Parent of Adult Child with Asperger's Syndrome

[deleted account] ( 349 moms have responded )

I'm hoping to find other mom's (or dad's) of adults with Asperger's Syndrome. My son was diagnosed after age 20 but I've known he was an Aspie from birth - just didn't have the terminology until a proper diagnosis. I would love to share experiences, frustrations, joys, set-backs and the perspective of other parents of adults. Since AS was only diagnosed in the late 90's, there was no resource for us while raising our Aspie's and I'm looking to network.

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Anne - posted on 10/06/2015

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Welcome Lisa and Michelle! I haven't seen many posts lately and am missing the interaction. I'm sure like me, we all feel lonely in trying to figure out the best route in helping our young adult. My son has not been diagnosed, but I have read so much info on Aspergers I truly feel that is what we're dealing with. Some days I doubt myself because he is truly high-functioning, but I feel in my heart that since he hasn't outgrown his struggles and continues on the same path, we are dealing with something more. Because He is my first born, the school year challenges I passed off as childhood, growing-up problems. It was not until college that our life and his blew up, and the realization came that something more was going on. We know our children best, when and what first alerted you that something was not quite right?

Michelle - posted on 10/04/2015

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I would love to join as well. My DS is 22, going on 23, with a degree in History. We will get his results from his psychological testing this week, though I am sure he will be diagnosed with Aspergers. Cannot find a job, cannot figure out what to do with himself. Yet insists he can get married in January to a young lady who also seems to have some issues of her own. She works part time at Starbucks. He doesn't seem to understand how the world works, and how if he has no job, he certainly cannot be getting married. Very frustrating, given he is so intelligent, but can't seem to get his life together.

J - posted on 09/29/2015

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I realize this is circle of moms - I'm a dad,divorced with a 18 yr old aspie son that i have have been caring for by my self for almost 2 yrs. His mother kept him away from me and had enough of him and dropped him off at a friend of mine house, she called me and told me to pick him up from there that she can no longer handle him.

So not only has my son dealt with a rough childhood of school and battling with rage, anger, anxiety, depression, isolated, and bullying now his mother has just abandoned him. 2 years later Im struggling to even "breathe" on a daily basis- he only attended school for 20% of the time last year, and this year he is on track to do the same. His reading is at the 4th grade level, math is at 3rd grade level according to last iep. I have had him enrolled in a county special needs school and ended up sending him to high school with what appeared to have a GREAT ASD program- but that has not worked out at all.
I work many hours because of what damage the divorce has left financially and come home to him staring at the tv. If I ask him to do anything such as his laundry, dishes, vacuum (basic chores) he barricades himself in his room. Thankfully the rage tantrums and attacks are extremly rare and far between anymore. However I find myself really tired of dealing with his daily antics!! He will not do ANYTHING asked of him including going to his therapist or psychiatrist let alone wake up at 8:00 am to go to school.

Really starting to dread coming home and I feel like a prisoner in my home forced to take care of a son that is disrespectful, and lets me know how I treat him like a slave when asked to pick up his dirty dishes.Im outta rope here to tie another knot and just ready to drop him off at a homeless shelter. Its too dang hard to do this alone with nobody to even help or listen to me.

I pray daily for strength and patience because it is all I have!!

Lise - posted on 09/29/2015

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Lucy, exactly! I've gotten to the point where I try not to think about the horrible things he does to me. I try to let them roll off my back. Otherwise I'd be a basket case. You are not alone!!

Lise - posted on 09/29/2015

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Boy, that hit a chord. I'm having some of the same things with my 21 year old. They continue to surprise us, thank goodness!

Lise - posted on 09/29/2015

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Anne, you've got that right! I'll look into setting up a forum for us. Wouldn't it be great if everyone posted what worked and maybe even what didn't? Maybe we'll even work out some good solutions!

Anne - posted on 09/28/2015

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So excited to hear from other moms with similar challenges that love their children and want to help them. It is so difficult seeing them struggle when they are at an age we thought we would be releasing them. I certainly hope that Lise gets back in touch regarding the forum. I am also surprised daily by the strives my almost 21 yr old makes, but also heartbroken by the struggles.

