Cheryl - posted on 04/08/2010 ( 70 moms have responded )
My daughter is 19 years old & is a freshmen at a local technical college. She was originally going to school to become a deaf communications interpreter. To complete that degree, she would need to go to school less than 2 hours away from home. Her plan was to stay at home the first year & take the gen. ed. courses here, then move away next year, well now this fall. She didn't do so well her first semester in college, 1A, 2Cs & 1D. She retook the class she had a D in & isn't passing this semester either. She pays for school, we pay for books. If she gets an A in her classes, we reimburse her for each class. This semester, she skips class & says it's cancelled for random reasons. We never see her study at home, she is too busy with her new college friends. She met a guy, they have been dating for 2 months & she already talks about not going to college next fall, staying here, and changing her degree to become a CNA. Classes for a CNA take 14 weeks & she will have a full time job by the fall. Then she says the new boyfriend is thinking about going back to school too. So I ask for what; she tells me for his G.E.D.!!! He is 19 years old as well, has a 7 month old son, doesn't even have a high school diploma, works as a dishwasher at a local restaurant & SHE WANTS TO MOVE IN WITH HIM & A FRIEND! She has known him for only 2 months & is willing to throw her future away to be with him. We have a rule in our house that she couldn't get any more tatoos or piercings while she lived with us. When we made that rule, she had a belly button ring & a small nice tatoo on her left shoulder. We just think she is too young to tatoo her body with something that she MAY think is cool now, but will regret having in 10 years. We also have a 15 year old daughter & 13 year old son that we would like her to set a good example for. So for that purpose, we set rules. She has since gotten 2 more tatoos, one on each front hip bone....we reminded her of the deal. She apologized. Next, she pireced her nose, a small diamond, it was cute, but we reminded her again of the deal. She apologized, then was told be her employer to take it out. Ha! We were thrilled! Next, she got this huge inspirational saying tatooed across the middle of her back, it's probably 7" wide & 4" tall. We AGAIN reminded her of our deal & told her it was disrespectful to not listen to our rules. She also is allowed to stay out until midnight Sunday -Thursday nights & 2am Fridays & Saturdays. We have tried to be so accomodating & let her grow up & she just keeps pushing it. She comes home later than curfew constantly! She just says , I know, I'm sorry...then does it again less than a week later. This Easter she did go to church with us, that was great! We had a lunch reservation @ 1:00, but needed to change it to 11:00 to accomodate her work schedule, she had to work at 1:00. No biggy, we rescheduled with the restaurant, Grandma & Grandpa for 11:00. She drove herself because of going to work afterwards...she showed up at 11:30 & hardly talked to anyone! Then, the straw that broke the camels back, we were arguing about her moving in with this boy with no money, no future & as she was yelling at me I saw a tongue piercing! Another piercing!!! I told her I was done, she needed to move out. She has just pushed too far & we were done. I told her to come home & get her things & she was out.
Now we are almost regretting our decision because she is obviously staying with the boyfriend & we fell that we have pushed her to poverty. She has a part time job making almost $9 per hour, with anywhere from 25-30 hours per week. Her boyfriend makes less than that as a dishwasher. She will have a hard time making rent, not to mention paying to finish school. She texts her brother & sister asking if anyone actually misses her & tells them she misses them. She texted me today & asked for her sisters softball game schedule & still plans to try to make it to her games. So does she think this is normal? Did we do the right thing? Do we ask her to come back? Or do we let her grow up & hopefully learn from her mistakes, hoping she doesn't make such a bad mistake that it could affect the rest of her life??? Sorry this is so long, but I had to get as much info out there as possible so you have an understanding of what we have been trying to deal with the best we can. Advise, good or bad, I need some!