My kids refuse to accept my friendship on facebook

Carolyn - posted on 12/03/2008 ( 266 moms have responded )

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Just thought it comical that my kids won't except my friendship on facebook, yet all there friends except me. I've never been one to route through bedrooms, purses, etc. My oldest son said he'll except me when he gets out of college. I've seen their facebooks through other people being logged on ...mainly their own friends (I know I just said I didn't snoop, but...... was curious as to what the big deal was). They don't have anything on there to hide. I just think it's funny. I posted a picture of my kids when they were younger, and didn't understand the concept of "Tagging" a photo...I sent a tagged photo of my son to all his friends, he was about seven in the pic, and making a really funny face. Anyway, he was the only one that HAD excepted my friend invite, and now I've been DELETED.. LOL LOL LOL Just thought I'd share.

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Ruth - posted on 03/11/2010

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Seven children and FB friends with them all. As I type I am IMing with my 19 yr old son who is at college. It is a great way for all of us to keep in touch. We can post once and everybody sees it. We share pictures all the time and it lets me feel more connected with them. Not one ever refused or deleted me and I am also friends with many of their friends. Reading the posts makes me realize how very fortunate I am.

Meshia - posted on 02/16/2009

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I had my daughter set me up a page on myspace when she was 16 and when she got a facebook she setup my page automatically. My 14 son is also my friend on myspace and facebook. My rule is as long as you live in my house i have access to your pages. When they seen i didn't bother them they don't care anymore. All their friends are my friends and i use it to stay aware of new people in their lives and what their moods are. It's nice now that my daughter is in college and i still can see how she dresses and if she aces a test she will post it. LOL

Jeanne - posted on 01/15/2009

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I'm a divorced Mom and I didn't want my sons as my friends.  First of all, I don't want them to see all the silly stuff, etc. I may comment on, or post on my Facebook.  And the same goes for my sons.  They may say something that may be "embarrasing".   I think we should allow them their privacy once they're old enough to go to college.  It doesn't mean they don't love you or want to ignore you, but Facebook is different to the college age kids.  Email your son/daughter, and stay off of their Facebook if that's what they want.  And don't sweat it.

Natalie - posted on 12/10/2008

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My son accepted friendship with his aunt but not with me (his mom). As he so eloquently put it, "that's just not the cool thing to do", (my interpretation is he doesn't want his friends to see that his mother is a friend otherwise it would probably be ok).

It's all about appearances..

[deleted account]

My 18 year old added me right away, my 15 year old did so begrudgingly! lol!

(If it's all on the up & up, then there's nothing to hide...)

Seriously, tho, my daughter's college buddies friended me, but then they spent the weekend at our place too... Facebook is just a communication tool that makes it easy to stay in touch.

We are a very close family and I think that has an affect as well.

Both my husband & I are on there and can IM with our daughter, which saves a phone call & $!

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266 Comments

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Bobbie - posted on 04/23/2010

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My kids have all accepted me as a friend, in fact, a lot of their friends send me friend requests! I've always been very open and honest with my kids, and that's a two way street. My step kids also are my friends on face book. I think that it's great! Sometimes I do read things that make me cringe, but then I think back to some of the things I did when I was their age, and let it go. I never harrass them about stuff that I read, and I think that's key.

Barbara - posted on 04/20/2010

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We have a rule in our home. If you are under 18 and live with us you MUST give us access, passwords, etc. to any and all internet activities such as gia, facebook, email, etc. There are safety issues to consider. It is our duty to protect our children. So not only am I accepted as their friend on facebook, I also have their password. In either case though no one has complained. My husband & I have explained or reasoning and they understand. However with this said they do know that at anytime I do find out that this rule has been broken they will lose computer & phone privileges. I trust my children but I am their mom first and friend second. Safety is my concern. We have fun together and lots of his friends/girl friend has even accepted me.

Melissa - posted on 04/05/2010

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My daughter is a Senior and was in a similar situation... She started a FB page that said "you know it is her high school when..." and it was for past and present students to share memories of the school. Many teachers were members of the page... some present students were starting to post about the VP and other teachers and the school said they would file charges on my daughter for slander... I told her no she should not delete the group and she did nothing wrong. She did not bash anyone and she should not hide from her freedom of speech which again was not her posting or her doing. Instead the school took the easy way out and called her dad and he told the school that he would have her delete the page... SO as far as I am concerned... I am glad I AM her friend as I know what she says and when I should stand behind her and defend her... Go Kayla!!!! Srs. 10

Dee - posted on 04/04/2010

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Thats too cute! My daughter's have accepted me but for the love of money my sone will not accept me. He just turned 17 and still refuses! He also is not into anything "bad" its just "his privacy" as he says lol!

