Parent of Adult Child with Asperger's Syndrome

Patricia Grahame - posted 10 hours ago

After years of my own research, and after having read so,so,many books and articles on Aspergers, this is the first place I have read things that I find very,very HELPFUL !I can ,(finally !), IDENTIFY with Aspie moms ! You have no idea, well maybe you do, how relieved I am !
I was starting to think of myself as : stupid,unloving,lacking patience,unintelligent, (how can I not know how to relate to my own daughter ! ?),lonely,alienated, forgotten. I am a retired psychologist, having had a private practice for over 30 years,and have excellent relational and communication skills...but not with my daughter! I am a single parent of a 46 yr.old gorgeous, now married, Aspie daughter, classified in middle school, with what was then known as, Learning Disabilities.No one was diagnosing Aspergers back then in the mid eighties. Now,our relationship is almost completely eroded, we have short, strained conversations, very infrequently. I live 35 minutes away from her, and I have never been to her apt.on the Upper East side of Manhattan. I have not seen her in over year. She has huge rage isuues, and, there was a time, she could become violent. She scared and angered me.I was at a total loss.I have long needed some sort of "guide," for communications with her. I need to learn how to "relate," to my daughter. I do not want to lose her. I love her more than anything in this world. I have been suffering from depression for many years now, as I have not been able to heal or resolve this situation. But some things I have read here, make me feel so less alone and give me...hope. Hope at last !Any and all suggestions welcomed ! Thank you all for ...being there !

Samantha - posted 1 day ago

Im in the same boat....i'm so frustrated and just need someone to talk to...

Terry - posted on 05/08/2013

Hello fellow parents with asperger's adult children. My son is 36, and was diagnosed in his mid twenties . We knew he was different when he was about 3 or 4 , he would get obsessed with things and that was his only focus. There was no asperger's dx in the 90's and all the testing the schools did, could not come with a dx. There is sooooo much more I could say, he graduated from high school was nominated to the national honor society, received his Eagle Scout, served a 2 year mission for our church and has his bachelor's degree. We did not have a dx during his formative years but we knew he had problems with social skills. He suffered so many antics, jokes played on him during his school years. Anyways, right now he is a housekeeper at a nursing home working just above minimum wage, he lives with us. He has credentials but cannot get through a job interview due to lack of eye contac and he does not drive. He passes his written test but cannot maneuver on the road. Any suggestions or ideas would be great. Thanks. Terry

Kathee - posted on 05/06/2013

Hear you! Does she live at home?

Kathee - posted on 05/06/2013

Don't feel used and dumped! When my son is not in contact, I know he is ok. When something goes wrong, she will be back and need you. It's just like a baby: sleep and get your rest and have fun while she is happy. When she needs you again, be ready.

BTW, the fact that she is not in touch is because she lacks the social skills to know how to treat you differently. She probably is single-mindedly living her young life like she should be!

Julie - posted on 04/24/2013

Thank you Carmel Ann. I can definitely use your prayers. We all can!

Carmel Ann - posted on 04/24/2013

Hi Jane I like Tammy have had you on my mind and wondering how you are. This aspergers is something else to deal with especially when it is your child. It is not a boo boo that we can kiss away and we do feel trapped. But always remember God never sends us more than we can bear. I have been looking for answers for a long time and have not found. I think these kids falll through the cracks It is very important though that you take care of yourself first, learn what you can about aspies but always remember you are the Mom and you are to be respected in your home. These kids certainly have a rough road ahead but in order to help you have to take care of yourself. We are Moms but we are also human. So thinking of you I am carmel b

Tammy - posted on 04/23/2013

Hi, Jane, how are you doing now? I have been thinking about your post and, if you can, would like to know how you are holding up.

