My 21 year old daughter is mean and disrespectful to me and today I'm cutting her off!

Karen - posted on 03/30/2012 ( 114 moms have responded )

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I have a 21 year old daughter who is a junior in college. She is mean, rude, evil and just all out disrespectful to me. She yells at me over the phone and hangs up in my face. She has a part-time job, however, I have been paying all of her expenses. She just basically blows her money. After yesterday, I have had enough. She has said some pretty mean and nasty things to me that has brought me to the sad reality that my daughter has NO respect for me at all. Her father does absolutely nothing for her and he gets all of her love and respect. That's something I don't understand. It is my fault because she is an only child and I have basically given her everything she wants. She has never gone without anything her entire life. Well life is about to get real for this diva. I have made a very hard decision to cut the financial ties. That's the only ammunition I have and I'm using it. She wants to live the life of a princess then she needs to fund it. I'm tired of being the whipping girl for her. She doesn't understand that when someone is doing everything for you, that you owe them a certain level of respect. It's going to be hard for me to do this to her but maybe she will humble herself and wake up.

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Lisa - posted on 07/13/2014

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i have two daughters in their 30s.. i have been putting up with abusive emotional behavior from the two of them for years. no matter what i do i'm wrong to emotional ocd worry wort. they snap at me about everything. i'm tired of it. its driving me crazy no matter how nice i am. what should i do?

Christy Lynn - posted on 02/04/2013

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And so you should. If she has no appreciation or respect for what she has haved handed to her, well, MOMMY GIVETH AND MOMMY CAN TAKE AWAY. We as parents are obligated to only provide proper shelter, food, and clothing ONLY TIL THEY REACH THE AGE OF 18. The law states NOTHING about providing our children with cell phones, expensive name brand clothing and such. Those things are a privilage not their right. My oldest is now 22yrs old but few years back this girl fell and bumped her head because she thought she would stand in my face and tell me what was what and how she did not have to respect me, consult me on anything because i was a stay at home mom who bartended part-time and her dad(my husband) pd. the bills. WOW? REALLY? That day she came very close to meeting her maker for i brought her into this world, cared for her loved her with all my soul, did the school plays attended all sporting events, sacrificed my necessities so that my daughters had what they needed and wanted and this little B was gonna disprespect me in this manner, No not happening. A few years have passed, she is more grown up much more mature and has a whole new level of respect for me. It really takes a parent being strong and sticking to our guns and convitions to get through life with THESE DAUGHTERS OF OURS. So make a stand, stick with your decision, and don't cave. Do not let you daughter mistake your kindness for weakness. Yes she may hate you(for a while) she may rant, rave, throw a fit, guilt you, and threaten to remove herself from your life but these are all tactics and ploys to get what she wants. People will treat us the way we allow them to treat us, AND THAT INCLUDES OUR CHILDREN, SPOUSES, FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Mel - posted on 08/03/2015

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Wow, reading these comments make me realize I am not the only one going through this. Whenever I see FB posts i.e. of Mom's posting their happy joy joy life with their 20 yr olds, I cannot help but feel so sad that I don't have that closeness with mine. We used to be so close and I was her everything. Now it is like one here said: I feel like any interaction with her is a bother to her. She laughs behind closed doors with her friends, on the phone etc, when she comes out of her room, she is serious and does not talk. When I text her, which i only do for important things nowadays, I get nothing at all or nothing for a few hours and then only a one word reply. We pay for most everything for her but just like the OP here, I am ready to cut her off. I wish someone would help me doing this, as I have no clue how. I don't want her to hit rough times, but I think that exactly is what will make them realize what they had or appreciate us parents. OMG, I am so hurt and helpless with this. I wish my mom had made me harder. ....

Razia - posted on 04/03/2012

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I'm was also going through the same problem. Im in my fifties. My daughter became disrespectful from the time she met her boyfriend. But as far as her father is concerned, he is giving me full support. My daughter works in a BPO where she met her boy friend. She has stopped her studies, spends all her money on shopping and other useless things. She doesn't turn up home at nights of her weekly offs.

I used to be very disturbed with all this happenings. And more worse her younger sister has also started following her living style. Both my husband and me have tried our level best to reason out with them but to no avail.

Now I have put my foot down. Enough is enough.I have asked both the girls to get out of my home live on their own.Now they are on look out for an accommodation.

They can lead their own life and learn from the mistakes and my husband and me can live in peace and try not to think about them.

Aida - posted on 04/05/2012

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I found this on my facebook page this morning and I thought it was fitting for your situation!



Sometimes when you give up on someone,

it's not because you don't care anymore,

Bur because you realize they don't!!



