Parent of Adult Child with Asperger's Syndrome

[deleted account] ( 187 moms have responded )

I'm hoping to find other mom's (or dad's) of adults with Asperger's Syndrome. My son was diagnosed after age 20 but I've known he was an Aspie from birth - just didn't have the terminology until a proper diagnosis. I would love to share experiences, frustrations, joys, set-backs and the perspective of other parents of adults. Since AS was only diagnosed in the late 90's, there was no resource for us while raising our Aspie's and I'm looking to network.

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Suzanne - posted on 09/28/2013

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The lack of eye contact really diminished my college graduate son's chance for securing the jobs he wanted. I prepped him on ways to make eye contact. He did get. great job last month, but was just called in the boss's office to hear he was being fired for a lack of interest in units work. He has told me daily how muchhce loves what he is doing. This is the classic disconnect between what he thinks he is projecting and what the boss perceives. Any helpful advice?

Suzanne - posted on 09/28/2013

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It is so heart breaking for the mother. I have similar situation. Brilliant son, graduated from university, finally got a job he loves. Boss called him in office to say he was letting him go because he obviously was disinterested in work. Son is crushed. he loves the work. Makes small talk. Gets work done. of course it is the absolute disconnect between outward behavior and his true feelings. He told boss he loves the job and was told they will watch him for a while and make a decision. He is despondent. Any advice?

Elaine - posted on 09/17/2013

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My son will soon be 32 and has never been formally diagnosed as an Aspie, but after much reading, study and consultation, I believe he is. As a child he was somewhat ADHD, and while he was extraordinarily outgoing when around his cousins, younger siblings etc., he would become very shy at school, cubs, church, etc. I don't think that I comprehended the degree of his shyness, as shyness was evident in both his dads' and my families and we all adjusted and overcame much of it with age. My son at 19 however was then diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Social Anxiety, which I at first agreed with. Even finding a correct diagnosis can be difficult!
It has been a long journey. My son did well in secondary school, is incredibly articulate when he wants to, however becomes mute in most social situations. He did obtain a diploma and has great skills in two careers. However he is not able to make eye contact, has poor social skills and has not been able to keep a job for more than a few short months. He was such a passionate child, even exuberant, and while he learned social skills, they all seem to have diminished by the time he was 19. Right now he is living in his truck somewhere out of town, is not on meds and has no regular income. My sons' father also, I believe, has higher functioning Aspie qualities and Borderline Personality Disorder. They both have very difficult personalities...and temperaments, and my children's ' father and I finally divorced when my son was 13. I fought depression and chronic fatigue through this, but have recovered quite well overall. Nevertheless through this past 13 years, I have cried rivers of tears, especially in the first few years. My two younger adult kids want nothing to do with their brother because of all his put downs and insults, and desire very limited contact with their dad as well. My Aspie son also wants nothing to do with me, despite all my efforts to support him. Responses to any e-mails are vulgar and angry. Finally, I realized that I have a responsibility to take care of myself as well, for my own and my families sake. Life has not been able to revolve just around my eldest son and it can feel saddening to move on, knowing his situation. Sometimes I feel like I must have let him down somehow, somewhere...and yet I know that I gave all I possibly could have at the time. It seemed that after my son left for university and left home he started to slip further away, getting contentious with my second husband, his sibling and myself. I still reach out, tell him I love him and would help if he would allow me to. However I also do not want to be taken advantage of, and would want him on his meds, which he is not wanting to do. I know that I would not accept any abuse from him.
Thankfully many other aspects of life have proceeded well. I became a grandmother recently and am overjoyed! I love my children, my step-children, my friends, my husband :) and much else in life. I also still love my Aspie son and send him prayers, send e-mails and still hope that better days may come. That is all I can do, for life goes on whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. Sometimes we need to detach a bit to cope, and we still need to care for ourselves in the process. Blessings to each of you on this journey for each of you are angels in my eyes.

