My 19 year old daughter wants to drop out of college

Tammy - posted on 03/26/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

3

3

0

My youngest daughter is in her second semester of college and has just told us she wants to drop out to join the Air Force and become a nurse. I just don't understand why you would leave college to become a nurse. Her fiance just finished tech school in the Air Force and is going to be stationed in another state than us and she says that has nothing to do with her decision. I just don't know what to say to her I am having a hard time accepting this. I am really upset with her fiance too, I think that it is selfish and imature to be okay with her dropping out even encouraging her.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jenn - posted on 11/11/2013

1

0

0

I am thinking this is not longer a blog site, as the last thing posted was in 2009, but I will see what happens...My 18 year old, very immature daughter in decision making, but not necessarily in other ways, want to quit beauty school 3 months into it, and she is so talented and a natural and I really want to see her finish. She is not a morning person, (which is typical for hairdressers, i know because I am one, and no this is not my dream for her, she is the one who decided to go), she gets up at 7 to leave at 8 and has to be there at 8:30....I know things are different these days, but when I was 18 I worked for a Doctors office and was very responsible about getting up on my own etc...she needs me to literally pull her out of bed, she sleeps thru all alarms no matter how loud, and makes excuses why she can't go at least one day a week! and of course I have to drive her since she doesn't have her own car yet, so in one way I would be ecstatic about that, but I do want to see her pursue this...she also wants to be a singer someday but keep telling her she needs something to fall back on. My oldest dropped out of college with 2 months left! he would have had his Associates degree along with a diesel mechanics degree, I am so frustrated and feel like a failure of a Mom, and my husband is too passive about it all...please help, any ideas to help keep her interested?

Beth - posted on 01/01/2014

7

0

0

Hi Jean,
Your daughter needs some help to develop some internal motivation. I think her goal of becoming a singer is great. And so is having a 'ticket' that will help her earn money as a hairdresser. There's so much she can do with the hairdressing ticket to earn money, and to help her network in the entertainment industry if that's something she's willing to go for.

What is she actually doing with respect to developing her career as a singer? Does she take lessons? Get gigs? Is she in a band? Has she connected locally and online with people who are making this dream a reality?

It's not our job as parents to 'burst their bubbles', but we can help them connect with people who can provide them with the realities of the jobs/careers they'd like to explore. Success doesn't come from dreaming, but in taking action - and in learning that success requires work and failure, etc.

I'm just about to post a promo here about a new book I've written that's free to download from January 1-3. It's called 'Future-Proof Careers: Expert Advice To Help You Guide Your Young Adult Towards Life/Work Success'.

You can also get access to 5 of the interviews I carried out for the book. We talked about 'kids today' and some of the challenges we face in getting them oriented to the realities of the work world.

You can find the Amazon link and the instructions on accessing the bonus material here: http://futureproofcareers.com.

I wish you luck!
Beth

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

12 Comments

View replies by

Lynn - posted on 08/01/2009

12

10

0

Unfortunately this is her decision since she is over 18 but, see if she will let you meet with the recruiter to see what options are available to her while she stays in college. ROTC or reserves. I was an Army nurse but I got my nursing degree and went into the army as soon as I graduated from college. It is so much better to go into the military as an officer once you have the degree. Try to find a recruiter or life counselor that will allow her to weigh all the pros and cons before she signs any papers. The military is not as easy to drop out of as college is if she changes her mind.

Kari - posted on 07/08/2009

1

13

0

I think that it is her decision and you should back up what she wants to do.
Only she knows what is right for her and she is an adult now. We as mothers want
what is best for our kids and it hard to sit back and let them make decisions but
that what we need to do so they can ... live and learn like we did at that age.
We need to realize that we cannot rescue our kids anymore unless they want
us to.

[deleted account]

Quoting Tammy:

Thank you all for your kind words. Samantha has decided to stay in college after spending two days taking test and physicals and being treated like a number she has decided that the military is not the life for her. Again, thank you all


This was probably the best thing that she could have done - going and taking the ASVAB and the physical. But (and you don't have to tell her this), how they treat you at the MEPS stations is NOT how they treat you when you're active duty.

If she's still interested in being in the AF after getting her nursing degree, she'd be able to go in as an officer and not enlisted.



I can tell you that serving in the armed forces is a very rewarding experience. I was active duty Army for 3 years after spending 4 years in college.

Susan - posted on 07/06/2009

4

1

0

It is a devasting decision if your child wants to quit. You must understand, it is their life. My oldest didn't want to attend college. I made him go for one year, he joined a faternity and stayed drunk. He finally sat down with me and told me that he didn't enjoy academics. He wanted to go to the local tech school. When I backed off and let him do it his way, he was very successful. He finished school and is now happy in his career. He was miserable my way.

Tammy - posted on 04/26/2009

3

3

0

Thank you all for your kind words. Samantha has decided to stay in college after spending two days taking test and physicals and being treated like a number she has decided that the military is not the life for her. Again, thank you all

Donna - posted on 04/26/2009

6

7

1

My 19 yr old daughter has only occasionally expressed an idea of taking a quarter off from college, but she knows that she has to stay full time at least 5 months out of the year if she is to maintain the health insurance with my employer. So, at least I might have her in college until then.

Melanie - posted on 04/24/2009

2

10

0

That is my worst nightmare brought to life. My daughter is in her first year at college studying for her nursing degree. She is currently "dating" a young man who is active duty reserves for the Army. I am pro military and believe there as many opportunities for those who enlist to serve their country and there are for those who chose to pay for college. It is all a check and balance. I agree with the Mom who said that you daughter needs to show you how she has thought this out. What are her long term and short term goals? How long will it take her to get her degree when she's working full time for the Air Force? My thought is...probably twice as long as it would going to college full time.

My daughters plan right now is to get her degree, put in the one year with a clinic, and then joining the traveling nursing program. This will allow to make enough money in the two years following college to pay for her student loans as well as to put away some money for her future. All of this will take her to age 26. In this mom's opinion...that is the perfect age for settling down with a husband and starting a family. We have the rest of our lives to be married...right?

If I had it to do all over again, I'd wish to be as smart as my daughter and know what my plan was.

Good luck to your daughter and may God Bless her in her decision.

[deleted account]

Of course it has everything to do with her plans . You need to sit down with her and ask for a detailed plan of how she is going to accomplish this, where she's going to go and live and how she is going to pay for it. If she has worked out all the details there is not much you can do, but if its just pie in the sky she wants to be with him, she needs a reality check. She will get a much better deal if she goes in with a nursing degree, and it will be a shorter stay.

Tammy - posted on 03/26/2009

3

3

0

Quoting Carla:

I would be devastated if my child wanted to drop out of college. Your daughter is 19 and although she says her fiance has nothing to do with her decision, it sounds like he does. I can understand her wanting to become a nurse and good for her; at least she is pursuing a career. My heart goes out to you. Unfortunately, not until later in life, will she know if this was the right decision.


Thanks. I can't believe how much harder it is now that my children are all "adults".  They are old enough to make their own choices, it doesn't mean that they are the right choices.  So far she hasn't signed anything. 

Carla - posted on 03/26/2009

2

5

1

I would be devastated if my child wanted to drop out of college. Your daughter is 19 and although she says her fiance has nothing to do with her decision, it sounds like he does. I can understand her wanting to become a nurse and good for her; at least she is pursuing a career. My heart goes out to you. Unfortunately, not until later in life, will she know if this was the right decision.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms