Letting GO!

Triny - posted on 03/17/2010

I have 3 grown children and I know how hard it is to let go. I don't think I have but am trying my hardest for my children's sake. I have said to my children that I cannot live their lives for them - that all I can do is be there, set an example but ultimately they will have to make their own choices because their future and life belongs to them. Just like we had to make the first step to walk on own we must ultimately grow up someday.
Good luck.

Sandra - posted on 03/14/2010

Both of my sons still live at home and they work. My oldest son, 22 years old now, enrolled in classes at a community college right after high school and has taken classes at his own pace preparing for his future. His desire is to be a public school teacher in a high school. My younger son, 21 years old started working part time and going to school when he was about 16 years old, and now he has worked up to full time in a grocery store chain. My 21 year old occasionally mentions going to college, but seems very content in what he is doing to earn a living. I never pressured either of them to go to college, or to work, but allowed them to make their own choices. Both are very mature, and have their own friends, and are doing well. College isn't for everyone, and I believe the child/young adult should be allowed to decide what they do after high school. After all it is their futures, and if they choose to marry after high school or go to school or want both, I would stand in their way and I wouldn't have said "there will be no money for college if you get married first" because if you have the money or resources to help them, you should. Putting so many stipulations on them will drive a wedge between you and your children and that could be for the rest of your lives. I wouldn't want that.

Rachelle - posted on 03/10/2010

I am a mother to two adult sons. One is still at home, finishing high school, the other is in the Army. It is difficult to think of all my kids (3 in all daughter is 16) being adults. But I feel I've done my best and have become their friend as well as their mom. I know the oldest is doing well, but misses home. We all miss him! But he's doing his own thing and is a testament to good upbringing. He is getting awards and recognition and I know it's because we did a good job raising him. That's the best we as parents can do. Then we let them out of the nest, still close by if they need us. But yes, we have to let them grow on their own. I miss my boy. He is my firstborn and there's always a special bond with the firstborn. But I've found that the other two are just as well-rounded as he is. I expect great things out of them. And I know that all three can take care of themselves. They all know how to cook and clean for themselves. They know how to budget their money. They know how to make things stretch when there's just not enough money for all the fun stuff. So I know I've done the best I could.

I recently faced the situation where my eldest son was talking about getting married. I was worried about the girl he had chosen but was willing to accept her. It's not even that he was young or still in the military. It was her maturity. But I wouldn't stand in his way. As much as you love your kids, you've got to let them make the mistakes. You can counsel them as much as they'll allow, but ultimately it's their decision. She recently broke up with him and I am praying for him to find the right mate. That's all we as parents can do. Raise them right and pray for them constantly.

Geri - posted on 03/07/2010

Thank you! I know I am doing the right thing but I see all these kids at my daughters' college suffering! They say I am the coolest Mom ever just because my 19 year old daughter doesn't have to ask me about going anywhere or staying over someplace for the weekend! Their parents tell them no because they are mingling with the opposite sex! It just breaks my heart that their parents feel they can't trust them and call them liars - I have seen it and heard it! It is so sad that the parent/child relationship has gotten so out of hand!

Theresa - posted on 03/06/2010

Letting go is a must do - I personally think for every mom on the planet. You , realistically, cannot force your values. decisions / hopes/. dreams etc on the child. After all, we all had our time & yes, I am there for my son, when he ASKS. He does thank me for the help we both have given to him but letting go is a given. Helping is fine but not enabling.

Geri - posted on 03/04/2010

thank you so much! I am so glad i am not the only one! KUDOS to you too! :)

Debbie - posted on 03/03/2010

I agree with everything you have said and it is one of the hardest jobs a mom will ever have is letting her kids go,but they will grow and be better adults for this and will thank us in the end because we let them have the life they want and and so deserve,as like the rest of us....Good Job MOM