An angry 20 year old

Cynthia - posted on 01/19/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter is nearly 21 and still lives at home. She has just finished an undergraduate degree and working. We have always been close but now she comes home says hi and stays in her room and hardly talks to her brother and I. She broke up with her boyfriend last november and people told her they never liked him and I told her how I felt. Now she is back with him and we no longer talk, They used to fight for hours and I know she is trying really hard not to have those fights with him so I wonder if that might build up in her and she takes it out on me because she knows I will always love her no matter what she does.

She says that is not the reason but before the breakup she would always come and talk even at 3am when she got home.

She is a smart, intelligent young woman and this is tearing me apart.

At the moment we are giving each other space so there is less chance of arguments . Is it wrong that while she is living at home she should have some rules?

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Teresa - posted on 02/05/2009

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When i read this the thing that popped into my head was..your daughter and her boyfriend???



I too have a daughter 18 yrs and she had a 3 year relationship with her boyfriend(nice boy)..but I noticed as time went on my daughter's attitude changed, she got more moody, seemed angry alot of the time, kind of depressed in a way..that is just not my daughter's nature.



Me and my hubby talked about it and thats when it hit us.."its the relationship..I'll bet ya"..sure enough my daughter wanted out of the relationship with the boyfriend but was waiting to leave for college to tell him and it was getting on her nerves...finally they broke-up and I have my daughter back..YAY!!



Might want to just set and try and watch and listen when it comes to your daughter and the boyfriend..some clues may come out..good luck..:)

Cynthia - posted on 01/25/2009

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Hi Christy,

Thanks for your suggestions I will keep doing those things. It has been a bit better this week but have to take it one day at a time. We are planning her 21st so hopefully that will help us spend some time together.

Cynthia - posted on 01/25/2009

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She hasn't left home yet. She drove to uni every day. I am sure that she doesn't share her feelings because she knows I might be right but I wouldn't say that to her but I'm sure that's what she would think.

I just want to know if she is going to be home really late so I don't worry, She has some chores she should do to help out around the house. She has decided she would rather pay board each fortnight and her own washing and look after her room. She has a cat she is responsible for and she has to take care of him. This week I kept the conversation as light as I could and things have improved slightly. She has talked a bit more and thats great but I have to take things slowly. She has had 3 fights with the boyfriend this week and has been physically sick twice from the anxiety. At the moment I will just listen if she wants to talk. Thanks for your feedback.

Christy - posted on 01/22/2009

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Cynthia,



My heart goes out to you because I can tell this is really upsetting to you.  Giving space is good -- just remember a simple touch on a shoulder or smile could do wonders.  Don't walk by her without letting her feel your love, even though you are not seeing eye to eye right now. 



I believe rules are important, because she is living under your roof and boundaries should be established.  I am sure you are more than fair with the rules, but remember, it is your house and you have the right to that respect.



I will be praying for you all.



Christy

Leslieseitz - posted on 01/21/2009

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Oh my, I do feel for you. My daughter is 19 and is open with her conversations but I would be hurt if she did stop talking. Sounds like she is trying to figure things out on her own. She is almost 21, college graduate, and trying to find her self. Now that she is back with a guy people don't like, she is less likely to share her feelings because she doesn't want to hear......I told you so.....Or anything negative. Your question was is it wrong that while she is living at home that she should have rules. But she has been living at home for 4 yrs, and I don't think the rules should change now. What type of rules. You didn't say anything about them in your message.

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