What YOU say or do if your 17yrs old is smoking pot what you do or say?

Jeanne - posted on 03/12/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Kick him out for 6 months came back sign a contract did not work!

Even tried Addiction Services did not work!



Please someone help me

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Jessica - posted on 05/07/2009

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I am going through the EXACT same thing with my son! He barely passes school, we're getting ready to go to court for habitual truancy, he smokes pot on a regular basis and follows no rules. People DO NOT UNDERSTAND unless they live it. He is very stubborn boy and does not respond to any authority figures including teachers, police officers, principals or any other adult for that matter. I have caught him with various pills, try grounding him but I can't stay her 24/7 to make sure he doesn't walk out this door! I AM NOT a bad influence on my son, I do not take any medication that is not prescribed, I don't drink and I don't go "out". I think what I have done is spoil him and now he won't take no for an answer! I don't think kicking him out is the answer, you have to make sure he knows you're there for him because I do believe that one day these kids will "see the light". It's hard! It wears on you mentally, I have trouble sleeping, I worry constantly, I'm always at school for meetings...he's been suspended at least 10 times for "defiant behavior". As parents there is only so much we can do at this age. I think all you (and I) can do is love our boys and pray for them. Try to explain to them what will happen if they continue this bad behavior. It's so so so hard. And it's so hard to take or hear advice from others because each child is so different. My son's doctors will not even prescribe him medication until he has a clean drug screen for 4 weeks which has yet to happen. SO...in answer to the lady who commented above....any good doc will not RX any kind of ADD or antidepressant medication if a child is using street drugs, at least none in my area, and I don't blame them. I've been working with my son to make a plan for his future..that seems to be motivating him somewhat, he hasn't stopped smoking, but it's kind of made him focus on "the big picture". Just keep telling him you love him and you care about his future, that would be my advice. At this age it's just too hard, we don't have a whole lot of control over what they do! I'm so sorry for your situation as I've been living it for several years...I will keep you and your family in my prayers, as I know it not only affects you and your son, but your other children...I also have a 12 year old daughter. She's been affected terribly by his mistakes. Take care....keep pushing him to make plans for his future...it worked for my stubborn boy! Maybe it'll work a little for you, too.

[deleted account]

Jeanne, you posted your question the day after my beautiful Abby turned 25 in county jail for heroin possesion.  She is now in a county funded drug rehab center for six months.  She has been to three inpatient programs, several out patient programs, lived in half way houses or "sober living" houses twice.  I am still paying a bill on one she was in patient when she was 18. 



Point is:  he will not get sober unless HE wants to.  He will not WANT to unless he has a reason to such as suffering the consequences of his decision to use.



YOU--YOU need to get YOURSELF to a support meeting such as Alanon or Overcomers Anon. or Celebrate Recovery.



 



Abby has juvenile diabetes and I suffered through knowing she really could have died in the county jail due to their neglegence of her diabetes.  Long ago, I had given over her drug use to God, her life was then and is now in His hands....Let Go and Let God.



 



When YOU want help, you will get it, just ask.

[deleted account]

Actually, with my 17 year old, we tried antidepressants and they didn't work at all. I am by profession an RN with a background in several areas including psych and I prefer adolescent psych to any of the others.  But even my two boys have both used, the oldest is 23 and he still uses.  Of course, he is on his own, leads a productive life and I have no control.  The 17 year old works, makes good grades, is very dependable and just an all around great kid but he smokes pot also at times.  Do I  like it?  No, I don't! Do I think it will lead him down the path of no return.  Nope, I don't think so.  I tried the drug testing and I tried the counseling.  My personal opinion is I wish it was legalized.  I take Wellbutrin daily and have for almost 10 years.  Without it, I don't function very well.  If I had taken it from adolescent until now, I think I would have made better decisions in a lot of areas of my life.  I've never tried pot but I do try to look at it as it is a natural organic substance.  To be perfectly honest, I prefer that the boys smoke pot than drink alcohol.  In my previous statement one sentence should have read "there wasn't a thing a parent could really do" and I believe him.

[deleted account]

i have a 18 year old son that i am going through the same things with and unfortunatley there is really nothing we can do about it. i have sat mine down and had discussions about his pot habit many times but talk till you are blue in the face and it is just going in one ear and out the other. i just finally decided to leave it alone and i told him he will have to find out the hard way that mom was right once again. he has since been locked up for possession says he is gonna stop and still hasn't so i guess a few more times and maybe he will come to his senses. sometimes we just have to let them go to learn on their own and play tough love with them it isn't easy but we have to do what we need for our own health and sanity sometimes we can't always put our children first. you are number one and you need to worry about you and let what happens happen and hope he will grow and learn from it. i wish you the best of luck.

