"Empty Nest"

Claire - posted on 09/18/2009

Same here, half my life has been taking care of kids! How do I stop NOW!

Sandy - posted on 09/15/2009

Hi Melissa,
I so agree with you...It is so hard! I am a single mom with the one child a boy. He started his first year of college on August 17th, At first he was liking it okay. Although that has changed and today when he left it was hard to encourage him to go. I told him to hang in there through the first semester. Then explore his other options after that, which will mean he will accept one of the baseball scholarship that was offered and move a long distance away. UGH!!!! At least now he is only 2 hrs away (one way) so it makes it a little easy with him coming home on the weekends. It just seems so overwhelming ...for today at least.

Sandy

Lori - posted on 09/09/2009

We moved our daughter down to college a few weeks ago and it is hard getting used to an empty nest. We have always been so close and I spent a lot of time volunteering at her high school and always loved going to her activities. We also have two sons, one a junior in college and one in the military and I missed them when they left, but we still had one at home so it helped. I also miss the houseful of friends that she had over all the time.. the quiet house takes some getting used to. I do console myself for now thinking of the long weekends and holidays when the kids will be home, but it is sad knowing that this part of my life is over and it will never be the same again. Maybe we just have to take some time to grieve that loss before we can move on and refocus on this new phase of our lives and our relationships with our kids. My husband and I have drifted apart through the years too so now I too find myself kind of at loose ends. I'm going to try to focus on the positives and just take it day by day...it does help knowing that others are feeling the same way though. Thanks for that.

Laurie Ann - posted on 09/07/2009

Hi all, I feel the empty nest pain, my oldest attended community college and lived at home for two years. Now she and my youngest have both gone away at the same time. My oldest is only an hour away but my baby is 6 hours away. Thank goodness for SKYPE it helps to see them! The financial strain of 2 in school and a failing business has made my husband and I two angry people sharing a house. I feel empty, alone and terrified of the future, I know that God has a plan I just wish he'd let me in on it! All we can do is pray for our kids and trust that we did our jobs as moms and all will be ok.

Kate - posted on 09/06/2009

I know what your going through except I am a single parent and my only daughter is a freshman 3 hours away. I had a very busy life when she was in high school with cheerleading,lacrosse,and field hockey i loved going to every school or sport thing she did. And now I have nothing to do. Because she was and is my whole life! She's been gone for 3 weeks now and I just look forward to when she comes home and go through my days lonely just be lucky you have a husband to spend your nights with I have 2 dogs,3 cats it's not the same!!!

Catherine - posted on 09/05/2009

Hey moms...how about helping out some of us overstressed single moms in your communites. Some of us would love the help of a "surrogate" mom and dad with our children. I would appreciate connecting with another adult during her events. We could be my daughters personal cheering section. There are tons of volunteer opportunities available for empty nesters. How about coaching, or tuitoring, car pooling to sports events, etc. You could be such a wonderful resourse for working single moms and for single moms with children in different events with conflicting schedules.



Don't look at your empty nest as empty look at it as grandkids to be training. Just a thought.! Catherine in NJ

Victoria - posted on 09/03/2009

My oldest just graduated from college that was 4 hours away and is now in graduate school 10 hours away. My youngest is in her 3rd year at college and just got engaged. I'm happy that they are doing what they need to do and I miss them. Luckily, my hubby and I are starting to get back into things that we did pre-kids. Kayaking, long walks, and believe it or not... playing Wii. We've been having a great time trying new things. Although we are doing more things together, I miss the kids. Since the oldest has moved away - and taken ALL her stuff, I've been re-doing the room into a nice guest room and a bunch of projects around the house. Got a part-time job. I've been trying to make the house "green". Been trying to make "healthier" meals while adapting to the smaller portions. TALK with you friends.... everyone feels the same way and it feels great to be with friends.

Janice - posted on 09/03/2009

I am going on my second year of my youngest being gone and it is still hard. It has gotten better but I still miss her and all the stuff I had to do for her.

Rona - posted on 09/03/2009

Lori,

Try to think about how wonderful it will be to have a child who is successful. A child that leaves home to further his career opportunites and grow as a person is a reflection on you. I have to believe that too or I'll cry myself to sleep, as my youngest just left for college 1,000 miles away 4 days ago. Good luck to you.

Lori - posted on 09/02/2009

Melissa,

I'm wondering the same things. My only child is leaving for college next week. We've always been very close, and honestly, my husband and I are more like roommates than spouses. I start to cry every time I think of her leaving. I could use some advice, too.

