At wits end with my son!

Kathleen - posted on 04/28/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Do I really kick my son out? I just threatened to kick out my 19 year old son, and wonder if there is any other solution to my issues with him. He went to college last year and spent more time NOT going to class than actually going. He earned only about 12 credits last year, when the average is 30. He came home from university and is now attending community college, where he swore he would work hard in order to transfer to a better school once he got good grades locally. Well, the semester is almost over and although he had signed up for 15 credits, he has dropped 3 of them months ago. Now he is not guaranteed to earn the remaining 12 credits because he goes out late every school night, sleeps late and is late for 12:30 classes every day. (after dropping his one morning class, we all thought he'd at least make it to his classes after noon.) He is not doing the assignments, and is barely skating by. He had a big paper due on Wednesday and asked his prof on Wednesday morning (by email) if he could hand it in late. She gave him an extension and told him to hand it in on Friday. Well, that was yesterday, and still he has not started the paper. He promises to do it tomorrow (Sunday) and hand it in on Monday. Not likely, since he will prob sleep late again. I have told him to get a p/t job for months, but he has still not done so. I also ask him to do a few basic chores around the house, and he refuses. So, I've got a kid who goes out at night, sleeps through afternoon classes (or barely makes it on time), does hardly any of the assignments, does not have a p/t job and doesn't lift a finger around the house. He constantly says 'sorry' and promises to step up with regards to school, but nothing changes. He also constantly promises to get a p/t job, but the promises mean nothing, since months have passed and he has still not looked. He even refuses to empty his garbage can, saying that it is his room and not my business. (of course I don't empty it, but it is disgusting). Yesterday he told me he was going to the library to do the paper, and would then visit a few local places to apply for a job. Well, when he came home later, it turns out that he did NOT go to library or look for job. Instead he went out with friends and came in late at night. Promised to do everything today, from job hunting, to emptying garbage, to doing paper. But instead he is now out, and the weekend is almost over. Promises to have paper done by six tomorrow night (Sunday). Promises to hand in paper on Monday and immediately get job hunting. He has said this for months. So I do not know what to do. I finally did the unthinkable last night and told him he was out on the streets if he does not comply. Monday will be here very shortly. Do I follow through with my threats? Or is it too drastic? How do I motivate and/or COMPEL him to step up and do the basics in school, in addition to helping around here and working p/t? I am absolutely at wits end, and completely lost. Many thanks to anyone who can read through my frustrated ramblings and offer a suggestion or two!

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Michelle - posted on 04/28/2012

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If you do not follow through on your threat he will remain a deadbeat who has no motivation to make it on his own cause mommy will cave and bail him out I say toss his butt out.

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Hi Kathleen, I just came across your post and wondered what ever happened with your son. How did things turn out?

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