sons addiction

Lora - posted on 11/24/2008 ( 47 moms have responded )

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I have a 23 year old son who is addicted to Oxycodone he still lives at home and knows he has a problem but insists on fixing it himself. I don't know what to do anymore

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Jane - posted on 03/03/2010

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I have a soon to be 22 year old who is addictided to drugs / alchol. He had told us he was only doing pot, but today I found out he is also addictided to acid, crack, coke, & extesy. Everything that Dena has written in blue could have been written by me.
I cry everyday, because I don't know why, how, or where I went wrong. My husband & I gave this boy everything he wanted his entire life and this is how he repays us. He has lost his licence due to a DWI arrest, but it wasn't his falt, nothing ever is. He blames me for everything that is wrong in his life, he droped out of school college, he hasn't held a stedy job ever always bounces from part time job to part time job, he's unemployed now, but always seems to be able to score his drugs but he can't pay his bills. He lives at home ina room we made for him in our basement he comes & goes as he pleases he calls friends to pick him up at any hour. Sometimes he won't come home for days at a time, some of his friends will tell me things about him that makes me sick. He has stollen money from me(over $5000.00) over time, he has stolen things from the house. When he was in High school we forced him to counseling, but he refuses to go now, he dosn't see that his "Occasional drug use is a problem" .
I have no idea what to do to get him to relize that he has a drug / alcohol problem.
How does a mother get an adult child to help??

[deleted account]

I'm also a new member to this community and I have a 19 year old son that is addicted to Oxycotin. He actually will do just about any drug he can get his hands on, but Oxy is the drug of choice. He has been to Juvenille Hall a few times and just recently got off probation due to his age, but he didn't get off successfully. He has been real honest with me about his addiction and struggles and he says he wants to stay clean, but he always returns to using. He knows what should be done, but like many addicts, does not want to have to admit that he is powerless over this. He knows he shouldn't hang around his friends because they are all in the same boat, but he can't seem to leave them behind. He feels terrible about himself and says he lays in bed every night and thinks about what a piece of shit he is. It kills me to hear him talk about himself like that. He has stolen from others and me too to get his drugs. He has alrady been to jail and knows what that is all about, but still it didn't seem to make a strong enough impression on him to keep clean and to start a new life. His father is a recovering alcoholic. I also have a younger son who is 16. He has dabbled in a few things, but knows that he does not want to end up like his older brother. My oldest son has also been kicked out of our house after we found out that he had stolen about $800.00 from our account. He promises to pay it back. I love him so much and want to help him, but I don't really know how. I just try to keep our communication open and he knows he can talk to me. He has admitted that he has an addiction, but he still does not want to get the help. He wants to be able to do it on his own even though that never seems to work. I just hope and pray each day that it might be the day he realizes he needs help and gets it. It breaks my heart to see him struggle with his life like this and to think that he is such a bad person. He has so much potential. I just wish I could really get through to him. It sounds like my situation is much like others I have read. I will gladly take any suggestions out there if there is anything else I could do that might help. I just worry that he may go to prison and have to spend a big chunk of his life there before he gets it. I don't want to see his life suffer. I know there isn't anything that I can really do to make him see it...he has to really want to get clean for himself. I will keep plugging along. Thanks for listening.

Pat - posted on 01/23/2013

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I have a 22 year old whom I threw out of the house about a year ago for stealing from me, pawning my jewely and cashing my checks written out to him. He is with his father now who is an alcolic and hasn't been in his life for the last 10 years. He lies to me all the time, tells me that he has jobs that he needs to get to and I have yet to see a paycheck, And he always ask me for money for the bus or train to get to these so called jobs. I have bailed him out financially so many times that I am broke and can barely pay my bills.Of course he says he is not doing drugs like he was when he was home but I can't beleive him. I feel guilty for throwing him out and worry all the time if he is warm and has something to eat. I cry myself to sleep everynight! How can I start to say no when he ask me for money, I always think that this may be the one time that he is really getting it together and needs my help but he always disappointments me.Help!

