son wants to stay local but live on campus

Karen - posted on 04/17/2009

I was having a problem with the idea of my daughter living on campus, even though we live less than five miles away! However, I thought about her driving home alone at night, or having to go back and forth for evening activities, and realized that it would be better for her to live on campus. In addition, she is learning how to live on her own, managing her time, finances, and resources, all within a safe, controlled environment. By the time she graduates, she will have learned life skills that could not be learned living with 'mom', yet I am still close enough that if she needs me I can be there. (I am not sure how I am going to feel when my son leaves for college in the fall; he has chosen a school 800 miles away!) I really feel that living on campus is part of the college experience, and is a valuable learning opportunity.

Tami - posted on 04/09/2009

My daughter went to community college for her associates degree, mostly because of expenses, but partly because she just wasn't ready. She now goes to a university that has a campus just 15 minutes from home, but we made the decision together that she should live on campus. There is never another time in your life that you get the "college experience" that living on campus provides..it was the best decision we have ever made. She is graduating next month with honors and has loads of friends that she will have for the rest of her life. And she can be home in 15 minutes if she needs to be. The first year was tough and she was home every weekend, but as she made more friends and became more involved with campus life, her visits became less frequent. It was worth all the money in the world to see her grow and realize her dreams and I know that she will be fine on her own!

Linda - posted on 04/08/2009

My daughter goes to college 15 mins away from home and lives on campus. It has been the best experience for her.  She has matured into a wonderful young woman and has made some very good friends. She is a biology/history major.  There are many many options for a biology major and history is something she is very interested in for her own enjoyment. Good luck...

Maureen - posted on 04/07/2009

Is there a girl in the picture? are some of his closest friends going there?  That may give you some clues why he might want to go to this school that he didn't like before. 

I lived on campus at a school that was 20 mins away. It allowed me the freedom and independence I needed to grow up. Also its a lot harder to make friends when your not in the dorms.  

As long as your child realizes that the gravy train is coming to an end and you won't be supporting him after he graduates. Let him choose his major and live with the consequences.  I am a huge advocate of aptitude testing to see where your child's natural gifts are. I had my 2 oldest tested at the johnson o'connor foundation in Atlanta.  There is nothing better then for a kid to hear someone spend an hour telling them the things they are great at.  Also if my kids had wanted to go in to engineering they would have been miserable and struggled with the course load... no aptitude for it. 

Susan - posted on 04/06/2009

My son kind of went thru the same thing only the first campus was 15 min away and he wanted to stay on campus. He currently attends college about an hour away, but only 15 min from my job. I've given him the freedom to make decisions and only offer advice when asked. I let him know how I feel about each of his options then let him think about them and make his own decision.



It may be worth it to let your son stay on campus his freshman year because there is a lot of growth he'll go thru in the first year. You could still ask that he continue to apply to other colleges a little further away.



His major choice is a toughy! Sometimes, you gotta let him figure it out on his own. Don't take the attack position that we as parents often take. We want to shield our kids from mistakes we've made or seen others make, but the final decision will be his. If he chooses a major that he likes, he's more likely to do well in school. If you choose it, he'll just be going through the motions and not do as well or even flunk out.



You could do some salary research and show him the entry level salary of and Engineer vs that of a biology/history major. However, biology could lead to other lucrative careers.



Try talking it out instead of trying to make him see things your way.

Steffanie - posted on 04/02/2009

I am sure no one could condone spending that kind of money when you don't have to.... BUT.... that first semester of college is the ONLY time that first time college students bond like they do. Everyone is excited, scared etc. & in the dorms those first few weeks are when you make fast friends that you don't make again. Sure, you can make friends in class, but it's much harder. When you are living together & teamed with the emotional issues you are all feeling (to bond with another pseudo family) you just make bonds you would otherwise never make! So, I would suggest at least for the first semester bite the bullet & let him live on campus! It truly makes other changes too... they see themselves in a totally different way for the first time! They can be more self sufficient or learn that they are a good leader or more responsible than others there... it's a new community that they have to figure out where they fit & who they are etc. Also, I really feel that it bonds them to the school too... if they make great friends they are less likely to feel disconnected & want to drop out etc. Just another opinion... hope it helps!! Good Luck!!

