Need help for my sleep deprived 2 yr old!

Maria - posted on 02/14/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

I dont even know where to start with this issue ....

My DS has never been a good sleeper. ever. At 16 mo, I threw in the towel on all the other methods I'd been trying and decided for the sake of my sanity and my marriage (i was getting really bitter about it) and decided to start CIO with him. With his type of personality, we knew right off the bat, that we just needed to leave him in his crib and let him do his thing- popping in and out of the room would just make it worse. It worked well enough, he cried at the most about 25 minutes on day one and from then on, at least he learned to put himself to sleep. HOWEVER- even when we were at the best, he would still protest every single night even though our routine never changed. It was acceptable though, it was eventually to the point that he just complained about going to bed, but was ok when we would leave him.

but then... When he turned 2, we transitioned into a big boy bed.( We have another one on the way, and needed to use his crib eventually, and didnt want to be kicking him out of it once the baby was here. ) At first everything went swimmingly. He took to the bed wonderfully, loved it. We stopped leaving him alone, thinking he would be scared due to the transition, & the plan was we would sit in the rocking chair until he fell asleep, until he got used to the idea, and then start leaving earlier and earlier until someday, we'd just leave him after tucking him in and all would be well........ yeah that seems like its never going to happen.we've had several setbacks, everything from an ear infection, several colds and fevers, going to my parents house for a few days, getting his last molars.. etc etc. problem is, things now seem to be worse than ever, and I have no idea how to make it better.

Right now, my husband has bedtime duty. Even if my DH sits with him for 45 min to an hour some nights, he doesnt always fall asleep. Then when my DH goes to leave- he has decided that my reasons for him sitting with DS are dumb since we seem to be getting nowhere in terms of DS "getting used to" anything, so he is all for CIO and just leaving him frmo the get go, but has compromised and will leave after enough time has passed to fufill what he thinks is long enough- the wailing and crying begins... but its like a full temper tantrum every night. We thought at first he was scared of the dark (maybe) but we bought him a twilight turtle, and have a nightlight in his room, but that doesnt seem to be the issue. We tried leaving the door open (our bedrooms are on the second floor, but we apparently have a custom sized staircase and no gate fits, so we dont want him wandering out at night when he might fall down the stairs) and having my DH sit in the hallway where our computer is, so DS could feel reassured but DH could get stuff done, but we soon found DS just jumping on the bed (after 30 min of having been left alone). We are now to the point where DH will sit w/ DS for 15- 20 then leave, knowing DS will still be awake but knowing theres nothing we can do about it. And instead of the angry thrashing (we have a video monitor, we can see he is just pitching an angry fit) lesseing over time, it seems to remain the same. this past week, he has taken to getting out of bed, and crawling underneath it in the crawlspace, and just hanging out there for a while... we thought to just let him if it made him feel better, but then he feel asleep there once after like an hour, and its so tight that if he shifted at night he would hit his head and probably freak out, so now we make him get back in bed, and the angry fit starts all over again. We have seriously considered maybe bringing him into our bed, but right now it doesnt seem like a viable option. I am 35 wks pregnant, and even when not pregnant, a very light sleeper myself, and DS is the SHIFTIEST sleeper ever. We have shared a bed whenever we are on vacation, and those have been the worst night's sleeps ever. I also know we will be co sleeping when the new baby comes, and with my DS1's personality, i know if we kicked him out of our bed in a few weeks, there would be hell to pay.
On top of it, it seems he is still teething with those !)*!@ molars. For the last 2 nights, hes woken up every 2 hours. We tried going into his rooms, and sitting with him until he feel asleep, worked fine the first night, but last night, at 4 am, my DH sat with him for 1.5 hrs, and he was still wide awake.....

SO.... I have consulted the No Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers, nothing seems to apply to our situation.....

IS THIS NORMAL!? Shouldnt he be used to this by now? is there another option i can try, or should I keep trying the CIO, since at 28 months, he is old enough to be going to be alone, since he USED To do it just fine? nothing else in our living situation has changed, and we know he doesnt miss his crib or anything like that, it just seems like maybe a power struggle?!? i dont know but my DH is at his wit's end, and keeps asking if there isnt SOMETHING we can do to make this easier...