April - posted on 11/19/2009

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Hi I do not have a child addicted but me my self used drugs from age 14 til 23 starting with alcohol graduating to weed crystal meth crack acid the list goes on and I stopped for a little while at 16 after my first son was born but then he was taken from me from a relative and i relapsed hard and it took me getting pregnant with my second to quit i signed my self in to a rehab and detox was hell but i now been clean for 13 years and every day is a fight to stay that way everyday stresses make me think oh if i just could take one hit but i look at my boys and know i never want them to travel down that rode so i put that thought to rest quick you never fully recover from an addiction its a strength you get from God to stay clean and its something you have to focus on everyday but unless that person is ready to quit or admit they they need help theres nothing you do or say that get them to quit until they are ready

[deleted account]

Hi, I am a mother of a 23 yo son, who is addicted to oxycotton (spelling?) along with his wife. He has told me they snort it up their nose and other then this, I am not sure how else or what else they are both on. The sad part is, my 2 grandchildren live there and they are only 3 yo and 9 month old. I have tossed and turned at night about this, I have tried to help, I have taken food to the babies and I stopped by almost if not every day to check on them all. I stopped giving them money a very long time ago, because I knew what it was being spent on, and that is why I started taking the food to them instead. Recently I have stopped going by my sons house, because I can not continue to see them both destroy themselves. I worry deeply about the babies and have spoke with people about calling child protective services, but also scared to call. I don't want to lose my grandchildren to foster care, but I don't want to lose them to drugs either. I am torn between a rock and a hard place on this. My son doesn't see he has a problem, but everyone around him does. The last time I walked into their home, the smell of filth was horrible, trash was everywhere, dirty clothes was piled up, dishes was nasty, their house was so bad you couldn't even walk through their appartment without stepping on filth etc. I know what I must do in my heart which is call CPS on my son and daughter in law, but it is so hard to pick up the phone and call. I know in my heart if I don't step op and take action, I will lose my grandchildren to harm or drugs. I don't allow my son in my home any more and stopped that about 3 years ago due to me having a (now) 16 yo son still at home.



It breaks my heart to even write what is wrong with my family, because I as a parent does not want to admit there is a problem and scared what people will say about me as a parent. Does this make sense? I don't think I have really even said out loud my son has a drug addiction even though I know he does.



It is time for me to face the facts and pick up the phone and protect my grandchildren! I just realized I may not be able to help my son at this point because he doesn't want help, but I can help those babies who did not ask to be raised in that type of situation!



I thank each of you for telling your story. I don't feel so alone now, because my son's dad is a alocholic (ex hubby) and my husband I am married to now, doesn't have any children of his own, and can't really understand how I feel deep inside.

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Michelle - posted on 03/16/2014

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Oxy is just synthetic heroin and will kill you all the same. Seeing there is no cure to stop urges. Kids get mean and violent during withdrawal. The devil telling them get more or I'll make you ill. Read up on help. Use love .. not tough love. Love and support and understanding. Listen to him and tell him you want to help him live.

Michelle - posted on 03/16/2014

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What have you done? Try to remember opiates are a devil that take over your life. He is not himself! Report him like you should and let him know that the pills are the devil inside of him and they will kill him if he doesn't get help! ! Just being honest! ! Good luck!

Amanda - posted on 12/28/2013

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My husband just left me because I found out he was addicted to painkillers. I have two small baby girls, a 7 month old and a two year old. I had kidney stones and was in a lot of pain so they prescribed a painkiller. He went to pick up my prescription. When he brought it back he was acting not like himself I decided to count the pills and noticed that two were missing. He made up all of theses lies at first that the pharmacy made a mistake. Than once that didn't work he came crying to me that he has a problem and that he needed help. I was shocked never would have thought. Our relationship had been pretty bad for the past 2 years I didn't think it was because he was doing drugs I would always cry to him that he no longer cared about me and asked him to show me love, because he was no longer affectionate or caring towards me. I just didn't think it was because he was addicted to painkillers. Now I have been alone for a week he left. I think he ran back to his parents. He was texting everyday to see how the girls were but didn't today. The day I found out I said I would help him, I want him to get help. I don't know if he really thinks he has a problem. He went to see a drug counselor once than tried to tell me he didn't have a problem and tried to make this whole situation my fault. Saying that I don't respect him and that I don't do his laundry. I used to do his laundry until he said I didn't do it right and I didn't do it as much as he wanted it done. After he left me I went to see the drug counselor he saw just to talk to someone she is very good at what she does, she helps people just need to talk. She explained he has a big problem and he needs more than she can do but him seeing her that one time was good we just need to blow smoke under that one little spark that knows he has a problem. But now it's been a week he has been gone. I am very busy with my girls that I love more than anything and I could never imagine doing anything like he did that could jeopardize me being with them. I don't understand how he could ever start taking these pills knowing that it would hurt his family. I miss my husband that I used to have before he started doing pills, when we were happy before everything bothered him. He has been gone now for a week and I feel lonely sometimes when my kids are sleeping but also feel ok because I have not been yelled at or hurt.

