Parent of Adult Child with Asperger's Syndrome

S - posted on 11/30/2012

My son is almost 20 and is doing very well. I often tell him how proud we are of him. I only wish that we could have known at an earlier age what it was. He always has had the sweetest personality. I just think that we could have been more patient than we were if we had known what we were dealing with. Parents are always hard on themselves though. We feel looking back that we were hard on him. But as much as we think that, we also know that we had so much to teach him and that it has paid off for him that we were persistant and helped him to learn the things that he needed to. He seems to be thriving and in the end that is always what we want for our children. Sometimes just wish that we could turn the clock back and enjoy more moments with him while he was young. :)

Laurie - posted on 11/19/2012

Hello,



I have posted on here a long time ago. My son is 20 and diagnosed with AS since he was 10. He lives at home with his step-dad and I. He just started a supported part-time job this year and likes it. I am not sure how long this program will be available for him but am grateful for the opportunity. He is WAY down on the state's list for services such as residential and day services. We are not focused on residential services as he does not wish to move out at this time and we told him he can stay until he is ready. The day services would be nice though as well as supported employment. We live in Northeast Kansas and I was wondering if there were any others who lived in this area that would like to meet up? My son has a hard time getting opportunities to make friends. He loves to go bowling, play video games, legos, beyblades, and read. If you are interested - message me and perhaps we can meet for bowling sometime.

Alisa Lynne - posted on 11/18/2012

My daughter 18 takes Prozac 40 mg. Adderoll 30 mg XR and melitonin to sleep. She has had trouble sleeping her entire life. She did better in school with adderoll and didn't need to sleep as much she needs a lot of sleep. She does very well on Prozac she used to cry all the time and only gets weepy around her period now. SHe is such a good kids and has such a sweet spiirt about her. I used to have to lay with her till she fell asleep until she was four. Then my new husband made her stay in her bed and she finally started going to sleep. I wish I had know about Aspergers. I know I could have helped her in so many ways. Sh was born at 30 weeks. Hemorrhaged in her brain when she was two weeks old. She got hydrocephalus and had a shunt put in when she was a month and a half. She has never had a job she still cant drive. She does fine if she is around the neighborhood and using stop signs etc. But as soon as she gets into two lanes traffic and needs to change lanes its not gonna happen she freezes and I have to literally take the wheel and help her off the road. She was also denied for SS and I did an appeal as well and have not heard. He biological father doesn't have to pay child support anymore since she is 18 and I think he should have to pay until she doesn't need assistance any more and can live on her own.

Alisa Lynne - posted on 11/18/2012

Gosh, That's the story of my life. My daughter is 18 now and when she was 14 was the first time I had ever heard about Aspergers I googled it read about it and could not believe what I was reading. I was calling everyone on the phone in my family telling them all to look it up and how Taylor HAD to have it. Everyone blew me off especially my husband. He gets annoyed when i think I know something and he is always telling me I am not a doctor. I looked for a few months to find a doctor who could diagnose her after a 2 hr drive and a failed attempt to get answers we didn't have the time to look for another doctor moving to a different state the next month. When we moved We were starting out all over again with my husbands new career and she was now 16. Asked about getting her tested etc through the school since we live 3 hrs from a big town where they have dr for that kind of thing. They, the school strung me along for the entire school year. Finally the next fall I found a dr a hour and a half away. Made the apt for January a 4 month wait. January her senior year she was diagnosed with Aspergers. three years after finding out what it was. Finding out was a huge blessing. Grateful to have answers. A little disappointed to not have any answers before hand. She still doesnt drive and will be 19 in February. She wants to have friends but still finds herself alone most of the time. She wants to go to college and will probably start in June 2013 She wants to get a part time job and we are having trouble finding a good fit for her where they are hiring. Loving the support here going to read the 69 responses.