Julie L, I am praying for you too. :)

Julie - posted on 04/23/2013

Hi Jane.
I am experiencing the same thing. I have a son that is 15 and to say that I completely understand your post is sad for both of us
Not sure how long this "phase" will last. Scares me to see your son is 21. That would mean I have another 6 years of this and as you are too well aware, each day is a struggle. My son and I used to have a good relationship. Not like his brother and I had, but for my youngest son-it was good.
Now he hates me. Burned his baby book up and all his baby pictures as he didn't think I deserved to be his mom. Calls me names, threatens me, the list goes on. The tears I have and the heartache I have is huge. He is still my son and I love him but I too wish I could just disappear and have a break once in a while. I always try to respond positively as I keep praying he will grow out of it. But to have your son look at you and talk to you like that, make you feel like you are not a good mom and worry what he's going to do is a heavy weight to carry day in and day out.
What input have you gotten as to how to handle it, how long it will last or other advice?
I'd appreciate hearing it as I am pretty much lost and I don't want to lose my son.
As a post note: he is a "highly intelligent, highly functional" aspie. With ADHD thrown in for additional fun. I believe he's smart enough to manipulate me and use words and actions that he knows will hurt me but I worry as with his ADHD he may do something to get back at me and not think it thru as he takes risks and doesn't have proper impulse control.

JC - posted on 04/16/2013

I Anne,
My daughter is turning 20 this week and has just been diagnosed with Asperger's. Like you, I knew she was different but didn't have a name for it.
She is away in College but becoming extremely independent, with no fear of consequences.
Glad to find a group to network.
JJ

JC - posted on 04/16/2013

I Anne,
My daughter is turning 20 this week and has just been diagnosed with Asperger's. Like you, I knew she was different but didn't have a name for it.
She is away in College but becoming extremely independent, with no fear of consequences.
Glad to find a group to network.
JJ

Carmel Ann - posted on 04/08/2013

Jane - I read your post in the middle of the night and my heart went out to you. I too have a son with aspergers and very low IQ and he is just about to turn 43. It never gets easy but you have to stop fighting it. Once I realized my son was not doing crazy things deliberately and it was not his fault, his world is very lonely and he surely does not understand ours. he does not understand relationships, social situations, manners, life became a little easier and I tried looking at his world through his. eyes. We tried for SSI and SSD and were denied - so now I am a widow living on SS and have this child that I have no idea what the future holds for him. One thing I do know God sent him to us (we adopted him) and it is not my place to give up on him. In this crazy mixed up world I am all he has got so place yourself in God's hands and let Him guide you. It is too big a load to carry alone. Just know I do care. Carmel B

Tammy - posted on 04/07/2013

Hi, Jane,
In what city and state do you live? have you found a support group? They may be helpful for encouragement and resources. If your son's been diagnosed with Aspergers, depending on the age of his diagnosis, there are some programs that can give free services. Try calling Easter Seals. They have a toll-free number and can talk to you about family resources and are really helpful. They are a wealth of information. I will be praying for you.

Jane - posted on 04/07/2013

I have an aspergers son who just turned 21.
Why am I in the bathroom crying and typing to strangers?
My once sweet child has turned into a horrible monster. The whole house walks on eggshells afraid of saying something that will set the hulk in motion. This has been 5 years of absolute hell.
I am ashamed to say that I don't like my son.
Today was another screamfest with accusations and threats which started over nothing and I want to move out of my own house.
I know that I am not alone in this as I have a good friend with another monster son but there are some days when I can't take it.
I would be so grateful for suggestions or a cure

Joanna - posted on 03/26/2013

I am a single mom of a 19 year old daughter with Asperger's. All of her life I devoted myself to being there for my daughter. Her younger sister had to take a back seat because she did not seem to need me as much. I was her mentor, her protector, her teacher, and her best friend. I made sure NOTHING and no one would keep her from feeling loved and supported. To say I sacrificed is too weak choice of words. Now my daughter is in college and has her first boyfriend. To say that she is being brutally independent is putting it mildly. I am lost and this is WAY more than empty nest syndrome!!! I feel used and dumped. I know......I'm just being honest here.........