Virginia - posted on 12/03/2013

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My son is 20, still lives with me..I recently started seeing a new pain doctor for scoliosis and degenerative disc disease. He discontinued my oxycontin, I had 17 left he said to bring them back to count to make sure I didn't take anymore. ...my son found a way to break into my safe and took 10, my pain contract states I have to file a police report. .. I live in Arkansas, does anyone know what will happen to him? I wanted him to get help. ..not jail. . It's killing me to have to do this.

Pat - posted on 11/20/2013

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I have a 31 year old daughter.She has a 6 month old son her boyfriend had not been paying there rent or utilities. I know they are using drugs but they will not admit it. I had let them come to my home to stay it lasted about 3 weeks I had to keep all my valuables locked in my car. I had also been providing them with a car well it all blew up last week and I made them leave at 11 at night I would not let them take my car so they had to call a cab and of course they took the baby.Now they say I will never see my grandbaby again I don't know if I can handle the stress of not seeing my grandbaby but I also could not be abused in my own home.

Djanna - posted on 07/23/2013

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That is how my son started. He is now in heavier drugs and I am constantly fearing that he will seriously hurt himself.
Don't enable him is my advice. If you don't like his friends then you have a right to not have them over to your house.
I am learning myself. I do know that enabling creates a worse situation.
I wish you the best.

Shelli - posted on 06/28/2013

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I have a 28 year old son who is married and has been in prison now out and trying to have a marriage but with all of us always asking if he is doing something I know it can be trying on him however how can all of us just let it be and let him choose what he wants instead of always calling or texting wondering if he is back doing the things he use to do. Someone tell me how I can release my worries and stress and let go... I am the one who needs help over all of this I have away of always checking on him many times. He is married I want to let go!!!! Someone tell me what I need to do...

Liz - posted on 03/20/2011

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Oxycodone are a nasty narcotic, it would be sneaky but if it is going to help your son's life then see if you know which doctors he goes too. If that fails see if your able to talk to his friends. He is getting these tablets from either a crooked doctor or buying them off the streets. God Bless you and your son........I pray everything works out for the both of you!!!!!!

Jodie - posted on 12/06/2010

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support him,be there for him,something thats happen in his life has made him this way.wat age was here when this behaviour started.then explore and unfold the puzzle. he will fall,he needs to know,for his own insecurities,that hes got some 1 to trust.dont give up on him, be there for him,it be ok,update me one day.god bless,love jodie,from hamilton new zealand

Elisha - posted on 10/06/2009

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Iwas just like your son a few years ago. I even said I could fix it myself, but that only lasted a few months until I found another drug to replace it. Opoids are one the hardest drugs to detox from. it is truly miserable. I found myself having my mother take me to a detox and ending up staying for 4 mos to get clean. It is sad but every user must want to quit and that's usually not until you hit your bottom or you get caught and end up in jail. Have you tried talking to him about going to rehab? It really isn't as bad as he thinks it will be. Also since he is living at home, is he working? My family refused to give me any money when I would blow my whole paycheck or let me borrow their car when mine was out of gas. I know you love your son, but sometimes it's the tough love that shows us addicts that you care.

