Okay. Let me start....Love/Hate Relationship

Heather - posted on 02/03/2010

I hear you and I agree with you on everything you say. I have 2 older kids 20.18 and one younger one 11.
I too feel llike his quest to be everything fire -related is obssive sometimes. My husband has been a firefighter teacher and aid car guy for 20 yrs now... evetything fire related seems so much more important than anything Ihave wanted to pursue.

As I write this I can't slepp becasue he twitches and flopps his leds on the bed all night till I get to the point of going into the next room or have to nap when the kids are at school or gone . He can't seem to be still even in his sleep.

If all the groupie type girtls that love firefighter actually had to know the ins and outs of it all they wouldn't seem so hot to them. I love my husband but I am frustrated that I have to be the leader of the house when he is on shifts. 24 to 48 hr ones... and then he expects me to not be in the habit of running the show when he is home. It's like being a single mom, and even when u call for help or advice u feel like u have to hurry up and be say it before the bell goes off and sends himon a run... then your always leftg with wondering ig that is your last convo with him.... even tho I am not a real worrier it crosses my mind and the kids and scares them.

He just started going to a councelor with Safe Call NOw in our area and it has been good. After the Haiti earthquake the images really bothered him and I didnt realize it cuz he never says when things do.... then last night there was a disabled 18 yr old that was shot in the head and the house caught on fire. Don't know if it was murder cover=up or suicide and fire lit....He seems to be living in firefighter mode all the time now... at least at home. Outside the home everyone loves him and he's the most helpful guy. It hurts that he can take care of the rest of the world no matter what their problems, and not have the compassion for us at home. Sometimes I feel like calling 911 just do have them dispatch him to our house for our needs!!!

I do love the fire-family and am proud of his job... but he is ever so humble and ready to say that they just watch movies and stuff and cook and go on an occational run. My husband is part of a very large city FD.

I wish I could find balance in our lives.. People are insensitvie to think that working their schedule is so nice, It is hard to have consistancy and a dependable schedule. It is frustrating when people ask and I have to count the days in a pattern to tell them yes or no, and even that doesn't work sometimes because of debit/kelly days and if they are held over for call.

I'm terrified of him getting cancer as many of them are line of duty deaths now. We loose 5 a year in our dpt of 1000.

Don't get me wrong...I am venting here.... I want to be part of the team of support for him, and I am very proud of him and he is hot and looks great in his gear. I love the other jealous women that can't have him because he is very married and loves me dearly. You are right tho. We wives give up a lot of our lives, because when and emergerncy calls we are part of the reason they can respond cause we take car of the homefront...But I am important too, and I find myself resentful.

I love my husband of 21years and love that he has a heart for others, but it's hard to get them left overs when he is taxed emotionally and physically and you don't konow what to do to help. Thanks for listening.... I feel not so alone so ready...

Heather in the nw

Sarah - posted on 11/29/2009

There is also another book " I love a Police Officer" My husbands dad got it for me for Christmas last year. It kinda explains some of the ways they think... I just found this group and it makes me happy :) My husband has been a Vol. Firefighter since he was 15 (he was a jr. firefighter) and has been a police officer for 2.5 years now. We also recently got a K-9 for the city... So not only is my baby's dad a police officer, but so is our dog :) I am very proud of what he does, I am not a fan of the hours that he has to work... It is all part of it though I guess..

Laura - posted on 04/08/2009

There is actually a good book to read if you can get a hold of it.  Its called 'Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement" by Kevin M. Gilnartin.

I worry every day my husband goes off to work, wondering if I told him "I love you", wondering if he told the kids that, but then I always go back in my head and think about the things that I know for certain. That my husband is smart, he knows his limits and he knows how much he can handle. I know that they take risks every day, but be sure to understand and think about how your other half perceives what he does. My husband respects his job, he does it for the better good.

But the book will help you realize some things that you may not have before. I husbands destresser is games ( you know Xbox 360, PSP, Playstation 3, the WII) and honestly it use to drive me insane until I understood that was his way of coping.

Just try to understand why he does what he does and to understand that he knows his limits as well