when they are in to toilet.. not sure I don't watch them in there anymore.



Telling a child that young that it will fall off is only going to make them paranoid about it during normal activities like going to the bahroom or washing it propperly. "If I shake it too many times it will fall off" kinda thing. Kids believe what we tell them and we have to be so careful not to fill their heads with crud like that, that will only screw with their heads as they get older. Seriousy though why would you want to Lie to your child? They trust you to teach them how the world around them works including their bodies so why lie?



 



Personally if another child taught my child about sex I would be wondering just what the heck was going on in the other childs household that they know so much. You can't unring a bell so I guess we just have to grown up and teach our kids about what is and is not appropriate for their age.

Brittany - posted on 06/20/2013

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My daughter has been touching herself and at first I freaked out and thought someone was messing with her, I took her to the doctors and confirmed no one had touched her, this is very normal and they shouldn't be punished for it bc they are learning their own body's explain to them about germs and washing their hands and not to doit in public, otherwise it's normal and there is nothing to worry about

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Sandy - posted on 04/12/2014

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Laura , as Dr Alfred C. Kinsey stated in his 1948 book, Young children are very sexual creatures. When he said it itches, he was referring to sexual excitation, and when he said it tickles the same thing. Do worry sexual feelings are very normal for children from birth day on up. Using ultra sound there has been medical reports that children have been observed with erections while still in the uterus. Nurses too saw it. All were amazed. Ask a Dr if he has heard of this. This agrees with Kinsey's report on young kids.

Sandy - posted on 04/12/2014

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Casey, my dear, u are sending your boy a double message. U tell him it's ok and then u tell him to go and hide. It is my belief parents are afraid of sexual arousal from watching their child masturbate and cum. they are afraid they would want to become sexually involved with them. There is a German Govt agency wrote three books incourging parents to get sexually involved with their children. From age 1 to age4 begin masturbating them. From 4 to 6, Teach them how to have coitus. I am only mentioning this to increase your education about child sexuality, nothing more.Would some body tell me why i am wrong?

Sandy - posted on 04/12/2014

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Julia, Dr Alfred kinsey said in his book Sexual Behavior In The Human Mail That observing more than 350 little boys having orgasms, He witnessed 2- 5 months old boys reaching climax in less than 10 seconds each. Many moreincluding a 2 year old boy reaching 4 in 2 minutes. A 4 year old boy 26 in 24 hours. and many many more excessive amounts in a very short time. The young boys were masturbated by their mothers and other women,

So moms why not inquire if your child is fantasizing about another being involved and, if so, what age. Be ready for te shock if they say mature adults. When i was 11 i fantisised about doing it with adults, not kids my age.

Sam - posted on 09/02/2013

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Thank you all for your comments. My oldest just started... and I always thought it was wrong. But I was little once too.... And this really helped! It was awkward having that talk with him, but I explained it all and when I told him it was OK in the shower too because he's alone, he said 'ya, I did it there last night. I was alone.' Haha. I'm just happy he can talk about it. And I can be understanding now we know its OK with boundaries in place. Thanks again!

Melina - posted on 06/07/2013

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Yu need to take him to someone who deals with sexually abused children and have them make their own assessment. The majority of molesters are within the family circle not strangers.

Julia - posted on 03/16/2013

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Do not worry, ALL children get plesure from touching themselvs .Whatever you do, not make him feel guilty about it or you will ruin his future outlook about sex. My son used to get erections very young and boys do get a dry climax at about 3 or 4, and my son was quite worried when age 9 he ejaculated and asked me had he damaged himself. I then explained the basic facts of life and he then understood, I told him not to be embarased about it and to use a small towel to use that I could wash instead of soiling bed linen etc.

Furious - posted on 01/22/2013

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Rachel-
I believe that your son however old he is and he does it because he is exploring his body and doesn't know about that "general area" yet.
And if he does put his hands down his pants is it because he is touching his Penis (Playing with himself) ot maybe is it because he learned it from teenagers on TV?
I don't know how he does and kinda don't want to know because i have a son named Patrick who does the same thing but i got him 2 stop when i caught him with his hands on "That Area" when he is watching TV naked i told him "If you do thay again a gaint monster is going to come out of their"
I hope this helps because it helped my son get past it. :D

Sophia - posted on 11/20/2012

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I had told my son that it will drop off soon... he wanted to know why and I explain its not to play with...

