My 21 year old daughter is mean and disrespectful to me and today I'm cutting her off!

Karen - posted on 03/30/2012 ( 124 moms have responded )

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I have a 21 year old daughter who is a junior in college. She is mean, rude, evil and just all out disrespectful to me. She yells at me over the phone and hangs up in my face. She has a part-time job, however, I have been paying all of her expenses. She just basically blows her money. After yesterday, I have had enough. She has said some pretty mean and nasty things to me that has brought me to the sad reality that my daughter has NO respect for me at all. Her father does absolutely nothing for her and he gets all of her love and respect. That's something I don't understand. It is my fault because she is an only child and I have basically given her everything she wants. She has never gone without anything her entire life. Well life is about to get real for this diva. I have made a very hard decision to cut the financial ties. That's the only ammunition I have and I'm using it. She wants to live the life of a princess then she needs to fund it. I'm tired of being the whipping girl for her. She doesn't understand that when someone is doing everything for you, that you owe them a certain level of respect. It's going to be hard for me to do this to her but maybe she will humble herself and wake up.

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Lisa - posted on 07/13/2014

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i have two daughters in their 30s.. i have been putting up with abusive emotional behavior from the two of them for years. no matter what i do i'm wrong to emotional ocd worry wort. they snap at me about everything. i'm tired of it. its driving me crazy no matter how nice i am. what should i do?

Christy Lynn - posted on 02/04/2013

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And so you should. If she has no appreciation or respect for what she has haved handed to her, well, MOMMY GIVETH AND MOMMY CAN TAKE AWAY. We as parents are obligated to only provide proper shelter, food, and clothing ONLY TIL THEY REACH THE AGE OF 18. The law states NOTHING about providing our children with cell phones, expensive name brand clothing and such. Those things are a privilage not their right. My oldest is now 22yrs old but few years back this girl fell and bumped her head because she thought she would stand in my face and tell me what was what and how she did not have to respect me, consult me on anything because i was a stay at home mom who bartended part-time and her dad(my husband) pd. the bills. WOW? REALLY? That day she came very close to meeting her maker for i brought her into this world, cared for her loved her with all my soul, did the school plays attended all sporting events, sacrificed my necessities so that my daughters had what they needed and wanted and this little B was gonna disprespect me in this manner, No not happening. A few years have passed, she is more grown up much more mature and has a whole new level of respect for me. It really takes a parent being strong and sticking to our guns and convitions to get through life with THESE DAUGHTERS OF OURS. So make a stand, stick with your decision, and don't cave. Do not let you daughter mistake your kindness for weakness. Yes she may hate you(for a while) she may rant, rave, throw a fit, guilt you, and threaten to remove herself from your life but these are all tactics and ploys to get what she wants. People will treat us the way we allow them to treat us, AND THAT INCLUDES OUR CHILDREN, SPOUSES, FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Mel - posted on 08/03/2015

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Wow, reading these comments make me realize I am not the only one going through this. Whenever I see FB posts i.e. of Mom's posting their happy joy joy life with their 20 yr olds, I cannot help but feel so sad that I don't have that closeness with mine. We used to be so close and I was her everything. Now it is like one here said: I feel like any interaction with her is a bother to her. She laughs behind closed doors with her friends, on the phone etc, when she comes out of her room, she is serious and does not talk. When I text her, which i only do for important things nowadays, I get nothing at all or nothing for a few hours and then only a one word reply. We pay for most everything for her but just like the OP here, I am ready to cut her off. I wish someone would help me doing this, as I have no clue how. I don't want her to hit rough times, but I think that exactly is what will make them realize what they had or appreciate us parents. OMG, I am so hurt and helpless with this. I wish my mom had made me harder. ....

Razia - posted on 04/03/2012

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I'm was also going through the same problem. Im in my fifties. My daughter became disrespectful from the time she met her boyfriend. But as far as her father is concerned, he is giving me full support. My daughter works in a BPO where she met her boy friend. She has stopped her studies, spends all her money on shopping and other useless things. She doesn't turn up home at nights of her weekly offs.

I used to be very disturbed with all this happenings. And more worse her younger sister has also started following her living style. Both my husband and me have tried our level best to reason out with them but to no avail.

Now I have put my foot down. Enough is enough.I have asked both the girls to get out of my home live on their own.Now they are on look out for an accommodation.

They can lead their own life and learn from the mistakes and my husband and me can live in peace and try not to think about them.

Aida - posted on 04/05/2012

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I found this on my facebook page this morning and I thought it was fitting for your situation!



Sometimes when you give up on someone,

it's not because you don't care anymore,

Bur because you realize they don't!!



Good Luck

124 Comments

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Suzie - posted 3 days ago

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My 30 year old daughter acts the same way. I have written her letters, got up and left her house, tried to talk to her all to no avail. I have finally decided that she is a narcissist and I really want nothing more to do with her. She is one of the meanest, most self centered and entitled people that I have ever known. Is all she cares about is her self and what goes in her pocket. She uses and abuses her husband. I know I spoiled her and gave her everything that I never had, but her behavior has gotten worse and worse. She doesn't care about how I feel or how cruel she is. She will lure me down there with promises of gifts and fun and I will usually take the bait and drive for hours to go see her. She will maybe take me out to dinner or buy some gifts all the while she is degrading, insulting and humiliating me about anything and everything. I finally wrote her a dear john letter and I meant every word of it. I tried to be polite with everything I said. I knew that she wouldn't respond because she just doesn't care. I still love her as a daughter but I cannot stand her as a person.