Wendy - posted on 08/28/2009

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Hi Lora,
I hope things are better for you and your son now. My 25 year old son is a recovering oxicoton and who knows what else addict. After a long dark road he is doing much better. How is your son

Anita - posted on 08/18/2009

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My name is Anita... I have a 33 yr old daughter .. and a 31 yr old son.. whom both has been on drugs... METH.... my son got out of prison for it.. he was in there 5 yrs.. and he just got OFF OF PAROLE.. PRAISE GOD.. and how he did it I PRAYED AND PRAYED AND HE GAVE HIS HEART TO GOD.. HIM AND HIS WIFE.. SHE WAS ON DRUGS WITH HIM BAD.. God is doing a work in there life.. if you wourd like to talk to me.. my email also is ...anita1953r@yahoo.com I will be praying for you and your son..
Anita

Liz - posted on 08/16/2009

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Hi I was user of oxycodone and other hard drugs but due to my son have straightened up. I had a car accident which left me with a bad back so slowly I became dependant on oxy's. Now I am on a proper pain management but know all too well how easily can fall back into the pit of taking extra.I get so angry at the doctors who shouldn't be perscribing these types of tablets so freely. Here in Australia they are easily brought on the black market. It is a hard situation your in but I think if your son is still living with you then thats great because you can help him even more, what i mean is that if he is willing to come off oxy's then maybe he will let you hold his tabs and slowly bring himself off them by cutting his dosage everyday. I really hope things go well for you all because I'm tired of hearing about families and young lives being destroyed by heavy painkillers. Here is my email address if you want to ask me anything. I hope I have been of some kind of help. Your terrific parents and should never blame yourselves. regards Lizzy lookiebear@hotmail.com

Anita - posted on 08/04/2009

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I am new here.. my name is Anita and I have a 34 yr old daughter and a Son whom is 30 yr old whom just got out of prison for drugs.. and he has givin his life to God and has been clean and off of parole.. and he will tell me it is a struggle every day .. if he did not have God to help him there is no way he could make it............I will pray for each of you

anita

anita1953r@yahoo.com

Leila - posted on 04/28/2009

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I can't say I'm one to give advice but here goes. Is Oxycodone a pain killer? How did he get on it? If your son is working, maybe he needs to move out. Don't give him money or anything but your love and support. He may need to get into a program of some sort. Tuff love is just that--tough. Keep us posted on his and your progress.

[deleted account]

Lora



I have a 25 year old daughter who has been an addict for at least 8 years.  Heroin, pot, pills, you name it.  She is so beautiful and smart.  It hurts!  I know you feel real pain too.  You CAN'T MAKE him stop using.  You can only change YOU.  Go to a meeting--AlAnon, Celebrate Recovery, Overcomers, etc.  The first step for YOU is to stop enabling him.  By letting him live at home when he is using, you are enabling him.  If he did not have a place to live BECUASE he uses, he might, at the very least, stop and think about his use.



 



GET TO A MEETING!!!!

[deleted account]

Lora



I have a 25 year old daughter who has been an addict for at least 8 years.  Heroin, pot, pills, you name it.  She is so beautiful and smart.  It hurts!  I know you feel real pain too.  You CAN'T MAKE him stop using.  You can only change YOU.  Go to a meeting--AlAnon, Celebrate Recovery, Overcomers, etc.  The first step for YOU is to stop enabling him.  By letting him live at home when he is using, you are enabling him.  If he did not have a place to live BECUASE he uses, he might, at the very least, stop and think about his use.



 



GET TO A MEETING!!!!

Susan - posted on 04/08/2009

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Thanks so much....i teared up a bit while we where waiting but i stayed strong!! I thought this was his trial but it was just a meeting with his defense lawer....but they did place him on house arrest until his trial which is 3 days away from my wedding date :(  So stay tuned !!

Anne-Marie - posted on 04/08/2009

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Susan, stay strong. you will cry today, I know I have been where you are. But, remember it was the right thing to do. I will being saying a prayer for you. Take care..

Susan - posted on 04/08/2009

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Well today is the day we go to court for my son's marijuana  traficing charge so keep me in ur prayers and i will try to post the results today if i can....



 

Susan - posted on 03/27/2009

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Sure do but god has put me in worst storms and i came out of it but i had to do something because some parents enable their behavoir....for example my fiance 24 y/o step- bro was a addict and live with his mom wich she was a recovering crack addict and enable and allow her son to do durgs in her home...one night about 2 yrs ago he gotten into her methadone presciption and OD and she found him dead the next morning when she woke up....i was very angry and disgusted that she knew  he was a addict and not taking responsibility of keeping those narc away from him....i'm a nurse and i know all the signs of a drug addictive so i told my self i will never forgive my self if my son died on my watch.....i can't believe some people  karam comes around and bites ya the ass.....