Katrina - posted on 08/27/2012

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Lol lord yes my 5 yr old does it too and I told him the same thing not to do it in public but he did and still does I asked my Dr. about it and she said boys will be boys and she told me they never stop doing it lol....I told him that if he didn't stop that he could get an infection in his tee tee (see I thought he had an infection that was why we were there) Anyways he stopped doing it as much and doesn't do it in public anymore...See they do like the way it feels and they are exploring their bodies but they do understand what you tell them and they trust you he'll stop but you can try what I did my kid stopped doing it.

Amy - posted on 07/24/2012

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I'm going through this with my 7-year-old son. He has told me that he does it 'cause it feels good. We stop him and make him wash his hands. He does it most often when watching TV or playing the Wii. I caught him in our bedroom naked on the chair playing the Wii -- his excuse: "I play better when I'm naked." I'm having him go a week without wearing basketball shorts (he has to wear jean shorts or khaki shorts), so that it's not so easy to play with himself. I think it's disgusting and he is getting his "penis germs" (as I call it) all over everything. I suppose one day he'll grow out of it...or he'll just become better at hiding it.

Aletha Marie - posted on 06/30/2012

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My two yr old does this constantly and i too have no idea what to do, I have tried to ignore it and that did't work.....................im also looking for advice on this!!!!

Tiesha - posted on 06/26/2012

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Wow this is crazy because i really thought something was wrong with my child. Im so relieved that im not the only parent suffering with this disgusting act lol. I know its normal but when it gets hard from him squeezing or pulling at it...well to say the least i get sick. Im not ready for my baby to get older yet. He even told me he gets feelings in it from looking at girls on tv or elsewhere. Now thats good he knows what he likes but he is a baby!

Elizabeth - posted on 11/11/2011

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I'm glad that I wasnt the only mother with this concern thanks for your post it has helped a lot .

April - posted on 09/09/2011

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Ok I feel better now knowing that I am not the only parent that has a 5 year old that is doing this. I did not know till last night when I went to check on him and found him in my bathroom in the bathtub with his pants down. I asked him what he was doing and first told me he was using the bathroom. I said, "in my bathtub." Then he said I got my shorts wet so I said that why you had to get in my bathtub because your shorts are wet. He got out and asked me if I was going to spank him and I said no. I just wanted to know what you are doing. He finally said he was playing with himself so I ask why he would do that. He told me because it made him feel silly (good). I told him he was not in trouble that it is a natural thing and as long as he is doing in a private place it is ok.

Alissia - posted on 04/28/2009

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hi i have a 7 yr old and a 5 yr old who do the same thing ive spoken to doctors, family and friends about this as well i keep on getting told that its quite normal for boys to do this i hate them doing it. ive told my boys if they are going to keep on doing it to do it in the bath only i dont know what else to do i also have a 2 yr old and a 7 mth old boys as well im not looking forward to them doing the same thing

[deleted account]

ohhhhh boyyy have i (experienced this one), lol.  i just do the same...tell him it is a private issue,but those hands are always in his pants!  my son is also 5.  i don't want him to feel like he is doing something wrong, so i just tell him it is inappropriate.  i think that if you stop aknowledging it, he will stop....sounds simple, but i think it works.  good luck cuz i know the humiliation.....

Juanita - posted on 04/14/2009

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Yes, I have caught my 6 year old doing this a few times. I am thankful it is not a regular habit of his. Prayerfully, they will grow out of it... suppose it is a "boy" thing. Try not to make a big deal out of it.