Mkrackley - posted on 09/28/2015

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Lol what's normal? Certainly not my kids. I understand completely the frustration. I can't raise my child even the same as I raise my other children let alone compare to how others raise their 'normal' kids. I'm terrified of my 20 yr old ASer going to work or off to college. Even nervous for him to drive across town. Thing is, he's surprised me many time. I used to be afraid of him driving, turns out he's better than my other kids. I never thought he'd be able to return to normal school and catch up, but he did and honestly I don't understand how. Course, he only lasted a few years before the stress of constant change in high school became too much for him. Point is, he surprises me and I'm hopeful that will continue. I think I realize now,(try real hard to believe) that he'll continue to surprise me. He just needs to do it in his own time and in his own unique way. Patience may pay off. I hope.

Lucy - posted on 09/28/2015

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Hi Our son is currently aged 23 yrs and was diagnosed at age 6 yrs. He also has adhd and various other diagnoses. He can be a complete nightmare if we ever ask him to do something. The most difficult thing is that he looks normal and so most people just assume his behavior is laziness or nastiness. I have been in tears for most of the weekend because of his latest behavior which appears to show us he doesn't care about his family-even though part of me knows that he does love us in his own way it appears very much as though he really doesn't care.
I know what I need to do is to let go of him lovingly and not to try to assist him too much as it always backfires but it is so hard when i see him about to fail- I always seem want to stop him from failing.
Sometimes I would really like to talk to someone who might not judge but who may understand what we as a family are going through. I am too ashamed to tell my friends who have (apparently) very successful and neurotypical children.

Anne - posted on 09/28/2015

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I would love to communicate and share ideas with other moms regarding adult children with Asperger's. I feel alone in trying to weed through what works and what doesn't.

Lise - posted on 09/26/2015

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I think we're all floundering with different issues with our Aspie kids but many similarities. I think because Asperger's was only first described in 1992, there is not much information and we're all floundering in the dark. All the work being done involves early childhood intervention. That's really great as that's when it makes the most difference in a child's life and has the best outcome for a positive prognosis. But of course, it leaves us with adult children and no help.

It seems like it would be great to share what works and get support from other parents dealing with the same types of issues. I have the internet skills to set that up but want to know how many of us there are who would benefit from a forum for parents of adult children with Asperger's. Please let me know.

Mkrackley - posted on 09/24/2015

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Sounds like there are quite a few of us out there struggling with what to do with our now young adult ASers. I would be interested in joining a forum where we can swamp stories, ideas, info on resources, etc. My son is 20. Started taking him for developmental testing when he was 3 and still not talking much. It was the beginning of many years of many different types of doctors testing him for everything from petit mal seizures to schizophrenia. One diagnosis after another ruled out. Leaving us with nowhere to turn and no idea what to do. My mother-in-law found an article about AS and sent it to me when he was about 5. It read like a blueprint of my child. Over the years, there was no question in our minds that this was the root of the issue. However, never once did a doctor, or a therapist, or a teacher, no one ever seemed to want to accept it as a diagnosis. I've heard he is severely learning disabled only to figure out that it was the format of the test that was the problem. It required him to answer verbally which was the whole reason we were there to get him tested! He wasn't talking. Changed the test format to pointing, and he scored above average in every area. It's been years of a frustrating mix of "your son is doomed!" to "Oh wait, he's fine ; we don't want to talk about it." What am I supposed to do with that? In hindsight, I don't think anyone knew much about AS or how to treat it so we were just quietly ignored. Finally at the age of 17, after a few years of just doing our own thing and essentially giving up on a diagnosis, my son asked if I would pursue it again and help him find an answer. He was tested at a developmental center and FINALLY diagnosed with AS. Whew! Now what?!? He's 20, above average IQ, got his GED at 18 (with honors which I didn't even know existed lol) because he couldn't handle being surrounded by people. The stress and anxiety it caused was too much for him. He wants to go to college, but is afraid I think. Wants to be independent but is terrified of interacting with people. I keep looking for some kind of local resource that can maybe help him transition into a job or school. Lord knows, I'm no good at it. Poor guy. I'm a grab the bull by the horns and go kinda person, and I'm at a loss as to how to help him though I desperately want to. I'm afraid I may be incapable. But that's a different post. :) He's super sweet, quiet, and easy to live with. Both myself and his step-father have no problems with him staying with us forever actually (cannot say the same for our other 4 boys lol), but that's not what he wants. He wants to have his own life, and frankly, I don't see any reason why he can't. He just needs help in ways that I can't help him. Would love to share ideas ...