[deleted account]

Wow! You sure have a lot on your plate. I am really proud of you for being so strong. It's not easy seeing our sons in this situation. Our instinct is to always protect them. So many of us Moms lose sight of the big picture. If we don't come down hard on them right away then we are opening up our kids to the next step. What will the next step be? Hard drugs? Crime? Killings? Attending our childs funeral? You are doing a wonderful job as a loving Mother! My son is 21 now & thanks me for turning him in. He was in jail for 2 months & it changed his life around. He wasn't even aware he was an addict until he was unable to get his daily fixes. He sobbered up in jail & that is when he knew he wanted his life back. I had always heard it was easy getting drugs in jail but I guess that isn't so.

Love & Light

Audra

Anne - posted on 03/25/2009

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I understand. I always felt so alone. I'm from a small town that had a huge drug problem, and all the other moms were just hiding from the situtation. Since then, many of their sons have cleaned up, but I still think they prefer to hide from the problem and not talk about it.



Have fun at your bridal shower. I know it's hard because you love your son, but you've also got to think about yourself also. You can't let his addiction destroy you or your life. I also waited to tell my mother-in-law. It's kind of hard telling the grandparents. My mom was still alive when my son started using drugs, and I noticed he go a lot of money from her. She one time asked me right before she died if he was on drugs, and I lied and said no. I didn't want to break her heart. When she died, his problem got much worse. He was about 17 at that time. I was counting the days until his graduation so we could do something. His first arrest was when his little sister was about 14 days old. The second was the night before his senior trip. We sent him to rehab instead.

Susan - posted on 03/25/2009

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Thanks for the reply : ) I was hoping to connect with someone that has been in my situation....i have my bridal shower this weekend and i'll need the strenght to put a smile on my face. My parents will be attending and just found out my son's situation. I hope saturday will be good.



So i see in the recent posts that ur son is doing well....i hope the same for mine,i love him so much. well hope to chat soon:)

Anne - posted on 03/24/2009

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I know that was hard to do. Tough love is hard. It hurts! Sometimes I had no idea where my son was or if he was even alive. All I knew is he couldn't come back home. Good lucck to you!

Susan - posted on 03/23/2009

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Hello Moms, this is my first post and would like to share my story about my 16 yr old son.....where do i start, umm, well he's been failing school, selling and using marijuana, we had 2 shot guns stolen and our house was egged in the recent  year, i had counsled and gave him a chance to stop this behavior but as i believe this behavior is resisted to change so the last straw is when i found 3 size soft ball bags of weed just laying on his bed, i knew then had to do something big.....so i turned my son into the authorities. He wasn't home at the time so when the police came to the house to claim the weed, they couldn't believe how much there was...86 grams. So when i seen my son walking toward the house a few hrs later, i called the cops and they come into my home and arrested him right in front my eyes. I have been throught alot in my life but that took the cake. I cried off and on that night but i knew in my heart that i was doing it for his safety and ours. Tough love they call it and so it is....we had a prelimenary hearing last week and he of course pleaded not guilty, he could face min 6 mo to age 21 in jevy hall so we have the hearing on april 8th and in the mean time i'm finishing up planning my wedding which is on may 16th so you would know the amount of stress i'm under .....i think this support site will help me so i will be writing and commenting in the near furture and will keep you updated on my situation.




Anne - posted on 03/23/2009

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I too am excited to have found this page. My son is 25 and is a recovering addict. He is on his own and finally enrolled in college as a freshman. I had to practice tough love to even get him into rehab when he was 18 and then again when he was 19. I had other children to think about. He had to get out of my house. It was hard, but he seems to be doing pretty good today. He hated me at the time, but he now says that is what saved his life. His problem now is occasionally thinking that drinking a little can help his stress. He has a hard time understanding that he can't drink either. He hasn't drank in awhile, but that concern is always there. He hasn't used drugs in about 5 years, maybe a little longer. There is hope out there. I believe he finally stopped using when he became really close to some other young men who where in Narcotics Annoymous with him. All of them are still close and remain clean together. They are each others best support group.

Colleen - posted on 03/10/2009

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Wow, am I glad I joined facebook or I would have never found this support group. My son is 22 and a severe alcoholic, who has had bouts with drug use as well. He lives with me as well, has been in probably 11 treatment centers. Some for 28 days, some for a week. I'm going to read some of these posts in depth, just knowing we are not alone is a wonderful thing.