Michelle - posted on 11/15/2012

Hi my daughter was diagnoses with Sensory Processing Disorder when she was 8, she is now 18 with a diagnoses of Aspergers. She is starting Concerta. Anyone here have their kids on meds? She has a real hard time sleeping need to talk to the dr about that next.

Carmel Ann - posted on 10/25/2012

Mary Lou I do wish you had the support of your family and that they saw what you see. My son is a beautiful human being and seeing him hurting or lonely just kills me. I worry about happens to him when God calls me home. I have to say with everything my son has gone through, being bullied, attacked by gang wantabees, car jacked etc somehow the Good Lord was always with him. He has to learn about the world and unfortunately there is a lot of evil around. He does drive which gives him the chance to wander off any time he wants to but he doesn't this is home and it is were he feels safe.We did try the living on his own - that was a disaster. He trusted everyone, would let anyone stay in his apt, money just disappeared, I would fix food for him to have some home cooking - it all would be gone because they would have pot luck dinners - we know who was supplying the food. When he came home he was filthy, unshaven, hair growing long, clothes were so very dirty and I even did his wash. He told me of times he would be out wandering around at 2:00 am - has no fear. Joined AA just to have friends. So having him here at least I know he is safe and at this point I have to hope the Good Lord will guide me. We are just Moms and this is tough.

Mary Lou Elias - posted on 10/25/2012

Thank you! I am not alone. I feel like crying because my extended family keeps saying there's nothing wrong with him, and if you look at him from far you'd think there's nothing amiss; it's when he says to someone at church "you shouldn't have worn that shirt, you look awful and should not have come out looking like that"! When I just stared at him and stated "How could you hurt that boy's feelings like that"? He replied "It's the truth". Ughhh!

It is till now that I came to accept my Son's diagnosis, I thought I could wish it away, pray it away, treat him normal, not pay attention to his quirks, matter of fact comments, his sitting in silence staring outside on the porch, no desire to ever play ball with other kids, fear of falling, getting hurt, feels no pain when he's hurt, walked past the hot iron when he was 6 and burned himself, never cried out. I saw the mark later asked him about it, he stated "oh, i got burned with the iron". My heart goes out to my Son, and it's at a time that he's ready to untie the umbilical cord from me. He's yearning for independence and I don't know how to let him go as he cannot keep a job, social security denied request for financial help, I've since appealed it, we're waiting for an appeal date. I think even if he moves he'll have to live near us just so I could check in on him. He's looking for a relationship with a girl, has someone who's interested in him but she seems more ill than he is....I don't know where to turn. We're in Puerto Rico, arrived 3 months ago, maybe when we see the psychologist next week he/she may help me network for services for him. Mary-Lou

Mary Lou Elias - posted on 10/25/2012

I thought it was only me that went through anxiety for my aspie 23 year old son. Thanks for sharing. Mary-Lou

Carmel Ann - posted on 10/25/2012

Mary Lou I read your story and it was like reading my own. My son is 43 and has gone through exactly the same as yours. School just said it was a disability, he was not ever a discipline problem at school so I don't believe he was really ever noticed by the teachers. I have gone the route with SSD and I am on my second round but I will keep fighting because in my mind he deserves it. We tried the working - same problem as your son- people don't get it because they look perfectly normal.I finally put myself in my son's shoes and tried to look at the world through his eyes - and it is so sad. They are loners, people just say they are not quite right, they are easy to blame and no one wants to listen to them . I think you have to adapt to them and work around the problem areas. I still remind my son about shaving, about manners in general, how to leave a conversation - he just walks away says nothing. He could stay in the same clothes for a week. I do feel that this is my home (my husband died a few years ago) and my son has to abide by the rules. I try to have conversations with him and sometimes it works well - other times he just walks away. He has to be clean and keep his room. I watch every penny I give him and make him account for it as money means nothing to him. I do sit with him when I pay my bills and he pays his . I try to be careful the way I word things because none of this is his fault he was born this way. Logic means nothing to him and I am a very logical person. I hope this helps a little. carmel