Lise - posted on 09/23/2015

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Is anyone interested in setting up a forum for parents of adult children with Asperger's? I just found this section but there doesn't seem to be too much activity.

Catherinecamp4 - posted on 08/10/2015

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Hi im a mum with aspergers I was disgnosed age 47 ....would this be passed onto my daughter who show signs

Gayle - posted on 07/13/2015

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My son is 24,has his associates degree,works as a cashier at Kohls cause he has no clue what he wants to do,This is not unusual I know,but while he is good at his job,he is socially awkward,has trouble making new friends,wont look one in the eye,only plays video games when not working.Is afraid to drive,or take on anything new,Everyone thinks he is just behind socially,or not developing the "normal" way,but I think he has aspergers! He does things alone a lot,prefers it I think,tho he has a girlfriend he doesn't see her much.Not much empathy,no direction.My husband worries about him having to get a full time job with insurance in another year or so,but he (our son) worries about getting another job as he is comfortable in this one,which is only part time.Others his age on on their own,some starting families and he hasn't progressed much socially since high school!,No new friends,same ones since his school days,, Does this sound like aspergers??Help!

Karol - posted on 07/08/2015

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You could be speaking about my son. We had an understanding that he would go to Vocational Rehab and sign up for college again. I am on disability and that's what I am doing. He went at a later time. He came home with a story that there is a waiting list. I believe in the waiting list but I think that he has lied to me once again. He probably found out about the waiting list and didn't turn in the paperwork because I don't think he wants to do anything other than what he is doing. Which is sleep all day, video games at night and eat. I have to beg him to shower and clean his room. His only friends are who is in his "guild" on the internet. Now I have found his bank statements showing all kinds of weird charges. He is "buying" his friends on the internet. He can't afford to buy me a mother's day card but he can sure send someone $150 Western Union. He states that he recognizes scammers and that he isn't naive. eeh yeah right. He buys things on Amazon and they sure as hell don't come here. He receives SSI/SSDI (had a job at blockbuster for a while) and I am the representative payee on his account. For his therapy, he has to have an independent living program which included taking care of his finances so he had a debit/Mastercard. Problem with that is that as representative payee, I have to fill out a form for SSA every year to state where and how the money they are giving him is used. He's sending it to other people, buying things for other people!! people he knows jack about. I could be held financially and legally responsible for misuse of funds!!! i told him this and he states he knows. This means to me that he could care less about throwing ME under the bus. I am DONE. He needs to go to supportive living somewhere. I need to let him understand that I am not going to live forever and if he continues to do this, HE will face the consequences. Better to learn now than at age 40 I guess.

Jo - posted on 05/27/2015

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To parents in Minnesota: great experience we just had at Fraser Center for ASD in Minneapolis. We had to wait over 6 months for an evaluation appointment, but they do a good job. Had my 27yo evaluated- he is on the spectrum(see two previous posts below). They have set him up with 3 helpful things: 1) a vocational/interest program that will guide him in figuring out what he would like to do as far as a job or further schooling 2) a therapist who is trained specifically to work with ASD clients 3) a young adult therapy/support group to deal with social issues. Yes, yes, yes!10/18/15 update: Well, Fraser Center promised a lot, but didn't actually deliver. Turns out the social groups were all for younger children, the vocational/interest program simply referred him to the state job- finding program, and he wasn't interested in meeting with another therapist. But he has gone out and found another job on his own, so all the investigating and talking spurred him on. My heart is with all of you parents who are struggling so. It's a nebulous disorder: so very difficult to put your finger on what exactly the problem is, and trying to help is like hitting your head against a wall(over and over for years). Sometimes all you can do as a parent is to love, love, love your child.