Diane - posted on 02/21/2013

My daughter 32 yr old aspie, she is borderline iq. I remarried when she was 16 but even at that time I don't recall there was a dx of aspergers and she has never been diagnosed as yet. My husbands kids are the perfect ones . It was very difficult in the beginning and ther are times it is difficult still( my husband doesnt get ). It is difficult to be a biological parent of aspie. It would be very tough to be step parent. Many marriages have ended because of tough situations... I commend you !,,, I have found that my daughters definition of clean is not the same as mine. She lives in apt with her dog and cat.
She is very sensitive to hurtful words. She says she would like to be with someone, but it would be a difficult situation. She has 3 sisters and none pay much attention to her. Her dad remarried and disappeared out of her life. It is a different struggle for my daughter every day. She doesn't go outside much ,people shy. Would,Ike to find her something to look forward to.

Melissa - posted on 02/21/2013

Hello. My stepson has Aspergers. He -- like most aspies -- is very smart.

He got into a top notch college but was put on academic probation. He can do the work. He just didn't want to. Time management also is an issue.

I married my husband when I was 40. I had never been married and never had kids. I'm learning, but I just get very angry and frustrated.

My stepson is at community college now, but still not doing well. He has a major depressive episode each year at the time (years ago) that his mother basically kicked him out because her "boyfriend" hates him.

He has a great psychiatrist, is on meds, takes public transportation, has SSI.

My husband is an amazing father. But my stepson constantly is doing things I just don't get. His father gets him very nice apartments and he trashes them. My husband has to clean and clean. He stays up all night playing games and doesn't do his work.

He is obsessed with "mommy," who has treated him horribly. His father does it all, but it's all about mommy.

So, here is my question: what happens if he doesn't make it at community college? And if so, how can I help my husband deal with this? His other child is headed to an Ivy League. Of course, she is her mother's excuse to claim she is a good mother.

I am worried about my husband.

Thank you.

Tammy - posted on 02/14/2013

Hi, Diane,
I am really sorry for your situation. That is so difficult.
Try looking up an Easter Seals organization in your area. You can find them on the internet. They have a lot of resources and experts who can help you. They have a family advocacy expert who gave me a lot of options for our situation. If there isn't one in your area, then at least you can still call any of them and they can talk to you and give you some advice and point you in the right direction. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Diane - posted on 02/12/2013

I am hoping this site comes alive again !!!i feel like I'm here alone but know others are in my shoes. My daughter is aspie. She is 32 years old. Anyone hear me??

Tammy - posted on 02/08/2013

Diane and other moms--Is there an Easter Seals in your area? I don't know what cities you all live in but in Indiana, there are quite a few nonprofit organizations that have resources for people with Aspergers and their families. I hope you find someone to help you. The people I called are very knowledgeable though with the family situation, we haven't done much with what they've given us. We are in the same situation. Have you tried looking up support groups? You might find families in similar situations. From what I understand, companionship is one of the biggest challenges for people who have Aspergers.

Diane - posted on 02/08/2013

Anne I have daughter 32 years old. And I have a grandson sounds like your son.
My grandson graduated from high school. He has learning disability as well. He operates at about age 14 yrs. at his high school there are 14 year olds that attend. He did not understand
There is law against boyfriend girlfriend if one is over 18. Sad story my grandson was arrested and marked as sexual predator, cause he had girlfriend 14 yrs old and he is 20 yrs
We have been battling over a year for his life. He is not predator. Girl took him in her grandmothers after they were asleep and seduced him but his age is consequence. So he was put in jail with a whole bunch of predators. He didn't know they were predators . When he found out he wanted to stay as far away from them as possible. My grandson didn't know having a girlfriend that age was against the law especially since they went to same school. He is just a young man got mixed in guy girl relationship age was not issue because he didn't know. Reinforce with your son ! It has been horrible for my grandson he didn't know what was happening to him being taken away etc.