Ashley - posted on 04/13/2009

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I have a 10 month old, when we are changing him he reaches down to touch himself. I know for a fact that he has no idea what he is doing, but I find it weird when he giggles when I change him or he giggles when I put pants on him. Its a natural reaction, as long as he does it in private, then I would let it be. Of course, if it starts to become a major problem as he gets older then having a discussion with him (or his dad, whichever is more comfortable) would be good. I wouldn't let him believe what he is doing is wrong, because it is not, but he is only doing it because it feels good to him. He doesn't understand what he is doing! :)

Julie - posted on 04/03/2009

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Wow, I have a lot to look forward to! My little guy is 13 months (10 months corrected) and his hands grab his parts as soon as the diaper is opened. I can't believe how hard he seems to tug at it all sometimes. I'm glad I read this thread for ideas what to do when he is older. I definitely do not believe in lying to children, but there still seems to be good ways and bad ways to present the same information. I think I'll go with ok in private only and only himself. Good topic!

[deleted account]

After 6 boys I can tell you I have been through this a few times
They all grow out of it eventually. Until they are young men and it becomes an obsession! Then they have to relean!LOL

Just remind them not in public. Gently and quietly without making it sound like you are offended remind them at home. Not all the time. It is a natural response in a male. Like a blankie or a thumb sucking. It is comforting. At his age they start moving past it and if he does not you need to be very clear that this is something private and at 6 he needs to be the big boy and give it up.

My 5 yr old is turning 6 in the next two months and he is finally no longer holding himself.

Flaca - posted on 04/01/2009

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my five year old does it too. if i ask him what he's doing he just quickly says "nothing" and stops...... i can tell he knows that's it's a personal thing so i don't make big deal. my three year old boy does it also... but he's not so discreet. he CONSTANTLY has his hands down his pants. what a silly boy.

Cathy - posted on 04/01/2009

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I agree that there is absolutely nothing wrong with children touching/exploring their bodies, as long as it is done privately, and with discussions about no one ever touching their private areas but them.  My son usually touches himself in the bathtub, and at bedtime, and as soon as I notice, I leave the room and allow him his own private time. 



I actually find it a bit odd that my younger son, age 3, doesn't play with himself at all.  He will look at it, and I've taught him the correct name of his parts, so he is aware that it is there, but he leaves it alone.  I say let them be, and don't make them feel bad about touching their bodies, but keep an open dialogue about privacy and appropriate times/places for this activity.



 

Kim - posted on 01/30/2009

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Wow. What a debate. I think it is really important not to let the child think that there is anything wrong with what he is doing so long as he does it in private

Annice - posted on 01/29/2009

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My son is 5 and "noticed" his...well..."kickstand" for lack of better words around a year ago.  He would poke at it while going potty, when I first noticed him doing it, just like Michelle, I told him that if he kept it up it would fall off.  I only had to remind him of that a handful of times and he hasn't done it since.  Of course, I also had the talk with him about "good touch and bad touch" at the same time.  It seemed like a good opportunity since we were on the subject anyways. 

Nikki - posted on 01/28/2009

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I have research a little bit about boys playing with themselves and the effects it can have. This is what I found on Yahoo health.





Expect self-stimulation



 



Many toddlers express their natural sexual curiosity through self-stimulation. Boys may pull at their penises, and girls may rub their external genitalia. Teach your children that masturbation is a normal — but private — activity. If your child starts masturbating in public, try to distract him or her. If that fails, take your child aside for a reminder about the importance of privacy.



Sometimes, frequent masturbation can indicate a problem in a child's life. Perhaps he or she feels anxious or isn't receiving enough attention at home. It can even be a sign of sexual abuse. Teach your children that no one is allowed to touch the private parts of their bodies without permission. If you're concerned about your child's behavior, consult his or her doctor.



There was a lot more information if you want to read it.



This site had a lot of info for as the grow what to expect. What is veiwed as normal and whats not. I found it interesting. The things you get to learn when you have a son!!!!



 





http://www.sexualityandu.ca/professional...

Marcie - posted on 01/28/2009

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it's HIS and he's proud and he will never outgrow this. I have boys who are 9,11,15, 19 and a 42 year old husband , the latter who says "It's my friend!!"   hahha. sorry..I know you are seriously concerned, but trust me..as long as he's not publically masturbating, leave him alone...he will never tire of this activity. Ever.