Rona - posted on 09/02/2009

I know exactly how you feel. It is day 3 of my "Empty Nest" life. The quiet is both good & bad. I guess we have to keep busy with other activities and look forward to visits from our adult children. Our relationships with them have changed forever. Now when we are reunited, we will have a greater appreciation for each other and all that we have shared growing together as a family.

Bernadette - posted on 08/31/2009

I seem to be on both sides of the fence. I was looking forward to her going off to college. Because that was what i raised her to do. But now what am I to do with myself. The last two years most of my schedule centered around her plans. My husband said now we can concentrate on us. But how much concentration does that take. I was put 100 percent into being a good wife. Bernadette

Susan - posted on 08/29/2009

You could help at the local school, setup a network of mum's from your son;s college who are feeling the same as you,go back to school yourself.

The list is endless and i'm sure your son will, feel much better knowing you are getting on with things and enjoying life

Regards Sue

Cindy - posted on 08/28/2009

Hi Melissa, My one and only son starts college on Monday. I am so very proud of him. He has Aspbergers and Type 1 Diabetes. So he has been a lot of monitoring. Currently he is living with him Grandparents (long story). The just of it he knew he would be given the space he needed to develop strong independent skills not living with me the overprotective control codependent. So I have filled my time with work, church, ministries and lots of time with my husband. If you are involved in your church or a community group, there are plenty of Mom's just like you that need something and someone to chat with, reach out.

Janet - posted on 08/26/2009

Just sent my "only" off to college -- and tomorrow I'm volunteering to help with Senior registration day at his high school! I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and helping out again. I'm also a teacher and know that most schools/teachers can always use volunteers--and they don't have to be parents of current students!

Susan - posted on 08/26/2009

I'm happy I could help Stephanie and please post your thoughts anytime... we all know what you are going through.

Stephanie - posted on 08/26/2009

My oldest boy just started college a week ago. I really wasn't upset the first couple of days. But the last few days have been horrible. I do have a 14 yr old (boy) at home, but he is in that distance stage. I do feel soo lonely - like I am not a part of his life anymore. We too, did everything as a family even though he was 18. We just made it fun for them and had their friends come along too. He will come home on weekends - but last one I saw him for about a total of 3 hrs. Thought I would never feel this way. But, Susan's post really gave me a good feeling and made me look at things a bit differently.

Susan - posted on 08/26/2009

Melissa, I remember the fall when my only child, my daughter went off to college. I was in the grocery store and I passed the brown paper lunch bags and I started crying, like a crazy person. This would be the first year in so many that I would not buy those bags and pack her lunch. But...after a month or 2, I got use to the idea...my hubby and I started doing lots of things together...dating again. I started thinking more about what I wanted to do that day, instead of what should I do that day for my family. It was good for me and definitely good for my daughter. Our kids deserve this time and so do we. I know it's hard at first but in time you will get use to it and realize this is the natural progression in life and the best thing we can do for our kids is get our lives going for ourselves.

Mary - posted on 08/20/2009

Yes, I miss the girls - I have two daughters. One just graduated from college and the other is a Junior in college - They have friends that I don't know and they call every so often. I guess, I have been sewing more, knitting more and I am going to expand my flower gardens. I'm reconnecting with my parents, too. Guess it just takes time. It does feel empty, though. But, need to fill the time with meaningful activites.

Mona - posted on 08/05/2009

In the fall our oldest will be starting college, our youngest high school. Then our seven year old doberman had to be euthanized because of bone cancer. I felt more and more alone. We just got back from putting a deposit on a doberman puppy. I'm smiling again. I have something to look forward to. I think everything is going to be ok.
I don't know if a pet will bring you the same comfort... just a thought.
I've also started a list of things I want to get into or do more. Example: going green, starting a garden, crocheting more...
http://moremilestones.blogspot.com

Patti - posted on 08/05/2009

Melissa~ we must have the same momma ticket. My oldest is 35 and on his own but he has specail needs i see him once a month to make sure he pays his bills. My middle is 25 soon and on his own place and comes by when he can't find more important things to do and my baby 21 just got married and she was my best friend. It is a very strange feeling. I did not do anything but lay around and mope for about 2 weeks after the wedding. How in the heck do figure out who you are after a lifetime of helping turn them into the wonderful adults that they have become. i know how you feel I am not adapting very well. I feel lost most days.

Linda - posted on 08/05/2009

I feel the same way I love all the school activities!

Carol - posted on 08/05/2009

Our twin daughters will be starting college in August. So I appreciate what you're going through. I suggest you spend time with friends, develop a hobby or interest, and reconnect with your hubby. Good luck!