Diane - posted on 02/08/2013

I have a daughter 32 years old she wants to take a class but I can't find any small classes to get her into. She missed out on a lot of learning by being in special Ed classes . Didn't learn much in there but they gave her a high school diploma. She was put in a room of kids in wheelchairs and severe physically handicapped. She i sun happy she wants to have someone to care about her ( besides her mother) she has had only one relationship in her life and he cheated on her , so she is skeptical. She is shy when meeting people. Thinks she knows more about life than she does. She lives in apartment with a dog and cat. I am her friend her mother and her overseer. Any ideas?

Debra - posted on 02/06/2013

My son is now seventeen and worried about being independent as an adult, any suggestions that can help him?

Anne - posted on 02/02/2013

Hi Anne -- I'm an Anne, too! My son was diagnosed at 19 and we've rounded the corner on 20. And we're struggling.

We eventually (around 4th grade) homeschooled Nick and that, too was a struggle. I finally set down the law and told him 3 test dates for the GED. He went to the first one and passed -- top 10 in the nation! There's never any doubt how *smart* our Aspie son is.

It's the lack of motivation, the lack of interest in growth, in developing himself for the future, for himself.

He's just recently (since last year's diagnosis) begun treatment for depression and started his first job. He took one semester of college and lost Federal financial aid for failing to complete 2/3 of the credits attempted -- he'd decided he didn't need a class and never bothered to drop it. So, of course, he flunked that course and didn't complete 2/3 of the credits attempted.

We're struggling with how he can be doing so well at work (still employed), but be failing so miserably at home. We've created chore charts, schedules, we've tried to crack down on all the places we (as his authority figures) have let things slide for just a little peace and quiet.

He's living at home, with us, and we're fighting constantly. If he's allowed total access to television and computers and video games, we'd never see him. When he is allowed this access, he doesn't do the work first and play later. Nor does he do the work quickly (to have more time to play), We've made the analogy here at home, that he's emotionally about 13.

What can we do to help him progress? Will we *always* have to be his push to get things rolling -- from chores to developing a life? I've always wanted to have a large, ancestral home with multiple generations on the same property, so I'm not against our son "living at home". But I'd like to see him be able to handle a separate domicile (keep it clean and bug-free, all general cleaning done appropriately and cooking for himself a couple nights a week, while not burning the house down). Right now, we have a hard time trusting him to be alone for even a couple days.

We've got a three-week trip we adults are taking to see the families (2000+ miles each way) and Nick will be staying home and going to his job. We have multiple animals who need care (in some cases, special care). We have friends with a house key whom we put on alert for any multiple-day trips, so Nick can reach out and ask for help -- and so we know we'll come home to a house, not the rubble of one. We are deeply concerned about this three-week trip (it *must* happen, with several family members ailing and my father in end-stage cancer) and how Nick will handle things.

One final thing. There are three of us: Nick's Dad (my husband), me and our wife. She came along late enough in Nick's life (he was 18 years old) that she's not really another "Mom" (though I'd be fine if she was). But, I'm honest enough to recognize the dynamic might be adding some additional challenges.

Anne.

Diane - posted on 01/29/2013

My daughter is 31 and looks like typical 31 year old and that is what everyone expects to find when they talk to her. She has gotten. Wiser as time has passed yet many deficits. My second husband can't figure out why she is able to be dictionary on things of interest and can't seem to learn all the other things she should know. He keeps telling me she should do this and that. She use to blow up at him when he would try to push her, but she has learned to cooperate and answer quiz questions that he pops out. She doesn't have time concept like years months weeks, can't keep straight . Things that happened few days ago sometimes she will call a year. I think a lot of it is tone he uses and she feels (I have to get answer right or )
She lived with my second husband and I from 17 -20 yrs old and I didn't think he would survive . He had no comprehension of what this is all about! I have been looking for support group for my self for long time. We found one but it was gone before it got off ground.
All my husband saw was aspired with hi iq well that isn't what we are dealing with! Made him believe my daughter was not putting forth effort. My daughters biological father doesn't take part in her life at all and she feels he has never been there for her . All she really has is me. When she was 20 we put her in a group home but that wasn't best either. Though now she suggests it for some others