Diane - posted on 04/03/2010

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Zee, my daughter's are 20, 26, and 30 yo. It's 2yrs now since their dad died and now that they are adults in their own right, it's an honour and a priviledge that they do regard me as a friend as well as their parent. I'm glad that after all the usual teenage angst we have all come through ok, I'd feel I hadn't done ok as a mum if it were any different.
ps. they are more likely to embarass me lol

Zee's - posted on 04/03/2010

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well, you're their parent, NOT their friend! And face it, parents embarass their kids, even when we don't mean to! What we think is cute, makes them crawl! I remember a story my mother repeated for years about something my grandmother claimed I said when I was 16... it wasn't true and it was embarassing to me... ad I finally had to tell my mom to stop telling it, because it was a) untrue and b) even if it was true, it was embarassing!



That said, my son has me friended on HIS FB and I really try to ignore it. Several of his friends have friended me and honestly, it's rather...unsettling. I finally did friend filters so there isn't a problem.

Diane - posted on 04/03/2010

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I flicked throu some of the replies to this situation and am perplexed at the sheer volume of kids who think it 'uncool' to have their mums/parents as friends. I couldn't imagine not being friends on fb with my 3 daughters, they were the ones who said 'mum you should do this'. What I hadn't expected was how many of their friends or neighbours' kids would also be wanting to add me, quite a few of these I also online chat with. It's a most pleasant surprise, keeps me up to date and I wouldn't change it for the world. I really feel most lucky to have that contact.

Charla - posted on 04/01/2010

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Ok,Let me tell you this! My Children have me on there Myspace and the ones with Facebook accounts do not all have me. However there Myspace is set up in a way that I can't view there post,they all act as if they have some dark cone that they do NOT wana mama to see. I have just had to come to terms with the fact thatt they have there plas and we have ours. I too have some of there friends as my friends as well,But hey! were NOT there mama! So don't let it hurt you,as I have been there and done that! Not worth it. I am a mother of 8 children,One with Jesus,and I can tell you 100% that kids are NOT like we were. Good Luck and God Bless! But please whatever ya do,Don't ask them again and act as if you do not mind.((HUGS))

[deleted account]

Well, you are not alone. My daughter (18) did the same thing. Until she realized several of friends had requested me to their friend. I didn't request them. She finally requested me. Her boyfriend even requested my friendship. (ha) I do not post any pictures of them w/o them being there. It is a great way to communicate with her, on message to message. (so no one else can see it)

Erin - posted on 04/01/2010

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Look as far as I can tell the college kids that are my friends I respect and do not post to them. My daughter has allowed me to be her friend but hates it if I copy any of her photos. I had to promise I would not. I also know that I have over 600 other friends on facebook and if she did not want me talking about her to them she should be my friend so she can keep an eye on me! HAHAHAH Reverse psycology!!!!!!

Ann - posted on 04/01/2010

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My Son is 16 and He has been hiding alot of stuff ( Not all bad things,lol) on His Facebook and I too have been denied acess to view his site. Just recently, He was in trouble with his High School because Another Friend made a facebook page and My Son was given the "password" to this "Friend's Site" and They mocked 1 of the teacher's and only My Son got into trouble ( Not the 1 responseable that made the facebook page. They ( School) wanted to try to bring my Son up on a phony "Harrassment charge and expell", Him totaly from School..( Next year is his last year.). I asked himwhy he mocked this Teacher and said the Teacher has done nothing but pick on him ! I asked him to grant me acess to his facebook and was told.. It's not my Business and he wants his privaticy.

I don't think it's a big deal what he did because when I went to his School meeting.. The Teacher that wants my son expelled and was complaining wasn't/refused to be at this meeting. I also believe that even though he did this to the Teacher, Wheather it's right or wrong.. I trust him and I'm no longer going to ask to be accepted on his facebook.

Susan - posted on 03/30/2010

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Too funny, I joined facebook to see what my 22 year old daughter was into and she accepted me the same day I joined; most of her friends sent me friend request and I'm just apart of their circle. I think they get a kick of the things I say and the way I speak, because I don't understand all the lingo and abbreviations, they say my post are too long...lol. I would say just don't post any embarassing photos or comments on their wall and you will be fine.

Melissa - posted on 03/30/2010

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I doubt that I could ever convince my son of that. He's 18 now. I like Debbie Griffin's post. He has been communicating with some people who I am estranged from and that bothers me and I told him. but...I didn't tell him to stop.