Theresa - posted on 11/13/2017

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I have a 21 yr old daughter got pregnant her senior year but she did graduate ( I deserved a gold medal for that) She has had a great life went to her plays, sports, she is the youngest of 4 but to be honest they all suck. I feel so awful saying that. each one I tried to give a better life than I had The first 2 I was finding my way not so great at times divorced then married mt best friend 23 yrs. My daughter is a complete DEMON, DISRESPECTFUL, THINKS SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING... Very STUBBORN . I have a career I'm a Realtor so she needed me for her son they live with us. She never say's goodbye to me just expects free care for now her 2 yr old which also is a DEMON. All I ask from her is to clean her room and pick up after her son.. BATTLES she refuses her room is disgusting and she could care less. I like my home clean but I understand about my Grandson but no respect at all for me or my husband. My husband wanted to throw her out many times but I said no because the love I have for my Grandson. SHE KNOWS IT AND SAID TO ME ' You won't do a thing because of him". Well I am happy to say I gave her to spring told her she will get out I will be finding her a home for her and boyfriend. She has no idea about the "REAL" world. But I'm happy she is going the abuse is ridiculous. I'ts damn hard being a mom. I think most animals have it right they raise them a then they let them go. I never thought I would feel almost a hatred for her. I love her but she is a very abusive person I hope one day we will be close. You're not alone. Prayers for you and me. Time to let her go and experience reality.

Theresa - posted on 11/13/2017

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I have a 21 yr old daughter got pregnant her senior year but she did graduate ( I deserved a gold medal for that) She has had a great life went to her plays, sports, she is the youngest of 4 but to be honest they all suck. I feel so awful saying that. each one I tried to give a better life than I had The first 2 I was finding my way not so great at times divorced then married mt best friend 23 yrs. My daughter is a complete DEMON, DISRESPECTFUL, THINKS SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING... Very STUBBORN . I have a career I'm a Realtor so she needed me for her son they live with us. She never say's goodbye to me just expects free care for now her 2 yr old which also is a DEMON. All I ask from her is to clean her room and pick up after her son.. BATTLES she refuses her room is disgusting and she could care less. I like my home clean but I understand about my Grandson but no respect at all for me or my husband. My husband wanted to throw her out many times but I said no because the love I have for my Grandson. SHE KNOWS IT AND SAID TO ME ' You won't do a thing because of him". Well I am happy to say I gave her to spring told her she will get out I will be finding her a home for her and boyfriend. She has no idea about the "REAL" world. But I'm happy she is going the abuse is ridiculous. I'ts damn hard being a mom. I think most animals have it right they raise them a then they let them go. I never thought I would feel almost a hatred for her. I love her but she is a very abusive person I hope one day we will be close. You're not alone. Prayers for you and me. Time to let her go and experience reality.

Malloyspring - posted on 10/29/2017

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My 22 year old daughter is pregnant 24 weeks and she not seeing a doctor because my insurance don't pay for dependency pregnancy and she kept telling me she was pregnant when she was 2 months but she does this before she likes to make up crap but 3 weeks ago she was showing and her boyfriend a good guy he works but their relationship was a lot of jealousy and he had trust issues but since she pregnant their relationship gotten better . I am raise one of my grand babies since she a week old by my oldest daughter she has Aspergers and the father a drug and druggy . But my daughter that's pregnant lives with me never moved out she not working and a real disrespect as heck she been this way way way before she got knock up . I am about really to throw her out . I pay her cell phone bill her car insurance on a car a bought and have her on my health insurance she lives here free . One one time being disrespected I shuting her phone off and taking my tag off my car and she got a problem she can go stay with her boyfriend mom and her boyfriend about sick of it .

Janet - posted on 09/21/2017

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That is good tour are not letting your daughter talk to you like that. How is that going? My 18 year old is an expert at guilt trips and makes me feel like i have been a horrible mother to her cussing and saying i need to reapect her like ahe is my mother or something. She says she is moving out and i told her i was Not going to take her verbal abuse anymore and do what she needs to do. So i was wondering jow what you did was working out because if she never comes back i have made peace with that because i cant live teying to please someone that is never happy.

Janet - posted on 09/21/2017

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That is good tour are not letting your daughter talk to you like that. How is that going? My 18 year old is an expert at guilt trips and makes me feel like i have been a horrible mother to her cussing and saying i need to reapect her like ahe is my mother or something. She says she is moving out and i told her i was Not going to take her verbal abuse anymore and do what she needs to do. So i was wondering jow what you did was working out because if she never comes back i have made peace with that because i cant live teying to please someone that is never happy.

Janet - posted on 09/21/2017

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That is good tour are not letting your daughter talk to you like that. How is that going? My 18 year old is an expert at guilt trips and makes me feel like i have been a horrible mother to her cussing and saying i need to reapect her like ahe is my mother or something. She says she is moving out and i told her i was Not going to take her verbal abuse anymore and do what she needs to do. So i was wondering jow what you did was working out because if she never comes back i have made peace with that because i cant live teying to please someone that is never happy.