Diane - posted on 01/29/2013

I'm so happy to be able to find parents of adults with Aspergers . My daughter is 31 years old. I knew there was something from the time she started kindergarten. She had Ieps all through all her school years and pushed through graduation at age of 20yrs. There is another grandson that I believe may have Aspergers and also another grandson. It has been frustrating over all these years dealing with something that felt like angry frustrated child. My daughter speaks loudly no matter where we are , sometimes I get embarrassed though I hide it from her. I try to quiet her by saying dont talk so loud and she thinks she isn't loud. She is fascinated with music groups singers and movies and who is in them and details of their lives. She is over weight and is focused on no one likes fat people. Trying to diet all the time . Latest is she is vegan.
I can go on and on I would love a group of parents with adult children with Aspergers

Michelle - posted on 01/25/2013

My daughter is 18 and originally they said she had Sensory integration dysfunction , but finally the peices of the puzzle came together and she was diagnosed with Aspergers. She is very difficult to deal with. She's going to a community college right now and wants to go away in the fall. Im hoping she does well but boy is she disorganized. In high school tho she got 90's. She has a boyfriend but the relationship is very co-dependant shes with him all the time and hardly is home anymore. My mom doesnt think theres anything wrong other than that she is spoiled. Ive been divorced from her dad since she was 8 and Ive been on social security disibility since 03 so she is far from spoiled due to my low income. I have an autoimmune illness and she has a few medical issues as well. She has both of her hips done sue to a birth defect and has tachycardia issues. I just wish she could be more independant and have some time for herself other than being up her boyfriends rear!

CrazyinLove - posted on 01/20/2013

I'm glad to find people that I have something in common...please contact me 240-339-3733

Diane - posted on 01/19/2013

Im so glad to find someone that can relate to adult children withe aspergers. my daughter has had much support from her father or anyone else for that matter
she is 31 years old and has birthday coming up.
when she was in kindergarten we knew she was different but thought she was just being difficult. she had a hard time with homework, she didnt have but a couple friends all through kindergarten through her high school years, the teachers in kindergarten had her tested by school psychologist and they called it mood disorder. she was frustrated as well as parents frustrated. at the age of 31 years old she lives on her own about a mile from me and she has a cat and a little dog. i takwe her grocery shopping , other than taking the dog out she doesnt want to go out. she lived in group home for very short time , she complains about it to this day but then she will tell some people it might have helped a little. anyone out there want to talk about this?

B L - posted on 01/11/2013

My Asperger's son is 28. He was diagnosed two years ago...
I wish there was an organization or company that would only hire you if you did have a diagnosis of Aspergers, and they start companies all over the world. It would be a company that completely understands the Asperger's brain/personality and works with those traits. This company would employee some of the most intelligent (and misunderstood) people in our world. It would give them a job, a place they would be understood, a community of like minds, an outlet for their intellects, and it would give all who love them hope.

H - posted on 01/04/2013

Hi, I've just joined this site. With regard to this subject, is anyone here interested in joining a closed face book group? I found this thread publicly, and am a bit concerned about discussing things that everyone can read. I am AS myself, and recognise the same behaviours, 'symptoms' and traits in my 20 year old daughter. Her father and I both recognise it and believe she too is Aspie. Life is extremely difficult both from my own perspective, and also with the added worry of knowing first hand what the future holds for her. I will set up the group anyway, and if anyone wants to join, please let me know. (I'm not asking anyone to stop using this site by the way! It's just for this particular subject). H x

Tammy - posted on 12/31/2012

Sandra, what state do you live in? A lot of states have non-government organizations that can help or at least give you advice on establishing a trust or something. Have you called Autism Speaks or Easter Seals? There are others too depending on your state.

