Learning to Let Go and realize that they are doing what we prepared them for . ..

Rachel - posted on 08/17/2012

Beth,



I am a reporter at the Deseret News. I am doing a story on the difficulty of parenting children while they are at college - how this transition alters the duties parents play.



I'd love to interview you for one or two minutes about the difficulties of letting your child go. I'm actually on deadline to finish this story by today, so the sooner the better.



I look forward to hearing from you.



Rachel Lowry

rlowry@desnews.com

801.237.2128

Billie - posted on 10/21/2009

IT is the hardest thing I have EVER done. First with the 22 year old ( married now 6 years) and the most heartwrenching with my 18 year old. Am so proud but there are days I wish they were little again. I have no clue what to do with myself now when I am not working. Bless you - empty nesters who made your kids your life and are now at the crossroad I am at now. This too shall pass.......

Sandy - posted on 10/06/2009

I am struggling with letting go also. I recently moved to Florida from Illinois. My oldest daughter lives here with my 2 grandchildren, ages 3 and 7 months. I had this opportunity and didn't want to pass it up. I was living with my 20 yr old son and my middle child had just moved back home with me after being in North Carolina for several yrs. She was willing to live with her brother and watch over him, in my absence. I would never ahve left him there alone at age 20, just so I could move to Florida. I am struggling with letting go of my baby boy. Everyone tells me he's an adult and I have to let him go. It's so hard. He was so sick when he was a baby. I guess I feel guilty for leaving. Maybe I should have stayed there with him instead of moving away. Maybe I'm not quite done raising this one. How do you know?

Beth - posted on 10/05/2009

Melia leaves for School again tomm. We have had a nice time for fall break. I never thought I would say that I'm ready for her to go back, but I now see that this has its good too. LOL. I will miss her, but we have gotten use to our routine, and she was like a whirl wind coming in and out all hours of the day and night. We laughed alot about her not being use to rules and us trying to establish new rules for this college women. anyway , it all worked out and its time for her to head back HOME as she put it. I thought I would die, but instead, we just laughed. Best luck with all of your kids.

Claire - posted on 09/21/2009

I so envy you! I will not see Sarah untill Christmas! I hope this time apart will bring us closer together. We still can talk on phone and computer but it's not like having her here. I have a feeling if she was here she would be with her friends anyway!

Beth - posted on 09/21/2009

thanks to all who have commented. I have enjoyed reading them and realizing that I'm not alone. Melia and I are doing great and she has been so sweet about checking in. and she called last night and is actually coming home for fall break. YEA>

Kel - posted on 09/19/2009

I guess I'm the mom that has given her son that space you're talking about. Sean turned 18 this year and is a freshman in college. He lives at home with me. I kinda thought he would want to get into the dorms his first year in college, but I can see it in his eyes, he probably wished he had. He really likes college life. No I'm not really strict with him. I realize it's time for him to spread his wings and do give him that chance to explore life on his own. But don't get me wrong...I still worry. I still tell him I love him and although he says he doesn't drink and I believe him...I still tell him not to drink and drive. And if by some odd chance he's ever in the situation, to call. I'm here. I'll pick him up from where ever. Everything my own folks hadn't said. Maybe it's because he is my only son, my only child. But I also remember what it was like when I was 18 and the freedom I wanted. I'm sure he feels the same way. We've really grown to become friends these last few years. And I like that.

Lynn - posted on 09/19/2009

Iv got a 16 year old daughter Kristie who started college last week but she still lives with me at home which is really lovely as with my 2 older daughter who moved out few years ago i missed them deeply when they moved out at a yoiung age to have there own children and set up there own lives and they remembered some of the advice i had given to them along the way of there lives and they hav been making there own mistakes too just like all of us do in life it is a big wrench when one of your kids do leave home its like loosing a part of your heart but there is also a part of you thinking i did my best in bringing them up and now is a time of adventure and everything in front of them to choose from which is a lovely though and so long as u let them know u are there from time to time and tell them always you love them they will always know they can always come to you for advice but the longer you try and keep the apron strings wrapped around them the more they will pull away and sometimes u may loose them all together if u cling to tightly but with my 16 year old daughter she is not moving out just yet but is talking about her near future and all the things she hopes to get and do b4 she is 18 and that is when she is planning on moving out but she says to me she will always b visiting and wants me to come visit her where ever she moves to and i know she will always b on the phone to me she is very independent now since the last few years and she is doing the pushing away from me now at the age of 16 to let me know she is capable of doing things on her own i know she got a great friend in her best mate sophie and she has a good head on her so i think this helps me not to worry so much which is good i still miss all of my kids being little ones but i do enjoy the freedom it gives to them now they all in there twenties and teenagers and its good to see them growing up into fine young adults what more can a parent say

Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

I have a son that is in his second yr. of college.He went to college at RIT last yr. and the ride home was hard I called him alot and he set up the camera on my puter so I could see for my self that he is still in one piece.we ate breakfast together like he was sitting at the table with me and he went over his day and how things are and how life was back at home.He did have his bestfriend there at the college in the same room but he grew up so fast and I still miss him everyday he is away.I was never thinking that this day was comming that I would be left behind till SR. year I counted the months of when he was going to move out and then counting the days when I would see him at christmas.His sister missed him also she had a hard time when he was away and then always asking when he was comming home.I have always lived for my children now I have all this time and do not know what to do with it.I have to let they make mistakes so they can grow up.He will call me if he needs help.He has done fine and I hope and pray that nothing will happen to him and that is all I can do.You will see the next yr getts better and the next but I will always be worried about him thats motherhood the part that I never thought would happen so soon.19 yrs fly

Claire - posted on 09/18/2009

I agree completely!

Kimberly - posted on 09/17/2009

I felt the same way you did, our son was our first child and we were together all the time and when he went to college, I thought may world had ended as I watched the excitement on his face the day he moved into his dorm, I had to look back at how my family felt when they sent me off to college, take lots of picture they will tell you thank you in the end and send gifts, because they will miss home they just won't tell you!!

Lynne - posted on 09/17/2009

my son went from boston to utah,hasnt called and is spending all his money????

Regina - posted on 09/17/2009

I feel this right along with you. My oldest left 4 weeks ago for college. The good-byes were heartbreaking and the drive home was tearful. But I knew this is what I raised him for. In the beginning we were talking on cell phone 5-6 times a day. He is now starting to get settled in and is only calling me once in a while. It sounds crazy but less phone calls are good because I know he is settling in.

Lynne - posted on 09/17/2009

when you find the cure let me no,im feeling the very same way since my son left xxx

Carolyn - posted on 09/16/2009

My son has been married for 5 yrs. in June. I still miss him, but I do not but in. He now has a house across the road from our house and he and his wife are expecting their first baby. I want to go over all the time. I know I still need to give them their space. Gladly they have asked me to care for the baby and of course I was so blessed and excited I could hardly respond with out exploding. I have learned that space is good and he has actually comes over when he misses me and that is the best feeling. Your friend was right trust that you have given them all they need along the early years and let them go. If you did things right they always come home and visit and in our case he actually had his dad as his best man at his wedding. Which is the greatest complement we could get.