I need help! My son's father just tagically passed away...

Kerry - posted on 07/28/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hi, I am a 24 year old single mother. I have a 4 year old son and his father just passed away on the 22 of June. It was his fault for what happened. He was drunk and driving excessively fast and lost control and hit a tree. He was in ICU for a week. He was brain dead and severed his spine in half, so even if he had survived he wouldn't have been the same. I am not taking this well at all, I am engaged to another person who is the greatest thing to my son and I, but, I'm still having a hard time dealing with this. I am extremely depressed, and I cry ALL the time! My son knows that his father is in heaven and I told him that a puppy ran into the road and that his daddy swirved to miss the dog and hit a mail box. He is so intelligent and he understands what happened to his daddy. I don't know if he is taking just really good cause he understands and also has my fiance in his like too, or, if I am going to be dealing with a major breakdown with him 1 day when he really realizes that daddy is no longer around. He only saw his father 1 day a week as it was so he wasn't in his life on a daily basis nor did he call everyday. I just would like to see how others handled this..

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Tsolak - posted on 03/02/2014

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Hello I'm not a mother. I'm a 27 year old guy. My father passed away when I was age 2. Him and his friend where driving to fast lost control he was passenger. From what I heard he broke his neck and died instantly. I came across your post by chance and made account just to reply to your post. So what I'm about to say will be unfiltered. You remind me of my mother trying to hold my tears. She lost her husband at age 22. I really have no advise to cure anything just my experience. First of all, all you can do for your child is to collect your self and keep a happy face and continue life. My mother got re engaged very soon after his death. soon after that my life turned to shit. Physically and mentally abusive half crazy son of bitch . I have anger and till this day for him. I can't blame my mother she was soo young so young.. I understand you are young and don't want to be alone but Plz becarefull of the rebound and I'm a guy telling u this.
Your child just wants to be a child. They keep brave face. Later in life around age 25 is when it happens the knowing a piece of you didn't develop growing up. I have hard time with relationships had bad drug alcohol problem depressed for long time. There are things YOU can do. What you can do is grief with your son. My mother didn't grief with me because I think her reasoning is not to reopen wounds .But if you don't address them it will always be open. I still haven't griefed my fathers loss I am 27 years old!!! Grief with your son it is very important!! You will get over it in 20 years but your son might still have it in his heart tearing him apart. Keep two eyes on your son. There is 50% less people protecting him and looking after him. Be a father and mother. Don't shy away from any topic. On top of that single mother going to work less people looking after him. I know this sounds very doom and gloom but it gets better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel it's not going to be doom and despair forever... It gets better so don't worry please. My mother got remarried to a great person he is dentist good man treats her amazingly... She had another child so I have a sister she is 11 years old I'm 27 lol. She is happy. For me I have my own business I drive a Mercedes and live in Los feliz "Hollywood hills". It is always in the back of my head and not a day goes by without me thinking about me not having a father. I think it is because I never mourned him.....Very important to mourn him with your son. Because I accept that my fathers gone but it hurts me that I haven't mourned him. And I'll tell you this your husband really isn't gone he has half of him alive and with you, your son. Believe me he will grow up so fast and he will support you and understand you. Put your son number one... They grow up fast. It will get better. I hope this gives you little insight into my life. It will get better just be a mountain for your son. My Grandparents were my angels...

Lena - posted on 05/15/2014

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Hi. I would like to know how you getting on with the situation by now. I am in a similar situation of losing my sons father in a bike accident which was really condemned by people cause it was a stupid decision he took to over take 3 cars and another bike on a T-Junction. My son was only a month away from turning 5 years old.

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Yovanna - posted on 09/09/2014

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I have the same situation but I was with him at the time he passed away he shot himself in the head. it is very bad, but my son knows the truth of his father that he passed away and he is in heaven sometimes he cries for him but try to make the best of it. Just keep your head up you have a wonderful fiancé than can support you through this tough time that your having, and your son he should be your motivation.
good luck and keep going

Christine - posted on 02/05/2014

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Hi I'm 26 I have 3 boys there ages are5,4,2 there dad recent died in January all I do is cry all threw the day I feel so Sad I feel so hurt and depressed he was everything to us a good father they cherish him I don't no Wat to do I just feel like relocating it's to many memories for me to heal my heart is broken

