Should they tell you what they do every day?

Susan - posted on 09/13/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My son started college 3 weeks ago and is living in the dorms about 10 minutes from our house. We are used to knowing what he does all day and in the evenings/weekend. Since he has gone to college, we know he has gone to some parties and other festivals, etc that he didn't tell us he went to. Is it expected that when your kids are in college, you should no longer expect them to tell you what they do/where they go? I know the answer is probably Yes, but it seems so strange not knowing where he is, with who and what they are doing. I'd appreciate hearing how you handle this topic with your college kids. Sad empty nester.

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Ashley - posted on 10/24/2012

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I am in college, the problem is that you call him a kid.



We are not kids anymore, were in a weird between stage. If you dont let him grow up and be himself, he will grow to hate you. No dont worry about what he's doing. If he needs help he will tell you. You need to go out and refind yourself.



Go have fun

Ramona - posted on 09/20/2012

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It is strange, to be sure, but it is good. You raised him well enough he was able to get into college and is making it on his own. So, let him alone. I had one parent at my dd's college on drop off day tell the other parents that her oldest never called home when he went away. He told her later that calling made him even more homesick and it was easier to just not call. My dd calls every few days and we are fine with that. She also traveled a lot growing up, with my parents and other groups, and often could not call, so for us, it is not as unusual not to hear what she is up to all the time.

Sharon - posted on 09/17/2012

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I have had two college kids and it is hard to not to want to know where they are and what they are doing. One daughter lived in the city of Chicago and now my son is in Honolulu. All we do is ask them to text us every night or sometime during the day to let us know they are least alive and kicking. My daughter was pretty good about it. My son, if he doesn't text us and I don't see anything on FB I will just text a little note, Are you still alive? He usually responds because we explain that is we don't want to get in your business, just want to know if you are alright.

Ail - posted on 09/14/2012

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Awww, you are lucky you made it thru HS, knowing his every move! That is why it's so hard for you now. I'm already seeing my HS kids pulling back, little by little, but I think that's part of growing up. He just waited a little longer than most, so now you are dealing with it - cold turkey.



He is probably trying to be independent, and maybe he's a little overwhelmed with his new freedom, choices, time management, and new environment. Let him figure it out. I'm sure you laid the groundwork for him, so he can "fly".



I feel sad, too, but it comes in waves. If you get some quality time with him, and you don't pressure him with a million questions, you'd be surprised what he shares. Now, it's time for you to live your own life and when he does talk with you, share your new experiences and then he will share his, as an adult. Best wishes to you. Have fun on this site. I'm sure you have advice for those behind you in raising kids, and it always makes me feel good to think I can share some of my experiences to help another mom.

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