What discipline methods work on your 10 year old boy?

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Tonya - posted on 08/21/2012

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I need advice I have a 10 year old that just don't like to listen, and he don't care what we take way from him. then i have a 4 year old he wont ask when he wants some thing he cry's of it and if he don't get his way he schemes and kicks. then i have a 3 year old that hits the other boys if he don't get his way so. i have tried taking things away and that really don't do anything so what should i try?

Victor - posted on 11/14/2012

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My son Victor is constantly being sent out to other classes due to his disruptive and talkative behavior. I have tried taking tv, computer and from going outside with friends to play. It's not working what do I do now?



Victor

Jennifer - posted on 03/27/2009

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So, I have a very sensitive, reserved, shy 10 year old boy. He is very apathetic about everything and does not seem to have much in the way in hobbies. I have put him in every possible sport or activity and just does not seem to get him excited. As far as disciplining goes, I run into the same problem in that nothing seems to phase him. He is a great kid and I think the fact that his father and I divorced about 4 years back is still affecting him. Any advice??

[deleted account]

Disrespect is a major problem with my 11 year old.  Although he only does it to me, not my husband or anyone else for that matter!  We have a system where he gets a check for a day if he is good, doesn't talk back, etc.  If he's not good, he gets an X.  When he gets 30 checks he gets a prize.  It seems to work, although we still have our bad days his behavior has improved alot!  You just have to be tough and if you tell him he lost his check for the day don't give in and give it back!!  If he continues to be bad on the day I already took his check, I go ahead and put an X on the next day as well, and there's no getting a check back once it's gone!

[deleted account]

Thanks Kristeen...that makes me feel better.  :)



 I don't want to make mistakes but I am human so mistakes are inevitable when it comes to parenting. They certainly don't come with a manual, do they?!



Definitely agree on the sticking to it part...it's so important! It's really, really hard too...when they are trying to be good, are really sorry, when they get all mopey & sad on day 3......oh well shouldn't have broke the rules!



Next time, hopefully he'll say to himself beforehand, " I better not do that or I'm so grounded"

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Melanie - posted on 02/19/2014

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I have a 10 year old girl with ADHA and ODD, she is going on her third in school suspension since Thanksgiving break! I have tried the calm Im listening road, Im taking everything, and today i gaveher a triple whammy with taking everything from her room, spanking, and the biting into a bar of soap for the excessive back talk. Now that i feel like i belong on bad parent magazine (ive spanked maybe 3 times in 10years) I still don't know what to do with her! She screams at teachers, counselors, anybody hhonestly if things arent her way. I have tried to make her understand that screaming and arguing will not get her point acrossed as effectively as simply talking and have practiced what i was preaching with her. Not effective whats left?

Sophia - posted on 11/20/2012

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take things away and explain why? and make him work to get them back. games, cellphone, tv, phone calls from friends .. whatever he likes take it away....

Jeanne - posted on 03/25/2009

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Quoting Christina:

Thanks for the tip Jeanne!


My pleasure anytime.



Take care & keep in touch!



Jeanne

Alyssa - posted on 03/17/2009

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Don't be afraid to take something away but it has to be something he's into bc my parents took away stuff I didn't do so there was no point.

Rachel - posted on 03/15/2009

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Quoting Christina:

Hi Rachel. I hear you! My 10 year old son is the exact same. Very strong willed, talks back, disrespects. Even taking away his TV (and I have even taken it completely out of his room) doesn't always make an impact with him. Hopefully it is just a bad spell they are going through. =) But honestly, 95% of the time he is such a great kid, but the other 5% of the time will make me crazy!



Hi Christina. Thanks for  your help. My son is pretty good too. He is not a discipline problem at school. Most of the time he is good  but then he gets sassy at home. Not all the time but I always try to correct it because I want him to learn that it isnt acceptable. But sometimes it is such a struggle for me. He uses his manners most of the time when he is out and I usually hear good things when he is at peoples houses. But I think I have the most problems with him at home. I do hear that it is a stage and a lot of people have the same problems. I am just learning how to use all the stuff on facebook and it took me a while to find this page again to see this group. That is why it took me so long to respond. But thanks for all your help.

Tina - posted on 03/11/2009

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The one thing that always gets my 11 yr old son's attention is his TV.  My kids get to watch an hour of tv before going to bed, you take that away and he is in misery.   After reading all you comments is nice to know I am not alone.



My son is a good kid, staight A's but he too needs to learn a little respect.  Good luck to all us mom's that may our sons hurry through this "phase".

Kristeen - posted on 03/08/2009

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Christina,



My boys are 9, 7& 4. your methods of discipline are exactly the same as mine. ANd your comment about joking/sassing made me laugh, because I do exactly the same thing, if I'm in a good mood it's joking, if 'm not, it's disrespect (must confuse my poor boys). At least like you I am consistent , and I tell them misbehaviour = loss of tis privelige for this amount of time, & I stick to it, & it seems to work.