Good Luck

114 Comments

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Alita - posted 3 days ago

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You know, I'm trying to reply but don't know if replies are working. I almost never get the blog instructions right. I don't think our children are sociopaths,( in response to someone who posted here a couple of months ago.) Narcissists, rather than sociopaths, would be closer to the mark I think. But who knows. I'm so heartsick right now, I don't really know what I'm thinking except that I hurt.

Alita - posted 3 days ago

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I feel your pain. Same thing happened to me. No father around, and I worked a lot. Maybe I wasn't there emotionally for her enough. I don't know. We were very close until she got a boyfriend in her teens. She is now 33 and has two daughters 5 and 8 and one more on the way. She is divorced. She picks men who use poor judgment, and then when she has trouble with them, she takes it out on me. Seems like every time she is involved with a man or boyfriend she gets herself hurt and makes up some reason to blame me for the way she feels. She projects crummy motives onto me that are untrue. She criticizes everything I do and accuses me of being selfish and not caring about her. I have tried to show her unconditional love and help her all I can, but the accusations she puts on me upset me to the point where I can hurt for days behind things that she says. She claims to want a close relationship with me again, but then thinks the worst of me without apparent reason or rhyme to her abusive expressions. She is nasty and contemptuous of me. She tells me she wants me to help her with things and then when I help, she rejects me - or she'll accept the help but make sure that I feel bad after she accepts it. I don't know whether she is trying to hurt me on purpose or whether she is genuinely delusional and really thinks I am a horrible person who deserves her hurtful words and attitude. I want to be able to detach and look at her like I would look at a sick person, and help her anyway. I want to able to look at her with love, but lately any contact I have with her provokes nausea and fear in me. I don't know what to do about it. My grandchildren and I get along very well, but lately having contact with them makes me so anxious that I can barely function for days afterward, because I have to go through her to get to them, and the contact with her leaves me emotionally wrecked. Any advice ?

Linda - posted on 08/16/2016

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Is this a single mom thing? I hate even saying that. All of these stories are pretty much what I have been dealing with the past year. My daughter has turned into the meanest person I have ever known. She is not who I raised and was still a sweet, kind, beautiful young lady as I sent her off to college. She has turned into someone who is a shell of herself. She looks at me with pure contempt. I, too, am a single mom. Her dad was never part of our lives and never contributed to her existence. I have given her everything and was always the mom that everyone wanted to have. Now I am told that we have a toxic relationship and I am the worst mom ever. My heart has been ripped out. There are not enough words to even describe the pain that has been caused since last November. She will be graduating in December and plans on moving abroad. The past two years her decisions have been not what would be expected by an intelligent young woman. I would keep saying that she has continued to excel in school and has a passion to be of service to those in need. Now she hates people. Wants to work with animals and shows nothing but pure contempt towards me. I am at a loss. Clueless. I told her today that I will get her moved in to school this year but that is it. I don't want to have her back home. I'm done. We always were so close. She used to tell me what a great mom I am and how lucky she was to have me and that none of her friends were as fortunate to have such a great mom. Wth? I can't help but feel like I've been snowed. Jaded. I am in shock and trying to figure out my next steps. I did decide that I am putting my foot down because I do not deserve to be treated like this any longer. I can't help to feel that she is a manipulative witch and will be sweet after she is called out to get whatever else she wants. I feel like an absolute idiot to let a 21 year old get away with this behavior and create such turmoil in our home. Is this a result of us attempting to give our kids a life better than our own? Is this a result of juggling career and home? Is this a result of over compensating due to the absence of the other parent? Good gosh the list could go on and on. If anything these posts have helped me to see that I am not the only one but it is heartbreaking to imagine any parent having to deal with this new level of parenting. Thank you for your strength and courage to share your stories with all.

Maria - posted on 08/10/2016

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My son is now 20 ever since he started driving which he destroyed my car I've been car with out car for 3 years nor does he help me. Plus slot more like what did I do to him

Ginny - posted on 07/13/2016

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Sounds rather like my 20 year old who has become the biggest bully to me. She yells and screams abuse at me if i don't do as she demands. The abuse i got today was so much that I actually gave her a backhand in the car. She was calling me a bitch and a C.. and a disgusting mother who has never done anything for her. I divorced form her dad when she was about 7 and she said she is glad she has him at least one good parent is better than none. I was just sobbing uncontrollably in the car and yet still driving her to the station to catch a train to work as she demanded. My heart is breaking at the moment. I must add i have 3 older children who have moved out and have never caused any dramas.

