About to pull my hair out!!!

Jackie - posted on 01/08/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 3 year old son is driving me nuts literally. Hes a very smart kid but refuses to talk unless he really wants to. He throws my kitchen chairs, runs into walls head first, kicks the dog, headbutts me in the ribs so hard it knocks my breath out of me, and throws his plate on the floor. When he gets mad he hits, kicks, and pulls hair. I've had my jaw dislocated by him and have had several black eyes due to him. I have tried time outs but he wont stay. I've tried swatting him but he hits me back so I've stopped that. I've tried to hold him snuggly while I'm sitting and he only wears me out and gets worse. My boyfriend and I are at a total loss as to what to do. I've checked him for Autism and they say hes to high functioning to be Autistic.
I know he gets frustated so for a while I had a stufed animal that I would let him throw once to see if it would help him out but that only made it worse. I cant take him in public because he screams and throws things at other people. I'm totally out of ideas and I'm afraid that if somethig doesnt happen fast that he will end up in a boys home when he gets older for his anger.
I spend lots of time with him even though I work full time. We play in the evenings and on weekends we go do things together when hes not throwing fits.
Somebody please help! I feel like a terrible parent because I'm at the point I dont even want to be around my own son.

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Ruth - posted on 03/28/2011

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Don't feel bad...kids can be exhausting!! Plus, three is a very tough age. I too have had my son hit me and throw chairs. I would stop holding him when he is upset. It only makes the tantrum worse. I would ignore the behavior and take things away as punishment. I found taking away tv or favorite toys has been effective in my household however, it is still a struggle to get my little guys emotions under control. We also have read him some anger books and have been working with him to learn new techinques when he is angry or upset. Again it took time, but these things did help. Your son's actions do seem severe (black eye and dislocated jaw) and duration of his tantrums could be indicators that there is something more going on such as, a possible mental disorder. I wish you all the best. You are not a terrible parent just a frustrated and worried one.

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Debbie - posted on 07/03/2013

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One thought that I have is, How long has he been doing this? Has he adjusted to your boy friend? And since you are working how is he at the daycare or sitters? Do they have these problems?

if he has know problem with these other people in his life and it is just you, than I would say he is pushing your buttons. You may be feeling guilty because of working and he is playing on your guilt.
I would lay down the law to him that this is not going to happen any more. You are not a terrible parent, he just has the upper hand right now and you have to be stronger than he is.

You say you play with him in the evening and do things with him on the weekend, unless he is throwing a fit.
I would try by saying, if you are not good I shall not play with you and on the weekend if it has been a bad week, I would let him know that you weren't doing anything,because of his behavior.

If nothing works, consider calling Dr. Phil. Make a video of his behavior and send it!!!

Kimberly - posted on 06/01/2013

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Have you had him tested for odd (oppositional defiant disorder) or intermittent explosive disorder? My 7 year has both of these disorders along with ADHD and OCD. He was the same way! We still have bad days but with the help of counseling and meds he is doing a lot better! I know it's hard, there are days I honestly do not like my child and just want to get as far away from him as I can but the good days make up for those times. Look into these disorders and have him tested. It might be this and if you can get him and yourself some help it will make all the difference!

Sheri - posted on 04/19/2012

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Have you tried taking him to a counselor or behavioral specialist? I too have a son that is violent, he has always been this way now he is 15 , he is bipolar and on lithium which does help, but doesnt take away all the anger and violence and bad decisions. When my son was younger we did holding therapy it was exhausting but did help, when we were out in public we would remove him from the situation and put him in the car in his carseat until he was able to calm down. ((HUGS))) it is hard, just breathe and try to take care of you....

Nikki - posted on 02/22/2012

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WOW! Whoever said don't worry or feel bad has some nerves of steel ( come over and babysit my kids please) . Anyways..I would try ruling out meidical then move on rapidly to possibly a behavioral specialist that can help you. I can hear your frustration, and it might be time to get help.

Talea - posted on 02/14/2011

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You can't let the behavior continue. When he acts out don't say a word - remove him right then physically from the area. Firmly tell him No and put him in time out. Don't make a discussion out of it, don't be nice about it. If he screams and has a temper tantrum let him. Ignore the behavior unless he gets up. If he gets up put him back in. Be consistent. Do not let him throw things even stuffed things or you are asking for him to throw harder things later. When and only when he is quiet and calm (it will take forever and you will prob want to scream and cry yourself) take him aside give him a little TLC and let him go back to whatever was going on. If it goes on again repeat the steps. It will take weeks sometimes, sometimes a day or two. With my son David he HAD to have that reassurance of love or he wouldn't be able to function. In public leave the store or park or whatever. Make it clear YOU are the parent. It doesn't mean you have to be mean. It does mean you have to be strong. (((((hugs))))) - from someone who's kiddo broke a window with his head, ran into traffic to avoid school, locked himself in the car screaming at the top of his lungs and kicking the windows with all his might for no reason anyone could ever tell. You aren't alone.

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