Mary Lou Elias - posted on 10/25/2012

Dear Moms,

It's good to finally speak to someone who understands things from a mom's perspective. My son is 23, passed high school, was in special ed classes up to 12th grade. He was diagnosed with AS 2 years ago by a psychologist. The school system never really diagnosed him with anything, just that he had a learning disability. My son is on meds_abilify, was let go after a week of work from 2 jobs. At a third job it seemed he became overwhelmed and was let go again after a week. I am up for an appeal hearing with the social security administration law judge, after being denied once; the judge stated that in his opinion my son seemed smart enough to work. AS makes it difficult for my son to feel at ease with people, make friends, have a social life. He's surrounded by many "normals" at church, they're friendly enough but he's not able to connect. We have recently moved to Puerto Rico, the eastern part of the island, people in these parts seem a bit more compassionate than in Manhattan, NY, so i'm thinking he would be able to hold a job. I am looking for social classes/services for him. Can any one help me? We are building an apartment for him on our property to give him a sense of independence although he has to be reminded to wash his clothing, take a bath, clean his room. If any one can suggest services in these parts please send information. He is seeing a therapist and psychologist for the first time next week. With much gratitude

Carmel Ann - posted on 10/12/2012

Jessica - gosh reading your story just broke my heart. Yes it does fall on us as our child does not

seem to understand as they have always been this way. I have faught with I think every agency and I am sure you have noticed the older your child gets the harder it gets. My son is 43 and really at this point no one wants to listen to Mom. I don't give up though somewhere out there I am going to get someone to listen. Youre right the constant staying on top of things for them is hard, it seems so logical to us but not to them. We adopted our son - so I feel God sent him to us for a reason and this may be it. My husband died after forty years of marriage and when the responsibility all fell on my shoulders I came close to panicking- but you just can't because in this crazy mixed up world we are all they have.

I have tried to put myself in my sons shoes and try to think like him and that does help. His life I keep as simple as possible, he does not adapt well to change, and keeping up with his keys, wallet, -phone, and what day of the week it is is monumental to him - he is a good, kind person and every thing I do - I pray is helping and hopefully one day soon I will get him assistance financially - because I am not going to be around forever. They are not doing anything deliberately and their world is so much harder than their peers. Don't be so hard on yourself - you are just a Mom doing what she thinks is best. God somehow gives us the strength to deal with them.

Jessica - posted on 10/11/2012

Well, I have alot of fustrations,,I am very upset with this illiness as my X husband has this...my son and I think daughter has some too.

I think it is the parent(us) without it....that suffers more. They are happy, they dont get it, no matter what, past issues dont register a sense of urgentcy..on some of the most simplest things..making appts..insuarance, signing up for 401k...they are adults..we cant always help them and be with them..

Some other sad things Ive seen is in public,,they sound redictulas..but they dont even get it when you try and warn them. Or a girlfriend cheats on them,,or a X husband marrys someone he barely knew..crazy sick things like this..has wore me down. Trying to remind my son about his open enrollment for insurance AGAIN...car insurance... waiting until last day on stuff like this...and ONLY because of my constant nagging,,that I soooo much not want to do... Gawd Im sick of it...and I resent the X for not speaking to his kids anymore, and this crap came form him.