Laura Jean - posted on 06/18/2016

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I feel your pain, I'm so tired of crying over my son, I feel like he's a little ungrateful asshole, I'm at my breaking point, he's 26 divorced, 1 son, that I do/buy everything for and he's so rude to me all the time, it almost seems like he's challenging me, he corrects or has a smart mouth reply for everything I say to him, he's either quit or been fired from every job he's had since he left the Air Force 3 yrs ago, he lives in my basement and I'd kick him out but I know he would just sleep in his car in a park or something, I'm worried he's showing signs of mental problems, my dad was schizophrenic and manic depressive, many people in our family has mental problems and I know my son won't go get checked so I'm going to have to just get firm about my rights to be happy in my home that I worked for, and if he chooses to sleep in his car instead of working, or seeking help, I'm done and can't help him anymore. It's time for him to stand on his own feet!

Laurie - posted on 06/13/2016

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This isn't an 'answer', but I just wanted you to know you are not alone - I'm a single mom, my husband was killed in 2008- ive bent over backward for my daughter (only child) even quitting college, (they wouldn't let me take a leave of absence) to be there for her when her dad passed- I've bought crap, given ALL my time, homeschooled her FromK-12, got her into college-
Now a boy 7 years older than her - has her brainwashed into thinking she can't Trust her own Mother-she rides in his car w him everywhere - got a job where he works- lies to me, hides things from me- speaks hatefully to me- did NOTHING for me in Mothers Day-1st time in her life-said it was MANDATORY that she work a double shift- now Father's Day is coming. & it's NOT mandatory?
I like you am so hurt, so Dissapointed- feel like EVERYTHING I put in to being the best, Loving Parent I could be, was for NOTHING.
The only Family I still have besides her is my 84 year old Father- who is really embarrassed by her actions & demeanor-
I, like you, just feel alone & lost....like a failure...
This kid had anything & everything a kid would want up until she was 19- then I stopped 'catering to her'-
I just wanted you to know...you're not alone...

Ezusag - posted on 06/03/2016

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Your story and mine are very similar, I am heartbroken and now question my parenting skills. The only difference is that both my kids are adopted . My daughter is 19 and has turned into Satan.
She and I have been pretty close up until a couple of months ago when she met this 26 year old guy covered I tattoos at Guitar Center. He is pretty rough around the edges and she had changed.
I get the no money for anything else but tattoos as I have experienced the same.
Recently she chewed me out for no reason. She ranted on an and on as to how I am embarrassing to her, how I am a terrible Mother etc. and how her boyfriend is a way better person then I'll ever be !
This all happened as I was driving our fairly new car that she drives back and forth to school through the car wash as it was filthy dirty.
As I was throwing out the trash in the car because I could not stand it anymore I saw a pamphlet on birth control .
She flipped out!!!!
She told me she hates me and does not want anything to do with me.
We pay for her phone , food schooling and she drives our car as we sacrifice juggling one car between the rest of us.
She now spends the night at her boyfriends house and does not tell us .
I'm so sick of this and very broken-hearted . I prayed for this child , dedicated the better part of my life to both she and her brother and this is the thx I get??? Sad!

Liz - posted on 05/21/2016

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Sadly this thread has made me feel a bit better. I've been literally going through so much that I've questioned my parenting skills, values and sanity lately. I have four daughters from 17 - 25 and one younger son and none of the daughters seem to be what I thought I was raising up. It seems as if they all have lost their minds. I think it's the society and time we are living in as everything seems to be okay with what you do and settling for whatever.

Too many stories to tell so here are just two quickies. The third daughter is no longer in the home for about 9 months now as it became too crazy. I faced the realization just recently that she didn't want to be here any more. She was the most disruptive of and although there are plenty of issue with the other three girls, the house is much more peaceful since she left. I am not totally on the verge of stroking out (or at least I hope not). The older feels she's been this "perfect" child, graduating college, great job, now headed back to graduate school but has missed out on life it seems and doing things that is very uncharacteristic of her. I am worried sick about it and on top of that, she's very unapologetic and disrespectful with it.

As a single mother I know that it's not perfect and we've had many challenges but it's never okay to treat your mother badly. I am tired of crying so no more tears. I am learning to let go for my own self.