As for the situation with the 2 friends, I applaud you, very well handled.

[deleted account]

Hi, how are you all? I like to write so feel free to tell me to shut up or ignore me if you want ..lol



I have a 10 year old too. He's pretty well behaved for the most part. I find that this comes from starting discipline from a very young age. Ppl can't wait until a child is older to start this & unfortunely some do. Actually, alot do..from what I've seen in some kids/parents behavior when I'm just at the store!



I guess I do the same as you guys if he does sass me. But alot of times what I think is sassing is now sassing because I'm in a bad mood not because my kid is doing something different. He was joking, usually I joke right back with him..I'm in a bad mood so now it's not funny, it's sassing me. That's really not his fault, he's being his same silly self!



If he does get in trouble~I take away something that he likes to do like the Wii or ride his bike. BUT The trick is. ..you have to follow through with it after you say it ONCE!



You can't say I'm going to take your TV away & never really do it or do it for an hour because then the are all good after that. You have to say if you do ____ then I'm taking away your X for X amount of days/time.... THEN DO IT. Don't promise to do it 100 times first. Just do it 1st time out the gate & STICK TO IT! This is so important because if punishment was say ~NO TV for a week & you always return the item or privalege before the punishment time, they won't ever believe you or more importantly...RESPECT YOU!



I recently had to ground my son for a week (2nd time ever) for leaving one friend behind to play with another friend. I'm trying to raise my son to be kind & that was down right mean. He told the one kid to go home because he wanted to play with the other kid now!  I know this because the one he sent home called us & told us. He was upset...not cool!



I explained to my son that it was not right to dump his friend for another, that there was no reason that they all couldn't play together & if the 2nd friend didn't want to play with the 1st one then, he should have told friend #2 that he will play with him tomorrow since he was playing with frnd #1 first that day. I asked him what he thought he would feel like if that happened to him, playing w/ his friend & then they tell you to go!? I also made him call frnd #1 & say he was sorry. (this was the hardest part for him, worse then losing the Wii & being stuck in the house for a week over christmas break!) But he did it.



Then he was grounded for a week + no Wii. The only thing I let him do was go on the computer to read, in the same room as me (so he wouldn't go play online games) & watch TV with me. ie: our reg family shows we watch together like The Amazing Race or whatever was on at the time,I forget~ but not Spongebob & all that.



I think he really learned a valuable lesson. I also am pretty sure that frnd# 2 made him do it. That is also a REALLY valuable lesson taught. That you decide what you want to do , do not let your friends pressure you into something you don't want to do. I think the other kid was bossing my son around based on a couple of convos me & my hub overheard when they were talking on the porch.



Ever since, he still plays w/ frnd #1 but not too long after frnd #2 disappeared. I wonder why? Couldn't boss my kid around no more because I armed him with the tools to stand up for what's right.  Buhbye, bully! I don't want my kid around ppl like that anyway.



Am I mean? Too Strict?...Maybe... but I have a flair on my page that says "mean moms have good kids" Maybe it's true because he's so fair has been a pretty good kid to 10. Now comes the fun years! lol



I'm curious, do you guys agree or would you have handled it differently? It felt right at the time but I always second guess what I do after the fact. Would love some feedback.

Christina - posted on 03/04/2009

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Hi Rachel. I hear you! My 10 year old son is the exact same. Very strong willed, talks back, disrespects. Even taking away his TV (and I have even taken it completely out of his room) doesn't always make an impact with him. Hopefully it is just a bad spell they are going through. =) But honestly, 95% of the time he is such a great kid, but the other 5% of the time will make me crazy!

Jeanne - posted on 03/03/2009

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Quoting Christina:

Thanks for the tip Jeanne!


My pleasure anything you need to talk I'm not that far and maybe help each other out!



Jeanne

Rachel - posted on 03/03/2009

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Hi, Im knew to this club but I just wanted to say that I have problems with my 10 year old son too. Things like he gets sassy and he is very strong willed. I have discipline problems too. I try taking things away from him that he really wants or take his t.v. time away. It usually works but then he can get disrespectful with me which I really hate that and I dont want to tolerate it. He will usually say he is sorry and behave better after that. But I find that it is an ongoing struggle. Any suggestions by anyone would be appreciated.

Jeanne - posted on 02/27/2009

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Quoting Christina:

Thanks for the tip Jeanne!


Anytime! My pleasue and hopefully we can stay in touch we just never know I might need some advise!



 



Take care & Keep in touch!



Jeanne

Jeanne - posted on 02/26/2009

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The really best way to discipline methoud really work for you 10 year old son "Would to take away something that his so passionate about & tell he can no longer do what his passionate about" ex: my son love going outside & when he did NOT listen, or yelling or what ever the case may be" IT WORKS & did for me and still till this day........and he will 17 years old on March 3rd and still punish him when thing don't go right or he wants it his way "This don't work at mom's house I will not tolerate it & it is not acceptable in my house".......



Good luck! I hope this help!



Jeanne

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