Elysia - posted on 04/18/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )
These drugs have taken over our lives......
Hi everyone.. Im new to circle of moms... I was actually searching the net in search for answers, help, support and maybe someone that understands what im going through. I suppose i will start off with a little background..
At 15 i got pregnant with our first child and 18 with our 2nd. My children have the same father and we have been together since we were 15 and now at the age of 34 we are both still deeply in love with eachother. Not saying we didnt have our ups and downs in the past but for about the last 10 years has been awesome. we both decided that when the kids were old enough to understand and we knew for a fact we loved one another and it was really going to be till death do us part, so in 2010 we finally married! So we have only lived in two different homes since the boys were born, both of which we owned.
We have always been a close family and me and our oldest has always been very very close! Our oldest son is going to be 17 in november and has always been very strong willed, caring, outspoken, genuine and just all around a good kid and football was his life. His freshman year he just decided that he didnt want to play anymore and thats when my husband started to notice the change in him. Of course my blinders were on and claws out becuase i was going to protect him no matter the expence and i thought my husband/his father was just being a jerk to him and didnt understand him.. I noticed more of the change around december of 2011, but that is also when both boys were diagnosed with ADD. My husband called me at work and said that our son was high and with an additude becuase i thought he was being a jerk i said i would go buy a drug test to prove you wrong.... When i got home i looked at my son and it was obvious that he was high... i gave him the opportunity to come clean and he swore he wasnt doing anything, that he was just tired. When i told him if your clean then you will take this urine screen... he then explained that there wasnt a need to take it and came clean about smoking pot... i still made him take the test and it also shoed opiates which is pain killers and he said he had taken a few vicodens. At this point we grounded him and didnt think he had that big of an issue for rehab and just kept open communication with him about ups and downs in life and how to deal with problems without drugs! We did another random drug screen in january and it was clean and we started to give him back his frreedom and thats when he got a job and was working a few nights a week while going to school and making A's and B's~thanks to his ADD meds, not saying he isnt smart but his meds have worked wonders as far as school is concerned. Its was about the end of january and we noticed he was getting aggitated easily, loosing weight, never wanted to be home, wasnt taking care of himself like he used to, very OCD about things, complaining that nobody would give him his space and was always loosing track of his belongings. The school at one point was concered for the safety of the teachers becuase he was so angry with them at times. I took him to Valle Vista thinking that he was just having issues with dealing with dat to day issues and thought maybe it could have been the stimulant meds he was on for ADD... at that time they said he is just a normal 16 year old boy going through the changes in life and we just needed to be patient with him. I took him to his regular doc where at that time he put him on lexapro to stabalize his moods. over the last 2 months he would come home kinda out of it, confused at times, aggitated and wouldnt look at us. My husband said quite a few times he was using again and i see it now but at the time i didnt.... he would just always blame it on his lexapro saying that it made him sleepy and get very deffensive when i would question it... he would say things like "i thought you trusted me" or whatever he could come up with. He became a very good con artist and great at munipulating a situation. On April 12th, 2012 at about 5pm my phone rang and it was from my son, but when i answered it was a voice i never wanted to hear.... it was the law and they said that they found him passed out in front of a subway and it took them like 10-15 min to finally get him to come too... they explained his behavior and asked if it was normal, i explained i didnt know what normal was anymore and rushed to go get my son. They also said that they were told that he claimed to be waiting on someone but an unidentified person said they seen a car, while driving opened up the car door at a slow rate of speed and seen him get pushed out.. at that point they seen him get up and stumble over to the bench at subway. what happened was the kids he was with was scared he OD'd pushed him out. When i got there my sons physical body was there but it wasnt my son sitting there, he looked like some strung out meth head under a bridge and just had no clue as to what was going on and we couldnt even understand him... the cops wanted me to to check his back so we could see what was in there to help the hospital out when we arrived, we did find pot in his bag and the cops explained to me they werent going to charge him with anything, they knew i was very concerened and wasnt going to just let this go... he was very hateful and violent with the cops and the cops explained that the high he was on was sure not pot.... it was a very scary looking high and i knew at that point it wasnt just pot either. i rushed him to the hospital with the cops escort and about a block away my son lost consciousness and started to make these grunting noises. after we got to the hospital where they had to revive him, give him a reversal drug and keep hm hooked to monitors the doctors came back with the drug test results... he had pot, ativan, valiums, vicoden and amphetamies in his system. After he statred to come too about 6 hours later and was in a semi-right frame of mind is when he told us the other things he did that day that DOES NOT SHOW UP ON BLOOD OR URINE SCREEN....... he informed us of the "bath