Diana - posted on 05/08/2016

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All of these stories are heartbreaking, they sound so much like mine. Is it my lack of parenting skills, or is it really this generation that refuses to have any respect or gratitude? I am at a loss. My 20 year old daughter lives with me, she has blocked me on all social media, and does not speak to me. She has blocked me on her phone, so I cannot text or call her. She blocked me on FB so I cannot even message her. She is a Sophomore in community college, has a job but pays for nothing. I pay for all bills, expect her dad pays for her phone and car insurance. She has wrecked 2 cars, and her dad keeps giving her other cars, at no cost to her. For 8 years he has been trying to buy both my daughters' love and be their friend, not their parent. I am the bad guy, I am the provider and the rule maker. I'm so tired of it all, all of the mom/dad responsibilities on my shoulders alone, her attitude, her yelling at my face, her drinking and getting high, her eating my food and not even washing her own dishes. Mind you, she has chores but refuses to do any of them. So I cut off wifi, stopped buying her any supplies. she has not bought toilet paper and has tried to flush paper towels, stopped up the toilet 2 weeks ago and has not fixed it. I am trying hard not to fix anything for her but it is so disgusting. I told her that I am moving in August and she needs to move by then, but it's too long. I don't know if I can take another 4 months of this. she does not make enough money to support herself, but continues to get piercings and tattoos. I don't know where my good-hearted girl went? We used to be so close and she was responsible with chores and school, always had a strong personality, but for the past 3 years she has lost all control. I don't know if I have the strength to kick her out before August, but don't know if I can stand it anymore. She's not humble, has never apologized for anything at all. If I try talking to her she laughs at me, yells at me, calls me by my first name to show disrespect, calls me a list of names and nothing ever gets through. so I have basically given up trying to talk to her. I just really want her out of my house, but I don't have the heart, and I don't know what to do.

Kate - posted on 05/07/2016

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Im sorry Karen,
I know how you feel. When I read these posts I always wonder if people think: "Well what kind of MOM creates a beast like THAT!
It sounds like being a mom has been your world, it has for me.
Don't feel bad for cutting her off! Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine. My daughter give respect to her father who has been nothing but selfish and manipulative with her. He is wealthy and gives her nothing. But its me who has always been there for her that gets treated like dirt.
My daughter (age 18) was very wanted, and I loved being a mom.
She refuses to contact me unless she wants something. I bought cell phones and add her to my phone plan- then she refused to answer my calls, respond to my texts and lies about not being able to. It really hurts.
Your post helped me. Thanks for sharing.
Ps I wonder if our daughters are sociopaths?

Just Another - posted on 05/05/2016

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I am gatherng that this is the new MO of today. I don't like it. The kids of today like instant gratification, and then you can just go.................................... yourself. I worked my tail off for my son.. his dad did nothing, in the end, his dad was glorified before he promply died with little warning.. even though he knew about his condition months before.

My son became even nastier, and now when I need help to pull up and get back on my feet, he tells me that he is doing no more.. but "hey Mom! My girlfriend and I are taking you to mother's day brunch.. you are to be excited... I dont care that you are struggling.. its not important"

Im going to the brunch... but like last year, I cancelled the holidays, and told them not to come.. I am tired of how I am now a HOLIDAY MOM

Just Another - posted on 04/10/2016

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I think the death of a parent is real hard on kids. and if I had it to do over again, Id get them into counseling ASAP

Just Another - posted on 04/10/2016

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She'll be back... just back off and wait. It will hit her one day

Gail Ann Le - posted on 04/09/2016

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I wish there was a a way I could solve this problem, but I see no way out. I'm now staying in my bedroom to avoid her. My daughter is so beautiful tall she had long blond hair looks better then Taylor Swift. Not anymore she cut all her hair off dyed it black, wares extremely harsh eyeliner and blackish purple lipstick. The thing is she is an expert horsemen lifeguard doesn't do drugs. If I say one thing.about this look or anything els she doesn't want to hear, she fly's into a rage screaming and often punches me in the arm. I can't give advice because I don't know how to solve this, other then I guess don't say anything she doesn't like.

Janet - posted on 03/25/2016

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Karen please write me I wish to give you my phone number so we can talk.I have a 31 year old daughter that I said I would cut off when she was 19 and I made the mistake and gave in 60K later and twenty years down the road she is worse. We Moms need to stick together! mountains 2009 at g mail dot com

Just Another - posted on 03/09/2016

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Your daughter should be working with me as I am a college admissions consultant and financial aid advisor.... www.thecollegeadmissionsconsultants.com

Just Another - posted on 02/26/2016

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I wonder if the death of a parent is hard on kids... maybe you should encourage therapy... Maybe she is hurting inside.

Just Another - posted on 02/26/2016

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I have had the same problem with my son--- and other parents tell me the same thing.
It is so bad that when he graduated and left town, I was happy. He rarely calls and tells me that I am to call HIM.... and when I do, its the wrong time, he is busy... so I gave up.

Now he has a girlfriend. She says she wanted to get to know me, but I have seen her about 4 times in a year... the same amount of times I have seen my son.... and she says nothing.

