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frustration is getting hard to control...

Danielle - posted on 11/28/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

my daughter and son are 22 months apart. both are diagnosed with adhd. my son has odd, sensory integration and serious anger issues. my daughter deals with anxiety and memories of our past. their biological father, who has regular visitations, beat me up in front of them. he drug me up the hallway by my hair and choked me while banging my head against the wall with our then 2 year old daughter in his other hand. the kids are now 5 and 7. they fight, hit each other with anything that can possibly be a weapon, break things, head butt, kick, scream and it doesn't matter what is in their way, including our new 4 month old baby. there is a constant fight going on, constant screaming, and i guess i just need more ideas on how to keep my cool. they respond better to calm talking and time outs away from each other, but from dawn till dusk, there is rarely peace in our house, and there is only so much i can take a day. someone give me pointers??

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Ariana - posted on 10/22/2012

928

With this age of course once they are fighting you should seperate them and give them a seperate room time-out. I would also say they should work out their differences. They're pretty young so you might have to talk with them but ask them why they are fighting.

If the 7 year old says she took my toy, then ask the 4 year old what's going on. Have them talk out what the problem is and ask them what ways they can have a solution. Do NOT step in and defend the one you think started it or give the solution you think is better. That will have you taking sides and will get the other one (who's side you've taken) to possibly start fights so you can intervene. Have it so that the two kids have to work out a solution that suits them.

So if so and so took my toy, maybe they'll decide that special toys should be put into their own room. If they're fighting over a certain toy you can tell them to either sort it out or the toy gets taken away.

Definitely keep consequences for physical fighting but have them talk things out for regular fights.

For you you just need to take a deep breath and step back. If possible even tell them that. Say 'Mom is getting really frustrated with yout wo fighting and needs to take a couple breaths right now and then I'm going to come back and talk to you.' This can show them that it's ok to get frustrated and walk away from a situation and come back and handle it later.

You may also want to seek some family councelling to deal with the past issues or traumas they may be experiencing, especially the older one.