Its Still A Struggle...

Chastity - posted on 02/02/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

1

67

I am a mother of 3 children, my last two children father died in October of 2000, my daughter had just turned a year old and I was pregnant with my son who was born in January 3 months after his father passed away. For a long time I questioned God why did I have to be the one to go through such a terrible situation being that I had a daughter who knew her father but only knew him for just a year of her life and would basically not remember anything about him as she grew up. She would only know him through pictures. Then to make matters worse I really couldnt understand why would I be blessed to have another child with this person but he would never live to see his son or his son would never know who his father was as a physical being. It was a really hard time in my life at that point. It was only a bad time because I knew my kids would never know who their dad really was, and I also knew at some point they would start to ask questions, which im still answering to this day to the best of my ability. I know for sure they long so much for their dad which will always be a obstacle for them as they grow. But what I do is I make sure they see their grandparents every week, we visit his gravesite often even when they just want to go by it just to be there, and I always reassure them that they're dad loved them very much, and is watching over them everyday and will continue to watch over them for the rest of their lives. At one point I even allowed them to write a message to their dad on a balloon and release the balloon outside and watch it go high into the air to where they believe heaven is and also where their dad is, and after that they really felt a little closer to him. And through all of this its only by God's grace and mercy that I continue to live my life striving to raise my children the right way, by God's standards of raising a child.. Its a struggle to go through it but it can be done.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms

5 Comments

View replies by

Ayanna - posted on 04/15/2010

4

22

that's an excellent idea of the "memory box"... thank you.. I will start of that with my toddler tomorrow morning...

Ayanna - posted on 04/15/2010

4

22

I am so happy and I know that with examples like you and your children, my son and I will be successful and make his father pride... On September 5th, 2007, I was 6 months pregnant with my son, and it was the same die I watched the love of my life, my best friend, my husband-to-be and father to our unborn child die... He was stabbed to death in front of me and there was nothing that I could do... It's now April 2010.. And all I can say is God is an Almighty God... I did not think I could make it through that storm of my life. I miss Davin every day... every single day.. my son is so beautiful, he looks just like his father, he sleeps like his father, he laughs like his father, he loves CHEESE like his father, he even has his father's dimples and clef chin... I consider it a true blessing that my son and I are still here to be able to enjoy the life that his father lost... And yes --- everyday is a struggle... but it can be done and it is being done by women like us... everyday is filled with laughter and love and it makes life sweeter...

Dawn - posted on 04/03/2010

10

33

Just keeping talking to the kids about him. Show them pictures. My 3 children were all teenagers when their dad passed away Jan 2003. 7 years later they all still miss him.. Now we have a grandson who he never kew who ask questions about grandpa. He will be 5 this month. He ask me when I come to NY this summer if I'll show him where grandpa is buried.

Bridgette - posted on 06/02/2009

22

21

Girl! I FINALLY some one who knows excatly what I am going through. I have a 13 month lil girl named Gracie. When I got pregnant her daddy and I was having a rough time in our marriage. So many obstacles had happen in our lives. A week after we got married my mama got sick. She died the day after our first anniversary. Then my step-mom who we both adored passed away 11 months later. My husband also had his share of health issues he had seziure disorder. Anyways we had our problems so we separtaed. I moved from Indy to Texas. We were talking and trying to work things out. We were making plans for him to join me in Texas. On March 1, 08 he had a seziure then a heart attack. The doctors couldn't save him. I was 8 & 1/2 months along. So our baby girl never got to meet her dad either. I hate it. I do talk to her about him. I show her pics. She looks just like him. It just breaks my heart that they never got to even see each other. Where do I go from here. I can't even say I have dealt with his death myself. I just get up every day and keep going because I have to for her. Well thank you for listening. I am glad to have a group like this. Its so hard to talk to someone who hasn't gone through this cuz they just don't understand. God Bless You & Have a great day.

Cara - posted on 04/06/2009

11

29

Sounds like you're doing a great job, having their grandparents around must be a big help to you also.  Do you have a memory box for each of your children in which you can put some photos or trinkets belonging to their father?  This may help them, as they and curiosity grows.  As you say they were very young (or not even born in the youngest case) and may not have many memories but it doesn't mean they cannot find out more about him through you, their grandparents and these little boxes.