Advice to get siblings to tolerate his behavior?

Lisa - posted on 03/27/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi -



We are in the process of getting a DX of asperger's for my 13 year old son. He has a terrible time making and keeping friends. He just does not behave socially like he should - more like a 4 year old. He constantly angers and / or annoys his siblings and he doesn't even realize it!!. The best we can say to keep them from lynching him is "just ignore him".



Anyone have better advice than that?



Lisa

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4 Comments

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Debbie - posted on 11/10/2009

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Lisa,



I handled my son a little different than most. First I never treated my son as "different", or "special", and others didn't need to tollerate him more that he needed to conform to my standards. I pushed my son with goals of not to be 'normal' yet work each day to OVERCOME OUR DIFFERENCES. By the time my son graduated his "differences" were not even noticed. On parent visitor day his teacher praised him for helping (in a whisper) "a handicaped student". I almost laughed realizing he didn't know my son was in special education also. My son can 90% control his anger, frustration, fear,speaking out his mind (words), and most of the time recover quickly out of shutdowns or seizures (blackouts,daydreams). Where I missed was forcing social interaction.



As for playing with his cousins, my nephews lived with us. He had issues dealing with our ADHD nephew. Same rules we learn to control our own actions. In the same time, others must understand that the person is working to control such action. Tollerance is built not given, and does take time. My oldest nephew didn't learn this until he was 13 yrs and his brother is 11 now! He lived with his ADHD brother. My son still has difficulties tollerating hyper children yet he does understand and he will correct them, and tell them it is their "card" to manage their "behavior".



Self-Aware + Behavior + Adjustment = Self-Control

Patience + Understanding + Time = Tollerance

Tina - posted on 10/09/2009

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My child is 11yrs old and he does not have any other siblings but he is always with his cousin everyday. We had talked with my son about behaviors as they happen. We have also explained to his cousin that he is different and that each one of them is different by God's design .My only suggestion is to help him know the acceptable behavior and know what signs to look for to may head off a problem or anger outburst. I have found talking to him helps us.



Pray for God's guidance in helping your child.



Tina

Corrina - posted on 03/29/2009

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hi. My teenage son is nearly 15. He has always had a hard time being tolerant of his siblings behaviour toward him, he is always right!. No matter what any of them do, if it's his turn, it's now. If he wants something, he wants it straight away. I have always told my other children to try to be tolerant of him as he doesn't do it on purpose, and he just can't help being a little different to them, they are able to realise the fact that maybe he isn't always right, but they let him think that he is. It settles arguments a lot quicker, rather than trying to let whoever is right win . Nothing gets easier as they get older, but I think we come to understand them a little more with every day. I think the hardest thing for me is that his behaviour is the same at school, and unfortunately, I am unable to explain to the other children that he doesn't mean to seem rude, or horrible, or mean, he just doesn't know what social behaviour is. I have accepted that I can't run his social life, but I try to expand his knowledge of how to have a proper conversation with other kids. (sometimes I find it hard to have a conversation of more than two sentences, If it doesn't involve computers). So anyway, try explaining why your son is a little different to your other children, perhaps have the conversation with your son first, let him know that you are trying to help. Hope it goes well. corrina.

Sue - posted on 03/28/2009

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Wish I could be more helpful, but my son is only 10...haven't hit the teenages years yet and he's not extremely social. Anyway, check with the folks who are evaluating him or a behavioral specials who works with our children. My saving graces have been the Autism Support teachers and the occupational therapist at my son's school. They are wonderful people who help me as well as my son. Good luck!

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