Melissa - posted on 03/30/2010

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Well, you're right. Kids usually do that because they do not want their parents embarrassing them. However, I wish I had been more "hands-on" with him when he starting using his first computer at 8 years old.

Melissa - posted on 03/28/2010

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My eldest daughter actually suggested I get a FB account. After that My youngest daughter thought she was missing out on something and and got her a FB too. We are all friends and I comment on my daughter's accounts. Not to mention when she posts when she should be working or learning, I tease her about that too. I am friends with her friends and they post on my wall and I theirs... My daughters are also friends with some of the teachers I work with (different school than they attend). It is just a social network, assure your kiddos that you are just trying to keep up with the fun and frustrations in life not stalking them...



Good Luck...

Dana - posted on 03/26/2010

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When my older two kids were under 18 the only way they could have a facebook page was if I was their friend and had access to their passwords...Now they are 19 and 18 and I am still on both of their pages...and quite a few of their friends are on mine as well. I think some of my posts are scarier/more embarrassing than what my kids post.

I am really glad that my kids are ok with being my friend on FB, we have a super close relationship and I don't think there is too much we don't know about each other.

Samantha - posted on 03/24/2010

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I have four kids and I am friends with all of them on facebook and myspace. Mine never went thru that stage where I was an embarassment. I got hugs in public and everything.

Ronnie - posted on 03/23/2010

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My 20 year old daughter is my friend. But my 18 year old son deleted me. I think once my son realizes he has nothing to hide, I'll be added back! lol Kids!

Liz - posted on 03/22/2010

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That's funny. My sons finally accepted me as a friend. I felt honored. I am not on there much and they know it. My boys are 27 nd 16. My 20 yr old does not 'facebook' to quote him.

Helen - posted on 03/21/2010

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I have been accepted by my daughter (who is 18) and most of her friends. My son (20) won't accept me, but he does leave his page up so I can see it. He's been pretty open, but his friends are ok being friends. I just keep waiting until things will change... not too worried and I won't stalk him - so he's thinking about it. All of the kids call me "Mom" and ask my advice at times, but I try to keep my 'interference' to a minimum. And sometimes I'll add a smart remark or something supportive to a friend and they are ok with that.

Rhonda - posted on 03/21/2010

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My college age son did the same thing. I did what you did, I checked him out thru his friends that had accepted me. My son finally befriended me, but I have to tell you sometimes I wish he hadn't. I love conversing with him, but there are some things that I would just rather not know and now I have even more to "worry" about !

Vanessa - posted on 03/20/2010

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Thats too funny. I looked atmy dtrs boyfriends page ONE time & she accused me of stalking his page, as if it was that interesting in the 1st place ha!

Kathy - posted on 03/19/2010

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Yeah, just like when thye were in the "terrible two" stage, they are asserting their independence. When they're teens, you're an embarrasment in a way being a parent AND friend and they don't want their friends to think they're babies and not cool. It's part of that full frontal lobe development they go through. When it's done--the full frontal lobe development---they can afford to be friends. They're grown and human by then. LOL!

Ileana - posted on 03/18/2010

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Don't worry my kids also denied me as their friend on facebook but now that I moved to Korea my daughter finally accepted me and I did not find anything interesting in there. I was sure happy.

Candace - posted on 03/18/2010

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I have two college age boys and my oldest son was the one who set up my account and I'm friends with him, although he does have blocks on what I can see.. My younger son thought that was a bad idea and will not be friends with me..I'm really ok with this because what I am allow to see on my oldest son wall at time is really TMI.. I think there are certain things a Mother should and shouldn't see. They really can not control what other people write on their wall and some of it is really explicit. So, don't feel so bad. Trust me you may just regret it....oh, and posting the pics of them.. a definite no-no.......

Tammie - posted on 03/14/2010

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My oldest son and my youngest son are part of my friends list. My middle son doesn't have a FB page. My oldest son excepted my friend request but with restrictions. I can not post a bunch of mushy stuff on his wall nor forward alot of (what he calls) garbage to his mail. I'm good with that....those are reasonable request. I so enjoy being able to see new pics of him and often we chat late at night. He is my only child that lives several hours away from home so I love bumping into him on FB and having the ability to be spontanous when I do. With out FB we would not communicate as often.....Thank you Facebook!!!!

Joann - posted on 03/14/2010

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My kids are the same. Their friends have requested me but my kids hate the thought of me being on facebook. I believe they feel their privacy will be invaded by me. That is not my style but I don't push the issue. My youngest one did tag a bunch of family photos in my photo album so I know he is watching mom! LOL!! Who's the parent anyway!! It's all good....