Kim - posted on 08/28/2013

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I had the same issue with my husband, who because of his lack of compassion and understanding is now my ex-husband. Being that you are obviously not getting any support from him, you need to look elsewhere becasue it's important. This is a good place to start.

Kim - posted on 08/28/2013

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I am going through the same thing. My 22 year old Aspie daughter lives at home. It will be nice to have someone who understands what I am going through.

Ardeth - posted on 07/22/2013

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I've just signed up and wonder if anyone else has a son in their fifties. I have just thrown my son out of my public senior's housing apartment for the umpteenth time. When He was young, I never heard of AS and there is no doubt that is what it always was. He admits it some of the time but won't go for testing. I am sooo poor, his dad is dead and everyone is tired of listening to me. I let him push my buttons although I know better and suffer guilt after one of our blow-ups. Glad to have found you.

Mary - posted on 07/20/2013

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Hi, Just signed up for this chat. I have a 21 yr old son living at home. He has pdd/asperger syndrome. It is frustrating to deal with his moods etc.
Joining up just to chat and looking for emotional support from understanding others.

Lisa - posted on 07/18/2013

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My son will be 28 in October. He was dx in the mid 1990's . He attended a special school for autistic children until age 12 when he mainstreamed into a regular public school. He was not able to complete any college but did complete HS.
He is currently unemployed but not living at home. He has a roommate.
He wants to be a filmmaker along with 30000 other people who have a film degree or someone in the business. He is talented but....

My biggest issue is that he will not acknowledge his diagnosis and therefore will not take advantage of any assistance available to him. He should be getting SSI because he is unable to keep a job. He should be using VESID to help him find a job. He believes he can be choosey in terms of what type of job he should have. He will not flip burgers or push a broom. I cannot continue to support him financially. I am lost. My husband does not have any tolerance for my son and reacts to him as if he is deliberately doing things to upset him. My marriage is suffering.
Thanks for listening.

Christine - posted on 07/17/2013

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Hi I just joined this discussion. I recognize all your issues - because I feel exactly the same way. I also have a daughter, 30, who was diagnosed with Aspergers 2 years ago - but we've known all her life that she was "different." Brilliant, odd, dresses a bit strangely, trouble making friends, intriguing, clever, wooden with strangers, etc etc...a person of extreme contrasts. How could one girl be so smart but have trouble washing her hair or brushing her teeth? how could she do well in graduate school but not remember to sign up for her final licensing exam? how could she have an advanced professional degree but then be unable to get a job because she couldn't make eye contact in an interview, then be working for minimum wage and even lose that job? How could she get straight A's in college but be incapable of paying bills on time or holding down a job in real life? Of course when she was growing up there was no such thing as an Aspie diagnosis. She was called "gifted" but was treated as "weird" by most people. A beautiful little girl, I remember her having a photographic memory, extreme hobbies (like being able to recite every word of the "Get Smart" TV show), a love of travel, a perfect singing voice, an uncanny sense of direction and almost no friends. I remember feeling so confused. Why wasn't she turning out like our other kids? Why didn't her intelligence and academic achievement translate into more success in the real world?
Now at 30, she has had many academic successes - but so many personal and professional failures. I think about age 18 was her high point. It's been downhill from there. I think she is becoming more disabled as she gets older. Has anyone else seen that?
The hardest part when they are an adult is the sadness you feel when you see the life you imagined for them (or they imagined for themselves) compared with their real life.
I see her life passing her by. She lives in a one-room apartment in another state with a roommate and several cats. She is unemployed and having no luck finding a job, and her unemployment is about to run out. Their apartment is so dirty, I was horrified to see it. She seems not to even notice the dirt and grime. Her teeth are getting bad because she won't brush or go to the dentist.
As many parents of Aspie adults, I also am very worried about her finances. She completely lacks common sense to deal with day to day issues. I do not want to be in the position of having to support her the rest of her life. I (and she) don't think her moving back home is a good idea and I am dreading the possibility. She does have this one good friend in her roommate -- and even one friend, as any parent of an Aspie knows, is a rare commodity. Any suggestions appreciated. Maybe there are no solutions. Just reading this board made me not feel so alone.

