Freshman homesickness

Patricia - posted on 11/11/2012

Debbie,

I don't know the answer to your question, but I'm hoping that things will change with time. I take one day at the time. I thought once she started college, my life would be boring. Not so much, I must be available to wipe her tears!!! It feels awful not to be able to do a thing!!! So, I pray and take one day at the time. One happy day is a well slept night for me... ;). Hang in there with her, it should get better.

Lori - posted on 04/24/2012

I hope it has gotten better. I developed a creative way to encourage our daughter when she left for college and experienced all those normal emotions. I created some greeting cards for her. I would love to share them wtih you for your daughter. If you want to see how they turned out...I put them on a website! All the best to you and your daughter, Lori

http://myseedsoffaith.com/

Bonnie - posted on 10/10/2010

Do you have Skype on your computer? I used to chat with my daughter when she went to university in France. That way we could see each other when we were talking. It really helped her (and me too as I was having a hard time and missing her). I also used to send her a card every week and also sent care packages of little things that she would need, or could eat. She looked forward to checking her mail every week and that also helped a lot. The card sending program I use only costs $0.62 a card, which is cheaper than the dollar store and it really helped her get through the tough times until she started making new friends. Write me if you'd like more info. on the system. It's amazing....you don't even have to leave your home to make her day!

Lesley - posted on 10/04/2010

I think the only thing that will help is time. She should slowly start to meet new people and get involved with school. Just let her know that you love her and are always there to listen.

Sending her little trinkets from home can make her feel like she's still connected. Like a picture of the dog, or some dried flowers from the garden, etc.

Just make sure she feels like you haven't forgotten her! I personally suck at making care packages, so I subscribe to a really quirky care package service (www.fairivy.com), and they send one to my daughter each month.

But like I said, you have to let her figure things out on her own, knowing she has your love and support!

Debbie - posted on 09/21/2010

Hi my daughter has just started uni and is so homesick and just wants to come home. She would be fine but she shares a flat with 3 boys and 1 other girl and the girl is nothing more than a bully to her and likes to show off in front of the boys and be horrible to my daughter in front of them. Another problem is that my daughter isn't a drinker where the others are and all they want to do is party she trys to join in buy isn't really enjoying herself. I have had her in tears sobbing on the phone that she wants to come home what can I do please help.

Bonnie - posted on 09/10/2010

My daughter cried the first week until she started making friends, then she loved it. She was still homesick and we talked every day, sometimes several times. It helped her grow into the young lady she is now. I need to add, that I too, had a hard time and missed her dearly. She is my one and only so I had to get used to Empty Nest at the same time. But we survived and life is great now for all of us. Our daughter is still close to her friends she met her first year, even though she moved to a different university the second year.

Bonnie - posted on 09/10/2010

I send my daughter care packages from home. Baked cookies, brownies or treats, and also things that students eat like Kraft dinner, soup mixes, licorice, etc. and lots of cards. She really enjoyed that and looked forward to getting mail every other week. It really brought us closer and made her feel special (which of course, she is). It's amazing to me that other Moms don't do this....her friends were so jealous, so I used to send them stuff too. All her friends call me Mom too. :) Try it. I even sent her cards and care packages when she went to university in France as she couldn't find the normal groceries that she was used to. That really helped, especially since she was so far away.



I use a great card and gift sending system. I just log onto my computer, pick a card and type my message, enclose a gift or gift card (if I want to - sometimes I just send a card), then click Send. The company prints, stuffs, stamps and mails the card and gift for me. (cards cost less than $1). Awesome....And, I don't even have to leave my home to I make her day even more special. If you want some information on the system I use, message me. I love it.

Cheri - posted on 09/09/2010

My daughter started collage here in tennessee but we see her everyweekend or every other weekend. She call home with end the frist couple of day with homesickness. Its hard but they will settle in and have fun and met new people and make new friends .Mine has already.

Pamela - posted on 09/09/2010

Most colleges have free counseling available as well. Check into that and make sure that she is aware of it. Her feelings may come and go, or she may have a bad grade, boyfriend breakups, friend fights, etc. so having that info handy for an added resource is a good idea.



My daughter just started at school 4 hrs from us and a friend she met there has already pointed her in that direction for if she needs it. Her and I are both struggling with the changes :)

Megan - posted on 09/08/2010

And now to a totally freaky twist.. LOL My husband just got a job only 2 hours away from Becca's school. We will be moving to Arkansas before her 1st semester is even over. Fate is wonderful sometimes.

Sherree - posted on 09/05/2010

Yay! Thank you Megan for sharing the good news!