Jo - posted on 05/26/2015

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To continue:Currently, my son is not working.Sleeps all day, video games all night.Has never had a date. Worries he will be all alone when his Dad and I die. Will not do anything that is suggested, or eat what I've prepared for dinner. No empathy ever for me. Doesn't respond when family dog brings him the frisbee. Read early but won't read now. Had job delivering pizza for 2 1/2 years (!), but quit due to social problems with no notice, now won't look for another. Has quirks like having to brush his teeth at the kitchen sink, always keeps a small object with him like a little car or a jackknife. Forgets to take his meds (for ADD and depression). Still needs parents to make dentist and doctor appts. Good at poker (poker face extraordinaire). Would steal money from us when younger, never tried to cover it up-"I needed it". Good looking- I once mentioned that a girl was 'checking him out' but he said he had no idea what that was or meant. What's to become of him? has been my constant worry. He does have some strong points- he is lucky enough to have childhood friends who have kept him in their circle even though they have all graduated from college and are married or have girlfriends. He plays video games with them and poker. He is not good at hygiene but not awful. Messy but not destructive. Drinks, smokes cigarettes and pot, but eats well and takes his gummy vitamins. And I saved my money when I was working, have bought him a townhouse, and will set up a trust that will pay all bills and let him live modestly. He can drive and is excellent knowing directions(but never put a puzzle together when young). So, I guess we are lucky compared to some. But he is my darling baby boy who will never experience love in the way that most can, and that breaks my heart.

Jo - posted on 05/26/2015

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OK, get this: I'm 65, RN for 30 years, searching for an answer to my 27yo son's difficulties since preschool, just found this column and now have an answer! Leave it up to moms to correctly delineate typical behaviors. The experts we've gone to, the therapy he has had, the money we've spent- the troubles we've had!!! Lordy.
Here you go: bright,trouble in school,tried community college x2 and quit quickly x2. Never wanted to do what I told him. No begging, bribing,consequencing,demonstration of me losing my mind, made any difference.Rarely did the "work" in school, always knew answers on tests. Had to get GED because of missing credits and poor attendance and dismal grades, but got a 22 on his ACT. Always sleep problems: too little when young, too much as adult. Doesn't get sarcasm. Major tune-out if confronted-he will lay motionless,mute, with eyes closed.

Melinda - posted on 05/17/2015

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Oh my Gosh. I live in Melbourne and my Aspie
son is 16. He will not go to school, the high school have bent over backwards but if he isn't there there is no point. I'm thinking a pension is the way to go, I'm a single mum who works full time but thinking I'll have to quit to care for him. I'm glad I'm not alone, friends and family are never going to understand :(

Jb - posted on 05/11/2015

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It's hard to know what to say. I'm glad to know there are other people out there that are struggling to help their adult children with Aspergers. I don't know why I didn't look for support sooner...it just didn't occur to me, I guess. I have two sons, 20 and 21. The older one was never officially diagnosed, but at least in high school there was some recognition of a problem and he was able to get some help. He joined a social group back then, which was the biggest help, as he developed good relationships that still exist for him and are very important to him. As for my younger son, it is much more of a struggle. He does not like to interact with anyone, and will go to pretty good lengths to avoid it. He has been seeing a psychologist for about a year and a half now, but I don't know if it is doing any good. I'm very worried about what will happen to him if something happens to my husband and myself. He had a job for two weeks, but then quit because he could not keep up with the pace of the job and he did not know how to address that with the boss. I have been trying to help him seek out other employment, but that is looking really grim, since he is so very unmotivated, and it is also hard to explain to potential employers why he quit the other job after 2 weeks.
Mother's Day was basically a slap in the face. Everyone on Facebook posting all the wonderful things that their kids did for them...getting validation that they are great mothers. I try really hard not to take it personally, but it is no fun feeling like the world is judging you as a "bad mother". (And then I feel guilty for thinking about my own hurt feelings, when I KNOW it is the Aspergers that make my kids act the way they do). Sigh.

Christina - posted on 04/30/2015

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I can so relate to this, bar the grandchild...replace with a controlling negative girlfriend. My son is 25 who thinks the same...I am trying to deal with him , but seem to be getting nowhere. Would love for him to be diagnosed so he can get the proper help. That way we all might come away knowing how to deal with him. I have been crying for days as he has lashed out at me in a way that I have never experienced before. All I want to do is help, but it seems I ask too many questions and he then just shouts at me. I am so stressed out from it. Hoping to find answers here..so far it has been insightful.

Roni - posted on 04/16/2015

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Hey all. Through a random search I found this thread. I won't get in to my life story but my younger brother has Aspergers and everything mentioned in the stories on this thread we've been through. We've tapped in to every resource and taken steps forward to only take more steps back - it's this crazy, sick revolving door. God bless my mother for her strength, love and dedication to helping her son.

That being said, Google and I are pretty good friends. I've research everything under the sun about Asperger's. Recently I came across a resource called AspergersExperts.com. These two guys have Aspergers and they break it down in so many ways to help familys, parents, teachers, and individuals with Aspergers get out of defense mode and find a way to move forward in life. The videos are a great help - as well as their programs you can buy. Start with watching a few of the videos! There a lot of free resources through their website that can help! Please, take a look!