Vicki - posted on 07/11/2013

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Our daughter is 19. I had to fight the school district for years to have her tested for ADD. Even though her 5th grade teacher told me she had ADD and I should put her on Ritalin. I had her tested privately and indeed she had ADD and depression. But she was so immature, socially awkward, had no friends I didn 't know what to do. At first I thought she was socially awkward because she had open heart surgery at a young age and couldn't be around lots of people and her social side was never nurtured. Last summer she was depressed because her best friend turned away from her and she was devastated. She said she wanted to kill herself and in the process she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which didn't sit right with us. She wasn't overly emotional, not sexually promiscuous or doing lots of drugs or alcohol. I was seeing a parent trainer who told me Sarah had Asperger's! I have read so much and it appears it is the correct diagnosis. Who can help me to help her? Like so many other posts I have been reading Sarah is intelligent, a gifted artist and photographer. She has been in and out of college, without a degree. Atthe present time she is working for Good Will going through donated items to be sold in the stores. Am I wanting too much for her? I just need some experienced guidance. Thank you

Donna - posted on 07/05/2013

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I have a 23 year old Aspie daughter. We have been trying to make our way but it has been difficult. She is a brilliant young woman now in graduate school but she takes no pleasure in her accomplishments. She is crippled by anxiety and low self esteem. Although she graduated with honors from a prestigious undergraduate school, she has made no friends and is mostly holed up in a one-room apartment for long periods of time. I worry about her constantly. Sometimes she appears functional and other times I am frightened she will never get beyond this point. Her grades n school are excellent but she never seems particularly excited or engaged in the work. Mostly she is just alone and on the internet.

Janie - posted on 06/30/2013

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My Jennie has been a standout in sports and academics. She is now 27 and has no skills with the opposite sex. She was not able to do the teaching job she trained for at college. She is in hospitality, bartending and waitressing. She can pay her bills and live on her own. Her frustration is from not connecting to a male, ever. She is attractive and gets the attention of nice men, but she cannot engage in any meaningful dialogue or direction.

I get so frustrated as she is going to be a bridesmaid for the fifth time. She is beaten down and we do role playing, but nothing works. She has a high dollar psychiatrist, but that has not helped either. Help

Janie - posted on 06/30/2013

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I would love some hints on how to guide my daughter. She is so functional and hardworking, but has so many problems in relationships. She does not have the tools to navigate a connection with a man. She gets close to a match, but then she freezes and is at a lack for words, emotions or direction. She is 36.

Rachael - posted on 05/22/2013

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Hi, I'm looking to vent to parents who might understand. My son is 17 yrs old, a senior in high school. Incredibly smart, photographic memory AND failing school because he isn't doing and/or turning in his homework. He knows he won't graduate if he doesn't pass most of his classes and he just shrugs and says he doesn't know why he doesn't turn it in. We've tried everything that I know of. Home schooled junior year to allow more flexibility and compassion. He wanted to go back his senior year. We haven't even entertained the idea of college. What the heck is the disconnect between, homework, grades and graduating? Can anyone shed some light on this? Has anyone else had a similar experience. My husband, son and I were all in tears about his tonight.

Patricia Grahame - posted on 05/18/2013

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After years of my own research, and after having read so,so,many books and articles on Aspergers, this is the first place I have read things that I find very,very HELPFUL !I can ,(finally !), IDENTIFY with Aspie moms ! You have no idea, well maybe you do, how relieved I am !
I was starting to think of myself as : stupid,unloving,lacking patience,unintelligent, (how can I not know how to relate to my own daughter ! ?),lonely,alienated, forgotten. I am a retired psychologist, having had a private practice for over 30 years,and have excellent relational and communication skills...but not with my daughter! I am a single parent of a 46 yr.old gorgeous, now married, Aspie daughter, classified in middle school, with what was then known as, Learning Disabilities.No one was diagnosing Aspergers back then in the mid eighties. Now,our relationship is almost completely eroded, we have short, strained conversations, very infrequently. I live 35 minutes away from her, and I have never been to her apt.on the Upper East side of Manhattan. I have not seen her in over year. She has huge rage isuues, and, there was a time, she could become violent. She scared and angered me.I was at a total loss.I have long needed some sort of "guide," for communications with her. I need to learn how to "relate," to my daughter. I do not want to lose her. I love her more than anything in this world. I have been suffering from depression for many years now, as I have not been able to heal or resolve this situation. But some things I have read here, make me feel so less alone and give me...hope. Hope at last !Any and all suggestions welcomed ! Thank you all for ...being there !

