My daughter and her boyfriend began dating in high school...she was a junior and him a senior. When he graduated from high school he went off to college in another state. They chose to break up because thought it would be too hard to have a long distance relationship. Even though it was mutual, he was the one who initiated it. After a few months of him being away at college, he apparently realized how much he really missed her and wanted to be back with her. They've been together now for 3 1/2 years. My daughter attended a community college for a year and is now attending a university and have decided to break it off. I realize this is her life, but it's very upsetting since he became part of our family and needless to say, I became very close with him. They are trying to remain friends, but it's been very difficult for him. My daughter is in a sorority and I feel that the last year they were together, he didn't come home as much because he wasn't really happy about her being in a sorority. Since he didn't come home hardly at all, she felt that he didn't want to be with her any longer, but didn't know how to break it off with her. It really hurt her and rightly so, but she was able to work through her feeings of breaking up with him, where he had no idea. He thought everything as okay and would be better when he got home for the summer. He did everything he could, but she felt that if they did get back together the same thing would happen once he left for school again. He has called her and told her many times how much he screwed up and wants to be with her, but it hasn't changed anything. I don't like being like this as I know this is her life, and of course, I'm hoping that they will reconnect, but that could very well be hopeful thinking. However, many of their friends feel like she has changed and don't see her side of the relationship that he didn't come home for any of her sorority dances, didn't want to skype any longer, and didn't really have much of a phone conversation with her anymore. As my daughter put it, he got way to comfortable with their relationship and she had overlooked a lot for awhile, but realized it wasn't fair to her. However, I still miss him being around and when I ask if they've spoken she gets mad at me and says why do I care. It's very difficult to explain my feelings but he's a good kid and a very respectful person. Is it wrong if I talk to him, even though I'm not sure if he would talk to me. Sometimes, I don't think fb helps, because he sees pics of my daughter with sorority stuff and he doesn't try to post most of anything. Sometimes, all that sorority stuff really bothers me because I feel that she puts so much into it. However, she's tolds me that in all of her years at school, she never felt like she had really good friends and she finally does,but I don't like what goes along with sororities and fraternities either. I relate alot of my daughter's breakup because of her being in a sorority and it bothers me, but I realize I can't do a whole lot about it. I just don't understand why I'm having so many mixed emotions about my daughter's breakup. My husband tells me its her life and I totally get that, but like I said he was considered part of the family.
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Mary - posted on 09/08/2012
My daughter and her ex boyfriend are both juniors at the same university. They began dating their senior year in high school. I kept my distance from him because I was never really sure if he was the right guy for her (he has ADD). Yes, that was selfish of me, but I really grew to care about him, anyway. They were a wonderful couple and very much in love.
They broke up 2 months ago. Their story is sort similar as far as he initiated the break up. I think things may have been a little more complicated than for your story. However, the point is I am also feeling sad for him and I wish I could be there for him. I will just have to stay on the sidelines and pray for him. I'm sure I don't know everything about what has happened and I'm afraid it could really backfire if I, in any way, tried to step in.
My husband does not understand my emotions, either.