Tammy - posted on 12/31/2012

Hi, Catrina. Yes, if you could elaborate on the type of help you need then that would be helpful. My nephew was diagnosed with Aspergers finally at 45! He needs A LOT of help (personal hygiene, being financially responsible with basic things, etc) though he is oblivious to how much he needs help (common for those with Aspergers?) . His parents have been carrying the load for all these years.I've been trying to find help. We went to our SSI/SSDI appt with the lawyer and, unfortunately, my nephew doesn't qualify because he works more than 20 hrs (federal standards). His pay is so minimal that unless his family pitched in every month, he couldn't live off of his pay. I've also called a ton of organizations here in IN for help (counselling--for the person and the whole family), work training, help with ADLs.... really ANYTHING!). They are sympathetic and helpful to an extent but can't really offer anything b/c she wasn't getting SSI and their services are expensive..... so I'm not sure what we can do. My last resort is to look into conservatorship, which might be helpful so that the family can have authority to look into my nephew's financial accounts and get him to go to the doctor, etc. and maybe the family will look into group living....? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Samantha - posted on 12/30/2012

You could read my mom's blog for a laugh. It's about how she thinks I have aspergers at 26.
lynnrandallmoyer.blogspot..com

Abby - posted on 12/30/2012

Catrina, what kind of help do you need? What are you looking for? Is your son in school? Please give us more information about your needs.

Catrina - posted on 12/30/2012

I need help....my son was diagnosed at age 17 years old and I have reached out to several organizations and have hit a dead end...I am lost...HELP!

Greta - posted on 12/27/2012

Poor hygiene yes, but I think it is due to depression. he is living with a guy from work but now they are both laid off, he really has to get back to work or college. He has been doing well in his own place I am proud of him. he is good with his money but a little too much cause he doesn't want to use it on college. I just want to see him use his gifts since he is so smart. Things really are better when we are not living together since we tend to nag....We are paying for his dental fillings this time but last cavity he had to pay for.

Tammy - posted on 12/27/2012

Sandra and other moms who are trying to get SSDI for their adult kids with Aspergers-- I think the best way to do it is through a reputable law office that specializes in SSDI.i don't know if they all work this way but the good ones don't require any out of pocket pay but will advocate for you and only get paid out of the initial SSDI payment--so you don't lose anything. Call your local BAR assoc. for a list of lawyers. We are going to one this wk for an adult family member to help us. Otherwise it's harder to do it on your own.

For those of you with adult children with AS, have you had to deal with very poor hygiene or poor financial management? What have you done? Conservatorship?

Mariliese - posted on 12/27/2012

Hi, to answer your questions Sandra, after the diagnosis I decided to do as much research into AS as I could, and I realised one important fact and that was that I had to change the way I related to her, AS women in particular live in a world that is totaly physical, so no emotions needed. Caitlyn and I always clashed if I ever broched an emotional issue eg: her relationship and the strangeness of it and her mothering skills or lack of. So I have decided to not go there and let nature take its course with her relationship and as far as the mothering of her two year old son, I have had to quit work two years ago and raise him with her helping in whatever capacity she can. She is very caring and loving and tries to provide as much financial support as possible from govt payments, however the main child raising is done by us the grandparents. He is a beautiful little boy and so far there is no signs of autism. I then realised that the love of her life will never be her son or her partner, that it is and always will be her special interest, in Caitlyns case it is Japanese anything japanese especially the language. Her love of the university lifestyle or the fantasy of that way of life is something that she has always fantascised about, but having a child at age 20 left us thinking she would never achieve this dream. I decided that if I had to raise Hunter then I would do it happily and put him into daycare a couple of days a week and encourage Cait to apply for UNI which I did six months ago, much to our shock and delight she got in and starts feb 2013. I think she will need a lot of help from disabilities services at the university and thank god there is a huge amount of services available to her. Most AS women are very intelligent and the love of knowledge helps them make sense of this crazy world. She also got her lisense recently after three years of lessons every week, so she had two successes in one month. these are huge milestones for anyone especially an AS girl who before that had no self esteem, I think finding their special interest and looking outside the box helped us imensely. Now Caitlyn may never finish uni or work for that matter as she never held down jobs before her pregnancy but it means she will be more employable if she wants to work in the future. Helping her feel as normal as possible seems to be the trick I thnik as she is radiant now and losing a lot of unwanted fat that she put on over the last two unhappy years. The future in small steps looks good but it really is up to us parents to learn how our very unique child sees the world and try to see it that way too then apply the knowledge we have and wisdom and guild them towards their version of happiness. I hope this makes a little sense. Its not easy but very rewarding.