Holly - posted on 05/20/2009

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My children are far too young to smoke pot ( 18 months and 6 months), but I myself used to be a smoker before my children blessed my life! Maybe you need to sit down and ask him why he smokes it? I used to do it just to relax, and unwind? doe s his behaviour change for the better or worse when he is smoking it? I know its not something a parent wishes their child to do but there are much worse habits out there? All I know is if it wasnt for the continuous support and love of my parents, I would probably still be smoking.

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Dora C - posted on 09/17/2012

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Sounds like you applied "tough love" already. I know it is painful. find out where he is getting $ to buy the stuff, and who he buys it from. It may help if a counselor with the alcohol, drugs and firearms commission or at a detention center may be able to talk to him in a way that makes sense and scare him a little. .

Connect with clergy from church, a faith you believe in, and request special prayer for you son.



May God be with you and guide you through this trial.

Jodie - posted on 12/06/2010

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its a phase,hes a teenager,what do expect,these kids grow up with expectations, so then one day,when high schools in,they become courious with that becomes dangers that they are so naive too.the best way to get thru this,is gain his trust to you,get him to trust and gain that power back,but not in way,will scare him.normally when a teenager gets involved in bad ppl,figuare out what went wrong and work thru it,your son is in pain,you must be the parent and be there for him,dont turn your back on him,he will get worse.suck it up,and help him ok.gain that trust,thats numa 1 priotey ok,cant spell sorry.jodie

Rochelle - posted on 05/20/2010

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when my son was 18 yr old he was action funny I as a mother new something was going on so I went to his room started looking for drugs I found pot and I called the cops the cops could not do anything be cause there was just a little bit my son was mad for months he started acting funny again I did the same found pot I told him you get help or move out he stayed one day cought him stilling from me becouse he had to pay me rent i told him if he had money to buy pot he had money to pay his way wrong idea at that time my son did move out he lived here there and every were today he is 24yrs old straighted out his life does not take no drugs what I am trying to tell you is be strong it takes a lot of paitents your son needs you do not throw him out all it will do is make you sick and if you make him pay room and board you run the changes of him stilling off of you or ever is in the home talk to him let him know how much he is hurting you and the family today I can sit back and see he could of been in a lot of harder stuff good luck with your son turn it over to god god has a plan

Tricia - posted on 03/15/2010

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Our children...so sad. I have been going to Al-anon for 6 months. My 19 yr old is addicted to Oxycontin. I feel Al-anon has helped me so much. I got rid of the quilt I felt and now know I can't do anything. I am ok with that now.I still have so much to learn but I do feel a bit of peace now and I am concentrating on me. It feels good to be in a room where everyone knows where your coming from and they don't judge you. A good feeling to know your not alone and can tell people who really understand what your going through. God bless

Sandra - posted on 02/25/2010

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as a mother of a former addict my son was 20 passed away and left behind two small children without a father. We did everything a parent could do counseling, drug rehab changed schools etc...until they change there friends and they make the choice to stop its not going to happen no rehab,kicking him/her out on the street or making them pay their way your heart will be broken your wallet will be empty and your life will still be unhappy...I miss my son everyday and he was on the way to recovery when an adult 43 year old lady gave him a overdose of methadone that she was taking for drug addition. So talk to your child, let them know you understand and want to help but they must make the choice I would do anything to have my son back...one wrong choice made the difference between living and dying. God Bless.

Lizette - posted on 01/10/2010

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hey there yes i feel for you but agree with others on that kicking him out is not the solution unless he is totally causing havoc in the house making it uncomfortable for others but if he keeps in his own space it is better that he knows that you will always be there for him and yes he needs to know you dont agree with his choices but he will only stop if and when he wants to no threatening is going to make it earlier also consider that with more acceptance he might need to smoke less as most of the time its done to escape situations feelings etc tell him its because you know he can do better for himself ... also i prefer pot to any other drug including alcohol and sometimes its calming tho bottom line would be the behaviour is more of a problem than the smoking and it is not always linked i know many people who smoke and lead a normal responsible life so maybe aim at that instead of the smoking .... lastly worrying does not solve anything accecptance tho hard and letting go and letting god for both you and him is the only solution they have to learn in there own time make there own mistakes as we all have and with support it is always so much easier as they know they can turn round and admit how mistaken they have been at some point or other ... good luck and god blessxxx

Doreen - posted on 11/30/2009

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kicking him out does not solve the problem u have to communicate with him and constantly talk about it with him let him know that u do not agree with his smoking pot. i take away all the munchie food that he likes to eat and i dont shop for any sweet treats that he likes to eat!!! theres really nothing u can do about it because he is the one who has to stop!! pray on it thats what i do!!!!

[deleted account]

Quoting Jeanne:

What YOU say or do if your 17yrs old is smoking pot what you do or say?

Kick him out for 6 months came back sign a contract did not work!
Even tried Addiction Services did not work!