 

[deleted account]

I was told to call it "guarded optimism."  My son finishes another round of 30 day inpatient rehab at the end of the week and then will go to a half-way house.  It still pains me a great deal to accept the fact that my baby is an addict:(

Carla - posted on 02/16/2009

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No shelter - Josh has detoxed at home.  He finally followed his psychiatrist's recommendation and went for an assessment with a psychologist in the same offce.  Now, he will be attending an intensive chemical dependency group 3 times per week for 2 hours each.  In addition he wants him to attend AA regularly - 90 in 90 and get a sponsor. 



 



So far so good.  Seems to be working for now.  It's been about 3 weeks so far.  Keep praying.  I am afrad to hope!

Carla - posted on 02/16/2009

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No shelter - Josh has detoxed at home.  He finally followed his psychiatrist's recommendation and went for an assessment with a psychologist in the same offce.  Now, he will be attending an intensive chemical dependency group 3 times per week for 2 hours each.  In addition he wants him to attend AA regularly - 90 in 90 and get a sponsor. 



 



So far so good.  Seems to be working for now.  It's been about 3 weeks so far.  Keep praying.  I am afrad to hope!

Lisa - posted on 02/04/2009

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I was married to an addict for many years, we lost everything and had to start over so many times I lost count! After 12 years of marriage and trying to "help" him get sober I finally had had enough! My kids were 16, 14, 12, 10 when I filed for the divorce and they were angry with me for doing so, as well as my former inlaws and my own family. My ex was/is a very charasmatic person and had them all believing that I was on drugs and had another boyfriend...which caused me to file for divorce. They all believed him. I have had a history of drug use for which I sought treatment in January of 1993...I have been sober ever since thanks to the grace and mercy of our loving Lord whom delivered me from the clutches of my own self destructive addiction. I have not touched anything since even prescribed medication is difficult for me to take because I remember where I was when I went to rehab....I weighed 72 pounds hadn't eaten for almost a week and hadn't slept in over two weeks. Drugs are HORRIBLE tools of the devil and I for one am glad that I got help.  My point is my oldest son at 16 kept running away from my house after I remarried in 2004 and wouldn't come home for weeks at a time...we suspected drug use...we asked the state of Oregon for help...forced rehab whatever but unless they are willing to go for treatment we as parents couldn't force him to get help. He constantly threatened to run away to go live with his dad...to make a long story short he made the choice to manipulate and get his was and has been with his dad for the last 5 years...he will be 21 in April...last we heard he is dealing / using drugs involved in gang activity and the like. I cringe every time the phone rings half expecting to be called to the morgue to identify a body. I cry often...I pray for him and his father always. Hoping the Lord will allow them to get themselves into such a pickle that they will have to return to HIM! I love you my sister....we will keep you and your family in our prayers as you face this difficult time!

[deleted account]

First and foremost, take care of yourself.  If you suspect something, believe your instincts, not the words of your addict.  Talk to people that have the same troubles, join an alanon group, a church group.  Find people that know about the disease of addiction.  Alot of people don't understand.  Believe that you did right in bringing up your son, but that he has a disease and he has to want to control it.  My son wrote me this letter in church the weekend before he went to rehab.  We were detoxing at home because he had to pass a urine test before they would admit him to the half-way house.



"Dear Mom, I have caused you so much pain and suffering through all my lieing and my addiction.  I try to tell the truth but my addiciton will not let me.  I know you don't understand and you never will because you are not an addict.  I know you will never forgive me and I don't blame you.  I've screwed up everything again and again.  My addiction won't let me speak it out loud.  I pawned the jewelry at the pawnshop we went to last night.  I didn't ask for the addiction.  I was born with it.  I don't know what I'm meant to do in life.  I really want to go to the Navy so they can straighten my ass out.  Your little boy is still in here somewhere.  The addiction is just keeping him from being.  I love you so much but I've done nothing to prove that or show it.  That day we were at the doctor's office and I asked the doctor nicely to hurry up and you told me you were proud of me at the way I handled it made me feel amazing and better than any drug could ever make me feel.  My whole life I've done nothing but f*** up and hurt the people that love me the most.  I tried to fight the addciton that day I called for them, but it was too strong to fight.  I wanted to kill myself so bad last night so you didn't have to suffer any more.  I laid in bed asking God if I should and something made me say no.  I hope some day in the future we will be close again.  I just need to bring your little boy to the surface and fight the addiction one day at a time.  I don't want to hurt you any more or make your or anyone else suffer.  Your still my biggest hero and I'm so sorry for everything I've done.  It was the addiction Mom.  I love you so much even though I don't show it.  I truly do.  I'm going to miss you so much.  Love Derek--PS.  Your little boy wrote this, not the addict."