Here is what I propose. I told him that if he needs a mom to go RENT one! Go out, find a mom he likes who will do all the things he wants and HIRE HER.... because I am just done. I was a single mom, I paid for the best private schools for him, he went to great summer camps, traveled the world, I paid for college, and now there is not one good thing about me..... so let them figure it out for themselves.

Vicki - posted on 02/20/2016

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I am having the same issue with my 20 year old daughter. She wont communicate at all via text or home. I need some guidance. I am a single mom, and payed for her to go to private school. She is in college as a Sophomore, but can no longer pay her tuition and she is yelling at me being rude and has no respect for me. I have never been so hurt in my life. We were always able to talk and had lots of fun together. Now she wants nothing to do with me. She lost a job by not showing up and she is now living on her college campus when she is supposed to be commuting. She his risking getting thrown out of her college. She is also living with a girl that is very disfuctional. Please advise me I am unemployed and struggling on top of her being very rude and disreespectful. Thanks

In-him-only - posted on 01/13/2016

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You're a very Good mother for having the courage to not enable her any longer. She will become a better person because of it.

Grace - posted on 12/26/2015

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I'm here sitting the day after Christmas in tears, my 20 year old daughter just spent, Christmas eve and part of Christmas day w/ me and my other daughter, 18, and it was just so sad. Their dad died about 8 yrs ago, a month before my oldest 12th birthday, it's been so difficult, but when my oldest reached high school, then the trouble began, she didn't care, was in honors classes and failed, when it came time for applying to college, we visited colleges, but she only applied to one, she did get in, but it cost more than what I made in a year, everyone told me, don't help her out, she hasn't shown she could handle college, but I had faith in my daughter, I was the only one, and she lived away at school, but rarely came home, when her second semester came around, she was scr***d out of financial aide and guess what, I paid, and she still did awful, when she came home, I never saw her grades, and when the financial aide package came out, she got hardly anything, I couldn't send her, and basically flunked, she blames me, the college and for having to come home, I told her community college or work, she went to cc, hated it, told me she "found" a job???, no job, just helping out some biz and getting a few pennies. She was so disrespectful, evil, she wasn't raised that way...seems to be a common theme here.
She had the attitude, she was an adult and wanted her independence, but of course, she couldn't afford it, when she came home, i asked for rent, and helping out and respect, she didn't do any of it, her room was a mess and she would come and go, she met a young man, who she now lives with him and his family, did get another job, got fired from it, got a job from xmas, I had to find out thru my family, I also found out shes' not at that job, smokes pot, she won't go to counseling, she has a counselor , but when i ask did she get in contact with her, she said she left a message for her, but she never got back. She lies, when she looks at me it is venom in her eyes, she won't smile at me, hug me, when she was home for Christmas I said, I was sorry, I wanted her back, we could work it out, I know that she wants to be with her bf, I suggested stay with him part of the time. I gave her gifts, she hated most of them, she did have dinner with me, but had her bf pick her up, when her bf was here, I told him I need to talk w/ him, but she bolted out, told her I love her, nothing back, Merry Christmas to me. I've backed off, I let her be "free", she doesn't get it, my entire family sees the hatred of me she has, I am heartbroken

Celeste Branch - posted on 11/23/2015

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I truly do feel for you, I feel for all the mothers who are dealing with disrespectful daughters.
My daughter is now 30 years old and has been disrespectful to me since she was a preteen, maybe younger. I had her when I was 19 and from the time she was in grade school I have had problems with her. DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) had a hand in that, as she one day was over her grandmothers house running around, and fell and bumped her head causing it to bleed. I put a band aid on the cut and sent her to school. Next thing I know, DYFS was at my door accusing me of child abuse, and telling her that if I ever lay a hand on her she should call them immediately. After that life became difficult with reprimanding her verbally and she became rebellious in her ways, including snapping at me, refusing to listen to me, when I talked to her she would say things like "oh my gosh, you keep going around the same subject talking bout the same thing over and over and over again and it's pointless."

She's been jealous of me for years, even on school trips got angry when her classmates would flock to me, and she called me a phony. Years and years of cruelty with even on her then MySpace page she got angry because I got in her case over something she did (and when I say I got in her case, it was not just with words), so she decides to get even with me, delete her MySpace page, create a new one, and when I asked her for the link so I could add her to my friends list she told me no. She said that she was not putting any "family" on her page (which was a lie), and then in condescending tones she asked me; "does it make you mad, does it BOTHER you?" I ended up going in the basement and just broke down in tears.