Beth - posted on 03/26/2009

our son did this with a university just 35 minutes away and we relented even encouraged him to stay in dorms. well, he was home every weekend, still hanging out with old high school friends and did not get the "going away" college experience that we were paying for. Long story short, he is home after two semesters. yours may not ready to let go of old friends and this is the biggest hurdle I have seen with three college students under our belt. they text, FB, email, call all their old buddies instead of making new college friends. Tough call, but personally wouldn't spend money on dorms when 8 minutes away! in hindsight, would not have done it for half hour away either! the other two went 3 and 4 hours away and settled in much better. distance MADE them make new friends and immerse themselves in the college experience.

Kathy - posted on 03/26/2009

We live in the city our son goes to college in and they reccomend that they live in the dorms their freshman year.Thats what he did. Financial aid pays for dorm housing, they meet so many people and get involved in so many clubs and groups,it was a very positive experience. He now lives with roommates in a house, it is hard to let go but you have raised him to make smart decisions you must otherwise he will rebel!

Amy - posted on 03/26/2009

My son goes to college 50 miles away - lived on campus for 3 semesters and is now in an apartment. He enjoys his independence. Between scholarships and loans and a job he basically pays his own way. If he had gone locally - I think we'd have encourage him to live away from home. As someone else replied - the hours of a college student are crazy. Even if you are only 8 min. away - living on campus helps to foster adult independence and responsibility as well as a sense of getting to know people at school, study groups, etc. Most colleges these days require freshmen to live on campus - unless parents fill out lots of requests for them to stay at home. It will be better for your relationship you let him do this. Especially if he's basically paying for it (you said applying for a loan).

Lynn - posted on 03/25/2009

Would you have paid for him to live on campus if he went farther away? I went to college 20 minutes from my house and lived on campus. I made my parents treat me like I was hours away at college. It helped make me more independent and make good decisions. Also if the majority of freshman live on campus it will be easier for him to make and keep friends. Also-keep in mind that majors frequently change once they actually get exposed to the coursework and professors. My own son will likely be going to college 30 minutes from home this fall and we will pay for him to live on campus.

Penny - posted on 03/25/2009

Your son sounds like he's getting the inner scare of "I am almost done with high school. What am I going to do?!" attitude. First they think they're ready to conquer the world then they back down a bit.



No matter where he goes, he needs to get a taste of "whatever his decisions are" providing he can handle it financially, since it sounds as if he would have to do it on his own. If he chooses this route, then let it run it's course. If he's a smart individual he'll see how unimportant the dorm life is, unless he has too much fun, of course.



My daughter tried the dorm life for three months. She rents off campus now. She knows that whatever decisions she makes are ones SHE has to live with/deal with.



I know every situation is different, but ultimately, letting go and letting them know what they are expected to be responsible for, NOT you, helps them to make wise, adult decisions.

Karen - posted on 03/25/2009

Your life will be much easier if he lives on campus. Living with adult children is a nightmare. Their schedules are crazy and they are up all night. My child would come in at midnight and play the piano. After he was away at college for 6 months, and then returned, I realized that yes, it was time for him to move on and out!!!

Lynn - posted on 03/14/2009

BEEN THERE DONE THAT ...IF URESPECT HIS DECISION THEN LET HIM LIVE HIS LIFE N HE HAS A J.O.B.

Anne - posted on 03/13/2009

I know the cost of living on campus is a lot, but will this college even allow a Freshman to live off campus. The University our youngest goes to does not. Even if the student lives in the same city unless there is a hard ship type reason, (financial, health)  they must live on campus as Freshman. For our daughter it is a non issue because her college is in San Diego and we live in Michigan. Have you asked him why he has changed his mind? Does the local university  offer better financial aide. Sometimes even the schools that seam more expensive end up being not too much more, because of the different type of financial aide offered..