Janet - posted on 09/21/2017

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That is good tour are not letting your daughter talk to you like that. How is that going? My 18 year old is an expert at guilt trips and makes me feel like i have been a horrible mother to her cussing and saying i need to reapect her like ahe is my mother or something. She says she is moving out and i told her i was Not going to take her verbal abuse anymore and do what she needs to do. So i was wondering jow what you did was working out because if she never comes back i have made peace with that because i cant live teying to please someone that is never happy.

Janet - posted on 09/21/2017

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That is good tour are not letting your daughter talk to you like that. How is that going? My 18 year old is an expert at guilt trips and makes me feel like i have been a horrible mother to her cussing and saying i need to reapect her like ahe is my mother or something. She says she is moving out and i told her i was Not going to take her verbal abuse anymore and do what she needs to do. So i was wondering jow what you did was working out because if she never comes back i have made peace with that because i cant live teying to please someone that is never happy.

Janet - posted on 09/21/2017

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That is good tour are not letting your daughter talk to you like that. How is that going? My 18 year old is an expert at guilt trips and makes me feel like i have been a horrible mother to her cussing and saying i need to reapect her like ahe is my mother or something. She says she is moving out and i told her i was Not going to take her verbal abuse anymore and do what she needs to do. So i was wondering jow what you did was working out because if she never comes back i have made peace with that because i cant live teying to please someone that is never happy.

Willie - posted on 09/02/2017

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I cannot stand my daughter. She's rude condescending selfish and I honestly think she's bipolar. She's so harsh and does the most disrespectful shit to try and get a rise and when she does then I'm the crazy one. The fuck is wrong with her? Damn I'm tired of dealing with it. Not to mention her dead beat ass dad. Fml

Andrea - posted on 08/14/2017

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OMG it is embarrassing, it is horrible I have been begging my abusive 7 year old to move out. She messed up in School got kicked out of the Nursing program, kicked off her Lacrosse team, fought with her dorm roomates then got a new apartment and the land lords wife would have screaming matches with my daughter. She couldn't renew the lease. Her BF and her broke up so she moves home and walks away from basically a free ride. She wants to start over and have me fund her. She is abusive, I made her go to therapy with me to stay at home. I begged her Dad to take her. We have been divorced for about 13 years. I was afraid to go home, she has woken me to feed her when she gets home at 10:00 pm and this is when I am home recovering from surgery. She is abusive to her little sister. She had me to the point I was going to have a heart attack and couldn't tell her enough to get the hell out of my house or shut up or get away from me, she breaks into my bedroom through my locked door. Once I couldn't shut it fast enough and lost the push war and have a hole in my wall. The best is I am locked another door down in my bathroom taking a shower cuase if she broke in she doesn't care if I am not dressed etc no respect. She had told me every day now I am terrible mom. She sends text when she isn't home that I am a terrible mother and she is home starving. She calls the police and gets in my face because I take too long to pick up food. I had a cancer scare and she told me to shut up until I got the biopsoy results on my breast and someone said I had cancer. I cried, her friend was there and I know shocked. She lies says I never bought her anything but one shirt. The single mom that did all I could to get her ugs, that said please tell me what you need I don't want you feeling like you don't fit in. I have worked two jobs so often. She says everyone hate sme, I have no friends, I am a terrible mother. yet her dad does NOTHING but go to her sporting events. So they decided lets take away my youngest from me so he can get money. he won't take her until he gets money. They both admitted this in therapy she said she only went until Dad got a court date. She has always been mean and disrespectful. Kicking me in the stomach when pregnant. Other parents telling her to stop. Doctors saying she has SB that is spoiled brat syndrome and stop playing your mom and dad against each other. This was of course the 300 session I had to pay for. Then the therapist that kicked her out for being too agreessive and breaking things. She had to live with her dad for a few weeks because she gave me a black eye throwing a shoe at me but throws it in my face that she lived with her Dad. She has driven me to the point of fear of being home. Fear of being in public with her it is so embarrassing. Fear of having to evict her because she won't leave. I found my self screaming at her to get out and get away from me she pushed and pushed till she could tape it. Then calls the cops then says THEY have been waiting for a court date and or taking my youngest away from me. She calls me at work a few times a week crying from the meaness of her sister. Everyone sees it and ask if I am scared of her. etc I told the police I was. It is sicking and sad. Her dad can't maintain his license or a car or a home for years and watch he will force me to sell my home and do what with the money. No one knows no one never knows just guessing gambling. He blamed his own neice from stealing jewelry from me. I find it a blessing if she would just get out and hope then at some point we can have a decent relationship. It is just so sad and sickening. I am afraid she is on drugs or mentally ill. They both are scammers and will get away with it. I have done everything for my girls and I pray my youngest survives and does well. I am proud that on my own I raised two girls to have high honors and do well. My youngest is by far one of the sweetest kids and her sister is jealous. I just had to vent. I don't know what to do I called the EAP program at work to get help with her and I am not getting it they think she is so sweet. My family is disgusted, my mother is going through cancer this year and you would think she could be a little more respectful. My mother asked me not to bring her to visit anymore it is too stressful. So let's see what a guy who couldn't pay child support for years or take care of himself does with all I worked for with my girls. He could of worked with me instead of thinking of another way to take someone's money. At least my youngest loves me and tells me so and is affectionate. I was warned when I was getting divorced but it just never stopped the anger it got worse...I just want peace....