But the one straw that broke the camels back in something that hurt me to the core of my being. Some years ago I was violated by a female family friend at a kids birthday party, and I told my husband and children (I also have a son). Not only did my husband not get angry over what she did to me, my daughter kept the lines of communication open with her. I made no big deal about it, continued to love her and was there for her when she needed me. At 19 she moved out of our house because she could not deal with the rules anymore, and she still was friends with the woman who violated me. Recently back in March, I found out that my husband and this woman was "occasionally" talking on the phone, and I found her phone number in his drawer in a couple of places. In his phone he had her number listed with only the 1st initial. I confronted them both, once I realized who it was (I did not know who's number it was at first), and verbally hammered them with not just questions but gave them a piece of my mind. She went and told my daughter and my daughter went off on me, told me that I was lying, that she never did that to me. She told me that her therapist told her to get off her mind everything that she needs to say to me so she was doing it. She accused me of causing her brother to not want to talk to her, said that it was my fault. She then accused me of creating fake Facebook pages with her name, she called me a liar, said that I think I'm so perfect and act like I don't do anything wrong, that it's everybody else but me that does things. I could not get a word in edgewise and when I felt like I was going to start crying out of frustration, she said to me; "Don't start crying, it's not even that serious." She then hung up on me. I tried to call her back but she refused to pick up the phone. I then called my husband and started crying telling him what happened.

I blocked her number even made it so that only a few people could reach me on my landline phone, and then I purchased a app off of Google Play to do the same. She was having some of her mail sent to my address, I went through the steps to reverse it back to her own. I then wrote her a letter letting her know that since I can't get a word in edgewise, since she talks to me so boldly and disrespectfully, since she went off on me after all the years of sacrificing that I invested in her in love, sweat and tears, I will not have anything else to say to her. After a couple of weeks she contacted my husband acting like nothing happened, but see I recorded most of the conversation we had (my daughter and I) that day, so that I have the evidence of this last disrespect/cruelness. She has reached out to him a couple more times and even tried to reach out to me (the app keeps a log of text messages that can get through as well as some calls) to wish me a happy birthday but I never responded. She texted my husband to tell me the same thing but I did not respond. I have absolutely nothing to say to her. It hurts to be this way but until she can treat me with the respect that I deserve, come to me in PERSON and apologize and mean it...I'm done with her.

Susan - posted on 11/19/2015

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My 19 year daughter is civil to me the little that I see her but behind my back talks about wanting to cut me out of her life except she says she can't because I am the one that has committed to paying for her college. My ex-husband and his family have made her believe I am evil (he was very manipulative of me in our marriage) and manage to turn any positive thing I do for my daughter into a negative. It is heartbreaking when I want so much for her and agonize over trying to do what is best for her. Her dad has made her believe that I only care about myself and my money and that she has no need for me, beyond my money. Despite her attitude I just continue to try to do what I believe is right and fair, to fund her education and medical needs, avoid talking negative about her dad and their family, and I try to avoid "buying her love"...though it sometimes seems that would be "the easy way out". Will she ever realize what is really going on and love me again?

Deborah - posted on 08/29/2015

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Wow, you sound like me but mine is thirty one. And I have always bailed her out of trouble and usually the boybfriend with, so many times. And she always says I was there with you, when you tried to commit suicide, which she did come to my apartment with the boyfriend she had at time to get to me. She says her brother never did, but he was on a plane back from Maryland. But I have given her so much money, even now I moved in with her and her boyfriend and I stilling bailing out. He became unemployed and I paid the rent for all three, she didn't pay her portion, she said she had bills to pay. She forgets that I on disabiliy and get a limited amount, also putting food on the table, and paying utilities. And they said they would pay me back, I never should have moved in with them. But knowing me I would helped if not with them Now I trying to say no more but I think I scared of her.

Annette - posted on 06/29/2015

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im with you there OMG what do these young women think we sacrifice so much for them but they shove it in our face and make us feel terrible when all we have done is try and do our very best for them

Annette - posted on 06/29/2015

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oh my god are you sure you haven't got my daughter .My daughter is the same but not an only child its like we are living the same life only my daughter left school had a baby left school etc etc tried to go to university we looked after her daughter paid for most of her stuff put deposits down for flats on for her to trash them and we never got our money back

Tracey - posted on 04/22/2015

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I am going threw the exact same thing! Although my Daughter attended college for 2 years and joined the Air force against my wishes. I am stupid and a waste and not worth her time. If I text her she responds with. "Stop". I pay for all 3 of my kids cell phones still too ! 25, 22, and 21. My other two kids are loving and supportive most of the time. Once they talk with her they seem to pull away. I'm tired of my Daughter breaking my heart! And she bows down to Dad who does nothing for her and never has.