Good luck to everyone. Know you're not alone - there are so many of us out there going through the same. exact. thing.

NICOLE - posted on 04/13/2015

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Hello, am looking also to network. I am looking to an organization called ANNE. Resources for persons with Asperger as well as job assistance.

NICOLE - posted on 04/13/2015

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i would like to share as i too have a son who is an adult. Would you like to speak directly together? There is an organization called ANNE. Lots resources, that i am looking into. Nicole

Charmaine - posted on 04/08/2015

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My son is now 31. He was diagnosed when he was 12. It wasn't until he was sent to a adolescent psychiatric facility that he was finally diagnosed correctly. WE spent many years with many doctors trying to figure out what was actually wrong with Brian. I could tell you the horror stories of his growing up, but that would be a complete novel. I was lucky to have been able to fight for him to get as much help as we could. He lives with us, has a part-time job, and a girlfriend. Not a typical relationship--but that's another story. My problem now is that the older he gets, the more depressed and anxious he gets and everyday he gets up to go to work is a struggle. He has been at the same job for over 10 years and it has its ups and downs, but he had supervisors I could confide in and they knew about his disability. His last supervisor, a complete saint, just retired and now there is a new one and she is making changes Brian is not able to cope with. I'm mainly just looking for people to talk to because I am so stressed sometimes, that some days I just want to run away. I have a wonderful husband of 38 years, but Brian prefers to talk to me and not his dad. I don't know about anyone else, but Brian has so many issues and a main one is his complaint about weird thoughts and obsessions running through his head all day and it makes it hard for him to function. WHen he's upset, I never know if he will harm himself or something worse. I have to be the one to calm him down before he does something. If there is anyone else out there who has similar issues, feel free to respond. I would also be willing to help anyone with specific problems with their aspie since I have been dealing with this for 31 years.

Renee - posted on 03/31/2015

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Not yet but we are seriously thinking about it. We moved our son down from Columbus. Ohio to South Carolina where we just moved to last year. He had an apt on his own for the first time for a year. It was s disaster. He wouldn't get out of bed for weeks and lost his job and we are now getting mail with bills he hasn't paid and we can only do so much because we have 2 other boys.

Dawn - posted on 03/28/2015

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I am in the same place, our daughter, now 18 is having a terrible time. She was diagnosed at age 9, and in MT we had great resources and community, but we are military and the area in FL we live has virtually NOTHING. I tried moving to CA for a year, for that purpose, it was supposed to be "THE" autism school. My family was there, so it sounded perfect. NIGHTMARE. My daughter pummeled into the pito of despair, and shut down. it was aweful, and still is. During that time, she really delved into a secret life that has been very destructive for her...and we moved back to FL to at least let her be near the healthy friends she had. That hasn't fixed things, but now that her cutting and other dual diagnosis type issues have surfaced, I am finding a lot of great resources and help online. I am thankful and hopeful to have found this page. IT is so much harder once they are over 18, due to the privacy rights. I am seeking out guardian advocacy status, because there are times when she is just not able to make the health and wellness decisions that need to be made. Have any of you pursued that who have over 18 Aspies?

Debra - posted on 03/25/2015

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I did not know there was help for adults with aspergers ..my daughter is 25,,she finished high school and earned a degree but having problems finding a job...people think she is slow but the are wrong...she has no friends ...in a way in think it is my fault ....refuse to believe there was something wrong until I could no longer deny it....

Barbara - posted on 03/06/2015

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You are definitely not alone!!!! I know how you feel tho and totally relate to what you're saying. I have a grandson who is 10 1/2 and was just recently diagnosed with Aspies. He originally was diagnosed ADHD and being treated with some sort of drug that I just hated. Now I'm not sure how they are changing that, he lives out of state and I've been dealing with my daughter so much it is hard to converse with anyone and when I can I'm so depressed I can't. We are all in the same situation within our families and for me being able to read and realize the abundance of people with the same problem I at least do not feel so alone now. This site is my dependency for sanity courses now. lol. God Bless

