Keeping in Touch with the Kids

Diane - posted on 03/03/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I know this is probably just a personal preference sort of thing, but I'm just wondering how often you Moms of Grown Children talk to your kids now that they have moved out of the house? I pretty much talk to mine on an as-needed and catch-me-up-to-date basis because I know they have lives of their own and I'm not the sort of mom who feels like I need to be a part of their everyday life. I believe they need to be able to focus on their own families and have family time without me butting in all the time. They know I love them and that I am here when they need me. And often we do call one another and just chat about nothing for an hour or so! One daughter I see every day because I keep her 2-yr-old while she teaches. Another daughter I speak to every couple of weeks right now because she is working on her masters' degree, working in an internship, being mommy to a 3-yr-old AND being a wife to my son-in-law who is also working on his masters' and in an internship! I have some friends who say they have to talk to their kids at least once a day, and they seem to look down their nose at me if I say I haven't talked to mine in over a week! Just want to see what you girls think...how often you talk to your kids...etc. etc.

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Kathy - posted on 08/25/2010

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I usually talk to mine at least every couple of days, my son is living back at home until October, my daughter is off work on maternity leave, so I usually talk to her everyday because she gets bored with her husband working and the baby sleeping.

[deleted account]

I'm in Australia, and my grown son is still back in California... and with the time difference and us both working, we don't talk as often as I like, but he's pretty darn good at leaving messages on myspace or catching me on Yahoo chat. When we can, I read bedtime stories to my grandsons via chat - while I'm reading to my daycare kids at the same time.

It's hard on me at times, but I know that he and his girlfriend work extremely hard, and with 3 young boys, the boys are the priority. We'll be going over to see them in April, and believe me, I'm counting the days!



But when it comes to how regularly we're in contact with our kids? I think it depends on the individuals and the circumstances... so don't let anyone make you feel that you're doing the wrong thing.

People who judge you, aren't worth worrying about anyway - IMO!

Christine - posted on 12/30/2009

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my son lives with me but i rarely see him and when i do we have a lot to talk about i see my daughter rarely like you i dont talk to her pften it on a need to no basis im not an interfering inlaw to many inlaws interfere in their kids marriage my daughter like it that i dont she can talk to me any time she likes and my grandson talks to when ever he likes if i talk to them every day i run out of things to say she dont want to no if the electrician came up neither does my son but it up to each parent how often they speak to there kids dont feel guilty at all if your kids wanted you to phone them or talk to them more often then they would say that to you so you keep doing what your doing it sound good to me

Edna - posted on 12/29/2009

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I talk and see all my childern and grandkids and great grandbaby everyday.I think if I could that wouldn't hapen.I love them but they depend on me to much.

[deleted account]

Yes, I talk to my kids on an as-needed basis. We run out of things to say to each other. It's too bad I can talk to friends longer!

[deleted account]

I talk on the phone w/ my daughter once in awhile. I was visiting her & her family once a month but summer came & driving to the Hamptons was too frustrating w/the traffic. I'm in touch with my granddaughter almost daily b/c of Facebook. My son and family live in Maine & love it. I don't interfere w/my children's lives & parenting b/c they are intelligent hard-working adults who are excellent parents. I trust their own instincts re their lives. My son-in-law is wonderful & I think the world of him. Being a mom w/adult children makes me regret the times I didn't spend with them growing up. Life was hard & I was struggling so time with them was limited. That makes me sad to this day. One thing is for sure -- if I ever needed them, they would be right there, no questions asked. And visa-versa. I love my family & am happy to have every one of them.

Diane - posted on 08/31/2009

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What a gift you have in your daughter, Bernice! Stepping in to help you says alot about her maturity level and how she was raised! Seems like you did a great job! Hope our husband is doing better...that is a rough road to travel.

Bernice - posted on 08/12/2009

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I usually talk to my daughter once or twice a day, sometimes more. My son usually calls me and if I don't hear from him for a while, then I call him. But I believe in keeping in touch with my children! And all mother's think there kids are the greatest but I'd like to tell a story! My husband, stepfather to my children, had a drinking problem and went in a 30 day treatment center to get off alcohol, and my niece who was living with me at the time, promised my husband that she would be here for me while he was gone and the 1st night, she abandoned me and the whole month, we did nothing but fight because she didn't want to be here for me. Well my daughter stepped in and stayed with me every weekend and drove me to Camden for visitation with my husband and more or less kept me sane while he was gone! My daughter gets daughter of the year award in my eyes!

Nicey - posted on 07/06/2009

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Don't be intimidated by how often someone else talks with their children as they might just be seen as nuisances by them. Different situations determine how often you talk with them. My son calls several times a day as he is trying to make up for years of neglect now that he is "clean". My daughter and I have never had a break in communication so we determine when we want or need to contact each other.

Bonita - posted on 05/27/2009

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I'm with you, Diane. Not only is it not necessary to talk to my grown children (3 daughters--2 of them over a thousand miles away) every day, it is not logical. They and I are professional people, and we simply are into other "daily" things. I have, however, wondered what it would be like to either call them every day or expect them to call me every day. It sounds kind of co-dependent, but I do wonder sometime what we would say to each other. "Hi. How're ya doing? What're you doing today?" "Well, I have yada yada yada to do at the university. Then I have to call the plumber and . . ." Actually, when I think about it, talking to all three of my daughters every day would take hours out of my own day, to say nothing of what it would do to theirs! Interesting to reflect on this.

Diane - posted on 05/06/2009

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Thanks, Amy. I love being on Facebook cause it DOES give me a chance to keep in touch every day! All my kids and stepkids are on FB, so even if we don't 'talk', we can keep up with one another through our statuses. And it's fun to talk to one of them and they'll say, "Did you see J's status?" or "Did you see on FB that C is going to 'wherever' this weekend?" Sometimes a status line will even prompt a phone call!

Amy - posted on 05/06/2009

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Usually, My daughter Emily and I talk on the phone once a week or so. But we are in contact everyday on Facebook.



I live in OH and she lives in Col. so it's nice to at least keep up with her daily on the internet.

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