Most annoying/ignorant thing?

[deleted account] ( 32 moms have responded )

People mean well, but let's face it--sometimes comments can be downright frustrating/annoying. What is the most annoying/ignorant thing people have said to either you or your children regarding their ethnicity?

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Simpleweeble - posted on 09/28/2011

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Being from Hawaii, a mixture of ethnicities is quite common (if you don't have more than 2 or 3, that's unusual!) Anyway, my mom is from Germany (blonde/blue eyes) & my Dad is Filipino, Japanese, Spanish (olive skin with black hair). In the late '60s, when my 2 older brothers were born, they were living in the mainland. People would stop my mom and tell her it was so great that she adopted refugee children from Vietnam! Years later when I was born and they were back in Hawaii, no one questioned it. Even now, I'm 5'10" with my Dad's coloring and my mom is only 5' and very fair'; people just know that I'm Hapa-Haole & move on. I guess you could say it's kind of a badge of honor to be of mixed race here!

Kathy - posted on 07/15/2011

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My daughter is adopted from China, and I am obviously not Asian. when she was a baby if someone asked me if her dad was Chinese, I'd look them straight in the eye and say 'I don't know, it was dark that night' - that would give 'em pause.

Andrea - posted on 07/15/2011

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I knew this woman meant well since she had adopted her children, but I was asked "where did you get her?". I believe my reply was "my uterus". There are others ways to ask someone if you believe they may have adoptetd. My daughter looked exactly like her father when she was a baby, and still does (age 4) but don't just assume when you only see one parent.

[deleted account]

I am amazed in reading these posts of the audacity of some people, especially in today's biracial marriages. My husband is hungarian/white. I am lebanese so I am darker, some ask me if I am mexican, or they ask if my son and daughter are related because he is pale like his dad and she is dark like me. Bugs me so much that skin color matters, what if they were adopted, they are still brother and sister and I am there mom. bleh. I wish we could come up with a smart reply for stupid people.

Claudia - posted on 07/11/2011

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I am Mexican and my husband is American of German descent. The kids look like their father. I have been asked several times how many children I "watch" and how much I charge because I am "so good" with them. I have been asked if my son is mine. When I replied in the affirmative I got the doubtful "He's YOURS, yours?" What does the repetition imply? If you're not going to believe the answer I've given you and you have already made up your mind that he is adopted WHY are you asking? How rude what if he was adopted and I hadn't told him yet.

LuAnn - posted on 07/10/2011

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I adopted my daughter from China. There are 2 top irritating questions : "is her father Chinese?" to which I reply "I think so" (I know that they mean well ); the other is the one that is just rude , " was she expensive? how much did she cost?" I don't answer, I just walk away......

Michelle - posted on 07/10/2011

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I am a pale red head my husband who was born in Thailand on the other hand is quite dark. When our first son was born he was so white that even my father in law questioned whether he was my husbands son. I felt so insulted. Now I have three children and both of my boys get really dark especially in summer whereas my daughter is pale and interesting like me. We often get comments regarding nationality and how they can all look so different. Oh well it is what it is and people will always be curious. I don't let it bother me and hopefully it wont bother my children as they get older.

K - posted on 07/10/2011

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This is my first time to respond to a post or blog. My thoughts on this topic are strong enuf to choose to participate. :) I value all those who do so regularly..and their thoughtful opinions. We are older (46 & 56) caucasian parents and our 5 yr old son is mixed/biracial (half black, half white). We live in a city which has drawn some questions, yet fewer questions than in the smaller communities in which we were raised and where I work. Some of the inappropriate questions we have gotten as well are: "Is that your grandchild?", "Did you do IVF?", "Where did you get him?", and (sorry if this is upsetting, but it's true), "Were you raped?" Even though these are some of the questions that some of you have been asked, I don't think they represent the majority of people who would go so far as to actually inquire. Yet, It seems to me many people wonder what is the back story to our family makeup....(just as you might wonder what our story is as your read this). Choosing a "smart" response to me is more about choosing to keep my emotional upset in check. My response depends on the time I have to spend, the relationship with the person asking (or lack of) and whether or not my child is in ear shot of the question that was asked and listening in on my answer. The self-esteem and respect of my child's heart is wrapped up in my answer and it's my job to respond in a way that will care for his self image, speak truth, and model a response that he can emulate. He will get the questions as he ages and if he sees me get mad or angry..he might choose repeat that response. I have often chosen a route of grace and/or give them a glance that is disapproving, then answer with, "he is a gift to our life and we are so blessed to be his parents", while looking at my son with a smile and a wink. Then, of course, we talk about the situation later. There is a teaching that goes with this age that speaks to what is appropriate/rude/hurtful/ and the fact that feelings are important. Although we have used this chosen approach from the beginning because he could see, hear, watch, and absorb long before he could speak. SO...long story short... Smart = Emotions in check! Smart = Child's heart first. Smart = No person/question matters more than our response! ~ kc

Mindy - posted on 07/09/2011

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I am white and my ex husband is african. Most of the time people assume she is not mine, however the best question I ever received was she is beautiful where did you get her. I said I had her she is mine. So I guess he assumed because of her color I went over seas, what a dummy. You would think by now people would get it not to mention what if he/she were adopted they are still your child, so just say oh how cute and move on dummy

Janice - posted on 07/09/2011

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i had two younger sisters. one was platinum blonde wtih string straight locks, the other was petite, with dark brown curly hair , and there was me who was light brown hair, also striaght. one had blue eyes, one had brown eyes, and i had green eyes. people often stopped my mother on the street to ask if all of us were hers!! this was a long time ago, perhaps a thousand years : ) we were caucasian on both side, so a racial difference was not the call.