I want peace for my youngest too. I still have hopes and dreams for my girls.

Gail Ann Le - posted on 07/29/2017

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If he pushes you and you hit the floor and crack your head open,maybe then you will move. Personally I rather get out before you get hurt.

Gail Ann Le - posted on 07/29/2017

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I feel for you , I have lost two children and my husband died last year. I have only my 21 year old daughter left. She's s beautiful girl an accomplished equation. I have no family she is all I have. The problem is if I say one thing she doesn't like she will go off on me she will call me a bitch the C word and say very hateful things go me. I'm so depressed as today the loss of my husband and children and she makes me feel like I have no one. My only happiness comes from my dogs and my horse. Lonely can't even describe my life.

Dixonjan - posted on 05/19/2017

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I have the same problem with my 22 year old who speaks with contempt towards me on most occasions....I am sad to see that I am not alone. I have loved and protected her...when I ask how she is able to speak to others differently she says "you're different". So, because I have loved her unconditionally I made myself her whipping post....NO MORE. Sad reality for me and I cannot imagine what a shock it will be to her, altho it will give her further ammunition to attack me. I am now numb from it, I need to re-claim my self respect.

Suavacita9 - posted on 01/08/2017

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I am upset and hurt by my 32 year old son. I went to the kitchen, and I made a joke with him and he got angry and I went to the bedroom and he followed me and he pushed me hard. I started crying because my sons know that 6 years ago I left a lifetime of domestic abuse. And I feel that he is verbally, emotionally, and can be physically abusive. He is bipolar and takes no meds. He told me to get out it's his apartment, I understand and I also pay rent here. He's disrespectful. And I live with him trying to save money to be on my own again. But, I bend over backwards for my sons. This is not the first time my son disrespected me or touched me. I know the best answer is to move.
Help. I don't know what to do !!!!!

Sadmom - posted on 12/08/2016

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Alita, I am so sorry for you - my daughter doesn't have children (yet) but I am guessing they would be used as pawns against me the same way. I physically, emotionally and mentally can not take any more. Her hatred is evil and unjustified. She says I never should have had children. Maybe she's right:( I enjoyed being her mom, until she became someone I don't even recognize. She has blocked me on facebook and changed her phone number so yes I say we are "broke up" for good. It will be a sad holiday season and I am grieving the loss, but life goes on...

P.S. I believe she has a Cluster B Personality Disorder (not clear which one and it doesn't matter). If you want to learn more about this check out flyingmonkeysdenied.com

Alita - posted on 12/05/2016

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So Sadmom - Were you really done being abused by her, or is it still happening ?

Alita - posted on 12/05/2016

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Brenda - Do you think maybe she is trying to look at you through the critical eyes of her peers to see if you "measure up" ? Or maybe do you think she got a boyfriend whose tastes she is trying to imitate ? Why else would foods that she always loved now become "disgusting" to her ? Or maybe she thought college life was going to be a certain way, and now she is angry that it is not the way she thought it would be. Maybe she feels inadequate to meet her new situation and is frustrated with herself - and takes that frustration out on you ?

Alita - posted on 12/05/2016

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Hi Sadmom. 29 days ago, I saw and spoke with my nasty, disrespectful, 33 year old daughter for the last time. I have posted here twice before about this problem on August 22nd 2016. You can read my situation if you want. But on November 6th, I'd had enough of her and her disrespect. I had stopped by her house on 11-6-2016, to visit my new grandbaby, born 10-15-2016, and the way my daughter acted finally became enough for me. I decided to let her go. I knew that this meant not seeing my grandchildren whom I LOVE - But I will not be disrespected by her anymore. This decision broke my heart. I was a basket case for days - shaking, sweating, having trouble breathing ... The anxiety was overwhelming but gradually I calmed down over a few days. I am noticing now, that time away from her seems to have cleared my head. I have realized that she is the only person in my life who has a problem with me. Other people are kind to me, and enjoy my company, and I really enjoy them too. It feels GOOD to be free of her presence in my life. There is a whole world out there for me to participate in, and I have a lot to offer. I can now see that I'm not the horrible person she treats me like. I don't HAVE to be sad and ashamed and perplexed by her cowardly nonsense anymore ( Yes she IS cowardly. I have done nothing to deserve her treatment of me. She is angry at herself and others, but doesn't have to courage to face herself and them. INSTEAD she takes it out on the safest person to hurt : ME !!! And that is what a COWARD would do. Cowards pick on the person who is safest - Well - she'll have to find someone else for that. Either that or she'll have to "man up" !!!) As I stay away from her, she feels the change and now is trying to reach out to me in subtle ways. Last night she sent me a picture of the baby. And for the past few days she has been posting happy smiling pictures of herself and my grand children on FACEBOOK. She doesn't ever go on FACEBOOK, but she is doing it now because she knows that I am on FACEBOOK almost every day and will see her posts. She is trying to touch me with pictures of my grand children. I enjoy the pictures, but not enough to contact her or get sad over them. I will mail the grand children's Christmas gifts this year. SHE will get NOTHING from me this year - not for Christmas nor for her birthday which falls the day after Christmas. I don't regret my decision. I'm getting my self respect back and am starting therapy, this evening after work. Letting her go is working well for me so far.

