My daughter is being hazed by her team in college. What should she do. She is miserable.

Kelly - posted on 12/16/2010

You need to contact the college - on every campus hazing is forbidden. If no one ever speaks up then it never stops. And the coach is over the line here and keeping it going.

Kristen - posted on 12/09/2010

Very true, Barbara.

When my daughter would complain about a coach picking on her, I'd tell her to consider how a grain of sand irritates the oyster and causes it to form a beautiful pearl. Coach just wants you to make a pearl.

Barbara - posted on 12/09/2010

Also, consider the fact that the coach wouldn't have offered her a scholarship if he didn't like her. There's more to scholarship offers than skill alone....

Barbara - posted on 12/09/2010

As a freshman on the team, and being on scholarship, she poses a threat to the upper classmen who have "done their time" with practices, sitting on the bench, etc. Like it or not, there is a pecking order that is already established. Your daughter needs to just smile and take some of the joking knowing it is just that, joking. She has to "earn" the right to joke back especially with the coach. She needs to tame her emotions and roll with it, taking time to observe a bit longer to know who is who and what is what within the team's chemistry and makeup. Just like in real life, the "new kid on the block" cannot just join in the middle of an established group. I agree, as long as its not physical harassment, this is something valuable she can learn from, and hopefully her experience will turn into a nicer one. Belonging to a college team is a very unique thing that doesn't come to everyone. With time, she should be part of this very special family who will have her back at a moments notice. Be patient!

Jacqueline R. - posted on 12/08/2010

Thank you.

Jymme - posted on 12/08/2010

There comes a time in our children's lives when we have to let them work thru issues. I agree that if they are physically hazing then you might have to step in. This is actually how they learn to deal with issues like an adult they so desperately want to be and have us parents think they are. I also know as a parent it is a hard thing to do. My daughter is a senior in college and I had many phone calls about things thru the last 4 years. Like unfair proffessors and college orientated things. I have had to tell her these are issues for her to work out. Granted she has never been a sports scholarship or involved with sports but she had other scholarships that were on the line of she didn't do well. All I can say is I hope all goes well for you and your daughter. Things do eventually work out!!

Kristen - posted on 12/08/2010

I wish your daughter and her team the best of luck and I hope her college experience is a fun and rewarding one.

Jacqueline R. - posted on 12/07/2010

Thank you I like that.

Kristen - posted on 12/07/2010

Going to a coach's superior would be about the worst thing you could do. I have a daughter who is a senior and a basketball player. Your girl is for all intents and purposes an adult now. All she needs to do as a freshman is show up and work hard. The social part will come along as the other team members see that she is serious about school and ball and wants to be a part of the TEAM. Everybody talks about everybody behind their backs. As long as it's just talk, and not a physical hazing, let HER handle it. It will thicken her skin and teach her coping skills that will serve her well throughout her life.

If she's truly unhappy, find another team.

Jacqueline R. - posted on 12/01/2010

Thank you Kimberly.

Kimberly - posted on 12/01/2010

I think that that is not good sportsmanship. You should go to his superior express your concerns, let them know there is a lot on the line and you do not want this to affect your daughters outcome. In turn they need to monitor his way of teaching. I would think that this falls under the No Bulling Act. Hazing is when they beat the you know what out of her. Don't let it get to that point. Hope this helps.