G - posted on 03/04/2015

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Wow! I finally found a site that gives me some encouragement. Forget the books and websites that tell you what to do or what to give our kids. NOBODY would ever know what it's like to live with an Aspie until you have one. My son is 12 yrs. old and some days are so challenging and frustrating that I don't know what to do. My 2 other daughters have to put up with his behavior and just like all of you, our family suffers. At least now I know I'm not the only one who goes through this every single day :(

Barbara - posted on 02/24/2015

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I am in need of help dealing with my daughter who is Aspie. I've got several post on here to refer to (just to keep me from retyping it all ) She's 32 and wasn't diagnosed until about 2 year's. It was obvious there was a problem but I had no understanding of what went wrong, where, who, how, just no clue. She was born in 82, so there was no thing as mental health then, you were crazy, stupid, insubordinate, etc, etc. There were signs now looking back (hind sight is 20/20) but it was all related to educational things, advanced reading etc. Reading encyclopedias at 3 years old etc. To me that wasn't a problem then because it was better than watching an excessive amount of cartoons! At least that was my thinking at the time. At about the age of 23-24 it started showing. The rudeness, lashing out, hatefulness, you name it, and only gotten worse. After reading other post, it seems like there are so many traits that carry with all Aspie's.
With that summary, my question is....How do you deal with situation. How do you not take personally the comments, rudeness, slanderous, hateful and every other adjective of listed. I have cried and cried, felt unworthy, useless, heart sliced in so many directions I can never get them in the right place again. Confused and hurt, feeling hated how do you handle it? Emotionally i'm so destroyed. Any suggestions?
Thank you so much. I'm just at a loss.

Lisanne - posted on 02/23/2015

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Sometimes I want to scream...I scream inside, but feel like I am falling apart. When he comes at me what complaint after complaint, and will listen to no solution...when it's everyone else's fault, when I can't do enough for him, or I'm not there enough...it gets overwhelming sometimes...I become so stressed that I can't function enough to get my own work done...it's exhausting...I have soo much love for him, but there are times when I don't know what more I can do...thank you for letting me vent in a place where I know there are others who can empathize with me...

Annette - posted on 02/22/2015

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What makes you think that he would die if he was in a group home? Group homes can be wonderful. And getting assistance with a job is quite valuable to our adult children. I couldn't just throw my daughter out either. I needed a place for her to live when she left. If you can find someone that will let him sleep at their place, but have to leave during the day... that will put him in a place where he will be motivated to look for something better. I don't know. I was in a similar dark place as what you are describing for many years. You feel like maybe he just needs a little more help, a little more patience. I hope you continue to share your story until something breaks through and it gets better.

Raisa - posted on 02/22/2015

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someone out there please give us a suggestion...our grown son is so lost & so are we. Not one doctor has helped. I hear "throw him out"; put him in a group home. He would die. He thinks nothing is wrong. I feel guilty, hopeless all the time. Someone please help.

Annette - posted on 02/21/2015

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God gave me you. This exact internet page has changed my life for the better, for the much better. I have a 27yo stepdaughter who has been diagnosed with social anxiety. My psychiatrist hears more about my daughter's actions and reactions -- he is more than sure she is high functioning autistic. One major difference from what many here describe is that my dau is the opposite of violent. She fears becoming violent because her mother (deceased) was very violent, even attacked her dad with a frying pan over the head. Police were called many times. ANYWAY, I was given the courage to put her out of the house. She is now "in the system" and it is a very good thing. They know how to stay right on top of her every little thing. I know how to do that too, but the daily struggle had me suicidal twice in the past 2 years. A nurse in the psych unit told me that I had to do whatever it took so that I could live in my house. I thought she was being cruel. "Surely, I just needed to be patient and try harder to help my daughter adapt." NO NO NO, that is surely wrong. My daughter is not going to "adapt". I am excited about my future! No longer will my job be nagging, reminding, sitting in the corner and crying, having no one to support me. Even now, our small community does not know of my daughter's issues and are quick to judge the evil stepmother that I AM NOT. Okay, enough about me. If you pray, pray for Rachael that she will progress through the process and end up in a place that supports her and encourages her through it all.

Raisa - posted on 02/15/2015

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I am so discouraged....our son will not admit he has AS, so he will not get help. I wake up feeling hopeless and depressed. I'm not sure how to directly correspond with posters. I mean, directly chat or contact. Can someone help me? The pain is intolerable. I feel I MUST help our son, but don't know how. I've become obsessed with helping him, but nothing helps and he is unreachable, very angry, says very hurtful things, zones out....please, someone out there, let me know how to truly corespond with posters on this page...thanks.