Sadmom - posted on 11/30/2016

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I just don't understand this, but it seems it is common? I has never heard this from anyone before and have kept my own sad situation a secret because I felt ashamed. My daughter was a great kid and we were so close until she was like 16 and then its been ten years of torture. She hates me, says the meanest things and tells me what a terrible person and mother I am. I was also devoted to being a mom and helped her through college, nothing was ever enough. She used to tell me what a great mom I was. I don't know what happened but it is the most painful thing I have very been through. I will never stop loving her but I am done being abused by her.

Brenda - posted on 11/06/2016

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I feel you 100%! My daughter and I have always been extremely close and her dad has never been around. She is in her Sophomore yr of college where I have let her get an apartment instead of the dorms and I am paying all her expenses. She used to truly appreciate all I do and beg for me to come stay weekends. Recently, even after she asks me to come, she treats me like I'm the crap on the bottom of her shoes! When I ask her why she is treating me this way her new "come back" is "Why are you here anyway?" I remind her that she invited me and she shrugs her shoulders, turns away and makes some ugly remark about how could she have been so stupid! I continually buy her groceries and lately everything I buy (the foods she's always loved) are suddenly disgusting and she informs me AFTER I've spent $200 that she's not eating the "crap I bought"! This is not like her AT ALL! I am at a loss and heartbroken as can be. Don't know how to fix what I don't even know I'm doing wrong!

Shannon - posted on 09/18/2016

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I also wanted to chime in about the single mom guilt--stop already!! I was an only child of a single mom and she didn't have to beg me to leave. I WANTED desperately to go away to college. I understand we live in tough economic times, but geez, what is up with all these grown adults not only freeloading, but being a pack of lazy, disrespectful bums?? I have a 20 yr old daughter who is immature, lives at home, doesn't do much of anything around the house, rarely pays rent, etc etc If I were a single mom, she'd be out the door, but my husband doesn't make her do anything and is just happy she's at college. Without a united front, I'm pretty helpless to change anything. So be glad you're not dealing with a husband who undermines your efforts.

Jean - posted on 09/04/2016

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NO single mom thing! I AM MARRIED 19 YRS ,. and still my odest 18 is disrespectful

Jean - posted on 09/04/2016

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I hear that from my husband etc, how did u do? I feel guilty but he is right she has what she Needs food shelter and books, I feel like a bad mom after the argument. I am a strong person and we argue she was NOT brought up this way I sometimes think WHO are you. This past yr has been rough she is a freshman in college 1 week., We are Proud beyond belief she has Impeccable grades going on to peruse to be a Neuro-
Psychologist , she a great kid no drugs or alcohol has a good circle of friends we could not ask for more however she is with me her MOM relentless if I say do u like this , good moring or whatever . YOU don't know what ur talking about , you never went to college how would you know, you don't understand me , your stressing me out, etc Than when the red in my face gives it to her and explain to her screaming I am hear for u not u for me and remind her of all the go with outs and done and given for her and her sister she quiets up for about a day or so but that's it. I do not harass her b/c We trust her however I am a mom and every mom is annoying to a point but she is running me to the point I think I am crazy , she is the best kid anyone can ask for however she is dis-respectful to me and thanks everyone else but her parents for the woman she has become
We are not rich and seems to have become entitled, and treats me the worst! like today I asked her what she needs and she comes out with what does it matter your answer is I Don't have the money so whats the point
Grr aggravated to no end for I told her if I have it you will get it if I don't than so bee it she has what she needs but feel used and walked on I am a strong person and can hide a lot however she is giving a run for my money I a ready to have a breakdown. tough love than I feel guilty I even went to doctors and cry like a baby when I usually can hide it' Any advise bring it and thanks in advance

S - posted on 08/29/2016

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It's sad to be here, but does make me feel a little better somehow to know that there are others out there struggling too to try and understand why their adult children are sooooo horrible to them when all we've done is devote our every breadth to them. I don't really even ask for anything in return. It's just sad, but I know I've (we've all) done everything humanly possible to make it work with them, but they are just mean anyway. :(. I just wish we could find some explanation. lately, it's true that I'm starting to get nasty myself. Our relationship has just been toxic, especially since she's engaged now. She tells us how wonderful her new family is and how horrible we all are, both her dad and I just can't take it anymore. I hate to rant, but it's just good to know we are not alone. Thanks people for sharing.

Alita - posted on 08/22/2016

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You know, I'm trying to reply but don't know if replies are working. I almost never get the blog instructions right. I don't think our children are sociopaths,( in response to someone who posted here a couple of months ago.) Narcissists, rather than sociopaths, would be closer to the mark I think. But who knows. I'm so heartsick right now, I don't really know what I'm thinking except that I hurt.