Sandra - posted on 12/27/2012

My daughter was diagnosed just a month ago, and she is thirty years old, it has been a long road to this diagnoses, she is relived to know what is happening with her . I am not taking it as well as she, all I can think about is what will happen to her if I'm not here for her! I just do not know where to begin to launch her future. I have heard that she may qualify for disability, but I am not sure of that, I hope this is true because she cannot hold a job. Please let me know how you and your family are planning for your child's future. I will except any guidance or tips.

Lisa - posted on 12/26/2012

I just posed my story.. If you can relate then let's chat

Lisa - posted on 12/26/2012

I just posted my story... If you relate at all lets chat... Lisa

Abby - posted on 12/24/2012

I would love to network with you, if this is still a live conversation. I have two kids with AS; they are now 21 and 23.

Carmel Ann - posted on 12/24/2012

JoAnn - wow what a mess. My son is 43 and we only got a diagnosis last August. All his life we
knew something was wrong but could never get a name for it. He has all the typical problems
that a aspergers person has but he is also borderline retarded. It is very hard especially since I am
a widow after 40 yrs. of marriage so I am handling it on my own. My feeling is that in this crazy
mixed up world I am the only person that is watching out for my son, everyone else goes on with
their lives and each day I wonder what it holds for my son. I am constantly fighting to get SSD for
him buy so far to no avail. He is your son and as a mom you cant turn your back on him , if ever he needed you in life it is right now. Knowone understands him the way you do and knowone will fight for him the way you will. If your husband truly loves you he stands by you as you help your son.You dont go into a marriage and just pick out what you want to help with. You take the whole package. God sends these children to us for a reason and it is not to throw them away because their is something wrong. A mothers love is so very strong and these children need it more than ever. dont let any man tell you how you should love your child. If he is worth keeping then he stands by you and helps you take care of your child. I know it is hard but be strong and do the right thing.Carmel

JoAnn - posted on 12/23/2012

Is any one out there not only dealing with an adult child with aspergers but difficulties in the marriage because of it? My son is almost 22 years old and is with me every weekend. My current husband is not his father and is not happy with this situation. We are at the brink of divorce because of it. Part of me feels I should walk away because this man is not supportive and makes my son feel worse about himself but it's hard to go through this by yourself.

Mariliese - posted on 12/21/2012

Hi Sandra, I am thrilled to hear from another parent of an Asperger Adult daughter ,Caitlyn now 22 was diagnosed a year ago after the birth of her son, ( Hunter is now 2 years old). We have been thru hell and back and all with no help from the baby's father. You need to be very concerned, aspergers women usually have no nature mothering skills, ( some do) my daughter also has no common sense when it comes to mothering. Caitlyn and Hunter live with my husband and I.
After speaking with Cait re your situation she strongly advises that you go to stay with her for a time and teach her all she needs to know about mothering. Your daughter may not be able to read what the baby wants thats why she is so rigid as she will be totally out of control and it will be her only way of feeling in control and able to cope.
Caitlyn and I have raised Hunter together and we now work well as a team, I quit work to be here all the time as she also copes with anxiety and clinical depression, add and mind blindness and aleximythia.

