how do i deal with 11 year old daughter that thinks she s 16 and hates her step dad

Casey - posted on 04/06/2010

get in control and beat her ass!!!! (excuse the language) let her know that when she is feeling a certain way to come and talk to you and not get angry...some kids need to be put in their places..

Tanya - posted on 04/06/2010

This is a tough problem because it could be a million different things. We all don't know your family history or what is going on now with in your home and family so advice on this is hard to give. I think if it is affecting all the family (as you have stated) maybe some family counciling will help to find a root problem in the situation and set some goals for mending and recoving the issues that are not on the surface. I understand she is having one on one counciling at school but it sounds like it is a family issue and a family councler is trained in that department. Also she is in adolesence and starting many hormone changes in her body and this could be effecting her mood swings and emotions too, maybe she is not aware why she is feeling this way and you should talk to her pedatric dr about this issue. This is not going to resolve over night and a few things might be worth looking into so that way there may be peace in your family again. Good Luck

Sophie - posted on 04/02/2010

Well this is a tough issue. I was previously married to a man with three teenage children and am now in a relationship with my daughters father who also has two grown kids, so I have been on the receiving end of some pretty hurtful comments at times. In my opinion, I think you need to have some one on one time with you daughter and try to get her to open up to you as to why she is so angry... is she still upset that you no longer live with her father? Does she have contact with her father? Does she resent the fact that her step-father is parenting her? How long has the step-dad been in the picture? I know that when I became a step-mom, I decided that unless I saw something bad, I would not parent the children, they already had a mother and father. I chose to be a friend to them instead, I did arts and crafts, took them on hikes and brought them camping. I made it very clear that there were certain rules in my home that had to be obeyed, but left the discipline to my husband. It worked wonders for us and although my marriage to their father failed 6 years ago, the kids and I remain in contact. Having a child with emotional problems is extremely disruptive, to everyone and that child certainly cannot be allowed to rule the roost so to speak. I would set clearly defined boundaries in regards to her behaviours in the home, continue with the counseling. Give her more responsibility, a job or chore that she can receive praise for accomplishing and build feelings of self worth, maybe even an organized sports activity where she can burn off some of that energy (if finances permit). Just some suggestions, I realize you posted this a couple weeks ago, but I hope it helps.

Joe - posted on 03/16/2010

hmmm seems like she has some anger issues mate - why not try taking her to a Dr and getting them to prescribe something to calm her down. My nephew (11) is exactly the same my cousin finally took him to the drs they will recommend what to give her. Now if u dont wanna do that and u want her to stop slamming doors simply be a bitch back and take her door off the hinge or get those door stoppers that stop the door from shutting. LOL Play her game right back at her. Kids these days have no respect much different to ourselves and older generations. If it were my 2 girls mate I would simply do what they do back to them. We are always soft and looking for them to forgive us like we have done something wrong when we haven't. We are being parents. If she throws herself on the floor, u do it. If she breaks something of urs, u break something of hers. Do not let her get it over u 2. And remind her that her stepdad may not be her dad but he is the one who keeps a roof over her head and if she doesn't like it then u will get her a kennel to sleep in. THEN if she continues and really REALLY shits u make a kennel or even buy one. Let her know ur not putting up with it. Hope my advice helped ya and good luck. Let me know how ya go