Samantha - posted on 05/17/2013

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Im in the same boat....i'm so frustrated and just need someone to talk to...

Terry - posted on 05/08/2013

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Hello fellow parents with asperger's adult children. My son is 36, and was diagnosed in his mid twenties . We knew he was different when he was about 3 or 4 , he would get obsessed with things and that was his only focus. There was no asperger's dx in the 90's and all the testing the schools did, could not come with a dx. There is sooooo much more I could say, he graduated from high school was nominated to the national honor society, received his Eagle Scout, served a 2 year mission for our church and has his bachelor's degree. We did not have a dx during his formative years but we knew he had problems with social skills. He suffered so many antics, jokes played on him during his school years. Anyways, right now he is a housekeeper at a nursing home working just above minimum wage, he lives with us. He has credentials but cannot get through a job interview due to lack of eye contac and he does not drive. He passes his written test but cannot maneuver on the road. Any suggestions or ideas would be great. Thanks. Terry

[deleted account]

Don't feel used and dumped! When my son is not in contact, I know he is ok. When something goes wrong, she will be back and need you. It's just like a baby: sleep and get your rest and have fun while she is happy. When she needs you again, be ready.

BTW, the fact that she is not in touch is because she lacks the social skills to know how to treat you differently. She probably is single-mindedly living her young life like she should be!

Carmel Ann - posted on 04/24/2013

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Hi Jane I like Tammy have had you on my mind and wondering how you are. This aspergers is something else to deal with especially when it is your child. It is not a boo boo that we can kiss away and we do feel trapped. But always remember God never sends us more than we can bear. I have been looking for answers for a long time and have not found. I think these kids falll through the cracks It is very important though that you take care of yourself first, learn what you can about aspies but always remember you are the Mom and you are to be respected in your home. These kids certainly have a rough road ahead but in order to help you have to take care of yourself. We are Moms but we are also human. So thinking of you I am carmel b

Tammy - posted on 04/23/2013

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Hi, Jane, how are you doing now? I have been thinking about your post and, if you can, would like to know how you are holding up.

Julie L, I am praying for you too. :)

Julie - posted on 04/23/2013

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Hi Jane.
I am experiencing the same thing. I have a son that is 15 and to say that I completely understand your post is sad for both of us
Not sure how long this "phase" will last. Scares me to see your son is 21. That would mean I have another 6 years of this and as you are too well aware, each day is a struggle. My son and I used to have a good relationship. Not like his brother and I had, but for my youngest son-it was good.
Now he hates me. Burned his baby book up and all his baby pictures as he didn't think I deserved to be his mom. Calls me names, threatens me, the list goes on. The tears I have and the heartache I have is huge. He is still my son and I love him but I too wish I could just disappear and have a break once in a while. I always try to respond positively as I keep praying he will grow out of it. But to have your son look at you and talk to you like that, make you feel like you are not a good mom and worry what he's going to do is a heavy weight to carry day in and day out.
What input have you gotten as to how to handle it, how long it will last or other advice?
I'd appreciate hearing it as I am pretty much lost and I don't want to lose my son.
As a post note: he is a "highly intelligent, highly functional" aspie. With ADHD thrown in for additional fun. I believe he's smart enough to manipulate me and use words and actions that he knows will hurt me but I worry as with his ADHD he may do something to get back at me and not think it thru as he takes risks and doesn't have proper impulse control.