 



There are lots of places in Florida, where I live, that have half-way houses.  The average rent is $150/week and the kids or wannabe men, are required to work, go to meetings and submit to weekly drug tests.  They are required to pay this rent out of their wages.  These half-way houses are filled with more out of state residents than Florida residents because many people come here to get sober.  My son is at the Boca House in Boca Raton, FL.  www.bocahouse.com.  Ask for Ron.  They arrange transportation, etc.  With that being said, the bottom line is it has to be his choice.  I didn't have to kick my son into the streets because he wanted to go to the half-way house.  But when he got there, he saw that he was to have a lot of freedom that he wasn't used to and opted to admit himself into another 30-day treatment.   I believe there truly is no right answer.  I also have had to face my involvement in the situation and my parallel sickness.  He will always be my baby.  But maybe, just maybe, it isn't in God's plan for him to be clean and sober yet.  Maybe he has lessons for him, and for me, that he needs to experience to receive a blessing.  I don't know that.  I do know if I would have let the chips fall where they may, things may have not gotten to the point they have.  But, as a mother, it is natural to nurture, which is what I did.   I had to give it one more shot.  I honestly gave this my best shot.  My biggest mistake is I worked harder at keeping him clean that he did.



By the way, I'm from the midwest.  Grew up in Illinois and moved here from Evansville, IN. 



 

Carla - posted on 01/30/2009

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Wow Dena!  Our stories sound eerily the same.  My son is 21.  We 'found out' about his Oxy addiction last March after a police arrest found needles and spoons on him - but no drugs.  At the time I thought that was lucky.  We buckled down and got him off to Hazelden in MN (where my husband went in the 80's for alcohol and has been sober ever since) at the cost of $27,000 - no help from insurance.  He stayed sober until a july 4 party.  Since then it's been on and off.  We kicked him out in August and he went to live with junky friends.  Then came home for help when he found out THEY were stealing from HIM.  ha 



 



Long story short, he 'got sober' at Thanksgiving, got his 30 day chip at Christmas and I thought all was well . . . then the pinpoint pupils came back.  Last weekend, we found him and one of the 2 friends we trusted him with shooting up in his room.!!  In 'investigating' we found 3 checks he'd stolen out of my husbands checkbook and some of my heirloom jewelry in his pocke t. 



 



We are in KY and are covered with an icie and snow storm!   I refuse to put another cent into his recovery!   He is 21!  He's been to jail, rehab, inpatient 3 times, AA for a year, etc.  He knows what he has to do.  I say let the government pay for him now.  Let my taxes work for my son!  Trouble is, I wanted to take him to the Salvation Army or to the local homeless shelter but all are packed and are referring them to high school gyms and churches during this storm.  We have him here - I'm the rehab counselor - he has cooked, cleaned bathrooms, dusted, vacuumed, etc. and we're just waiting for the withdrawal to set in.  Don't know what we'll do at that point.



Any suggestions, anyone?

[deleted account]

Hello everyone.  I'm new to the Circle of Moms, but not to being the mother of a drug addict.  I wrote the note below about a week ago on my facebook page, just after I found out, and finally admitted that my son had relapsed.  He is 20, and had just got out of rehab in the beginning of September.  I did a one on one intervention with him in August and convinced him to go to rehab.  However, at the time, I thought it was marijuana and experimenting with some other drugs.  That is all he tested positive for at the time.  That is what he admitted to having a problem with.  I did the intervention because his life was spiraling downhill with arrests and he looked like a walking skeleton.



