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How to get my 21 year old daughter to budget?

Dianne - posted on 06/13/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

She went to University 29 hours away from home in our home country of Canada. Her decision to go to this particular University was based on a boy and his promises. Needless to say he didnt step up to the plate. My husband and I gave her $2K to get on her feet and then probably another $1K when that didn't happen. She is alone there and insists she can get a good education there at a good cost. Long story short, she has an education fund that pays for her school related expenses and she is responsible for the rest. We warned her that the money was not neverending and finally had to cut her off because she was spending like there was no tomorrow. I feel we are doing her no favours by bailing her out constantly. She needs to learn to manage her money and live on her own as its by her own choice. My husband differs and we argue about this a lot. Case in point, he was to oversee her selection of a cell phone. He suggested something reasonable...she went whole hog on a blackberrry with unlimited and long distance. HELP! How do I get my husband to see that our daughter needs to grow up and learn to live on her own?

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Lenora - posted on 06/19/2012

I have a younger brother that expected my parents to pay for everything while he was in college. After college, they continued to help him with cars, insurance, etc., even though he had a job. My father finally told him he would have to stand on his own two feet, it was difficult. My brother now realizes that he would have never given up their help. My brother said it was the best thing that happened to him, he had to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. He feels better about himself and has learned to manage his money. If you have your parents money, you don't always make good decisions, but if you are spending YOUR money your thought process changes.

Dianne - posted on 06/14/2012

Thanks for your comments Francine. This is extremely difficult to say the least. I fear if we continue to supply the cash, she will never be set to live on her own. As it stands, she is living well and we are severely budgeted at this point in time.

Francine - posted on 06/13/2012

This kinda sounds just like my situation only I take your husbands role. I know that bailing my daughter out is wrong but I keep having hope that she will change. This week I tried to push her to get through her finals in college that didn't work out well. Tonight she had a project due that was worth a majority of her grade and she gave up to easy. Instead she was on the phone with her boyfriend who has no life goals. He didn't even graduate from high school. The poinl to my story is that I only ended up tonight upset with myself. As parents we have so much hope in our children but they clearly have to make their own mistakes. I think that if you give it a little time your husband will see for himself that he's doing her more harm than good. Once she sees that there's no more money coming in a light switch will turn on leaving her no choice but to get a job and budget her money. The more you guys give it to her she won't learn this. If you cut her off she will be upset for a little bit but she will get over it. Just sit back and watch. Prayer helps to