JC - posted on 04/16/2013

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I Anne,
My daughter is turning 20 this week and has just been diagnosed with Asperger's. Like you, I knew she was different but didn't have a name for it.
She is away in College but becoming extremely independent, with no fear of consequences.
Glad to find a group to network.
JJ

JC - posted on 04/16/2013

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I Anne,
My daughter is turning 20 this week and has just been diagnosed with Asperger's. Like you, I knew she was different but didn't have a name for it.
She is away in College but becoming extremely independent, with no fear of consequences.
Glad to find a group to network.
JJ

Carmel Ann - posted on 04/08/2013

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Jane - I read your post in the middle of the night and my heart went out to you. I too have a son with aspergers and very low IQ and he is just about to turn 43. It never gets easy but you have to stop fighting it. Once I realized my son was not doing crazy things deliberately and it was not his fault, his world is very lonely and he surely does not understand ours. he does not understand relationships, social situations, manners, life became a little easier and I tried looking at his world through his. eyes. We tried for SSI and SSD and were denied - so now I am a widow living on SS and have this child that I have no idea what the future holds for him. One thing I do know God sent him to us (we adopted him) and it is not my place to give up on him. In this crazy mixed up world I am all he has got so place yourself in God's hands and let Him guide you. It is too big a load to carry alone. Just know I do care. Carmel B

Tammy - posted on 04/07/2013

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Hi, Jane,
In what city and state do you live? have you found a support group? They may be helpful for encouragement and resources. If your son's been diagnosed with Aspergers, depending on the age of his diagnosis, there are some programs that can give free services. Try calling Easter Seals. They have a toll-free number and can talk to you about family resources and are really helpful. They are a wealth of information. I will be praying for you.

Jane - posted on 04/07/2013

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I have an aspergers son who just turned 21.
Why am I in the bathroom crying and typing to strangers?
My once sweet child has turned into a horrible monster. The whole house walks on eggshells afraid of saying something that will set the hulk in motion. This has been 5 years of absolute hell.
I am ashamed to say that I don't like my son.
Today was another screamfest with accusations and threats which started over nothing and I want to move out of my own house.
I know that I am not alone in this as I have a good friend with another monster son but there are some days when I can't take it.
I would be so grateful for suggestions or a cure

Joanna - posted on 03/26/2013

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I am a single mom of a 19 year old daughter with Asperger's. All of her life I devoted myself to being there for my daughter. Her younger sister had to take a back seat because she did not seem to need me as much. I was her mentor, her protector, her teacher, and her best friend. I made sure NOTHING and no one would keep her from feeling loved and supported. To say I sacrificed is too weak choice of words. Now my daughter is in college and has her first boyfriend. To say that she is being brutally independent is putting it mildly. I am lost and this is WAY more than empty nest syndrome!!! I feel used and dumped. I know......I'm just being honest here.........

Diane - posted on 02/21/2013

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My daughter 32 yr old aspie, she is borderline iq. I remarried when she was 16 but even at that time I don't recall there was a dx of aspergers and she has never been diagnosed as yet. My husbands kids are the perfect ones . It was very difficult in the beginning and ther are times it is difficult still( my husband doesnt get ). It is difficult to be a biological parent of aspie. It would be very tough to be step parent. Many marriages have ended because of tough situations... I commend you !,,, I have found that my daughters definition of clean is not the same as mine. She lives in apt with her dog and cat.
She is very sensitive to hurtful words. She says she would like to be with someone, but it would be a difficult situation. She has 3 sisters and none pay much attention to her. Her dad remarried and disappeared out of her life. It is a different struggle for my daughter every day. She doesn't go outside much ,people shy. Would,Ike to find her something to look forward to.

Melissa - posted on 02/21/2013

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Hello. My stepson has Aspergers. He -- like most aspies -- is very smart.

He got into a top notch college but was put on academic probation. He can do the work. He just didn't want to. Time management also is an issue.