Karen - posted on 12/22/2013

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I am in a similiar situation right now. My son is five years old and has mild autism. He hasn't seen his dad in well over a year and before that it was a 4 hour visit 7 months ago. He has very little if any of his dad and the man I'm with Now has been his father figure since they met. Though I have never had him call him dad. I don't know what to say to him. His father was a not nice guy, drugs, alcohal, abusive. I don't want to sugar coat who and what his dad was just because he's dead now.. He had already killed his first son in a drug induced seizure while he was driving his young boy, his oldest son is in foster care since his mother died years ago and he never even Tried to get him. His other son is not doing well at all because his mom lived close and they had constant contact, dispite his chaos. I refused to allow that in our life anymore and I don't regret that. I am sorry that he'll never have a chance to Try and redeem himself to his son who deserves to at least decide when he is older what he wants to do and how best to care for himself and speak up for himself. But, that option is now gone for my son. I am also struck by the BOMB to the chest it was for me to get the news as I sat beside my new husband.. Part of me felt empty. In shock. I don't know what to tell my son. I don't know how to help him understand. and I don't even want to talk about him with my son. I don't want to but, I will do things that I have to do. For my sons sake, if he asks while finally knowing his brothers more, I will tell him. and I will remember this is his Father I am speaking of and make an effort to speak of him as such and Not as my abuser. other than that, I'm at a loss of what to do. suggestions?

Nguyen - posted on 06/02/2013

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I want to say thank you thank you thank you to Ancient ekadu for everything so far. To everyone who doesn’t believe in spell, I was one of those ones at first. I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to do this since I’ve tried others so-called spells casters and they did not work and was a waste of my time and money. However, when I read through the testimonials of other people at this website and after I talked osoba who answered all my questions and was very nice about everything, I decided to give it a try. I figured it would be my last try to get my guy back. So my story is that I was at my office when the guy I am in love with told me that he wasn’t in love with me and never will be and that he didn’t want to speak or see me again, especially since he was talking to this other girl. When I talked to Dr ekadu, he let me know which spells would be most appropriate for me and I chose the ones that was to get him back to me and stay with me and want to marry me.As soon as he started on the spells, my guy came back into my life! It was a miracle to me and I’m so thankful for that. Things have been going well, and pretty much according to what Dr ekadu said would happen. He’s always there when you need him and that’s also after the spell is done. I’m still waiting for the spells to completely manifest, but with all that has happened so far I’m very happy because given only four months ago in March, if you asked me or my friends if I would have anticipated how things were right now…no one would believe it! Lara. contact is email address ekaduspell@hotmail.com Kathleen

Cindie - posted on 06/29/2011

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I have been a widow now since April 7th, 2010...sudden...he just didn't wake up on April 7th! We have one son, he's 12. He is taking this WAY BETTER than I am. They say that kids are resilient (sp) - and I also got him into counseling. I don't understand if you are worried about YOUR son or if you are worried about YOU honestly...it sounds a bit like perhaps YOU are the one that still suffers from his passing (which is quite normal...he was your son's father.) If you are worried that your SON will have problems from this then by all means you just need to keep your lines of communication OPEN with him and honestly I think that by you getting married again (because he is so young) is going to be your saving grace. G'luck with this. :)

Elizabeth - posted on 06/19/2010

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I am sorry for your loss, my story is somewhat similar but my son's father died from diabetes 1 month before his 30th birthday. I was already seperated from his dad and with someone else. My son also saw his dad every other weekend. My son was 5 and found his father deceased. Time heals all wounds, it has been a year since Erik has passed and I still freak out and we were seperated for 5 years before he passed. My fiance has been awsome through the whole thing!! Just keep God close and He will heal your heart. Sorry for your son and your loss, May God Bless You both!!

Ayanna - posted on 04/15/2010

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Hey, I am new to Circle of Moms and to this group.. Had I known that there was a support group out there for this type of pain, I would have joined this group a long time ago... I was six months pregnant when I lost my son's father... It's a pain that I will never forget, but it is something that I have healed from. I watched my best friend leave this earth without ever having a chance to see his baby boy.. My son now is missing the important things that comes with having a father... Kerry --- take it as a blessing that you have a supportive fiance that is there for your son in this time of lost... learn that everything that has gone wrong could always be worse...



Much love for you sweetie.. hope to keep in touch



Ayanna

Trina - posted on 08/04/2009

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Hi Kerry, My heart is going out to you and your son right now. The only advice I can give you is allow your son to talk about his father as that will help him remember. Tell him the truth it will be better for the long run. My daughter was 3 when her father died and she understands that he is in heaven but still frequently asks when he is going to come home. She knows he is gone but does not understand that it is permanent. I have handled it by having her see a counselor, letting her have some of her fathers belongings and allowing her to talk about him as much as she wants no matter how bad it hurts me. The one thing that I can say that I had done for both of my kids was at Christmas time I had purchased a necklace and charm for each of my girls. One said Daddy's Angel and the other Daddy's Princess. I wrapped them and signed them love daddy. My girls to this day still believe that their daddy had bought those necklaces for them.

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