My daughter is leaving for college and I'm not ready to cut the strings. What can help me get though this?

Mary - posted on 07/09/2009

This is the beginning of HER life, not the end of yours. If you did a good job raising her, allow her the space to make a few mistakes, but let her know you are always available, but not hovering. You will be thrilled when she calls you from the grocery store to ask you where to find capers. Now it's time for you to get into something to fill your time.

DEBBIE - posted on 07/09/2009

thank you all so much for your advice....it really helped alot knowing im not the only mom of a 22 year old and is very sad he is moving out...my one and only child...we are gonna be in diffrent states but not far far away....thank you again...would love to hear more stories...Debbie Paschal

Kim - posted on 07/08/2009

I know the feeling!!!! My son will leave for college in August and I cry each time I think about it. But, we have raised them to be independent people and go out into the world and chase their dreams so now we must deal with OUR own issues and allow them to do what we prepared them to do. Don't you wish they left for college when they were 14??? Usually... kids are so weird and difficult at that age that we would be HAPPY to send them then. But, that is not the case... so, we must be as strong as we have raised out children to be and live the life that WE are destined to live. Best of luck to you!!!!!!!

Tammy - posted on 07/07/2009

It is hard to give our kids wings, but very necessary for them to mature fully. Be happy she is choosing college! She will stay close to you as an adult, because you are close already. Try not to worry... easier said than done. This is a good time for you to start a new hobby to keep your mind busy. It is not so bad really. You state that you have another child, so spend more time with him. Even an empty nest is good after some getting used to. I promise you will become accustomed to this change. Take care.

Janet - posted on 07/07/2009

I also have a daughter that will be leaving for college and sounds like you have a great relationship with her and that's something she will hold on too. Keep in touch with her.

Gina - posted on 07/06/2009

Hi Vicki, I too was dealing with the same situation last year. The cell phone was a great invention. Amber and I text back and forth and she calls every night, even if it's just to say goodnite. You could also use a web cam if you like they're nice. The first year was hard. All the things you miss being apart. It was her first birthday away from me since birth. But, we managed to get through it. I send her lil' packages in the mail all the time. Like your normal college needs stuff and then goofy ones like stuff to decorate her room with for the holidays. This year she is actually thinking about moving to a college closer to home. I hope everything goes okay with your child leaving for college.

Sharon - posted on 07/05/2009

I have 3 daughters and two of them started college just one year apart. It was hard, but I kept reminding myself that this is what I had always wanted for my daughters, to go to college, experience life and get their education. You are never ready for them to grow up and leave home, but it is a natural part of growing up and we moms just have to be strong and have faith that we have taught them well enough to make good choices and remind them that whatever they need, whenever they need it, we are still here for them. Try not to show the kids leaving for college how extremely sad it makes you because we don't want them to feel guilty for leaving us. Tell your child you are going to miss them like crazy, but remind them how extremely proud you are that they are entering this next phase of their life.

Delores - posted on 06/19/2009

hi vicky, you will be just fine. my daughter went away to college, and i remember i cryed all the way home . that was four years ago. now i look back and realize that was thebest thing for her. she became her own person and became very independant. and by the way she did really well in college 4.0 i am very proud of her. she has one semester to go and that is to student teach. im sure your daughter will call you . try to relax. and have faith all will go well. and each year it will get easier actually my daughter and i were talking last eve about how many times we moved her six times gets easier

Marilyn - posted on 06/17/2009

Quoting Vicki:

My daughter is leaving for college and I'm not ready to cut the strings. What can help me get though this?

She is my best friend..I had her when I was 17 and now she is leaving for college..6 hours away...It will be soooo weird. I don't know how to couple with the fact that she is moving on to bigger and better things...I'm very proud of her and I want her to follow her dreams and goals...I'm just a big baby when it comes to her because we both went though some hard times when I was with her father..I will miss her goofy face ..LOL and I know it will be hard for her too..she is leaving her little brother and her dog and of me...it's such a weird feeling , I'm happy and sad at the same time and it can be very confusing..but I knew this day would come..I just wasn't ready...

hello vicki we mothers are never for this it hits hard but we do have to let them go and start there life you can still be there for her always. now is your turn to try something new for you join us marykay ladys you can do this have a look at my web site www.marykay.ca/mwareham and be your own boss. if this is not for you why not place a order and pamper yourself make yourself feel a little bit better hope this helps pls advise thnk you marilyn hope everything works out i sure it will.