Carmel Ann - posted on 10/10/2012

I am not too sure what you are asking me Wanachuk

Wangchuk - posted on 10/10/2012

how u feel your life

Carmel Ann - posted on 10/05/2012

Christine reading your story is like my own. My 43 yr old son was diagnosed with AS and borderline retardation. For so many years we sought help, Drs. would test him and it always came back anxiety and depression. He is a very happy and kind person so this diag did not make sense. He struggled in school but he was never a discipline problem so I couldnt get help as they didn't see how hard he was having it. He was bullied and made fun off basically became the joke. That many years ago they did not know what AS was. Now I feel relieved that I at least have a name. It does not get any easier but at least you know what they are doing is not deliberate. I try to think like he does and it helps. Having a two way conversation with him is not easy his attention span is very short. One thing I do especially since I lost my husband is insist that my son live by my rules in the house. So letting me know where he is, keeping his room, cleanliness and honesty are all important and as a Mom I do feel I deserve that. He is a loner and that is the way he likes it, I do insist that we talk at dinner and when I feel that thing are getting out of control we have the talk. I can read him like a book after all these years. The world is not a kind place for people with AS. They look perfectly normal but then their behavior is something else. What is accepted from a 10 yr old is not accepted from a 43 yr old. Comments he makes can be inappropriate but it is honesty more than anything else. he cannot hold a job as he has a problem following orders and being around people. Logic means nothing to him and he does not adapt to any kind of change. I am now trying again to get SSI or SSD. We keep getting denied but you just can't give up as we are all they have. I hope this helps a little - bless their hearts they didn't ask for this and how I would to have seen him have a normal life. He amazes me how kind he is and knowing how hard everyday is for him and yet he can smile and face everyday and never says a harsh word about how he is treated. We adopted him when he was 3 wks old and he won my heart then. I have two daughters but they don't realize how serious this is and as they get older it is harder. The future scares me for my son - I am not goind to be around forever and I pray that is when my girls step in and help him. After learning the diag. it was a little easier to deal with because now I kind of know what to look for and that what he is doing is not deliberate. I read everything I can get my hands on and I do sit down and try to have conversations with him about AS. He hates the word.Well I know I am rambling on but never feel alone there are a lot of us out there searching for the same thing.

Carmel Ann - posted on 10/04/2012

Kathy I really sympathize with you and know only too well what you are going through. My son is 43 and was just diagnosed 2 mths ago. Before this it was always that he had a low IQ with anxiety and depression. When I finally got them to test him and that took 20 yrs everythin pointed to AS. When tested before it would have been caught but no one went beyond the depression and anxiety. He is a loving son - I am a widow and he does live with me. Before my husband died we realized logic meant nothing to my son so we kind of had to start thinking like him to understand him. I have to stay 5 steps ahead of him and never know what the next day holds. He is a loner, and has no friends - needless to say was made fun of in school, struggled with grades and always made to feel he was stupid. We adopted him at 3 wks old and were told he ruptured the bio moms membrane so there was a definite chance he was deprived of oxygen which explains the IQ. As for the ASD the examiner told me it was inherited. I worry about the future for him as he depends on me so very much

Right now I am trying to get SSI or SSD for him. Keeping jobs has been impossible as he cannot follow instructions and being around people is hard. He loves the library because he can be alone and loves to color on the computer. It is like having a child of 8 or 9 and you realize you are all he has. The rest of the world looks at him as though he is not "Quite Right" I cant say it gets easier - it really is harder but then The Good Lord sent him to us for a reason - so all I can do is keep on fighting for him. Since he is living with me I do insist on cleanliness - I do a lot of sending him back to shave but it finally gets done. He does not know what organization means and seems to feel more comfortable in chaos. He talks loud and has a hard time looking you in the eyes when talking to you.To get him to dress up for weddings or funerals is also a battle. When all is said and done I do adore him, he surely respects me as him Mom and has a heart bigger than himself. When my husband died after 40 yrs of marriage I think my son and I needed each other.I know I have probably rambled but I have not found too many parents with adult children with AS. So I too am searching for info

Kathy - posted on 10/01/2012

Our son is 25, and was finally diagnosed correctly at age 24. He's been hospitalized twice in the last year for depression/anxiety/suicidal threats. He just lost his part-time dishwasher job, because he blurts what he thinks. He went to 4-1/2 years of engineering college, but dropped out. He is very smart but the aspberger's has gotten worse in the last few years. He's in debt $40,000 in school loans which we cosigned. We're hoping to retire in 3 years, but the don't know what to do to help our son launch. Where do we go first? What are the steps to get him some SSD? Are there group homes for adult aspies, with life coaches? It's been very difficult for all of us and there is a definite tension in our house. He spends most of the day on his computer, and sometimes doesn't shower for days. He will do chores if I write them down. We live in Minnesota. Any help or direction would be so apprciated!!!