I married my husband when I was 40. I had never been married and never had kids. I'm learning, but I just get very angry and frustrated.

My stepson is at community college now, but still not doing well. He has a major depressive episode each year at the time (years ago) that his mother basically kicked him out because her "boyfriend" hates him.

He has a great psychiatrist, is on meds, takes public transportation, has SSI.

My husband is an amazing father. But my stepson constantly is doing things I just don't get. His father gets him very nice apartments and he trashes them. My husband has to clean and clean. He stays up all night playing games and doesn't do his work.

He is obsessed with "mommy," who has treated him horribly. His father does it all, but it's all about mommy.

So, here is my question: what happens if he doesn't make it at community college? And if so, how can I help my husband deal with this? His other child is headed to an Ivy League. Of course, she is her mother's excuse to claim she is a good mother.

I am worried about my husband.

Thank you.

Tammy - posted on 02/14/2013

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Hi, Diane,
I am really sorry for your situation. That is so difficult.
Try looking up an Easter Seals organization in your area. You can find them on the internet. They have a lot of resources and experts who can help you. They have a family advocacy expert who gave me a lot of options for our situation. If there isn't one in your area, then at least you can still call any of them and they can talk to you and give you some advice and point you in the right direction. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Diane - posted on 02/12/2013

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I am hoping this site comes alive again !!!i feel like I'm here alone but know others are in my shoes. My daughter is aspie. She is 32 years old. Anyone hear me??

Tammy - posted on 02/08/2013

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Diane and other moms--Is there an Easter Seals in your area? I don't know what cities you all live in but in Indiana, there are quite a few nonprofit organizations that have resources for people with Aspergers and their families. I hope you find someone to help you. The people I called are very knowledgeable though with the family situation, we haven't done much with what they've given us. We are in the same situation. Have you tried looking up support groups? You might find families in similar situations. From what I understand, companionship is one of the biggest challenges for people who have Aspergers.

Diane - posted on 02/08/2013

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Anne I have daughter 32 years old. And I have a grandson sounds like your son.
My grandson graduated from high school. He has learning disability as well. He operates at about age 14 yrs. at his high school there are 14 year olds that attend. He did not understand
There is law against boyfriend girlfriend if one is over 18. Sad story my grandson was arrested and marked as sexual predator, cause he had girlfriend 14 yrs old and he is 20 yrs
We have been battling over a year for his life. He is not predator. Girl took him in her grandmothers after they were asleep and seduced him but his age is consequence. So he was put in jail with a whole bunch of predators. He didn't know they were predators . When he found out he wanted to stay as far away from them as possible. My grandson didn't know having a girlfriend that age was against the law especially since they went to same school. He is just a young man got mixed in guy girl relationship age was not issue because he didn't know. Reinforce with your son ! It has been horrible for my grandson he didn't know what was happening to him being taken away etc.

Diane - posted on 02/08/2013

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I have a daughter 32 years old she wants to take a class but I can't find any small classes to get her into. She missed out on a lot of learning by being in special Ed classes . Didn't learn much in there but they gave her a high school diploma. She was put in a room of kids in wheelchairs and severe physically handicapped. She i sun happy she wants to have someone to care about her ( besides her mother) she has had only one relationship in her life and he cheated on her , so she is skeptical. She is shy when meeting people. Thinks she knows more about life than she does. She lives in apartment with a dog and cat. I am her friend her mother and her overseer. Any ideas?

Debra - posted on 02/06/2013

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My son is now seventeen and worried about being independent as an adult, any suggestions that can help him?

[deleted account]

Hi Anne -- I'm an Anne, too! My son was diagnosed at 19 and we've rounded the corner on 20. And we're struggling.

We eventually (around 4th grade) homeschooled Nick and that, too was a struggle. I finally set down the law and told him 3 test dates for the GED. He went to the first one and passed -- top 10 in the nation! There's never any doubt how *smart* our Aspie son is.

It's the lack of motivation, the lack of interest in growth, in developing himself for the future, for himself.