Raisa - posted on 02/15/2015

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to elizabeth dempster -- we feel exactly the same. Such love, but also such disappointment....which makes us feel guilty

Kimmie - posted on 02/15/2015

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I am very worried about my daughter. I only just realized she is an apien woman. She is a high achiever, a junior at an Ivy with a 4.0 gpa. She is not motivated to do anything. She does not have a single friend. She also has sleep disorder and every characteristic for an asperger. Her only focus is to get 'A' and nothing else. There are a lot of opportunities for her but she refuses to fill out an application. Up till her sophomore year, she made me write and respond to messages for her. She yells at me for not knowing what to say in the response. Life is very difficult for me as a mother to her. I understand that she has a lot of issues. At one point I almost wanted to take my own life and at that very moment, I came across an article about Asperger's syndrome. I only then realized she is sick. It gives me reasons to live until old age. I am an old mother. She always tells me not to be sad when she hurts my feelings. Just to know that she loves me. At one point I really hated her but now I love her more so. I am very lost.

Lisanne - posted on 02/10/2015

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Barbara,
My son sounds very much like your daughter. I have to tell him to do almost everything...unless, like you said, it's something he is interested in or wants to do. He does go to therapy, and is on a barrage of medications-which help with the OCD mostly, and the anxiety. There are times when the OCD is so bad that he doesn't sleep, barely eats...and then it's stressful for me as well. I am lucky in that we are very close. He loves his Momma! When I watched the movie "Silver Linings"- I said, omg, that's my son. The scene where he storms into his parent's room at 4 in the morning because he has something he needs to declare. LOL- yep, that's him. My true empathy and compassion go out to all of us who have a loved one with a "challenge".

Kimberly - posted on 01/20/2015

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I too have a 23 year old aspie. She works 11 hours a week and is stressed out because of it. She went to and quit 3 colleges and now has racked up $23000 in student loans and won't take care of them. Not even just to have the payments reduced to where she can pay them at least a little. She won't apply for SSI, Food stamps or any other assistance. We are heart broken but have to place her in a low income housing, which she is giving us a hard time about. I mean REALLY HARD time! She does better when she sees her therapist, but often skips appts. We are so worried about what will happen to her if something happens to us. She can not survive on her income. She was not diagnosed until the age of 19. Making things even harder. She like many others seems to really resent me. The situation is very heart wrenching. Made worse by people not understanding Asperger's. 211.org has a lot of helpful info if you have time to look into it. I too was extremely guilty about not having her diagnosed earlier, but I didn't know anything about Asperger's then. Glad I found this site.

Lisanne - posted on 01/18/2015

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I have a son, who has high functioning aspergers, along with severe OCD. He is 23, and. there are times when it's just as frustrating as it was when he was little...I don't know if he will ever be able to live on his own. He is so smart, and so wonderful...and so high need...

Barbara - posted on 01/11/2015

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My daughter is 32 and was diagnosed 2 yeas ago. Even tho she had it long ago it was never an issue until she got older. Other things I think sat it off in an abrupt form and it's went down hill from then. Please feel free to discuss anything you want with me. I'm looking for understanding and help in anyway to accomplish it. My brain just doesn't get it. And the pain of the way she treats me is only making it worse to understand. So feel free.Thanks and have a good day

Barbara - posted on 01/11/2015

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My daughter has many traits as indicated in previous posts. However, Asperger isn't on a social disorder. There are multiple traits that Aspies have that range from social to pure defiance over anything and everything. So, so many symptoms that come a long with it, or as a repercussion of it.

Barbara - posted on 01/09/2015

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I wish my daughter could have been diagnosed at a younger age. I think it would have made life much easier. At this age she's set in a way of what she thinks things are and weren't. She believes things there are no situations involving but yet she's put them there. She is just hell bent on believing what she believes and nothing you or anyone else can say will make her see it a different way. She has become this master schemer who makes up stories so she's a victim and gets all the attention and pity for things that aren't so. I just sit and shake my head constantly when I think about it all. It's so over whelming and depressing. I think a lot of children are misdiagnosed with things.

Deborah - posted on 01/08/2015

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My son will be 26 next week , he wasn't dx until he was almost 18. Years ago this was missed by everyone. He was dx as ADHD , like many were back then. I didn't know Aspergers was.

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