Anna - posted on 02/10/2010 ( 32 moms have responded )
My 21 year old (college student) daughter just started RE-DATING a young man that I absolutely, positively CAN NOT STAND. She's known him for 5 years, he was her first "real" crush and they dated for about a week. He dumped her at that point for another girl they knew and he's been in and out of the relationship with this girl constantly over the last 5 years. Every time he'd "break up" with this girl, he'd be calling my daughter...then he'd go right back to the other one. I've had to pick up the emotional peices everytime.
Well, now he claims that it is really and truly over for him and this other girl....and he wants to be with MY daughter; and my daughter is accepting him back with open arms.
Here's more of the story, though. My daughter is a severe diabetic and has nearly died on more than one occasion, the most recent being in Oct. 2009 (she had a diabetic reaction, H1N1 and pnuemonia) - she was in the hospital for 2 weeks in isolation, and on a ventilator for 3 of those days. Well, during one time that she was in the hospital and near to death (in ICU for 2 weeks), he was "allegedly" her boyfriend. He never once came to see her or called her....he sent text's asking if she was still in there.
I decided to call and tell him that I felt it was his place to come to the hospital...if he truly WAS her "boyfriend"....that didn't go very well. I was only able to leave him a message on his voicemail.
Needless to say, the next day, he DID call my daughter...in the hospital...and told her to give her mother (me) a message. The message was "tell your G** damn mother to mind her own F***ing business and that she can go to F***ing hell!"
Can you see why I can't stand this guy???? They broke up at that point. She defended me...to a certain extent...but ended up getting back to being friends again a few months later.
He doesn't have a job, he doesn't go to school, it rude and disrespectful to ME and to her, really.
My daughter knows how I feel about him, she knows that he is NOT welcome anywhere near my house of my family.
I love my daughter, but I don't know how to handle the situation. Part of me wants to tell her she's on her own, no more handouts (she lost her job, I've been paying for her food and a few of her bills) and don't come around here if you're with him.
The other part of me loves her and wants her in my life, she's my oldest of 4 daughters
But I'm at my wits end...between almost losing her to diabetes and now watching her make relationship mistakes....I don't know what to do.