Tonya - posted on 09/04/2010

She sounds like my daughter last year as a freshman...in another state. She has such an adjustment. It was almost all semester with the ups and downs, but by 2nd semester she was in full swing. This past summer she was ready to go back with only being home 2 weeks. It is great to see them grow and mature.

Megan - posted on 09/02/2010

Thanks Becky :) On a more recent update... LOL She is now to busy to talk to her poor mom much. I am so happy :) She is eating, sleeping and having as good of a time that she can and still get all that homework done. I am quite certain that she will not change schools at semester now.

Becky - posted on 08/31/2010

First tell her it's part of growing up and it is hard. When my oldest went 7 hrs away - AIM was most popular so every morning I would IM her a support msg - I tried not to talk to her but drop little mom notes on her AIM account. One day when I forgot she called me thinking something bad had happened - thats when I knew it had helped her survive.

Sherree - posted on 08/29/2010

Megan,

I am so glad that your daughter will stay the semester! Will continue to keep her in my thoughts:)

I agree with Ginny regarding topic of conversations and keeping an eye on Becca's facebook.

As your daughter hears in your voice the faith that you have in her, I would imagine that that will help give her confidence to succeed in her new adventure.

♥ Sherree

Megan - posted on 08/29/2010

Wonderful update :) Becca has decided to at least finish the semester. I am pretty sure that once that happens she will be there for the long haul. Thanks everyone !

Ginny - posted on 08/28/2010

My daughter was the same when she left for college last year. I was sure i was going to get home one day and find her on the doorstep. It was a tough transition. She cried every day for weeks... talk to her as much as you can try not to dwell on the homesickness... just tell her what you're doing... share your days... and hang in there... watch her facebook and you will see the change happen... one new friend at a time! It took about 6 weeks maybe a little longer before mine settled in but a year in she loves it.

Megan - posted on 08/27/2010

Thank you Sherree. No, nothing happened at school. We took her to her dorm and as we were leaving the tears started. 4 days of them. But on a more positive note I haven't talked to her much in the past 2 days. She texted me yesterday and told me she got a lot of "free stuff" LOL Razorbash is on. so maybe, just maybe she will be a little more receptive to going back.

Sherree - posted on 08/27/2010

Dear Megan,

I hope that you can encourage your daughter to stay at school. There is such potential for growth and happiness. Stay as positive as you can while you are having your heart-to-heart talk this weekend.

Just a quick thought - Is it possible that something has happened at school or is it truly about being away from home and on her own?

You and your daughter will be in my thoughts this weekend.

♥ Sherree

Megan - posted on 08/26/2010

Thanks Carla :) I am hoping she stays. I think she will be so very disappointed in herself if she doesn't. Then of course she loses a full semester and will have to work full time to get the money to go back.

Carla - posted on 08/25/2010

She needs encouragement to get involved in campus activities. Being homesick is rather common during the first month of college. My daughter and son (different years) went to a college 12 hrs. from home. They both stuck it out and by mid October loved it.

Sally - posted on 08/24/2010

I learned alot from a pyschologist who said it's not what happens to you in life, it is how you interpret it. That helped me tremendously. In a moment, it is possible to turn any situation "good" - it takes practice and can be a fun challenge. I taught my daughter to do it. Her situation can be wonderful if she has the courage to view it that way.

When I called my parents in college and cried, I treated myself like a victim and of course, continued to be one. They treated me matter-of-factly and did not give me tremendous sympathy. I didn't get any emotional "reward" for my behavior. Encourage your daughter to get rid of the victim mentality. Or as my 90 year old dad said, "Don't take no guff from nobody." It's time for her to take charge. She's your hero. Give her a pep talk. If you "baby" her, there will be no growth. (Easier said than done. I'm dying here after leaving my daughter in San Francisco yesterday. Ironically, I think, "If I hadn't taught her to be so strong, she might be closer to home." Ha!

Megan - posted on 08/24/2010

I hope so. I have encouraged joining a club etc.. but she shuts herself in her dorm room and cries. :( She plans on coming home this weekend so we can talk to her face to face. She wants to withdraw from classes and come home. I think that would be a big mistake. She will not be able to enroll in another university this semester. That seems to be her plan at the moment. Still, the one that she wants to change to is still 2 hours away, a much "lesser" school, but she has friends there.

Sally - posted on 08/23/2010

When I was in college, I experienced the same thing. A good cry is often followed by relief. And even though you are left reeling, it is possible that she is happy and in the company of friends alot sooner than you think.