Please contact me anytime as I know ohow scary it is. Mariliese , I am in Australia.

Sandra - posted on 12/19/2012

I have a 28 year old daughter diagnosed with Asbergers about a year and a half ago, She has just given birth to her first child, a boy, this month. As a new mother, and I a new grandmother, I worry that the stress and burden of motherhood may be overwhelming to her. She does not live close, about a four hour drive away, so I have limited contact with her. Before she got pregnant I felt that her views on motherhood were immature and naive. Her pregnancy was especially hard, as she rebelled against every aspect of it. And now that the baby is actually here, and only two weeks old, she is being very rigid with feeding and diapering, and I don't know what to do. Please is there someone who can help me? I worry about them both constantly.

Lynn - posted on 12/15/2012

Hi everyone, My son is 25, struggled through middle school and high school with social situations and getting his work done (was diagnosed with AD/HD in 11th grade after my ex finally realized there really was some problem). When my son went away to college he started out ok, but things went downhill quickly as he also has anxiety and depression. Was hospitalized for a length of time with suicidal thoughts and tried day treatment but felt it was all "strange and hokey" as he couldn't relate to the sharing and group counseling sessions. Dropped out of school to work for awhile, lived with me, went through 3 jobs (had jobs in college that he also couldn't hold). Always felt it was the boss that "wasn't good, had it in for him, had unrealistic expectations" and more. He has 19 credits left to graduate. He was hospitalized again (same reasons.). Finally went in for an evaluation and was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. He felt devasted he feels this is labeling him further. He is on the far end of the IQ chart in some subtexts but on the low average in some other areas and struggles knowing that. He qualifies for Vocational Rehabilitation Services but this counselor is far from understanding him and has suggested some ridiculous things. Se has no concept of an Asperger adult and what my son's goals really are, despite him telling her. He has tried to move his voc rehab file to another case manager and voc rehab is dragging their feet, taking well over 3 weeks to do so at this time. Being he is an adult there is nothing I can do to assist. Or is there? Right now, as it is, he's heading down that slippery slope of anxiety and depression again as he tries to fight the red tape and bureaucracy of the system to get the assistance he needs. I truly pray he doesn't end up in the hospital again because of how he is perceiving how the system is ignoring his requests.
Any ideas of what He or I could do? Also, is he able to possible get SSD? He has been out of college for 2+ years, not able to hold a job, in hospital twice, etc.

Thank you for any ideas. Minnesota mom here in the Twin Cities area.

S - posted on 11/30/2012

My son is almost 20 and is doing very well. I often tell him how proud we are of him. I only wish that we could have known at an earlier age what it was. He always has had the sweetest personality. I just think that we could have been more patient than we were if we had known what we were dealing with. Parents are always hard on themselves though. We feel looking back that we were hard on him. But as much as we think that, we also know that we had so much to teach him and that it has paid off for him that we were persistant and helped him to learn the things that he needed to. He seems to be thriving and in the end that is always what we want for our children. Sometimes just wish that we could turn the clock back and enjoy more moments with him while he was young. :)

Laurie - posted on 11/19/2012

Hello,



I have posted on here a long time ago. My son is 20 and diagnosed with AS since he was 10. He lives at home with his step-dad and I. He just started a supported part-time job this year and likes it. I am not sure how long this program will be available for him but am grateful for the opportunity. He is WAY down on the state's list for services such as residential and day services. We are not focused on residential services as he does not wish to move out at this time and we told him he can stay until he is ready. The day services would be nice though as well as supported employment. We live in Northeast Kansas and I was wondering if there were any others who lived in this area that would like to meet up? My son has a hard time getting opportunities to make friends. He loves to go bowling, play video games, legos, beyblades, and read. If you are interested - message me and perhaps we can meet for bowling sometime.