Ginette - posted on 03/13/2010

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my kids all added me at one point in time, it was their idea to have me on facebook, but when my son was being deployed, my oldest got upset at me for posting pictures of all of the kids when they where younger, since then I have removed her pics, but she blocked me from seeing her sight and has stopped talking to me all together, but I get to talk to my son while he is in Iraq, best thing they have come up with for a soldier to stay in touch with family and friends, but it also has its bad points miss my oldest and talking to her, its been almost a year now, wow what a picture can do, and there wasn't anything wrong with the picture just her and her friends playing vidio games. :(

Natalie - posted on 03/12/2010

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I haven't even tried yet. I know mine will not friend me, but her boyfriend and alot of her friends are my friends I think its funny too.

Amy - posted on 03/12/2010

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LOL that is too funny. I don't have that problem, quite the opposite. Mine won't leave me alone.

Victoria - posted on 03/12/2010

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I am friends with my two grown adult sons. Sometimes I wish I wasn't. At this age, they are grown kids and their ideals are still changing. Sometimes I want to comment and respond with a "mommy" reminder and then I remember they are grown, entitled to their own opinion and able to be free to state their mind even if I disagree. Today, my eldest posted a "rude" comment in my estimation. At first, I just shrugged it off and then I decided that I needed to let him know that that comment reflected badly on him. So I responded. I don't expect a comment back and if I get one it probably won't be anything I will like. He may even unfriend me. However, I would have responded to that post if one of my friends had said it. I try to keep in mind that my children will really not be my friend until they are out of the house and they become successful adults. Until then, I am trying to navigate this mommy/housemate role with them.

Barbara - posted on 03/11/2010

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Both of my kids accepted my invite and some of their friends but for the most part I dont bother them. I do however look to see what they have on their pages, what groups they joined or are fans of, and friends they made online. I rather not be surprised or hear from others if they are up to "something" or may be endanger. My kids are pretty honest with me and we have an "open door" policy both on the internet and in our home. I respect them as people but I am still their mother, and kept help but worry about them.

Wendolyn - posted on 03/11/2010

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As soon as i joined facebook both my 19 year old & my 21 year old added me and their girlfriends and all their friends. It is alot of fun communicating with them and their girlfriends. I really enjoy some of the pictures their friends put up and i like being able to know what there doing when there doesn't always seem to be time for coversation, i can keep up with them this way. I am grateful my children added as a friend.

Kimbel - posted on 03/11/2010

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being on facebook is fun! Yes I also have lots of daughter's and son's friends who have FB friended me when my kids were surprised or not happy they did. Some of my mom friends think that is so strange that your kids friends want you to be thier FB friends but I think it is a compliment. On not being friended by your kids? Heh it is a private thing but through their friends you can still see pictures of their lives that you usually would not have access to....for instance my son is in Europe adn I can view pics of him traveling through Europe with other college kids on the wkds. Is this bad? I feel safer for my kids adn away from worry when I know that my kids are OK adn have good friends. You are still a mom and never just a friend to your kids. MOM's have to care about thier kids and wonder how thier kids are doing in life and facebook keeps me in touch.

Eileen - posted on 03/10/2010

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My son especially was mortified and refused to be my facebook friend--and he was 23 at the time! My daughter is my friend, though, as well as many of their friends. I originally started my facebook account because I was the administrator of a job related one, and needed my own personal one as well. The kids thjought I was trying to invade their trerritory and spy on them! It still bothers me that my son rejected me.

Melissa - posted on 03/10/2010

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My two youngest children also refused to add me. They said they didn't want me on there making comments about things they had posted. I have several of their friends that have added me. And some I have a totally different opinion of now that I have witnessed some of the things they have posted. I have since "hidden" some of them because I was so disgusted! I demanded that my children add me so I can MAKE SURE THEY DON'T POST THINGS THAT I FEEL ARE UNACCEPTABLE! Things have gone very very well. I can monitor them closely, even though I was pretty sure they wouldn't have chosen to be like their friends. Proud mother of good kids...

Aretha - posted on 03/09/2010

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My kids just added me , mine you they did'nt want to ,but now were face book buddies

Blythe - posted on 03/09/2010

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I'm 40 years old and tormented over whether to accept MY dad's request! I can completely understand why a kid wouldn't want their parent being able to post say, video of me in the tub when I'm 2 ( yes he did, and there a coochie shot!) Or getting reprimanded at the age of 40 for using the word "ass" in my status. We have 5 teenage boys, the older two have at various times deleted or restricted our view and I've got no problem with it. Understand completely.

