How to deal with kids that are very demanding with life in general.

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Cindy - posted on 11/14/2008

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Dealing with demanding kids, takes patience. If you have always given in to demands then it is your behavior that must change. You must be strong and start making their demands their own problems. If they are to be productive, cooperative parts of society in the world of work and in relationships, then they must learn the word NO. Life will deal that to them and we cannot keep paying their way all the time. If we keep giving them a "FISH" they will only eat for a day. Instead we must "Teach them how to Fish" so they will eat for a lifetime!

Lynn - posted on 03/20/2009

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SIMPLE...IF THEIR GROWN...LET THEM B GROWN... N MOVE OUT....THEN C IF THEY  STILL WANNA B GROWN!

Anne - posted on 03/18/2009

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Hi, THere is a book called "Boundaries"  I can't remember who wrote the book, but I know it would help both of you, Tin and Monia. Make NO MISTAKE once you read this book and put into place the the boundaries you need for your family it will get WORSE before it gets better! BUT it will get better. Our oldest went through a rough spot about 3 yeas ago. (It seems like a life time ago) I had NOt been good with boundaries in our two daughters childhood when it came to money. When our oldest decided that  staying our all hours of the night, skipping college classes (that we paid for ) because she was too hung over and did not want to go to church with us on Sundays. She finally moved out. She moved in with her boyfriend of 6 weeks. Yes she had only know this young man 6 weeks and she moved in with him. To make a very long story short my husband and I sent firm boundaries and with a lot of Pray and an accountability partner on my part we stuck to the boundaries. It was a terrible 6 weeks but she did decide if she wanted our help she would honor the boundaries. AT every turn in this experience;ce we continued to tell her we loved her and expected the best for and from her. It is now three years out from that time and just yesterday I was talking to her and she asked what we wanted her to do with the Security Deposit she was getting back from the apartment she rented last school year. She is also graduating with a great GPA and she paid for all of her tuition and books herself. Granted she is DEEP in dept. but she has learned how to budget her money and is now enjoying the benefit of her hard work. Boundaries are not easy to put in place and keep in place but they are worth it.

Lisa - posted on 11/02/2008

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Our college age kids are on the verge of adulthood. The time has come for them to learn that the world no longer revolves around them. Demands are met with their own determination to make it happen. While we are still providing their needs, we are no longer responsible for all of their wants. In the real world when you want something, you get a job and pay for it.

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Tammy - posted on 06/07/2009

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Being a single mom, my 19 year old learned that she had to work for extras. I am very proud of her, she just finished her first year of college and she worked part-time to earn her own gas money and spending money. She is home for the summer and has gotten a job and is looking for another, she also spends a few hours a week in a dental office since she is wanting to be a dental hygentist. She pays for her own cell phone and she even saved up to take a week vacation at the beach with her friends. I would actually love to help her more than I can, but I think her ability to maintain her grades and also be so self sufficent is leading her to be a very responsible young women after college.

Lisa - posted on 04/10/2009

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My own daughter wants to attend college out of state and got a scholarship to help with expenses. i have to remind her constantly that this is where she chose to attend and if local Community College is always an option if she doens't have enough money to come home as often as she wants.



I pay her tuition, room/board, cell phone, some clothes. After that, the child can get a job. She's legally an adult now - time to start accepting responsibility.

Dana - posted on 04/02/2009

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We must be mean... when my daughter was a junior in HS, she threw a fit about driving and phone priveledges and so hubby told her to get her own cell phone.... So she got a pre-paid phone, Paid $100. for her car a month and paid her insurance.



She is now a freshamn in college and her car is paid off, but she still has to pay for her phone and INs...she works 24 hours a week, is required to volunteer 2 hours a week at college, and is taking a full class load, she has to spend 3 hours a day in the training room (she is majoring in athletic training AND secondary education).