He's just recently (since last year's diagnosis) begun treatment for depression and started his first job. He took one semester of college and lost Federal financial aid for failing to complete 2/3 of the credits attempted -- he'd decided he didn't need a class and never bothered to drop it. So, of course, he flunked that course and didn't complete 2/3 of the credits attempted.

We're struggling with how he can be doing so well at work (still employed), but be failing so miserably at home. We've created chore charts, schedules, we've tried to crack down on all the places we (as his authority figures) have let things slide for just a little peace and quiet.

He's living at home, with us, and we're fighting constantly. If he's allowed total access to television and computers and video games, we'd never see him. When he is allowed this access, he doesn't do the work first and play later. Nor does he do the work quickly (to have more time to play), We've made the analogy here at home, that he's emotionally about 13.

What can we do to help him progress? Will we *always* have to be his push to get things rolling -- from chores to developing a life? I've always wanted to have a large, ancestral home with multiple generations on the same property, so I'm not against our son "living at home". But I'd like to see him be able to handle a separate domicile (keep it clean and bug-free, all general cleaning done appropriately and cooking for himself a couple nights a week, while not burning the house down). Right now, we have a hard time trusting him to be alone for even a couple days.

We've got a three-week trip we adults are taking to see the families (2000+ miles each way) and Nick will be staying home and going to his job. We have multiple animals who need care (in some cases, special care). We have friends with a house key whom we put on alert for any multiple-day trips, so Nick can reach out and ask for help -- and so we know we'll come home to a house, not the rubble of one. We are deeply concerned about this three-week trip (it *must* happen, with several family members ailing and my father in end-stage cancer) and how Nick will handle things.

One final thing. There are three of us: Nick's Dad (my husband), me and our wife. She came along late enough in Nick's life (he was 18 years old) that she's not really another "Mom" (though I'd be fine if she was). But, I'm honest enough to recognize the dynamic might be adding some additional challenges.

Anne.

Diane - posted on 01/29/2013

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My daughter is 31 and looks like typical 31 year old and that is what everyone expects to find when they talk to her. She has gotten. Wiser as time has passed yet many deficits. My second husband can't figure out why she is able to be dictionary on things of interest and can't seem to learn all the other things she should know. He keeps telling me she should do this and that. She use to blow up at him when he would try to push her, but she has learned to cooperate and answer quiz questions that he pops out. She doesn't have time concept like years months weeks, can't keep straight . Things that happened few days ago sometimes she will call a year. I think a lot of it is tone he uses and she feels (I have to get answer right or )
She lived with my second husband and I from 17 -20 yrs old and I didn't think he would survive . He had no comprehension of what this is all about! I have been looking for support group for my self for long time. We found one but it was gone before it got off ground.
All my husband saw was aspired with hi iq well that isn't what we are dealing with! Made him believe my daughter was not putting forth effort. My daughters biological father doesn't take part in her life at all and she feels he has never been there for her . All she really has is me. When she was 20 we put her in a group home but that wasn't best either. Though now she suggests it for some others

Diane - posted on 01/29/2013

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I'm so happy to be able to find parents of adults with Aspergers . My daughter is 31 years old. I knew there was something from the time she started kindergarten. She had Ieps all through all her school years and pushed through graduation at age of 20yrs. There is another grandson that I believe may have Aspergers and also another grandson. It has been frustrating over all these years dealing with something that felt like angry frustrated child. My daughter speaks loudly no matter where we are , sometimes I get embarrassed though I hide it from her. I try to quiet her by saying dont talk so loud and she thinks she isn't loud. She is fascinated with music groups singers and movies and who is in them and details of their lives. She is over weight and is focused on no one likes fat people. Trying to diet all the time . Latest is she is vegan.
I can go on and on I would love a group of parents with adult children with Aspergers