Janice - posted on 07/09/2011

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i had two younger sisters. one was platinum blonde wtih string straight locks, the other was petite, with dark brown curly hair , and there was me who was light brown hair, also striaght. one had blue eyes, one had brown eyes, and i had green eyes. people often stopped my mother on the street to ask if all of us were hers!! this was a long time ago, perhaps a thousand years : )

Courtney - posted on 01/17/2011

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My husband (he is vietnamese) and I (I am white-american) live in California and we go and visit his family (that live in a vietnamese populated area) all the time. One time we decided to go get our hair cut at a place by his parents because his sister goes there all the time and always talks about how cheap and good at cutting hair they are. Of course all the stylists there are Vietnamese as well. When we walk in, of course, I am the only white girl there. When my husband is sitting down getting his hair cut the lady (who wasn't even old, she was probably in her mid to late 20s) was talking to him in Vietnamese .. I see him get a kind of annoyed look on his face. When we were leaving he told me that everyone in there was so interested in our story. And the reason that he made the annoyed face was because she asked him " Why did you marry a white girl, how is she any better than a Vietnamese girl! " He said "Because asian girls are crazy and she is amazing and I love her ... enough said" .. she of course was offended (she was from Vietnam and obviously was very traditional) ... but when he told me that I was furious ... what makes her so better than me? I'm crap because I'm white? I don't think so. I am just glad that his family loves me and is so supportive of our marriage. I can only imagine how much more difficult it could have been for us if they weren't!

When it comes to my children, my two daughters and I went to this indoor play gym thing. I was holding my youngest daughter (now 6 months) and a lady was looking at her, then me, then says "She must look just like her father cause she looks nothing like you!". Which I personally thought was kind of funny, but I am pretty easy going about stuff like that. But I know most people would take that offensively, because I know the lady didn't mean by just our "looks" she meant the race, because my daughter is obviously asian looking. I just think it was rude of her to say that.

Brittanie - posted on 12/28/2010

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i was at the mall with my son (whom is mixed with Black and Lao) and my fiance..an asian lady that his family knows saw us and came over to say hi. as she sees the baby and says how cute he is...she says HE IS SO CUTE, HE'S NOT DARK SKINNED.

Are you kidding me?? but what kills me is that she didnt even acknowledge me standing there, and maybe if she would have she would have saw that i am almost the same color as my asian fiance...obviously if we have a baby we arent going to have a dark skinned child.. BUT even if i was dark skinned and my son came out darker than what he is, does that mean he would automatically be ugly?? SO IGNORANT.

Cat - posted on 10/07/2010

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@Rachael - how rude! My mother is from Manila and she never ate dog, though in Hawaii where I grew up, that was pretty much a running joke. But I myself have never seen Filipino people eat dog.

Cat - posted on 10/07/2010

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I am half Filipino and half Japanese and once the grandmother of a boyfriend I had (he was white) said, "if they have kids, are they going to look Chinese?" How ignorant and racist is that? LOL

Krystle - posted on 09/15/2010

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I am half white and half filipino, and my son's dad is full mexican. I haven't gotten any rude comments or anything, but there are a lot of ignorant people out there. :/

Linda-lyall - posted on 01/02/2010

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My kids Dad is Lebanese and I am Canadian . The nicest comment I ever heard is that they have such beautiful skin tone. They are both nice looking. If you look at models from different backgrounds they are the most beautiful.
The one thing that really used to bug me was them speaking in their own language. They were polite to welcome me when visiting but that was the extent of it. Its just easier for people to speak their own language.I did get tired of visiting because of this. My kids grew up seeing the world from different perspectives. We taught them to be tolerant of other cultures and religions. They are both well adjusted as adults.

Tanya - posted on 11/14/2009

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I cant stand it when people comment on my children and add your kind.... what does "your kind" mean ?

I had a mature lady comment and tell me what adorable kids I have as she was about to leave she added your kind have such nice dark hair. I asked her what kind is that? but she smiled and walked away.

P.S. my hubby and I have about 12 different races mixed between us ... we have 5 amazing kids

Ashley - posted on 09/10/2009

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I love the "whats his mix." like he is a pitbull! (that's sarcasm, I hate it!) Or when I tell people he is asian they automatically assume he is chinese and ask me if he is. I'm like UM no he's filipino and they're like isn't that mexican? LOL some people should just keep their mouths shut! And then theres the famous line "do filipinos really eat cats and dogs?" glad its not just me getting the rude comments.

