Beth - posted on 09/15/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )
hey, my daughter Melia is 18, She is a freshman @ UNC Wilmington, It has been extremly difficult for me to let go . I thought that I had been through a death. She and I have always been unusually close. I have always been a Mom first, but she and I were also friends. Growing up with my child had its good and bad. I tried to be the best mom and teach her everything I thought I should. Only this past week did I realize that I did.
Hearing my little girl say, " Mom , you gave me the tools , now let me use them. " I love you , but you have to give me space to spread my wing. " I'm not going to be perfect and I will make mistakes, but didn't you tell me I would. Learning and growing are about this very thing. So many of us can't trust ourselves that we did a good job and don't want to let go of the reins, but If you truely love your children we have too. I told my daughter , I love you with all of my heart. I trust you and I realized that she was right. I have to let go and allow her the space to grow. She is now surronded by 100's of new faces , cultures, and an environment all new to her. It's not personal when she doesn't want to talk, she's busy figuring out who she is , what she likes and doesn't., she's growing up and is no longer that little person who needs to tell us everything, or wants to know our thought about everything. She doesn't have time to think about that mom or best friend that she left behind.
My dear friend said it best. " train her to miss you" just like you trianed her to sleep in her room , or without her bottle. Let them have space, they'll call you alot more, and tell you more too.
It's a rough journey, and some days are better than others, but what a joy to see those tools being applied, and to hear her say, hey I did this, but I want do that again, or Hey you prepared me for that one. I saw it coming. Let them be who you trained them to be.
Best of luck and my prayers are with all of us Moms and Dads who miss our kids and the ability to kiss and hug them everyday.