Debbie - posted on 06/17/2009

You sound like a wonderful mom. Just know she loves you as you allow her to get her wings. She will be far in distance but her heart will always be with you. I always thought I'd be fine as the seasons of life come upon me. My daughter is in college and just go married. I also had mixed feelings. Just love her, listen to her, CALL her! She wants to hear from you. I miss my babies goofy face too. Her sweet smile. It is such a wonderful season, watching this little girl whom you nurtured turn into the woman you could only dream she'd be. Pray, stay on your knees for her. We are never ready-the best is yet to come-believe it.

Karron - posted on 06/17/2009

Yes Vicki it is hard when your child is leaving for college, but it will get easier I promise. Some of the best advice I got was at freshman orientation. At my daughter's school it was for 2 days and they had separate presentations for parents and kids with wonderful speakers and mixers at night. Maybe her school has an orientation also that you can both attend. My daughter is Epileptic and it was extremely difficult for me to let her go to a school 5 hours away form us but she really wanted to go to this school. She just completed her freshman year and will go back in the fall. She loves it there and has a new boyfriend that she really cares for and was so anxious for us to meet him. Don't worry she will still need you and she may get lonely there so you will need to encourage and comfort her no matter how much you may want to drive over and scoop her up and bring her back home. It's hard to remember that it's our job as parents to prepare them to go out into the world without us and make their own way. Trust yourself that you have raised her well and just let her know how much you love her and are there for her.

I know some moms call every day but that is one thing they told us NOT to do! Adapting to their first few months of school is enough pressure on them itself and if they have to us assure us every day that they are all right it can be even more pressure on them that they don't need so please don't make her "check in" everyday like some parents do. We want them to succeed make good grades but also have fun too. I realized a few years ago through my fear of them leaving home and leaving me, that my relationship with them will be much longer with them as adults than the first 18-21 years of their life. So as they transition to college our relationship with them also begins to change from the one we had with them as children and that can be a wonderful thing. There will definitely be a few bumps along the way but as they say: "this too shall pass" and it will.

She will be fine and so will you.

Good luck to her and you.

Monica - posted on 06/17/2009

Hi, Lord knows it is hard with your child leaving for college. I cried all the way home when we took my daughter to college 2 years ago. Just keep in contact if all you do is to say hello because they do want their indepedence. They will call you when they get upset or like my daughter, when she got sick with a cold and asked what should dhe do to get feeling better. That made me feel like she was somewhat closere to home. It will take some getting use to,you will get throughit. It is hard to let go of that string that keeps them with you all the time.Just let her know you're there for her. She'll come to you when she needs you... Monica

Anne - posted on 06/17/2009

Hi Vicki, You are feeling like almost every other mother on the planet that loves their children and now thy are leaving the nest. When our daughters left for college almost 4 years ago the left with in 3 weeks of each other. The oldest to North Carolina the youngest to California. We live in Michigan. I have to say the weeks leading up to their leaving were the worst. Our oldest whom I had been very close to when she was younger had moved out of the house about 8 weeks before in a huff and I had not spoken to her for almost 5 weeks. The worst weeks of my life. I can tell you it was so wonderful when with God's help and Grace we were healing our relationship before she left. We now could not be closer even though we live 12 hours away. Or youngest and I had always had a slightly LOL rocker relationship. BUT when her sister moved out she and I became very close.



I have said all of that to say this, yes it is hard but you are a strong women and a GOOD mom the fact you left her dad when you needed to proves this. The main thing that help me was my strong faith in God. If you are a Praying mom continue to Pray for your daughter and the rest of your family to get through this change.



I agree that a cell phone with unlimited texting and minutes is a must, HOWEVER do not expect her to call you every day. Our oldest had a schedule that did not leave room for every day calls and I did not have texting at first. I now do and have enjoyed this new addition to our phone contract. Our youngest has had a 15 minute walk from her dorm to her first class most semesters at least 3 mornings a week so she would call then.