Please someone help me


Hey Hun, I take my hat off to you, it takes alot of courage to kick your son out, the person that you gave life to, that you swore when you gave birth that you would love, nurture and protect. . . hello . . nobody told us they could turn out to be from outa space . . .  I must say it's nice to see that someone else stands up to their own morals and standards, in their own house, and if you can't enforce it with your own family, who can you??



I had to call the police on my son, broke my heart into pieces, but I have since realised that I found it sooo hard afterwards because I was suffering from grief, grief for the son I lost, the lovely, sweet, loving boy that I had raised, cared for and taught my beliefs and values to. Once I got a handel on that, I seemed to see things in a different light.



You know what . . It's not your fault, you sound like a wonderful person, who has done nothing but your best, and in this case, your best wasn't enough, he has to realise that he is control of his life, you know the old saying . . all actions have consequences . . we, as adults live by that to a degree, and if he thinks hes 10 foot tall and bullet proof, maybe he needs a reality check and to learn from what he does. You unfortunately will have to wait in the wings until he does wake up, and if that means kicking him out again, and he spends some time on the street or elsewhere, then so be it. Keep strong and don't change, I'm not sayin it will get easier, but I live by  . . If I died tomorrow, I can go to my grave knowing that I did all I could . .

Jeanne - posted on 03/19/2009

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Quoting Pat:



If only my son was just smoking Pot... try having a heroin addict for a child... It could be worse... be patient... he will quit in his own time... try not to worry too much. As with any drugs, you cannot do anything... just do not enable him, by lending money, allowing him not to pay his board (if he pays it) if he does not... maybe its time to make him pay his way, after all the more money he has to pay out the less hes got for his habits... !!!!!





Thank you so much Pat for everything and taking the time for this note, and YES I agree it could be worst. and thanks for your ideas.



Jeanne

Pat - posted on 03/18/2009

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If only my son was just smoking Pot... try having a heroin addict for a child... It could be worse... be patient... he will quit in his own time... try not to worry too much. As with any drugs, you cannot do anything... just do not enable him, by lending money, allowing him not to pay his board (if he pays it) if he does not... maybe its time to make him pay his way, after all the more money he has to pay out the less hes got for his habits... !!!!!

Jeanne - posted on 03/17/2009

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Quoting Amy:



I wouldn't have kicked him out.  Does he have any other substance abuse problems?  Do you drink or smoke cigarettes?  What kind of example do you set for him?  He may need medication for depression or ADHD.  A lot of kids turn to pot when they really need prescription medication.  A close law enforcement friend of mine recently told me there was a parent could really do to keep their child from smoking pot.  He said he did it daily as a senior.  It doesn't make YOU a bad parent.  Your son has to want to quit.





Hello Amy................It has been a long road for 2 years I've been working hard with him.............we did all the counselling...........we did the medication thing/ but he don't want to take the medication he won't / even my doctor said that we cannot force him...............since his 6 yrs old had specialist for ADHD.............since he was born he always needed that extra attention and still does till this day.......... he say's he wants to quit pot..............still smoking it and it's been 2 years..........he did the addiction center........still did not work...........
I'm a mother that does not give, but he does everything he not supposed to do..........last summer he had stolen a bike got caught & arrested.............he did his 50hrs community work.........he got one on one counselling..........and addiction services workshop......................got kick out of school 2 times...........still smoking pot.............There's only so much I can do HE MUST DO IT HIMSELF..........I also have his twin sister & 19 year old brother to take care of...........



I already kick him out last summer and shipped him to my ex's even that did not work because he could not take care of him...............he did not even have him 1 month and he kick him out.........



Took him back home just before Christmas made him sign a contract...........yes he did..........but has broken his contract.............and found a pot pipe in his coat last week.............and the week before that he got kick out of school for 4 days becacus he had another pipe with him.............



Helloooooooooooooooooooooo What's next..................



as for me the road has been very long..............

I've battling chronic depression + anxiety for over 15 years and now I have Fibromyalgia  this major work for me to be a stay home mom, and sick......because I loved my career and working Mom.........my doctor after 2 years wants me to go on disability........I finally agreed, but very difficult to do at my age......they I sort of look at it will say on my tombstone that I was a good career women........God must have a plan for me..........because he put me in this direction for a reason!





Any suggestion I'm ready & willing to try anything at this point.....................help!



 

[deleted account]

I wouldn't have kicked him out.  Does he have any other substance abuse problems?  Do you drink or smoke cigarettes?  What kind of example do you set for him?  He may need medication for depression or ADHD.  A lot of kids turn to pot when they really need prescription medication.  A close law enforcement friend of mine recently told me there was a parent could really do to keep their child from smoking pot.  He said he did it daily as a senior.  It doesn't make YOU a bad parent.  Your son has to want to quit.

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