Daughter refuses to fall asleep alone

Supriya - posted on 03/16/2012

Hello Rebecca..DD is 5 now and has been sleeping alone since an year now. ALthough in India this trend is not too common..and I heard some saying let her sleep with you till she has a sibling and that was a stupid reason. SHe's gonna be the only child:-) I too started the training around 3...it took us almost a complete year to get totally successful though.

At first, we put a separate cot for her close to our bed...We would read her a story n make her sleep...at times she would sleep but in winters..she would get up crying midnight ..We thought she doesnt feel that cosy may be...so the session went off and on and whenever she would sleep by herself..we would give her some reward. Few months passed that way...meanwhile she cud understand more and purposely her Papa would at times put his arm over her..and she would wake up uncomfortable..this happened for few days and I told her Papa doesnt get to know while in sleep..You are grown up and need your own bed now...so back to her cot . then she would sleep alone in the cot. SHe turned 4 and after a wait for 1n a half yrs of shifting to our new house, we decorated her room as per her choice..her chosen colors new wardrobe..everything and she was quite excited to have HER OWN ROOM...I clicked many pics of hers in her room and she shared them with her friends and had the feeling that I AM A GROWN UP GIRL NOW!! Then we shifted to our room and she to hers...we would leave her after a story session and she used to say dont go till I'm totally asleep...We left a night lamp on and th common washroom lights on and she was told to call out if she wakes up n is afraid..she would call up ..one of us would go and make her sleep again n get back...YES...it was quite an effort but now she sleeps on her own :-)

Good luck.. Hope you find some helpful trick...may be li'll makeovers as we kept doing all throughout the year...placing toys...changing curtain set..new bedsheet...reward system..changing color of night lamp etc...I shall share her room pic in my album.

Mariah - posted on 12/20/2011

Hey Rebecca, the first thing I notice is the long list of things you have tried. I know they were well intentioned, but they may be a part of the problem, instead of the solution. I know my opinion may seem a little black and white but I really think it helps. Most children just don't like the feeling of falling asleep. I think it is a very instinctual feeling of vulnerability and they will fight it and fight it! By trying many different things you are showing her that protesting or having trouble going to sleep on her own means she will get lots of attention or people trying lots of different things to "comfort" her. It feels natural to want to make it easier for her, but many of these things don't help her learn to self soothe and feel comfortable, they teach her to depend on others and external stimulation to sleep. My step daughters BM was convinced that she could "never" go to sleep without a movie on and that to deprive her of this routine was cruel. To me bedtime is time to sleep...the end. A story before bed is fine, but sleeping time is for sleeping. Younger children may need a back rub, but at three a child is more than capable of handling a good night hug and kiss and you walking out and closing the door. If they get out of bed simply keep putting them back until they fall asleep. They will learn that nothing fun is going to happen and no one is going to give them extra attention for staying awake. There may be a period of protest, but unless you give in there will eventually be a night when she just gets that fighting it is getting her nowhere and she will fall asleep all by herself. My step daughter survived going to sleep without that movie just fine when I came into her life, with one week transition of back rubs, and has been going to sleep on her own ever since! Good luck!

Debra - posted on 12/16/2011

lol It does.

It's never ridiculous though. I know it may feel like it at times but that's because we're adults and see things differently. They're just kids and have their reasons for wanting these things. They love us and they don't see it as "wrong", for lack of a better word. They could be scared, having bad dreams.

Rebecca - posted on 12/15/2011

thanks Debra - it feels good knowing that my misery has company, lol. It is so very frustrating and there is that fine line in your head as a mom as to "when is this rediculous and when is it just a job of being a mom?"

Debra - posted on 12/15/2011

Hi Rebecca! I know it's tough. I get my son (2) onto a good routine before bed, lay him down and leave but times will come to where he expects me to lay in bed with him in order to fall asleep. It takes some time to break but what I do is slowly decrease the time that I am laying with him. In a happy tone you could say "Honey, mommy can't stay." Some nights nothing works but that's okay. If you keep working at it, it will get better. For the passed maybe month and a half he has cried for me to lay with him and just tonight I laid him down and left.