Michelle - posted on 01/27/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

My son is 8 and still does it without realising, i keep telling him not to play with it because it will fall off!! and yes ive told him this from when he first started doing it ^_^ lol



Sorry forgot to add, to all the moms who tell there childeren it's ok to play with there bit's are you aware that it is increasing sexual development before there time? i diddn't tell my son it was wrong i just told him it would fall off and because he thaught it was ok to touch his bit's in private he wanted to take it to the next stage after learning through a friend at the age of 6 about sex, he wanted her to touch it! letting kids play with there bit's encourages sex at a young age, trust me!! :os sorry to all the moms who think that letting there kids do it is ok because its plainly not!!

Michelle - posted on 01/27/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

My son is 8 and still does it without realising, i keep telling him not to play with it because it will fall off!! and yes ive told him this from when he first started doing it ^_^ lol



Sorry forgot to add, to all the moms who tell there childeren it's ok to play with there bit's are you aware that it is increasing sexual development before there time? i diddn't tell my son it was wrong i just told him it would fall off and because he thaught it was ok to touch his bit's in private he wanted to take it to the next stage after learning through a friend at the age of 6 about sex, he wanted her to touch it! letting kids play with there bit's encourages sex at a young age, trust me!! :os sorry to all the moms who think that letting there kids do it is ok because its plainly not!!

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2009

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My son is 8 and still does it without realising, i keep telling him not to play with it because it will fall off!! and yes ive told him this from when he first started doing it ^_^ lol

Stacey - posted on 01/26/2009

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Yes, my son is also interested in touching his private area. We've told him that it's OK in his room or the bathroom. Not in front of other people and not to allow other people to touch him there. We explain that it's HIS private area, for himself only. It's natural development for boys to experiment and touch those places.

Kelly - posted on 01/26/2009

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My son is 3yrs and well loves himself. I have no problem with it he is just getting to know his body and well what it does. It is normal really all kids play and explore their body's and the sensations they get. I have found that when I don't make an issue of it he doesn't do it as much. It is perfectly normal. I know it is hard but I bet you did the same thing around that age if not sooner. I asked my mom about it and she laughed at me and said you did the same thing just to young at the time to remember.

DeAnne - posted on 01/26/2009

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It really is a normal developmental stage. It's not something we want to look at. But it is also not something we can stop them from doing. As they get older they will grow out of it. I have three boys. Not all of them did it, but you can't let them think that there is something wrong with it. Eventually they will grow out of it. I wouldn't worry about it.

Rachel - posted on 01/25/2009

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Thanks for ur reply rebecca, we try to get Jacob into his PJ's ASAP as well after a bath but that doesn't stop him, his hands just go straight down his trousers. He is pretty much always in his bedroom when he plays with himself and we are trying our best to ignore him but it is very difficult when he's grunting away. I'm trying my best to ignore him but i'm getting to the end of my teather now

Rebecca - posted on 01/25/2009

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Our son is 5 and is more inclined to do it if he is naked.

We have told him that he can do it in the bathroom and in his bedroom if no-one else is in there.

After his bath he likes to sit in his hooded towel and I ask him to keep it covered.

If I catch him touching I just remind him gently with a question. Are you meant to do that here? He normally says no, and almost always chooses to cover up and stop touching. It has taken a lot of reminding but he is starting to get better.

We also make him put underwear on as soon as we can after his bath.

Rachel - posted on 01/25/2009

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I have done the same and not told him its naughty but he seems to be doing it more now. I hope he does grow out of it soon but i suppose its just a matter of time. Thank you for ur response Nikki, i'm glad i'm not alone.

Nikki - posted on 01/25/2009

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My son is only 22 months and does this all the time!! I think he's to young to understand what he's doing. But my oldest son who is 4 does it but not as often as he use to.  We tell  him its ok to do it but in Private areas. The bathroom or his room. I don't want him to feel ashamed of it so I don't tell him its bad. He's already started to grow out of it. So with any luck soon he'll leave it alone. At least until puberty. LOL

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