Alita - posted on 08/22/2016

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I feel your pain. Same thing happened to me. No father around, and I worked a lot. Maybe I wasn't there emotionally for her enough. I don't know. We were very close until she got a boyfriend in her teens. She is now 33 and has two daughters 5 and 8 and one more on the way. She is divorced. She picks men who use poor judgment, and then when she has trouble with them, she takes it out on me. Seems like every time she is involved with a man or boyfriend she gets herself hurt and makes up some reason to blame me for the way she feels. She projects crummy motives onto me that are untrue. She criticizes everything I do and accuses me of being selfish and not caring about her. I have tried to show her unconditional love and help her all I can, but the accusations she puts on me upset me to the point where I can hurt for days behind things that she says. She claims to want a close relationship with me again, but then thinks the worst of me without apparent reason or rhyme to her abusive expressions. She is nasty and contemptuous of me. She tells me she wants me to help her with things and then when I help, she rejects me - or she'll accept the help but make sure that I feel bad after she accepts it. I don't know whether she is trying to hurt me on purpose or whether she is genuinely delusional and really thinks I am a horrible person who deserves her hurtful words and attitude. I want to be able to detach and look at her like I would look at a sick person, and help her anyway. I want to able to look at her with love, but lately any contact I have with her provokes nausea and fear in me. I don't know what to do about it. My grandchildren and I get along very well, but lately having contact with them makes me so anxious that I can barely function for days afterward, because I have to go through her to get to them, and the contact with her leaves me emotionally wrecked. Any advice ?

Linda - posted on 08/16/2016

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Is this a single mom thing? I hate even saying that. All of these stories are pretty much what I have been dealing with the past year. My daughter has turned into the meanest person I have ever known. She is not who I raised and was still a sweet, kind, beautiful young lady as I sent her off to college. She has turned into someone who is a shell of herself. She looks at me with pure contempt. I, too, am a single mom. Her dad was never part of our lives and never contributed to her existence. I have given her everything and was always the mom that everyone wanted to have. Now I am told that we have a toxic relationship and I am the worst mom ever. My heart has been ripped out. There are not enough words to even describe the pain that has been caused since last November. She will be graduating in December and plans on moving abroad. The past two years her decisions have been not what would be expected by an intelligent young woman. I would keep saying that she has continued to excel in school and has a passion to be of service to those in need. Now she hates people. Wants to work with animals and shows nothing but pure contempt towards me. I am at a loss. Clueless. I told her today that I will get her moved in to school this year but that is it. I don't want to have her back home. I'm done. We always were so close. She used to tell me what a great mom I am and how lucky she was to have me and that none of her friends were as fortunate to have such a great mom. Wth? I can't help but feel like I've been snowed. Jaded. I am in shock and trying to figure out my next steps. I did decide that I am putting my foot down because I do not deserve to be treated like this any longer. I can't help to feel that she is a manipulative witch and will be sweet after she is called out to get whatever else she wants. I feel like an absolute idiot to let a 21 year old get away with this behavior and create such turmoil in our home. Is this a result of us attempting to give our kids a life better than our own? Is this a result of juggling career and home? Is this a result of over compensating due to the absence of the other parent? Good gosh the list could go on and on. If anything these posts have helped me to see that I am not the only one but it is heartbreaking to imagine any parent having to deal with this new level of parenting. Thank you for your strength and courage to share your stories with all.

Maria - posted on 08/10/2016

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My son is now 20 ever since he started driving which he destroyed my car I've been car with out car for 3 years nor does he help me. Plus slot more like what did I do to him

Ginny - posted on 07/13/2016

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Sounds rather like my 20 year old who has become the biggest bully to me. She yells and screams abuse at me if i don't do as she demands. The abuse i got today was so much that I actually gave her a backhand in the car. She was calling me a bitch and a C.. and a disgusting mother who has never done anything for her. I divorced form her dad when she was about 7 and she said she is glad she has him at least one good parent is better than none. I was just sobbing uncontrollably in the car and yet still driving her to the station to catch a train to work as she demanded. My heart is breaking at the moment. I must add i have 3 older children who have moved out and have never caused any dramas.

Laura Jean - posted on 06/18/2016

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I feel your pain, I'm so tired of crying over my son, I feel like he's a little ungrateful asshole, I'm at my breaking point, he's 26 divorced, 1 son, that I do/buy everything for and he's so rude to me all the time, it almost seems like he's challenging me, he corrects or has a smart mouth reply for everything I say to him, he's either quit or been fired from every job he's had since he left the Air Force 3 yrs ago, he lives in my basement and I'd kick him out but I know he would just sleep in his car in a park or something, I'm worried he's showing signs of mental problems, my dad was schizophrenic and manic depressive, many people in our family has mental problems and I know my son won't go get checked so I'm going to have to just get firm about my rights to be happy in my home that I worked for, and if he chooses to sleep in his car instead of working, or seeking help, I'm done and can't help him anymore. It's time for him to stand on his own feet!

Laurie - posted on 06/13/2016

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This isn't an 'answer', but I just wanted you to know you are not alone - I'm a single mom, my husband was killed in 2008- ive bent over backward for my daughter (only child) even quitting college, (they wouldn't let me take a leave of absence) to be there for her when her dad passed- I've bought crap, given ALL my time, homeschooled her FromK-12, got her into college-
Now a boy 7 years older than her - has her brainwashed into thinking she can't Trust her own Mother-she rides in his car w him everywhere - got a job where he works- lies to me, hides things from me- speaks hatefully to me- did NOTHING for me in Mothers Day-1st time in her life-said it was MANDATORY that she work a double shift- now Father's Day is coming. & it's NOT mandatory?
I like you am so hurt, so Dissapointed- feel like EVERYTHING I put in to being the best, Loving Parent I could be, was for NOTHING.
The only Family I still have besides her is my 84 year old Father- who is really embarrassed by her actions & demeanor-
I, like you, just feel alone & lost....like a failure...
This kid had anything & everything a kid would want up until she was 19- then I stopped 'catering to her'-
I just wanted you to know...you're not alone...