Kathryn - posted on 03/09/2010

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I am a Mom who also loves to brag and show off my children and their pictures because I am so proud of them and they are my life. However, I have learned that if you want to be accepted more often in their adult life, you have to sometimes stifle the urge to do the things that embarrass them. Like go on and on and on talking about when they were little, showing pictures they may be embarrassed about, etc.. Trust me, I know its hard because even though our intention would NEVER be to embarrass them, that is what we do sometimes so we just need to be a little more respectful of their feelings and their new adult life they are trying to carve out and that they want to protect from things like embarrassment with their friends, etc.. Just one last note, they sure dont mind embarrassing us though do they??? LOL!!!! :)



By: Kathryn Kennedy Phillips, Lehigh Acres, FLorida

Lisa - posted on 03/08/2010

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Welcome to the Club..LOL. Its normal...mine did the same thing and asked me to NOT embarass him at college please...lol. I am LUCKY (an grateful to tears) to get an email out of that boy these days!!!

[deleted account]

Hey! Read a few replies and now I feel I am really a lucky MOM. I am not a computer savyy and it was my son 18 yrs just joined college who suddenly clicked my photo while we were sitting and chatting in living room.He opened up the facebook profile for me and added himself as my first friend and also taught me how to use the FB.My friend request was immediately accepted by my elder daughter who is now 22.Now ofcourse I have my own full group of high school and college friends including my aunts and cousins and although I visit their page sometimes to know the latest going on and see their photos and also discuss certain things they were never offended or unpleasant.I think facebook is a nice way to keep in touch with your children although personal thing should always be written on mails as they may feel embarassed being treated like kids in front of their friends.

Children should grow up to understand their parents are their best friends and vise-versa provided we give them their space too.

Cyndi - posted on 03/06/2010

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All of my sons have always added me but I have learned to stay out of 1. Love Life Issues Other than that... we're good!

[deleted account]

hmmmm you can indeed see what's going on through his friends fb - but is it possible he is afraid of being embarrassed by any of your actions? Good friends don't embarrass friends especially publically. You could negotiate to see what would it take on your part for him to accept you - then try a probational period and see how that goes. If he agrees, and has made clear what he does and doesn't want from you on it, - I would barely put anything on his site, but visit often until the trust has been established. Good Luch!

Sonia - posted on 03/05/2010

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My daughter accepted me when she finally opened up a FB account. She actually pimped out my MySpace account & I had a FB before she did. I even teased her about having more friends than she had!! We have a good relationship so I really didn't care if she accepted me or not. She tells me that I have a more exciting life than she does which why she doesn't care about us being friends. I told her that I wish I was her age again. I remember like it was yesterday!! She will be 21 next week! I love her to death!!

Sonia - posted on 03/05/2010

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My daughter accepted me when she finally opened up a FB account. She actually pimped out my MySpace account & I had a FB before she did. I even teased her about having more friends than she had!! We have a good relationship so I really didn't care if she accepted me or not. She tells me that I have a more exciting life than she does which why she doesn't care about us being friends. I told her that I wish I was her age again. I remember like it was yesterday!! She will be 21 next week! I love her to death!!

Sonia - posted on 03/05/2010

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My daughter accepted me when she finally opened up a FB account. She actually pimped out my MySpace account & I had a FB before she did. I even teased her about having more friends than she had!! We have a good relationship so I really didn't care if she accepted me or not. She tells me that I have a more exciting life than she does which why she doesn't care about us being friends. I told her that I wish I was her age again. I remember like it was yesterday!! She will be 21 next week! I love her to death!!

Rachel - posted on 03/05/2010

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I wouldn't LET my kids have an account if they wouldn't add me as a friend. Both did, and so have several of their friends, and everything is good. They should NOT be putting things out for the whole World to see, that they would be embarrassed or ashamed for ME to see. I'm not snooping, or stalking, but just being a part of my kid's lives in another way. They still have their privacy. They can sent whatever they don't want seen by others to a person's inbox. Every once in a while, I will inbox them on something I don't approve of, but all in all, things are great on Facebook with me AND my kids! (19 year old son, and almost 14 year old daughter)

Bobbi - posted on 03/05/2010

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It's just a phse.........he's just establishing boundaries. don't worry, he'll friend you when he's ready! Did you want your parents to know everything about you when you were 18?

Stacy - posted on 03/04/2010

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They all go through the "I have my own space" period. Ease up and wait it out. You'll be added (with some "Mom, Please don't") stipulations later. It's not that he's hiding anything...

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