Michelle - posted on 01/25/2013

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My daughter is 18 and originally they said she had Sensory integration dysfunction , but finally the peices of the puzzle came together and she was diagnosed with Aspergers. She is very difficult to deal with. She's going to a community college right now and wants to go away in the fall. Im hoping she does well but boy is she disorganized. In high school tho she got 90's. She has a boyfriend but the relationship is very co-dependant shes with him all the time and hardly is home anymore. My mom doesnt think theres anything wrong other than that she is spoiled. Ive been divorced from her dad since she was 8 and Ive been on social security disibility since 03 so she is far from spoiled due to my low income. I have an autoimmune illness and she has a few medical issues as well. She has both of her hips done sue to a birth defect and has tachycardia issues. I just wish she could be more independant and have some time for herself other than being up her boyfriends rear!

CrazyinLove - posted on 01/20/2013

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I'm glad to find people that I have something in common...please contact me 240-339-3733

Diane - posted on 01/19/2013

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Im so glad to find someone that can relate to adult children withe aspergers. my daughter has had much support from her father or anyone else for that matter
she is 31 years old and has birthday coming up.
when she was in kindergarten we knew she was different but thought she was just being difficult. she had a hard time with homework, she didnt have but a couple friends all through kindergarten through her high school years, the teachers in kindergarten had her tested by school psychologist and they called it mood disorder. she was frustrated as well as parents frustrated. at the age of 31 years old she lives on her own about a mile from me and she has a cat and a little dog. i takwe her grocery shopping , other than taking the dog out she doesnt want to go out. she lived in group home for very short time , she complains about it to this day but then she will tell some people it might have helped a little. anyone out there want to talk about this?

B L - posted on 01/11/2013

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My Asperger's son is 28. He was diagnosed two years ago...
I wish there was an organization or company that would only hire you if you did have a diagnosis of Aspergers, and they start companies all over the world. It would be a company that completely understands the Asperger's brain/personality and works with those traits. This company would employee some of the most intelligent (and misunderstood) people in our world. It would give them a job, a place they would be understood, a community of like minds, an outlet for their intellects, and it would give all who love them hope.

H - posted on 01/04/2013

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Hi, I've just joined this site. With regard to this subject, is anyone here interested in joining a closed face book group? I found this thread publicly, and am a bit concerned about discussing things that everyone can read. I am AS myself, and recognise the same behaviours, 'symptoms' and traits in my 20 year old daughter. Her father and I both recognise it and believe she too is Aspie. Life is extremely difficult both from my own perspective, and also with the added worry of knowing first hand what the future holds for her. I will set up the group anyway, and if anyone wants to join, please let me know. (I'm not asking anyone to stop using this site by the way! It's just for this particular subject). H x

Tammy - posted on 12/31/2012

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Sandra, what state do you live in? A lot of states have non-government organizations that can help or at least give you advice on establishing a trust or something. Have you called Autism Speaks or Easter Seals? There are others too depending on your state.

Tammy - posted on 12/31/2012

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Hi, Catrina. Yes, if you could elaborate on the type of help you need then that would be helpful. My nephew was diagnosed with Aspergers finally at 45! He needs A LOT of help (personal hygiene, being financially responsible with basic things, etc) though he is oblivious to how much he needs help (common for those with Aspergers?) . His parents have been carrying the load for all these years.I've been trying to find help. We went to our SSI/SSDI appt with the lawyer and, unfortunately, my nephew doesn't qualify because he works more than 20 hrs (federal standards). His pay is so minimal that unless his family pitched in every month, he couldn't live off of his pay. I've also called a ton of organizations here in IN for help (counselling--for the person and the whole family), work training, help with ADLs.... really ANYTHING!). They are sympathetic and helpful to an extent but can't really offer anything b/c she wasn't getting SSI and their services are expensive..... so I'm not sure what we can do. My last resort is to look into conservatorship, which might be helpful so that the family can have authority to look into my nephew's financial accounts and get him to go to the doctor, etc. and maybe the family will look into group living....? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Samantha - posted on 12/30/2012

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You could read my mom's blog for a laugh. It's about how she thinks I have aspergers at 26.
lynnrandallmoyer.blogspot..com

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