Try to live in today and not think in count down mode. I found my self doing that at first and it DID NOT HELP!!!!! if your computers have webcams or if you can fit them into your budget there is a web site called Skype it is very popular with talk shows and news shows right now. The great thing about this is it is free to use. the web site is www.skype.com there are instructions on how to down load the program that will allow you to talk face to face. It was great this past winter semester because our youngest was in Argentina and Peru doing her study abroad for her major.



You can do this and you also have us to help you. If you have time or the want to get involved with some group that you have thought about doing but did not have the time before. I know you still have her brother at home so this may not be an issue for you to keep busy.

Sue - posted on 06/16/2009

ME EITHER, I just was NOT ready to have my son go off to college!!!! I bought him a cell phone with unlimited texting and unlimited calling to my phone. We communicate EVERY day either by calling or texting!! It has made it MUCH easier for him to be away!! I never shed a tear the whole time we were getting him settled into his dorm room, but I cried ALL THE WAY HOME!!! It get easier the second year!!!! Good luck with your child leaving for college!!!

Wendy - posted on 06/16/2009

Have faith in how you raised her! You seem like a strong woman, so know in your heart you have raised her to handle situations with dignity, grace and wisdom! Feel good that it is time for her to spread her wings, and know that she will always have a safe and warm place to land...HOME!

Gina - posted on 07/06/2009

Hi Vicki, I too was dealing with the same situation last year. The cell phone was a great invention. Amber and I text back and forth and she calls every night, even if it's just to say goodnite. You could also use a web cam if you like they're nice. The first year was hard. All the things you miss being apart. It was her first birthday away from me since birth. But, we managed to get through it. I send her lil' packages in the mail all the time. Like your normal college needs stuff and then goofy ones like stuff to decorate her room with for the holidays. This year she is actually thinking about moving to a college closer to home. I hope everything goes okay with your child leaving for college.

Karron - posted on 06/17/2009

Yes Vicki it is hard when your child is leaving for college, but it will get easier I promise. Some of the best advice I got was at freshman orientation. At my daughter's school it was for 2 days and they had separate presentations for parents and kids with wonderful speakers and mixers at night. Maybe her school has an orientation also that you can both attend. My daughter is Epileptic and it was extremely difficult for me to let her go to a school 5 hours away form us but she really wanted to go to this school. She just completed her freshman year and will go back in the fall. She loves it there and has a new boyfriend that she really cares for and was so anxious for us to meet him. Don't worry she will still need you and she may get lonely there so you will need to encourage and comfort her no matter how much you may want to drive over and scoop her up and bring her back home. It's hard to remember that it's our job as parents to prepare them to go out into the world without us and make their own way. Trust yourself that you have raised her well and just let her know how much you love her and are there for her.

I know some moms call every day but that is one thing they told us NOT to do! Adapting to their first few months of school is enough pressure on them itself and if they have to us assure us every day that they are all right it can be even more pressure on them that they don't need so please don't make her "check in" everyday like some parents do. We want them to succeed make good grades but also have fun too. I realized a few years ago through my fear of them leaving home and leaving me, that my relationship with them will be much longer with them as adults than the first 18-21 years of their life. So as they transition to college our relationship with them also begins to change from the one we had with them as children and that can be a wonderful thing. There will definitely be a few bumps along the way but as they say: "this too shall pass" and it will.

She will be fine and so will you.

Good luck to her and you.

Monica - posted on 06/17/2009

Hi, Lord knows it is hard with your child leaving for college. I cried all the way home when we took my daughter to college 2 years ago. Just keep in contact if all you do is to say hello because they do want their indepedence. They will call you when they get upset or like my daughter, when she got sick with a cold and asked what should dhe do to get feeling better. That made me feel like she was somewhat closere to home. It will take some getting use to,you will get throughit. It is hard to let go of that string that keeps them with you all the time.Just let her know you're there for her. She'll come to you when she needs you... Monica

Sue - posted on 06/16/2009

ME EITHER, I just was NOT ready to have my son go off to college!!!! I bought him a cell phone with unlimited texting and unlimited calling to my phone. We communicate EVERY day either by calling or texting!! It has made it MUCH easier for him to be away!! I never shed a tear the whole time we were getting him settled into his dorm room, but I cried ALL THE WAY HOME!!! It get easier the second year!!!! Good luck with your child leaving for college!!!