How do I connect with my teenage daughters???

Lori - posted on 05/28/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I have two daughters that I love very much.. they both have done somethings that I don't approve of and is really upset about it, so how do i connect with them without getting angry...???





Lori Chambers

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Jennifer - posted on 06/08/2009

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I remember as a teenager, seperating from my mom. Now, I consider her my best friend! I think her approach worked, she would take me out ( for lunch, a car ride, where ever) and have an honest discussion with me. She didn't start on how I was disappointing her, but she eventually came around to it. My biggest fear was disappointing my mom. But, I think the most effective thing she did, was let me know that no matter what she was there to talk when I was ready, she didn't push- 'cause that would only push me further away. Good luck, I know us daughters can be tough to put up with at times!!!

Carrie - posted on 06/14/2009

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Girls can be absolutely awful to us at times because they are so much in most cases like us and so you butt heads. I have had some awful fights with my daughter because of things that she has done but also because of what I have done. Whatever you do don't push her so hard you push her away, sometimes it is just better to take a step back and let things cool down before you both say something you will regret. Than you realize it wasn't so bad after all and in a little while later you can talk to her about it calmly over something both of you enjoy doing together if you feel it is necessary to talk over. Whatever you do don't force her to talk about it though that only makes her dig in deeper. Just remember no matter what they eventually do come around believe me, if me and my daughter can be friends now anyone can survive the terrible teens just give her time! Good luck and I hope this helped a little and know that you are not alone!

[deleted account]

I have a teenager (16), who at times pushes me to distraction. Although sometimes I think I'm the one that makes our relationship harder. When I only concentrate on the things that she's done wrong/or I haven't liked, I get really angry and we often end up in a big row. But when I take the time to notice how much she has grown up, and the things she's done right it really makes a difference.

As the bad remain more firmly lodged in our minds, maybe you should have a little book, that at the end of a day, or every couple, write down all the positive things (no matter how small) they do, and next time you feel yourself getting angry / upset take it out and have a read. It is easy to remember our children as beautiful and good as babies, but not as teenagers!

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Casey - posted on 09/18/2009

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i was just a teen a few years ago... so i loved it when my mom would talk me out to go window shopping for Christmas or my birthday and we would have a talk about whats bothering me and what was bothering her and then it would be out there and the one thing my mom always said afterward that made me feel good she would say " everyone makes mistakes and talking is always the way to find out how to fix them" but my advice to you is if they are great friends this can be done as a girls day out but if not they will pick on each other so be careful... my mom always had her hands full.

Danielle - posted on 08/18/2009

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You have to realize that your daughters are going to make mistakes. I just turned 20 and I still remember all the times when I use to get in trouble and I hated that my mom would get mad. But now that I have a kid I realized that she was trying to teach me a lesson. The BEST advise I can give you that I told my mom was that " Don't Hold Things AGAINST ME...I am only human and when i think that what I am doing might not be the best thing I just know that I have to face the consquences of my actions

Dorothy - posted on 08/03/2009

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Honestly you just don't. The sooner you realize that as teenagers this is all par for the course, the easier it will become for you. Don't try to be their girlfriend!

Susan - posted on 07/12/2009

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I try to have good communication with my daughter. I always go plop on her bed and try to strike conversation weather she has a friend over or not. people say u cant be friends and a mom too. that isnt true,,,i have my rules she respects them

Patti - posted on 05/29/2009

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i have 3 kids my oldest is my daughter (15) and my two boys (12) and (3)...and let me say i love my kids to death.. i feel like im losing my oldest because no matter what i do to make it easier for her she turns around and makes it worse for herself without realizing what she is doing...i mean i can probably write a book of all the things she does to get herself introuble and maybe half a book for what she does right. i mean please someone explain what i as a mother am doing wrong..i love her so much and i have told her that and she looks at me like yea right :-( and not only is it affecting home its starting to affect school ??? please anyone with some advice i would forever be grateful ..

Jan - posted on 05/28/2009

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Be sure to reassure them that you love them and that you only want the best for them. Let them know that you disapprove of somethings that have happened and it hurt you that they did them. But if it is something that you have talked to them about, let them know that you were trying to spare them any grief or consequences they may be encountering. Always let them know that you love them inspite of their actions and that you expect more out of them and you know that they are capable of doing better. Stay that loving person that you are and remember it's okay to be angry. But talk to them and if you shed tears when you talk, good they need to see how what they did affected you.

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