Ezusag - posted on 06/03/2016

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Your story and mine are very similar, I am heartbroken and now question my parenting skills. The only difference is that both my kids are adopted . My daughter is 19 and has turned into Satan.
She and I have been pretty close up until a couple of months ago when she met this 26 year old guy covered I tattoos at Guitar Center. He is pretty rough around the edges and she had changed.
I get the no money for anything else but tattoos as I have experienced the same.
Recently she chewed me out for no reason. She ranted on an and on as to how I am embarrassing to her, how I am a terrible Mother etc. and how her boyfriend is a way better person then I'll ever be !
This all happened as I was driving our fairly new car that she drives back and forth to school through the car wash as it was filthy dirty.
As I was throwing out the trash in the car because I could not stand it anymore I saw a pamphlet on birth control .
She flipped out!!!!
She told me she hates me and does not want anything to do with me.
We pay for her phone , food schooling and she drives our car as we sacrifice juggling one car between the rest of us.
She now spends the night at her boyfriends house and does not tell us .
I'm so sick of this and very broken-hearted . I prayed for this child , dedicated the better part of my life to both she and her brother and this is the thx I get??? Sad!

Liz - posted on 05/21/2016

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Sadly this thread has made me feel a bit better. I've been literally going through so much that I've questioned my parenting skills, values and sanity lately. I have four daughters from 17 - 25 and one younger son and none of the daughters seem to be what I thought I was raising up. It seems as if they all have lost their minds. I think it's the society and time we are living in as everything seems to be okay with what you do and settling for whatever.

Too many stories to tell so here are just two quickies. The third daughter is no longer in the home for about 9 months now as it became too crazy. I faced the realization just recently that she didn't want to be here any more. She was the most disruptive of and although there are plenty of issue with the other three girls, the house is much more peaceful since she left. I am not totally on the verge of stroking out (or at least I hope not). The older feels she's been this "perfect" child, graduating college, great job, now headed back to graduate school but has missed out on life it seems and doing things that is very uncharacteristic of her. I am worried sick about it and on top of that, she's very unapologetic and disrespectful with it.

As a single mother I know that it's not perfect and we've had many challenges but it's never okay to treat your mother badly. I am tired of crying so no more tears. I am learning to let go for my own self.

Diana - posted on 05/08/2016

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All of these stories are heartbreaking, they sound so much like mine. Is it my lack of parenting skills, or is it really this generation that refuses to have any respect or gratitude? I am at a loss. My 20 year old daughter lives with me, she has blocked me on all social media, and does not speak to me. She has blocked me on her phone, so I cannot text or call her. She blocked me on FB so I cannot even message her. She is a Sophomore in community college, has a job but pays for nothing. I pay for all bills, expect her dad pays for her phone and car insurance. She has wrecked 2 cars, and her dad keeps giving her other cars, at no cost to her. For 8 years he has been trying to buy both my daughters' love and be their friend, not their parent. I am the bad guy, I am the provider and the rule maker. I'm so tired of it all, all of the mom/dad responsibilities on my shoulders alone, her attitude, her yelling at my face, her drinking and getting high, her eating my food and not even washing her own dishes. Mind you, she has chores but refuses to do any of them. So I cut off wifi, stopped buying her any supplies. she has not bought toilet paper and has tried to flush paper towels, stopped up the toilet 2 weeks ago and has not fixed it. I am trying hard not to fix anything for her but it is so disgusting. I told her that I am moving in August and she needs to move by then, but it's too long. I don't know if I can take another 4 months of this. she does not make enough money to support herself, but continues to get piercings and tattoos. I don't know where my good-hearted girl went? We used to be so close and she was responsible with chores and school, always had a strong personality, but for the past 3 years she has lost all control. I don't know if I have the strength to kick her out before August, but don't know if I can stand it anymore. She's not humble, has never apologized for anything at all. If I try talking to her she laughs at me, yells at me, calls me by my first name to show disrespect, calls me a list of names and nothing ever gets through. so I have basically given up trying to talk to her. I just really want her out of my house, but I don't have the heart, and I don't know what to do.

Kate - posted on 05/07/2016

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Im sorry Karen,
I know how you feel. When I read these posts I always wonder if people think: "Well what kind of MOM creates a beast like THAT!
It sounds like being a mom has been your world, it has for me.
Don't feel bad for cutting her off! Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine. My daughter give respect to her father who has been nothing but selfish and manipulative with her. He is wealthy and gives her nothing. But its me who has always been there for her that gets treated like dirt.
My daughter (age 18) was very wanted, and I loved being a mom.
She refuses to contact me unless she wants something. I bought cell phones and add her to my phone plan- then she refused to answer my calls, respond to my texts and lies about not being able to. It really hurts.
Your post helped me. Thanks for sharing.
Ps I wonder if our daughters are sociopaths?

Just Another - posted on 05/05/2016

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Sometimes all you can do is let go and try to find a new life.

Just Another - posted on 05/05/2016

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I am gatherng that this is the new MO of today. I don't like it. The kids of today like instant gratification, and then you can just go.................................... yourself. I worked my tail off for my son.. his dad did nothing, in the end, his dad was glorified before he promply died with little warning.. even though he knew about his condition months before.

