Mixed African American/Asian...family advice?

Angela - posted on 08/11/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hello moms! I am an african american woman with a 9 month old baby who's mixed with Vietnamese. My boyfriend and I get along pretty well obviously, but I was wondering if there are any of you who may not get along well with the family (mom & dad in particular) I feel as though they would have preferred him being with someone of asian race, but sometimes I find it hard to cope with especially for my baby when she gets older. Any advice??

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Umi - posted on 12/30/2011

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Hi Angela! I am a mixed Mom whose grandfather could not stand me. I endured hateful words and felt shame when around him. He was raised to hate Japanese because of WWII and he blamed me and my siblings for the War. What helped most was my father. He was angry at his own father's bias and bad behaviour and so he showered us with lots of love and told us that one man's ill feelings did not mean a thing. He said we were beautiful and should be proud of who we are. My mother's parents were not warm but not hateful, it was just their culture to be more distant. I married another half Japanese and his father (anglo-american) is ten times more hateful than my grandfather. We finally had to cut ties with him and my father took the name of his Japanese grandparents. My daughter was sad at first but she knows, like I did, that one man's angry rants mean nothing. She is beautiful and such a wonderful girl and she knows she is very loved. Just make sure you let your baby know how loved she is and how beautiful she is.I think mixed girls are gorgeous ands she will no doubt be an awesome woman with parents who love her and each other!

Kri - posted on 12/28/2011

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I understand. My husband is Korean and my stepsons are full Korean. We plan on having more children in the future and I worry that his family won't make an effort to really know our future children. His mother lives with us so she's ok other than minor annoyances. His father isn't around at all. The rest of his family is in Cali so we don't really hear from them.

I guess I don't really have advice but I do understand how you may feel.

Nicole - posted on 12/25/2011

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My stepkids are Indonesian/African American. A few of them can pass for Indonesian a few cant. But there dad want to instill every culture in them and want them to be proud black men also appreciate their Asian heritage as well. Im sure their grandparents wanted there mom to just be happy my ex was her 3rd husband the first two were asain. But in Indonesia they are treated the same, the only pitfall i think is they dont speak the language which to me is very important and i blame her for not speaking it to them from little.

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