I still help her out with her checkbook and savings account. We set it up so that each paycheck (bimonthly) she gets $100. in her checking account, and the rest goes into her savings, (I keep track on a spreadsheet, and have it split into savings and bills...$100 goes twoards bills and the rest goes towards savings out of each check)



We started our kids early being responsible and having to pay attention to what tey are spending. She does still tend to be demanding but we put our foot down and make sure she understands why, if she really wants something she has to work towards getting it and prove that she can handle it.



(I also need to mention that she is 3 hours away and call me everyday at least once just to talk)

Stacy Atwood - posted on 03/21/2009

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Anne Watkins is right. The book "Boundaries" is by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I borrowed it from my pastor 5 weeks ago. It is a very good book. And I am with Anne, you have to give boundaries. I have a 19 year old daughter who is very strong headed. She is an honor student and she lives with her boyfriend. But my husband and I are trying to set the boundaries with her and she is struggling. Thank God her boyfriend agrees with us and honors our rules. She is starting to think alittle more like an adult and not a spoiled child. Pray and let God work in your kids. He has a plan for them all.

Monia - posted on 02/17/2009

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My daughter has started college this year, and is staying at home with us. This was a GREAT way for me to keep an eye on her studies, while she didn't accumulate any student loans. My issue is that she will NOT work on weekends, will not do any chores withought having a huge fight with her, and she still believes the world ought to bow at her feet. She used to be a hard worker in/out of the house, but all of a sudden the rules changed and ONLY for her. HELP!!!!! Am I the only one wanting to kick her butt?

Trina - posted on 11/23/2008

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I guess I've been fortunate. In highschool my daughter cheered, was in student govenment, keyclub and etc., etc. While in school we footed the bills but come the summer she worked and paid for her own expenses. (nails, hair, clothes, etc) We also had her put back money for during the year if she wanted to speed on her and her friends. Now in her second year in college. She still works during the summer to save up for spending money during the year. She takes a full 12 credit hours of classes and works 2 full days during the week to make her spending money. We give her money if she runs low but she doesn't like to ask so I know if she does then it's important.

Kristinn - posted on 11/06/2008

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My son wants every new gadget made, a car, plus the moon. Believe me, he is not afraid to ask repeatedly for anything he wants. He knows I mean it when I say no but he is so stubborn - never gives up trying. My other children are not this way. Must be just how this child is wired. He is to be headed for college soon. My husband and I have decided to look into a service abroad program for him (AFS). Spend a summer before college volunteering in a not so well off country. This is not to punish him but to teach him to appreciate what he has. It also looks good on a college application. He is up for it.

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I think sometimes they have to learn on their own Patience! Ouch! that word is painful. My oldest is very intolerant of things in life. Cause and effect still reigns true in most cases.

Darcie - posted on 11/01/2008

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I have begun living with the mantra that "my no is no and my yes is yes" I am a mom of 3 teenagers with one on her own and one getting ready for college, my son who is a gifted student tends to need more than my daughters, so along with him being gifted he also has his first girlfriend, which we have to remind him that school comes b4 that. It is hard but he wants to be an OBGYN and we have to stick to what we say....it is not always easy but we know in the long he will benefit from it. Good luck to ya

Pam - posted on 10/28/2008

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I'm on board with Tammy. Having their dad, my husband, tell them seems to have more umph than when I say it. I was more active when they were younger and now Dad seems to be taking his turn. I'm trying to enjoy it.

Tammy - posted on 10/28/2008

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I let my husband tell them "No!". He is much better at it and the kids don't seem to argue or even ask for a second opinion. I had to learn to set back and let him speak. Not easy to do but very effective.

Martha - posted on 10/27/2008

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What do you think is a reasonable allowance for a college kid - not including tuition, books or room and board - just for weekly extras and recreation expenses?

[deleted account]

I really have no reply , just sympathy. My youngest calls me from college almsot everyday wanting a new phone. This phone is only 259.00 and I will get a 70.00 rebate. No has been my answer every time, but he knows that no has not always been easy for us. We are deinitely reaping what we have sown. Good luck to you.

So do you have a son or daughter in college and where?



Lorraine

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