Helen - posted on 03/15/2015

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So you're expecting someone who you're being a jerk to to be nice to you? You're the adult, set the example.

Pam - posted on 03/08/2015

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Oh yeah ditto. Hindsight's always 20-20. Whenever I told my own mom about out-of-state job offers she said ''Do it. Go. That little girl will adapt and if you don't she'll grow up and not have the slightest appreciation for your sacrifice'' What did I do? The opposite! Always trying to be the power-mom I sacrificed. What happened? Mom was right ugh...hate to say it :( Should have been more selfish - but in a good way. It's like when they tell you to place the O2 mask on yourself and THEN your child....

Pam - posted on 03/08/2015

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I used to cry. Yeah I'm sorry for you. It's so unfair; we used to just be happy they were safe; forgetting ourselves, our well-being. I used to have bad, useless days after getting dumped on - so I relate. You are a powerful, beautiful person. You are somebody. I still feel lousy but when I hear dismissive remarks I remind myself how little this person is. We've taken so many risks - giving birth is no picnic - and mothering a little human is the greatest challenge in the world. These are little girls in women's bodies.

Pam - posted on 03/08/2015

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Stay strong. Try remembering that strong person you were before you got pregnant. You. Don't take any disrespect. You don't even need words; that's how strong you can be. Walk away. Drive away. Hang up. I slept in my office one whole summer. Before that, I slept in my car one night. Sure, I thought - why don't I check into a hotel? Hell, I'm not spending $$ on her attitude! Couldn't do it. I needed to protect myself and sometimes psychology isn't efficient. I'm beginning to believe those kids who gravitate/ingratiate the absentee parent do so because they don't see them enough to engage in rudeness. So if you can't change it - don't be there for it. Don't just 'say' no...'do' no. If there isn't any danger to others - it's worth it.

Pam - posted on 03/08/2015

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It's so situational. But have faith -your money's not going to deter bad decisions. My brother was thrown out of an ivy league university - always in trouble with the law. My mom gave him years of 'second chance' opportunities. I worked a year to pay for college because his lawyer fees dipped into their pockets. I grew stronger; he's the resentful one. Tough love is hardest but you know we have to protect ourselves. Being a mom - can be some kind of addition. The love when it's good - it's the best. But it's double-jeopardy; you destroy your good will and don't give a kid an opportunity to deal. Good luck.

Pam - posted on 03/08/2015

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Of course for years I've asked her to go to therapy. ''You're my therapist; I don't need to tell anyone else my problems'' She's been to therapists since 7 years old. Even walked out of a psych eval at Cornell. The only partial conclusions were probable Asperger's and oppositional disorder which may be a means of coping. Yes, there have been meltdowns for years. I'm well aware of the phrase 'low adaptability'. I've asked, demanded even bribed her to 'see a professional' I've made the popular comparison ''If you had diabetes you'd see a doctor. There's no shame in any type of chemical imbalance. It's more common than diabetes.'' Yes, I've tried many times, many places, many situations, many suggested scenarios to get her to get help. She even has insurance! ''I don't need help, it's everybody else.''

Pam - posted on 03/08/2015

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You're one of the lucky ones. I never would use that phase; sometimes cliches are true. After turning down out-of-state jobs in radiology and network news (I've 2 degrees) I became a freelance professor to keep my daughter in the same school system. Now semi-retired with college loans my daughter claims she ''..doesn't ask about my life because it's so sad.'' and says ''If it were me, I'd have followed the job and just left''. No appreciation. It's almost as if she considers people who choose the 'greater good' to be suckers, fools.

Julie - posted on 03/07/2015

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My daughter is 19 almost 20 and I believe college has changed her. I worked hard for her to get to this college, went to every meeting and event the college had. I chauffeur her around to and from college and just about anywhere else she wants to go. I feel like garbage when she is around me. I like it better when she is gone. She acts like her crap don't stink and I am just a dumb stay at home mom. She seems irritated whenever I talk to her and when I try to share anything she literally looks like she could care less and she can't wait for me to be done talking. I'm so very hurt. We were so close before she started college and although I didn't expect to maintain that closeness at all I never dreamed she would be this mean and callous towards me. This is so hard for me, I cry alot.

Pam - posted on 03/07/2015

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So sorry to hear it isn't always true when things people say '' it's...just a phase''. Every year I struggle less and less believing things will change. Some children just are not compassionate. You're not alone - by accepting that profound reality; myself included.

