Frustration with the school

Michelle - posted on 06/05/2012

I am a special ed. teacher also and my son is 13 and his counselor suspects AS but we dont have a formal diagnosis yet.. I also am having trouble distinguishing between naughty and what could be Aspergers and how and when to punish him. He is refusing all work at school right now and I have read that this is a common Aspie behavior.Not sure how to get him out of this pattern and what kind of consequences will discourage it. So far nothing I take away from him seems to make a difference. He's dug his heels in and says he is done with school for the year. There is still5 days left of school. I considering just taking him out early. Anyone have any thoughts on this?

Yvette - posted on 06/10/2011

Hi Louise
my son has recently been diagnose with aspergers, when do you determine if the child is now naughty or when it is his condition making him reacting the why he does. This is the problem I am struggling to determine the diffrence between naughty and aspergers, he is turning 12 in September and for years he has been lable as naughty, so I don't want to dissipline him if he actually is not naughty. Please help seing that you have experience with special needs childern. thanks

Michelle - posted on 04/12/2011

Christina~ the best advice I can give you is to keep the lines of communication open with the school & her teacher. We have just received the diagnosis of AS a little over a month ago (and he just turned 13) He was first diagnosed with ADD but couldn't take the meds for it because it cause violent outburst. Our school system has been incredible in helping us in any way possible, including allowing me to just sit & cry when needed. Overall our school experience has been a very pleasant one and though at times it has been a challenge (especially trusting someone else to "handle" situations that only I've handled for years) they have repeatedly proven capable & willing to do what is best for Jordan.
Also if you feel deep down that there is something more going on with your daughter, find a clinic near you that specializes in autism and get a second opinion. I knew for a long time too, but I guess I was in denial and didn't really want to hear it. But it's been a relief in knowing that I'm not a horrible parent. :) Hope this helps

Michelle - posted on 04/12/2011

I appreciate your post although I do not agree with you completely either. By law they can not refuse to teach ANY child. I do not ever condone his behavior when he looses his temper or acts out, but I also do not agree with punishment when it is out of his control. I'm not trying to "hide" behind his needs in any way what so ever. But I will not tolerate any adult making him feel intimated or cornered. (including myself) One of the biggest challenges he faces (can not understand, comprehend & most often will cause him to withdraw or have a melt down) is aggressive or tense tone of voice. I have had to learn to maintain my tone when dealing with him.
For the record, I did go have a sit down face to face conversation with the spec ed admins and they have bent over backwards to help accommodate him & us during the VERY difficult transition.

Christina - posted on 04/11/2011

I'm sorry Louise, but I can't fully agree with you. Yes, sometimes children really are just misbehaving. BUT, I know how MY daughter gets when she feels like she's trapped. Being a special ed. teacher, how can you not relate to that??

Louise - posted on 04/11/2011

Sometimes you have to accept that your son is in the wrong. He can not hide behind his special needs. I am sure if the special needs teacher felt this was the best thing to do then she had her reasons. You shouting at the woman has probably made things worse. I am sure this teacher is feeling very uncomfortable with what has gone on and could possibly refuse to teach your son if she does not have the backing of his parents to support her. Ring for an appointment face to face and discuss what has gone on and how you would like your son treated in the future. Do not lose your temper or raise your voice especially infront of your son because this is reinforcing his bad behaviour. I promise you as a specail ed teacher myself this teacher will be feeling really low. Get it all out in the open and if you are still not happy with what is going on then you need to think about changing schools. You have to accept that your child is going to get into trouble at some point it is kid like don't always blame his special needs at some point it is just being naughty.

Christina - posted on 04/11/2011

My daughter is starting kindergarten in the fall, and this is exactly what I'm afraid of. She's been diagnosed with ADHD, but deep down, I know something else is wrong. I truely believe she has Asperger's, and I'm SO afraid of her starting school. How do you cope with scenarios like this??