Kristina - posted on 09/04/2009

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I am caucasian and my husband is Chinese. Our 8 month old son looks exactly like his father. I get the "is he yours?" or "Is his dad Asian?" all the time. Like it matters, first of all...but seriously, I don't go around asking mothers if their babies are theirs or wanting to know the nationality of their father. It's just rude, and doesn't matter at all.

[deleted account]

Quoting Beth:

I am white and my husband is Filipino, and when our daughter was born she looked just like him (except with a pink bonnet, it was totally cute..lol). Shortly thereafter, I was walking with her in her carrier and a white guy walked up and was like "Awww...can I see the cute little baby?" and I said of course. When I did he kind of looked at me surprised and asked her nationality. When I told him he said, "Well if we keep it up at this rate there will be no more nationalities, everyone will be mixed." So of course I replied, "Good, that means there will be less people like you." Some people are just ignorant, while others fear what they do not know. Its just unfortunate they don't know how to keep quiet.


Oooohhh that makes me SO angry!  Good comeback though.  The world really does need less of that kind.  ;-)

Beth - posted on 08/14/2009

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I am white and my husband is Filipino, and when our daughter was born she looked just like him (except with a pink bonnet, it was totally cute..lol). Shortly thereafter, I was walking with her in her carrier and a white guy walked up and was like "Awww...can I see the cute little baby?" and I said of course. When I did he kind of looked at me surprised and asked her nationality. When I told him he said, "Well if we keep it up at this rate there will be no more nationalities, everyone will be mixed." So of course I replied, "Good, that means there will be less people like you." Some people are just ignorant, while others fear what they do not know. Its just unfortunate they don't know how to keep quiet.

Krista - posted on 07/02/2009

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I'm white and my husband is Korean. The mosst insulting thing I've heard is more about me than my daughter. My daughter, Mischa, looks like my husband, so when people see her, they all say to my husband, "At least you know that she's yours," implying that I'm a whore that would cheat on my husband.

Megan - posted on 06/30/2009

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thanks Becky and im sure your right, its just tough sometimes feeling left out when the conversation is about your son...i hear you though and thanks!

Becky - posted on 06/12/2009

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I have to laugh when I see these posts - but not in a bad way, I am laughing because I have had similar experiences! For me I am adopted but I am chinese, my mom is too and my dad is white/jewish - so I always wonder (now that I am older) if people think that I am is MOB (mail order bride) cuz we like to hold hands sometimes (we live in IL and they live in CT in U.S.)

My husband is black and we have heard the whole gambit when it comes to what our son looks like. Some say all me, some say all him, some woman at my MIL's church swore that he was Mexican (um, hello), I've also heard Indian, so it's everything.

I am concerned/thinking about what his hair is going to be like? When I run my hands through it - it is a little coarse but not like my husband's, but it is getting curlier (mine is straight).

Megan - I wouldn't worry about people speaking Cantonese, just ask them what they are saying - it might be a comfort thing? This is my experience coming from a half-Chinese household.

Simanti - posted on 06/07/2009

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I think the most annoying thing I heard so far was how my son looks like all other little Indian babies. No he doesn't! He looks pretty unique. My husband comes from a German background and I'm Indian. This woman at a cafe near our house started the conversation with what nationality I was, then she looks at my son who's five months old and says "oooh yeah he looks just like the Indian babies she has seen".

Megan - posted on 06/02/2009

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I havent had anything too bad yet (but our son is only 3 months old) My husband and I recently went away to visit his family in a prodominantly asian area and what I hate is when people give me weird looks and then talk to my husbands family about MY son in Cantonese. Im sorry I dont know much, but please at least tell me hes cute in english, not in another language...or at least smile at me...I want my baby to learn the language thats the other thing I hate, that somehow people feel he is going to lose some of his culture bacause im white, Im the one who wants to include his culture...sorry I had to vent

Amber - posted on 05/31/2009

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Well no one has said anything to me yet about their asian heritage. But some people don't think that they are full biological brothers. My eldest looks more like me and i'm african american, but he has a little bit of korean features, my baby looks just like their dad and doesn't really look like me at all. But they are convinced that my eldest is from a previous relationship. I just laugh at them and as politely as i can inform them that jayden and kaileb come from one guy which is my Husband.

Lindsey - posted on 05/28/2009

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i haven't quite heard anything yet...just from my brother he does it as a joke...its rather annoying...one of the ones that annoys me..lol is the sterotype that all asians have small ...well you know..lol and its REALLY annoying ..but hearing things from other people i havem't heard much

[deleted account]

I'll start---when I was a kid, there was one mom in particular that was pretty rude in her comments about my mother, mainly insinuating that she was either a hooker in the Philippines or a mail order bride.



With my own children, the worst comment I've had thus far was a concern over whether or not my husband would allow me to feed my children some Asian "delicacies"--such as dog. /facepalm. I have not, and NEVER will eat dog! Period. Stupid stereotypes.

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