After rehab, he came back to live with me, under my terms.  He was to go to meetings, to church and was not allowed to hang out with old friends.  He abided by those terms to the tee.  He went to meetings EVERY DAY.  I drove him myself.  He did his community service.  He went to church EVERY Sunday.  He never left my sight except to do community service and to take a class or two.  He was also using by the time October 27th rolled around and although the signs were there, I wasn't ready to admit it.  His supplier makes deliveries.  When there is a will or a burning desire, there is a way.  Finally, when we discovered a lot of jewelry missing and he had overdrawn bank accounts and credit cards, it became blatantly apparent, a relapse had occured.  Not just yesterday, but two months before on a continuing basis.  How devastated I was.  How sick my boy is and I didn't even know.



HAVE YOU EVER?








Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt? Have you ever saw so much potential in someone you cared about, you'd go to the ends of the earth to help that person see that potential? Have you ever looked into someone's eyes and seen through the wall he's put up to hide from the pain, and reached out to that person, but he was so far gone you couldn't touch him. Have you ever wished you could turn back the time and see what went wrong along the way, and wondered what you could do to make everything better? Have you ever looked back and just said, Lord, please just one more chance to make it right? Have you ever turned that person over the Lord and said take him Lord, he's yours. And the next day, the mother in you said, "but he's mine, I can do it on my own." Have you ever looked at the person you loved and cared for for 20 years and known something was wrong, but your heart couldn't let you believe it? Have you ever cushioned that blow for that person so many times out of love you are left with nothing but a torn cushion, and still the person that you love is broken? This is what the drug addiction of my son has done to me. I love my son with every bone in my body. I know that he loves me, but his addiction has, and continues to take over, not only his life, but mine as well. As we both go through this trying time, I seem to suffer most, feeling the wrath from others he has harmed and who judged me because I cannot judge this son that I love so much. This, to all that care, is what I am going through. I have given my all, and my all wasn't good enough.


My son has an addiction to oxycodone, something I have never had experience with.  I didn't know when someone's pupils are pin point, they are probably using.  Or let me rephrase that, I didn't admit that my son was using.  I knew in my head because I researched it.  My heart wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.


My son is back in rehab at a very hefty cost.  But it is his credit and not mine.  I know he will never be allowed back in my home and I don't have much hope of his staying clean and sober for very long.  I know I did not cause this.  I know I cannot cure it and I know, believe me I know, I cannot control it.  But it still leaves a very big hole in my heart because he was one of my best friends. 


On his way to rehab I asked him what made him try drugs, when he knows his father is an alcoholic and he was suseptible to addiction.  His answer was "I knew not to try alcohol.  I tried marijuana and then pills because everyone was and I wanted to fit in.  I liked them and they liked me.  Now I'm an addict for life, whether I like it or not."  Plain and simple.  Still doesn't hurt any less.




 

Carla - posted on 01/18/2009

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My son is 21 and is now recovering from Oxycodone addiction. He has been sober since Thanksgiving. He has been to rehab (at the cost of $27,000 = insurance not covering) and lasted 3 weeks after coming home. It is an up/down battle. Right now he is succeeding through AA, still lives at home and has no job. It's one day at a time. I'm just thankful he's sober today!

Kerstin - posted on 12/22/2008

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my daughter is 24 yeras old, she has been an addict since her daughter was 18 mth old, we now take off her now. We have done every thing to try and help melanie, but the drugs always come first with. She dose not see her daughter much only when she feels like it we have now had to be hard with and not let her see megan, megan is 4 years old on the 31st december and she takes it very hard when her mum keeps walkin in and out off her life as she dose i never thought for one moement that me as amother would have to be hard on my own daughter i find this very hard to cope with. my family memmbers have all so tried to help melanie, but it all ways gose bad, she steels from them to get her fix and gets very angrey wiyh her self and every one else she is always wright and we are wrong and tell lies, it breaks my heart to see one of my babies turn to drugs what abad and sad world we live in now i feel for all mothers who kids are on drugs

Anne-Marie - posted on 11/28/2008

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If I may, Oxycodone being a prescription narcotic is supplied by a doctor unless it is being purchased off the street illegally. Not many people can fix this by themselves. They need help, but. like any addiction unless that help is wanted there really is nothing you can do. I am sure you have heard of Narcotics Annonymous, they offer good advise if u r able to attend a family meeting they can help. I wish you luck. Where is he getting his drugs from?

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