My son became even nastier, and now when I need help to pull up and get back on my feet, he tells me that he is doing no more.. but "hey Mom! My girlfriend and I are taking you to mother's day brunch.. you are to be excited... I dont care that you are struggling.. its not important"

Im going to the brunch... but like last year, I cancelled the holidays, and told them not to come.. I am tired of how I am now a HOLIDAY MOM

Just Another - posted on 04/10/2016

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I think the death of a parent is real hard on kids. and if I had it to do over again, Id get them into counseling ASAP

Just Another - posted on 04/10/2016

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She'll be back... just back off and wait. It will hit her one day

Gail Ann Le - posted on 04/09/2016

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I wish there was a a way I could solve this problem, but I see no way out. I'm now staying in my bedroom to avoid her. My daughter is so beautiful tall she had long blond hair looks better then Taylor Swift. Not anymore she cut all her hair off dyed it black, wares extremely harsh eyeliner and blackish purple lipstick. The thing is she is an expert horsemen lifeguard doesn't do drugs. If I say one thing.about this look or anything els she doesn't want to hear, she fly's into a rage screaming and often punches me in the arm. I can't give advice because I don't know how to solve this, other then I guess don't say anything she doesn't like.

Janet - posted on 03/25/2016

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Karen please write me I wish to give you my phone number so we can talk.I have a 31 year old daughter that I said I would cut off when she was 19 and I made the mistake and gave in 60K later and twenty years down the road she is worse. We Moms need to stick together! mountains 2009 at g mail dot com

Just Another - posted on 03/09/2016

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Your daughter should be working with me as I am a college admissions consultant and financial aid advisor.... www.thecollegeadmissionsconsultants.com

Just Another - posted on 02/26/2016

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I wonder if the death of a parent is hard on kids... maybe you should encourage therapy... Maybe she is hurting inside.

Just Another - posted on 02/26/2016

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I have had the same problem with my son--- and other parents tell me the same thing.
It is so bad that when he graduated and left town, I was happy. He rarely calls and tells me that I am to call HIM.... and when I do, its the wrong time, he is busy... so I gave up.

Now he has a girlfriend. She says she wanted to get to know me, but I have seen her about 4 times in a year... the same amount of times I have seen my son.... and she says nothing.

Here is what I propose. I told him that if he needs a mom to go RENT one! Go out, find a mom he likes who will do all the things he wants and HIRE HER.... because I am just done. I was a single mom, I paid for the best private schools for him, he went to great summer camps, traveled the world, I paid for college, and now there is not one good thing about me..... so let them figure it out for themselves.

Vicki - posted on 02/20/2016

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I am having the same issue with my 20 year old daughter. She wont communicate at all via text or home. I need some guidance. I am a single mom, and payed for her to go to private school. She is in college as a Sophomore, but can no longer pay her tuition and she is yelling at me being rude and has no respect for me. I have never been so hurt in my life. We were always able to talk and had lots of fun together. Now she wants nothing to do with me. She lost a job by not showing up and she is now living on her college campus when she is supposed to be commuting. She his risking getting thrown out of her college. She is also living with a girl that is very disfuctional. Please advise me I am unemployed and struggling on top of her being very rude and disreespectful. Thanks

In-him-only - posted on 01/13/2016

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You're a very Good mother for having the courage to not enable her any longer. She will become a better person because of it.

Grace - posted on 12/26/2015

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I'm here sitting the day after Christmas in tears, my 20 year old daughter just spent, Christmas eve and part of Christmas day w/ me and my other daughter, 18, and it was just so sad. Their dad died about 8 yrs ago, a month before my oldest 12th birthday, it's been so difficult, but when my oldest reached high school, then the trouble began, she didn't care, was in honors classes and failed, when it came time for applying to college, we visited colleges, but she only applied to one, she did get in, but it cost more than what I made in a year, everyone told me, don't help her out, she hasn't shown she could handle college, but I had faith in my daughter, I was the only one, and she lived away at school, but rarely came home, when her second semester came around, she was scr***d out of financial aide and guess what, I paid, and she still did awful, when she came home, I never saw her grades, and when the financial aide package came out, she got hardly anything, I couldn't send her, and basically flunked, she blames me, the college and for having to come home, I told her community college or work, she went to cc, hated it, told me she "found" a job???, no job, just helping out some biz and getting a few pennies. She was so disrespectful, evil, she wasn't raised that way...seems to be a common theme here.
She had the attitude, she was an adult and wanted her independence, but of course, she couldn't afford it, when she came home, i asked for rent, and helping out and respect, she didn't do any of it, her room was a mess and she would come and go, she met a young man, who she now lives with him and his family, did get another job, got fired from it, got a job from xmas, I had to find out thru my family, I also found out shes' not at that job, smokes pot, she won't go to counseling, she has a counselor , but when i ask did she get in contact with her, she said she left a message for her, but she never got back. She lies, when she looks at me it is venom in her eyes, she won't smile at me, hug me, when she was home for Christmas I said, I was sorry, I wanted her back, we could work it out, I know that she wants to be with her bf, I suggested stay with him part of the time. I gave her gifts, she hated most of them, she did have dinner with me, but had her bf pick her up, when her bf was here, I told him I need to talk w/ him, but she bolted out, told her I love her, nothing back, Merry Christmas to me. I've backed off, I let her be "free", she doesn't get it, my entire family sees the hatred of me she has, I am heartbroken

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