Judy - posted on 09/16/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )
Please bear with me as I give you some background. My 18 year old daughter is a freshman in college. She has been calling me at least once a week begging to come home when her first semester is completed, work for a few months and then move in with friends in another part of the state for the Fall 2013 semester. My daughter is very bright. We informed her when she started high school that in order to go to college in her home state she would need to qualify for a scholarship. Our state gives students scholarship funding from 50% to 100% depending on GPA. We told her that we would pay the difference. She knew that if she didn't get the scholarship, she would have to go to Canada where she was born where tuition is cheaper. We were willing to pay for her college education 100% in Canada because it is more affordable than the US. She was well aware of this. Well, she was one tenth of a mark away from securing the scholarship. It was not due to inability. It was due to her slacking off. She admitted that she slacked off. She could have easily qualified. I can think of 3 subjects in her last year alone where she received a C for homework. Had she passed in the majority of her homework assignments, that alone would have been enough, not to mention if she had put even a little more effort into her studies she would have easily gotten her scholarship. She applied to a college in Canada and was accepted. She is presently renting an apartment with other cousins, also college students. She has a great support system and has many family members in the area, as well as friends she had previously met on previous visits. She is missing in her words 'the life she had'. She said college is not bad but she has not made many friends and she misses her own friends terribly. She does not like living with her cousins. Her plan is to come back after the first semester, live home, get a job, move in with her friends in the fall of next year in another part of the state, go to a community college to bring up her grades and then go to the college where her friends are. I have tried to give her a reality check in as gentle a way as I can. She needs to take responsibility for the choices she has made. As I said, she was well aware of her responsibilities if she wanted to go to college here. I hate to see her so miserable but I feel she has to grow up and face reality. The college she is in now has a great reputation. If she continues there she will graduate debt free. Moreover, we are not prepared to go back on our word with regards to her attending in her home state. She has had it very easy in the past and has not always taken responsibility for her actions. Am I being cold hearted and unreasonable. My daughter has always blamed everyone else for her misfortunes. I really think that she needs to mature and be thankful for the opportunities she's been given. I think that if she had a more positive attitude and really gave it a chance she would be fine but I don't know how to convince her to do this. It breaks my heart to see her unhappy but I don't think that letting her come home because she misses the social life she had here and her friends is reasonable. Advice please!