Denise - posted on 03/05/2015

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My oldest did the same thing. I was always the whipping post. When we stopped paying for college it did get worse for a while--I was a stupid stay at home mom ( even if I did have an engineering degree). But she finally figured out that if she wanted something she had to work for it. And yes, she will have loans when she graduates and will have to figure out how to pay them. But stopping the money train was the only way for her to learn and respect what we did give her. We actually have wonderful conversations now and she is a joy to be around. Follow thru--

Marinarae812 - posted on 03/04/2015

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Did you ever wonder if maybe there is a deeper issue she is not telling you about? People dont just change over night. She is probably going through something and doesnt know how to reach out to anyone or get help so she acts bitter and angry and mean against everyone and everything to try and protect herself. Someone might have hurt her (physically or emotionally), she might be struggling with who she is and now is angry because she's questioning everything she ever knew, she could have a chemical imbalance, who knows. I just know people who are kind at heart dont wake up and decide "eff the world!" There must be a cause. Try to ask her questions like "is there anything going on you'd like to talk about" or let her know you can always be there for her to talk to "without judgement". She may need to see a therapist, but do not suggest that because she will get defensive, but look for signs and if she says "i need help" tell her you can help her get whatever help she needs. Let her kno you can relate, maybe when you were her age? When i was 21 i wanted to be far away from my mother, because she pushed me away my parents divorce, so i grew pretty bitter. But it wasnt for no reason. There has to be a reason your daughter is acting so out of character.

Victoria - posted on 01/27/2015

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Thank you all, as it so helps to know I am not the only mother who has raised a brat? I love my son, 20 but now I hang up on him when he gets rude.....and free money is a thing of the past. My parents would have kicked me out to the curb, but now days it seems like everything turns into a life prison term for just stupid things that kids do? and I fear that his immature behavior now can follow him well into his future.....I'm glad all you moms are here because I fear doing anything too drastic and turning him into a bad crowd.

Monica - posted on 01/17/2015

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When I read the your story I too have asked when can I expect my child to go it alone especially the way I am treated and called nasty names I know I would cry with worry if I said ok go it alone but my child sees this and uses it against me. Thats why I wonder if u let yr daughter pay for her own bills maybe she will gain the responsibility of the world. I hope to have the courage to do the same.

Nottakingitanymore - posted on 01/15/2015

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LisaaKex, I too have a spoiled brat 25 almost 26 year old daughter who treats me like a door mat, My husband and I have been put through the ringer with this brat that we have admittedly spoiled. Just because we gave her everything we could within our financial means and all the unconditional love we are capable of does not give her the right to treat us like garbage! I am not perfect but I do deserve respect and to be treated like a human being! My husband has told me to cut her off for the last two years but I was not ready to do that so I have endured an insurmountable amount of abuse for not doing so. So being it a new year I have made it my resolution to treat her as she treats me, I have finally reached my limit! While I am not writing her off I am taking my life back, I speak to her if I feel like it, if she is being rude or mean I ignore her. Now this may seem childish but I do not care I have been held hostage by her emotionally and financially and I refuse to take the abuse anymore. She attempted suicide a year ago and has used this to hold myself and my family emotionally hostage, everyone has told me I need to call her bluff on her threats to try it again and I have been terrified to do so but I did and guess what she is alive and well! So as hard as it been for me I have been treating her just as she treats me and the rest of our family! If she is nice she is treated nice, if she is a jerk then that is what I become. I wish you the best of luck with your daughter I wish I had better advice.

Hermila - posted on 01/08/2015

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Hi all, I am in the "same boat" as you. I don't understand my 20 year daughter either. I grew up poor, humble and value family, but it seems that my daughter didn't learn good values .... It is disappointing and heart breaking.... I feel your pain.....I can't wait to see the day she realizes her mistakes and changes for her own well being. I am trying not to allow her to upset me and do my best to control my anger. I am so tired of her lack of respect and consideration.... We need to be strong. Hugs for all you...

Lisaakex - posted on 01/02/2015

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Thank you. Please keep posting words of encouragement. I am so demoralized by my 18 year old I could be institutionalized. End of my rope.

Lisaakex - posted on 01/02/2015

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I feel your pain so much. My story is similar. Nothing I have ever done for my daughter, in her eyes, is as significant as everything I did "to" her and she will neither forgive nor forget. I would of course still have given birth to her--but if I could go back, I would have made decisions that served me and made my life easier. They don't appreciate a damn thing anyway.

Lisaakex - posted on 01/02/2015

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Thank you for this. If you would like to correspond, maybe we can help each other. I am desperate. Clesalex4@gmail.com. All welcome. Thank you.

Lisaakex - posted on 01/02/2015

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I would love to correspond with you. Clesalex4@gmail.com. Thanks. Hope you are feeling better.

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