Am I just having a problem letting go of my 19 year old daughter?

Josephine - posted on 04/27/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Well, it's my first time here and I'm hoping somebody can guide me with my feelings. My daughter is 19 years old. In the past, she has been very good about asking before going places, and/or also being home more. I know....she is also older now and that's going to change BUT why do I feel like I am missing time together with her? For example, yesterday she went to her boyfriend's house around 6pm and was home after 2am. Today, she texted me letting me know that she was going to the mall with friends around 11am...now she lets me know that she'll be home around 5, will be heading out at 6:30 to see a play and is going out to a club tonight around 11pm. She will probably be sleeping over at a girlfriend's and then be back tomorrow afternoon. She does have a part-time job right now and will be starting University in the fall. I guess the mother-daughter relationship is changing and Im just having a hard time with it.
Please let me know if this is all normal? Am I making too much out of it? Am I just feeling that I am losing control and want to have more control over her?
ANY WORDS OF WISDOM WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED~~

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Sharon - posted on 05/01/2012

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It is hard as I have been through the same thing. It is hard to let them go especially since my college daughter who is going to graduate in a few weeks wants to move back to Texas, ( we live in Chicago). Just doesn't have too many friends here and hates the cold. I am not looking forward to the day when she moves for good. I agree with Patricia, find some things to occupy your time. It is like I told my son, do you believe when you graduate from college you start a new life? He said yes and I said so do we. After being a SAHM for 15 years and raising three children I finally have come to realize that I can do things I want to do and it is OK to put myself first. I have learned with my three kids, the more control you enforce, the more they want to push away. Letting your children fly is hard but they always know where home is. Your relationship with you daughter may change but it will never go away. Ask her to set aside a night a week for the two of you to get together. Coffee, movie girl talk just so you can reconnect.

Francine - posted on 04/28/2012

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Yes this is perfectly normal behavior. When my 18 year old daughter went to college she to wanted to be left alone to make her own choices. Its all part of growing up. It was really hard for me at first but I needed to make a decision either I was going to keep on trying to give her rules when she decided to come home on the weekends or try a different approach. I chose to have a talk with her and I asked her to give me the opportunity to be more. Of a listener. I told her I know her and I had gone through some rough patched in the past but I want to change our relationship. I told her I know there's going to be experiences that she goes through and maybe choices she makes and I don't like but at the end of the day I'll be there for her to listen. I had to let go alot and it was a big adjustment for me but well worth it. We talk even more than we ever have before and I enjoy her surprise phone calls or when she comes home she tells me all her experiences and I
Really enjoy the time. I love watching her mature more and more. I'm so proud of mu girl. My suggestion is do the same and you'll enjoy the difference. Don't get me wrong if mu daughters choices are bad I pray. I give it to god. When kids get this age they just want their freedom. My daughter still goes against my advice sometimes but when it doesn't work out for her I have to bite my tongue and not say I told you so.

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Tara - posted on 10/17/2014

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My daughter is 20 and she is my only child, gee... it is so hard letting her go. I am so afraid for her, I fear all the negatives in this world. I get so caught up in wondering if she is ok. She gets so angry that I call her so much and I have just stopped. I realize that I am controlling and need to let her experience but I miss her so much that I get myself sick. I have found comfort in prayer and trusting that The Lord is in control.

Deb - posted on 05/17/2012

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I think this means you've done a great job of parenting! Congratulations, your daughter is taking those next steps to independence.
My daughter and went through this her senior year. She was way to busy for her mom and I really felt left out. We are great friends now; This changed when she went away to school and she realized she missed me too!
Ask her to schedule some time with you. Tell her you're missing the time you used to spend together. Tell her you get that she's growing up to be a strong independent woman and you are so proud of the person she is becoming.
I love lunches with my daughter. We both find it a very special time together and it feeds my need for time with her.

Christina - posted on 05/07/2012

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Just know your not alone. I actually hurt physically form craving my daughters time and attention. Ive tried everything...I miss her so much!

Patricia - posted on 04/30/2012

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I'm going through the same thing. My daughter is also 19, living at home. She works full time and has a new boyfriend so she's never home anymore. We text everyday so I know where she is and that she's safe, but it's difficult to accept not having her around as much. I'm a single mom and she is my only child - so now it's just me and the pets most nights for dinner. But - I know that my daughter is happy and is enjoying her teenage years while learning to be independent. When we do get time together - even if it's only for a quick dinner one night a week - I make the best of it. I also try to fill my new free time by reconnecting with friends and getting things done around the house. Change is hard - but it gets easier with time.

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