Daughter left for college and I need to know if this is normal ??

Josephine - posted on 09/05/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I am so sad it hurts. We dropped our daughter off at college 3 days ago and I knew I would have a difficult time with it. The most difficult time I am having right now is that she has not texted or called us and I thought for sure she would have done so already. I have texted her and she has responded but there have been no texts initiated by her or any phone call. I know it has only been 3 days but it is really making me sad. Is anybody else like me? Am I overreacting? Is all this normal? I would really love to hear from others out there

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MOM At - posted on 09/06/2012

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At least she responded to your text. I texted my son last weekend (his first weekend gone) and I couldn't get him to respond. I missed him so badly and was SO sad I just wanted him to say he was ok. But then he didn't text back. I started having nightmares - thought something bad had happened. I finally called and yelled at him for not acknowledging me all weekend....then I felt bad for getting mad. I think what really bothered me was not that he ignored my texts but gee, didn't he want to hear from me? Didn't he miss me?

He has now been gone a week. He finally called home last night. Trust me, it wasn't a very enthusiastic call....just an obligatory update on his classes.

But then my logical side kicks in and I realize that everything he is going through right now is brand new. From what food he likes to what his bed feels like to when he can take a shower - he is trying to figure it all out. This is overwhelming and exciting and I am sure he is trying to fit in and adjust. Not to mention, of course he wouldn't want to feel homesick, so it might be hard to talk to one of us at home.

This will all work itself out. Probably in the next couple of weeks he, as well as your daughter will have a routine down that will include regular texts or skypes back home. In the meantime, yes we are allowed to feel terribly sad. (But I gotta say....we need to redirect all of that emotion into something good)

Good Luck and take care.

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Bobbie - posted on 10/16/2012

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It is a slap of reality that our job is done in the raising department. The next job we take on is the role of quiet home front support. That place they can come to the reconnect when they need to. She is actually doing what is expected of her. Absorbed in the business of learning and doing things on her own. I can't say I called on a regular basis, still don't. My daughter is now 30, my son is 27 and we are extremely close. Still the empty nest was a doosie to muddle through and keep myself from calling.

Remember that smile you placed on your face and that fake confidence of not worrying when you dropped her off for her first day away from home? That is going to come in handy again as you surf these new emotions alone. Being her support without making her feel guilty for not thinking to call. She needs you to still put that smile in your voice and be excited for her, no matter how down you feel. She wants your permission to let her make you proud

Linda - posted on 09/26/2012

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Hi Birdie,



It's very hard, I didn't think it would be so hard. You need to keep yourself busy, either with work or activities that you like. He probably misses and "needs" you more than you know. Like I said, my son didn't call a lot unless it was because he wanted to come home (at first) or yeah, he needed something or had a question about his schedule or something else.



I called him a lot the first year, and sometimes he would call back or text, sometimes not. Then sophomore year, I didn't call as much, only unless I had to. Then he called a lot more, and not just because he needed something, he called and told me what was going on with his life, and he really wanted to talk. My advice, when your son really wants to talk, he WILL call. Just give him his space now. I know it's hard, but it gets better. As soon as you get to Thansgiving, it DOES get easier.



Let me know if you have any other concerns. :)

Birdie - posted on 09/26/2012

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Mine has been in college a month and I've had a similar experience. I'm heartbroken and sad and dealing with all kinds of emotions. My son will text occasionally or call (if he needs something). But it is hard to not be "needed" or missed (on my end).

Linda - posted on 09/18/2012

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It is hard when they leave for college the first time. She will respond when she has time and when she wants to. My son just graduated college in May. I used to call him a lot Freshman year, and then I realized he was calling on his own when he was sick, needed advice or just wanted to talk. So, after that I only called when I absolutely needed to. Sometimes I would hear from him a few times a week, other times I may not hear from him for a whole week. This is her first time on her own. She will be alright. It's easier for them to adjust at first if they "aren't" calling home all the time. Once you get to Thanksgiving break, it gets a lot easier. The time goes very fast. But, don't just wait for her to come home. If you work, pour yourself into your job, if not activities; something fun just for you. She will leave home someday. So, this is a good chance to start preparing for that day.



Good Luck!

Linda - posted on 09/18/2012

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It is hard when they leave for college the first time. She will respond when she has time and when she wants to. My son just graduated college in May. I used to call him a lot Freshman year, and then I realized he was calling on his own when he was sick, needed advice or just wanted to talk. So, after that I only called when I absolutely needed to. Sometimes I would hear from him a few times a week, other times I may not hear from him for a whole week. This is her first time on her own. She will be alright. It's easier for them to adjust at first if they "aren't" calling home all the time. Once you get to Thanksgiving break, it gets a lot easier. The time goes very fast. But, don't just wait for her to come home. If you work, pour yourself into your job, if not activities; something fun just for you. She will leave home someday. So, this is a good chance to start preparing for that day.



Good Luck!

Sharon - posted on 09/17/2012

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Our daughter went to school and lived in Chicago 40 miles away from us. Living in the city, we insisted she text us good night just to know she was OK. We told my son the same thing now that he is studying in Honolulu. My daughter was really good about it, my son does his best, but if don't hear from them, they know they will hear from me until they do. I tell them that they don't have to have a conversation, just want to know that you are still alive and kicking. I also remind that I pay for the phone that they are using and its main purpose is so I can get ahold of them. It is hard when they leave, I had hard time leaving my son in Hawaii while I came back to Illinois. He was in his junior year so he was already had done two years near Chicago. I see on Facebook and some conversations that we have had that he is doing well. Hang in there it does get better.

Wendy - posted on 09/17/2012

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yes this is normal. Went thru the same thing 3 years ago and there is hope-it will get better. Remember, the colleges keep them very busy with activities in the beginning so THEY won't have a chance to get home sick. It's extra hard with girls becasue you are always worried about safety issues. Try to touch base with her every 2 to 3 days and short texts just so you know she's ok, but don't turn into a stalker!!

Kathy - posted on 09/17/2012

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I am a mother of 5, and my youngest just graduated this past spring, I can say with all certainty, This is perfectly normal. You have spent the last 18 years watching over and worrying about your daughter. It is very hard to ease up on that. It is just like it was when you let her go to school the first time. It became comfortable.Tthe same thing will happen here. Remember that this is a new experience for her, too. I am sure she is very busy right now and keep in mind that most colleges also have a lot of structured activities for new students to help get them used to college life at the beginning of the year. If you had a good relationship before she left, there is no reason to think it will be any different now. Just allow time for the new relationship to develop and enjoy watching her become an independent woman.

Julie - posted on 09/06/2012

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Nope that is what happens They find their freedom and they forget you in a heart beat. You won't hear from them unless they need something from you You know money,, or the trouble they got in for underage drinking or their pregnant those are the only time you exist

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