Michelle - posted on 11/06/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )
Wow! I can't believe how long ago it was when I started this group and how many new members we have! I am disappointed that I do not have the time to post more messages here, as many of you know...A life with a child who has ODD and other diagnosis makes life more difficult. With the already little time we have with normal everyday activities, these special children sure take up much more time than we ever thought.
I know too much about the affect a child with these disorders can have on a family let alone one person (for those of you who may be single parents). I wanted to take this time to update everyone on my daughter and tell everyone what we have been going through. Please feel free to respond and also include updates on how life is for you at this moment as the holidays quickly approach. We need to be here for each other to lend support and an understanding, "I know exactly what you mean!" messages. These help us realize we are NOT alone in this even when we feel we are.
It's bee awhile since I last updated so I am not sure where to start. Last year my daughter was hospitalized in November. She received med changes and we received additional support. She was in the hospital for a month while temporary foster care was located and family services were in place. She was in temporary foster care in December and started a theraputic school (a youth transition program). This seemed to be going well until June or July when she told a counselor at the school that her grandpa 'touched her'. Her grandpa, is my (step)dad, who raised me since I was 2. We immediately wanted to resuce her and contacted her mental health case manager as well as the appropriate authorities. We did bring her back home to give her the support and love that she needed during this difficult time in her life.
We thought, "This is it! This is what has been contributing to all the problems. This is why she is acting this way. Finally! An Answer!" We found the appropriate authorities, they did an investigation, she talked to a rape counselor, and still nothing. The courts decided there was not enough information to charge him. She refused to talk about it anymore. She refused to go into any details or try to remember anything. Another brick wall.
In August of this year, my sister got married. My dad was there, of course. We didn't talk to him and told her that if she felt uncomfortable in any way, that she tell us. Nothing was said.
The doc changed her meds after the wedding to 60mg of Geodon and 10mg Celexa. This seemed to help some. She seemed to be more willing to discuss other issues at school, in groups. However, she still refused to talk about the allegations about her grandpa. New information was brought up that she had 'feelings' for her case manager at school. He had her talk to a female therapist at the school to see if anything could be resolved. Nothing. She denied ever had saying anything like that.
She has been going from love to hate, nothing inbetween. There is no gray area for her. She also cannot understand things from other's point of view. Well, we think she can't or chooses not to try to understand. We can't tell which.
She is a master manipulator. She is great at getting other peers to back her up and 'hate' on the staff at school. She is good at turning words around, making up stories or claims that cannot be further from the truth. She is also good at hiding information with other information she thinks will upset us. When we are not upset, she gets upset over something else. She cannot stay focused on the topic, jumping around from topic to topic until our heads are spinning and we are saying, "Hey, this is not what we were talking about. Let's stay on topic."
She is good when she wants to be, when she wants something, she will do her chores, obey the rules, and be agreeable. Then, she gets what she wants, and she turns into a disrespectful, rude, swearing, yelling, screaming, throwing and kicking things. She will not back down.
We have a mental health case manager, a social woker, two in-home family therapists, the theraputic school, special transportation bc the school is out of district, a med doc, and just getting another individual therapist for her. We have all the proper people in place and call team meetings frequently. We stay in constant contact, with email, phone calls, and meetings. Family therapy is every week, while team meetings that include everyone is held at least once a month, unless needed sooner.
All of this, and she is back in the hospital this year. Just two days ago, she was admitted. She did admit that she doesn't know why she looses control or why she cannot stop and calm down, even with help. When she is in a rage, nothing can stop her until the cops are called and possible removal from the home. Then she begs us to 'fix it' and 'stop this' but will be just as quick to blame us for her behavior. She will not, has not, admitted ANY fault in all of this. She continues to blame others for her behavior, saying we caused it, we started it, or we didn't do enough to stop it.
She is now 16 years old and are at a standstill. We do not feel safe with her here. Our son who is 9, does not feel safe with her here. The county refused residental treatment last year, recommending everything we have in place. We have been doing what they said for a year, and we are still in the same position we were last year. Although, we have had to call the cops less, the battles at home are fewer. But the battles, when they do occur, are terrible. They scare our son. He cries and is constantly worried about his sister and parents. This is affecting his school and social life. He is starting to follow in his sister's footsteps. He does not have ODD, but the docs are quick to want to get him diagnosed with something. I dont want that. Sometimes, it's just the younger siblings will follow the same behavior as the older one (who is leading by example). Not everyone in the family has to have a disorder because of this.
I am so frustrated with everything right now. I love my daughter but her behavior and defiance is pushing me further away from her. We have our good times, but when the bad times hit, I don't want her around anymore. We cant handle it with her at home and no one is safe when she rages like she does. Well, now that I wrote a book, I should let other respond to how life is going for them. Oh, Nov 1st (monday) started my week off on a bad foot, and had a bad day since then. Execpt for today (friday)! YEah! At least one good day out of the week!!