How to deal with a Rude and Disrespectful 21 year old??

Shelle - posted on 12/30/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Our daughter is 21. Just moved back home for a second time due to over 6000.00 in debt. Luckily caught it all before she lost her new car ect. Yes She is on her 3rd new car since 16. My issues are she will call us Horrible names with the "F" word, As well as her sister who is "19." She lives like a pig. We do not pay for anything for her but she has a roof over her head, food and medical.She just got a great job and I am "in charge" of her finances to get her out of debt. But her Nasty attitude has turned our home upside down. She has been a drama queen all her life but now her actions are being blames on Me(mom) as She never takes responsibility for her actions. And I mean ME NEVER!! She refused counseling as we are the "F'd" up ones not her. She has destroyed every friendship she has ever had, Because she is never wrong. Last night she flipped out and started calling me suzz words ect. I said I was going to "slap" her and she said "I a 21 just try it B***H! I am out of options on how to deal with her. I will give her credit for working 60-65 hours a week. But Not for her horrendous attitude. I would appreciate advice!

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Teresa - posted on 01/20/2014

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Show her unconditional love but this does not mean letting her abuse you or the family. Set some rules or tell her she must leave. Tell her you will help her find places in her budget but that if she is staying there and 21 she will abide by family rules. Set some rules of respect and if they choose to not keep to them then you love her but she will have to be independent if she wants to make up her own set of rules. Let her leave her room as she wants ( pig) but that she must keep public areas clean and do her own laundry or you can help her go apartment hunting. Don't just threaten but if after the rules are laid down, she doesn't want to abide them then help her with a budget and start looking for a place. If she sees where she can afford to live she might be more appreciative. Praise her for working hard but don't give in to the abuse.

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