salts" that he was snorting and also swallowing as well as suboxin strips-these are giving to heroin addicts to kick the habit but if you dont have heroin in your system is has the opposite affect on an individual. The bath salts look like little candy nerds and kids are calling them nerds, meow meow, mcat, kitty kitty, white lillys along with other things and the suboxin stips can be cut up and the kids are putting them in the little pack of listerine strips and carrying them around. Thinking back now my son always said meow meow alot when talking to friends and when i checked his phone there was alot of talk in there like "i have your nerds", can i have a nerd or do you have any nerds! I was told at the hosptial that his respritory system was so depressed from the mixture of drugs that was in his body if the cops would have been about 15 min later, that he would have just slowly stopped breathing while he was passed out and never woke back up... HEART WRENCHIN>>>>>> I did take a picture of him in the hospital bed becuase i wanted him to see what me and his father seen. I seen my whole life flash before me and couldnt compose myself to even talk to the doctors.... I thought that i had let my son down... if i would have just listened to my husband and seen the signs that we wouldnt even be going through this, i thought what if he doesnt make it out of this... how will i forgive myself for being so blind!!! We finally got to leave the hospital and when home and the kid has been clean for 6 days... Its been a very long hard 6 days for him... he is going through withdrawls and very confused.... the worst part is that i cant do anything to take his pain and ache away, all me and my husband and his little brother can do is try to comfort him and watch him suffer... I cant stand this....its eating me alive knowing he is going throught his.. i try to comfort him when he is having a withdrawl spell and he just cries and says please dont touch me it hurts down to my bones when you touch my skin.... I sure dont wish this on anyone... these drugs will tear someone apart with no care in the world... Thankfully us as a family are comforting eachother and sticking together for our sake as well as his.. i took him to a rehab center where they said that becuase he isnt an alcoholic and a drug user they cant to treatment for him and referred us out where im jusat getting the run around and most places claiming they only treat adults.... WTF really!!!!! I own a tanning salon wherer i have been bringing him to work with me everyday to keep an eye on him and we have really been having a great time with eachother... he is getting his normal look back, eyes arent sunk in, laughs, jokes, and is showering and trying to take care of himself... we agreed we would keep him out of school this week and let him be totally clean before we let him go back in hopes that the drugs wouldnt be in his body and maybe he wouldnt have such an urge to use. He was begging last night to go to school half day today so he can complete his tests and he has a state test he has to take as well and is very concered about his credits.. He has already completed all the work for this week we picked up from the school yesterday... Me and the husband talked about it and agreed to let him go half day but thats it. after talking to the school, i now feel like i made the worst decision ever... they said oh yeah, we knew he was using.... and knew all the drugs that were going around the school and didnt seem to think it was a big issue. I feel i just threw into a buring ring of fire, considering thats where he gets everything from......
Now what.... do i helicopter parent and keep him locked up from the world or let him back out... Im scared to death..... i thought i knew his friends but i suppose i was fooled! I did let him leave for an hour last night with his friend to go get his hair cut and was sick the whole time... when they got back home he was fine and his friend was to... i explained to them both my concers and asked his friend if his parents know what my son had did last week and are the aware that he has a problem.....he said yes and at that time i wanted to speak with this kids parents and the kid was more than willing to call home... within 30 min i was speaking face to face with his parents and didnt hold anything back about my sons problem.... i explained he isnt a bad kid he just made bad decisions and it trying to get better and that i just wanted to make them aware of what was going on and who therir child was hanging with.... they did say they caught their son a few months ago with pot and drug test hime monthly.. I did fill them in about the bath salt and the suboxin strips.... the mother had said to me thank you for having the respect to come over here... it took all i had to go over there but i had to do it for my son as well as others..... its only fair to the othere parents and children out there.... i woull tell the world about my son if it means i can open up another parents eyes or save a child!!!! Im just so confused right now and i want to believe in him, i mean i do believe in him i just dont believe the drugs... they make you into everything your not....
SO>>>>>> on a positive note, he is 6 days clean, looks, walks and talks like my baby i used to know...i know we have a hell of a long road ahead but i almost feel as if im the only one out here... even though i know im not... In our community parents are to good and keep are there problems hush hush and im so mad at them for that... my son could have died right in front of me becuase of people afraid of loosing their reputations and the look of the perfect family.... My son does state that its not anyones fault but his own, he says he chose to make those bad decisions and nobody forced him and he understands the mistake he made... I did show him the picture i took of him in the hospital and he wept like a baby for about 2 hours.... He looked like he was in a casket and was mortified that we seen him that way... He says the picture is enough to make him want to never do it again, but should i be that ignorant to believe him????
Scared as hell and miss the way he used to be!!!