Nikol - posted on 08/24/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )
first let me explain that I do know the difference between spanking and beating having been a victim of the latter during my childhood on many occasions. I define spanking as no more than four swats on the behind only. Whether it be a hand or a wooden spoon, neither should be used with enough force to leave a mark of any kind or move the child from a free standing position. That being said I NEVER spank angry and ALWAYS enlist any other possible way of getting the point accross before resorting to a spanking. First being a talk with my child about her behavior. Second being extra chores in addition to the talk. Third being grounding in addition to the first two. Fourth is the spanking but in absence of the chores and grounding but in concert with a much longer talk so that they fully understand the purpose of the spanking.
It had been YEARS since I had spanked my girls until just recently. They had been testing the limits in our household alot lately and being very very ugly towards each other on a regular basis. I knew there were underlying issues causing this so I have been very patient and there have been alot of talks to try and sort it out. Then came the chores and groundings to no avail.
So I sat them down and talked to them about thier behavior and explained to them that not only had thier attitudes towards each other gotten to be unhealthy but they had gone too far when they extended that disrespect to the adults and other people within the extended family as well.
So they got thier swats and they teared up. Then we all discussed the situation again and again. They have been on thier best behavior for the last two weeks. They ofcourse have thier disagreements and all but no more viscous attacks on each other. The eye rolls and whatevers have diminished greatly. So all is good, right? NOT!
There are people within the extended family that are not only questioning my parenting style and disciplinary methods but are also making ugly remarks. One person went as far as to say that I would reep what I sowed and one day my children would pay me back for my abuse. (This person by the way is the mother of the cousin I mentioned in an earlier conversation. The child who visciously verbally attacks my youngest and is extremely disrespectful to all of the adults within the extended family as well as towards her mother. She also throws screaming tantrums when told no or if something within her life does not go the way she wanted.) I managed to just simply say that I will reep the respect that I have given to my children and they know that I love them and expect them to behave according to society's rules. However the rudeness is eating at my soul and I am having a really hard time getting past the judgments on me by not only this woman but at least one other person within the family. I am still praying about it and will continue to do so. I would very much like more oppinions and views on this matter though. Good or bad. Thank you.