My 21 year old daughter is mean and disrespectful to me and I'm not taking it anymore!

Karen - posted on 03/30/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a 21 year old daughter in college. She has a part-time job, however, I pay her utilities, cell phone, gas, tuition, books, etc. She is an only child and I have created a monster by giving her everything she wants. She is totally rude and disrespectful and speaks to me any kind of way. She yells at me and tells me that she is grown and that I'm a college drop out. I told her I may be a college drop out, but I go to work each day so that she doesn't have to be one. She yells at me over the phone and hangs up in my face. I was at work the other day stressed and crying from all of this. Her dad does absolutely nothing for her, but he gets all the love and respect. I don't understand it. She called me the other day and said she was going on a trip for Spring break. I told her that she could not afford a trip and, if she can afford a trip, then she can afford to pay her own bills. That's when all hell broke out. We have been battling over the phone for 2 days and I have decided this is not worth my stress and unhappiness. She said some horrible things to me yesterday that has made me decide to cut the financial strings and let her do this thing called "life" on her own. She makes enough to pay her bills, but it's the extra things like clothes, nails, hair etc, that she can't afford. Therefore, mommy comes to her princess rescue. No more! I told her to sit down and do a budget in order to live within her means and get a second job if necessary. There are plenty of college students who work and pay their own way. My daughter has never had life hard, and I think I have given her a false sense of how life really is. I make a 6 figure income and I live alone and have the means to provide a nice lifestyle for an only child. She knows this and has no appreciation for what I have done for her. I am feeling really bad right now because I know now that she is going to have to struggle, but after the way she treated me yesterday, I know now that it's time for tough love. Is it okay to let her go and be on her own? I don't want to be a bad mother, but I'm so tired. Thanks

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Mary - posted on 07/10/2013

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Boy, how I feel your pain and agony!!!! Basically, I have closed "the Bank of Grandmother."? Like you I have the means to help her financially but there is no joy in aiding a 17 year with this kind of behavior. Her mother and younger sister are basically the same way but until recently have not been so opened with this type of behavior. I have determined that I will make changes in my will. My son has ask me to please give this some time. He sated that he feels he has lost his family. i only have the two. I will do that... However, I do think because I have not spoken up to try to keep the"peace" all of that family just keep getting more and more rude with their hand out!

Sofia - posted on 04/11/2012

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Karen, I think you already know the answer to your question. We dont need to answer you to validate what you already know you must do. But I know that us women must vent and we feel better after venting.

So yes, you are doing the right thing. She needs to grow up and realize life is not how she thinks it is. Unfortunately it will hit her hard, but so be it. Let it happen or she will not learn.

She is an adult and it is now time for you to take care of yourself and your needs. You have done your job. The rest is up to her.

Take up a hobby or go on a cruise with all the money you will be saving :)

Stephanie - posted on 04/10/2012

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Well you hit it on the head let her pay her own bills it's not worht the stress. You've provided for her long enough and if she can take a trip then she can take care of her own finances as well. Yes you spoiled her but did you also teach her that once she become an adult the changed. And if she claimed to be grown then every grown person I know takes care of themselves and don't have to go back to their parents for help. Yes it's gonna hurt you for a while not to be helping her. But she needs to learn a lesson that when you're grown you're treated as such. But also you need to put your feet down and let her know that she's to respect you. Ok you're not the first nor will you be the last to hafve her look up to her dad even when he does nothing. So my advice again is treat her like she's grown and let her take care of her own business when it comes to things she want and need. And stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself yes she spoiled her. But stand your ground once you let her know she's on her own when it comes to her finanaces.

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