Erica - posted on 09/16/2012

Step mom here, so frustrated with his laziness and how is he ever going to have his own place. He is 22 and I'm feeling like he is 10 when it comes to him doing chores. Soooo lazy!

Beth - posted on 09/16/2012

I have an 18yr old son with Aspergers, ADHD, and biplar. He has graduated from H.S. He tried going to a votech school for airplane mech. Failed to many classes. He wants it bad, but dosen't know how to acheive this. He had to quit school, he said he feels like a failure. He's also very over weight. We can't get him to excersie or do anything around the house. We currently live in Oklahoma but cant find any life skills schools near by. We are currently working with OK rehab for disapilities. Very slow process. Where does one go from here ? Not much help in this state. How does one afford help for and adult child? Trying to get SSI been a nightmare too. Does anyone have advice?

Christine - posted on 09/11/2012

i found this site out of desperation, son is 31. bad day. need to talk to someone. i get your frustration.

Christine - posted on 09/11/2012

Too bad you were so intolerant of your son that you needed to kick him out. I don't understand your \biblical references mixed in with your meanness

Christine - posted on 09/11/2012

My son is 31.Also finished school. Does not drive. Worked for a while. Been home for a year and a half. very tough.

Christine - posted on 09/11/2012

My son is 31, was diagnosed 2 years ago. As a child the diagnosis was sociophobia, I knew it was only part of the issues but had no resources. Need to talk to other moms. Having a very difficult time getting right resources. Son has not worked in a year and a half. I am totally supporting him. Though able to work, he can't go to interviews. Nearly impossible to get help. have spent almost 2 years going no where. Been to asperger society, meetings, read books, etc.

When my son is depressed and won't shower, change clothes, eat, or exit his room for days on end what do other families do?

Cindy - posted on 09/07/2012

Hi, I am new to this site. Just happened upon it tonight. I have spent the past couple hours reading all the posts. My son is 32 years old and has recently been diagnosed with aspergers. I had never heard of it before. When he was in his last couple years of high school, he was diagnosed with ADD. We are now dealing with ADD, aspergers, anxiety, and depression. They just seem to keep adding up. He was taking vyvance which helped for quite a while. two weeks ago he was switched to focalin and cymbalta. he is refusing to take the cymbalta. the focalin is making him angry and uncontrollable. tonight was a very rough evening. this is unusual for him. it is so nice to know this site is available. I would love to connect with other parents of adult children with aspergers.

Mariliese - posted on 07/06/2012

I too have a 22 year old daughter,( recently diagnosed properly) I know how you all feel, misdiagnosis is a real bummer, there is so many obstacales we all have to go thru before anyone even listens. The challenges are so hard to describe to anyone who hasn;t got a child on the spectrum Some days are great and you think to yourself that they are almost coping with life, then comes a real blinder and I wonder where she is in her head some days???.

S - posted on 05/27/2012

Hi

We believe that my 19 year old son and my husband both have Asperger's. The school believed that my son had an Auditory processing disorder untill about grade 10, when I did some reading on AS and from then on that is what they treated it as. We do not have an official diagnosis. He does quite well overall. He graduated,drives, works, and lives on his own. But we worry about him so much and know that other people do not always understand his quirks. It is so hard to watch them misunderstand situations and we find that he wants to take our advice less now too. Reading your stories has made me not feel so alone. My husband and son are amazing kind men. Thank you for sharing your stories.

Del - posted on 05/24/2012

Hi Anne, my son is 22 with Aspergers. It took a long time to get diagnosis. When he was 3 he was diagnosed with ADHD and put on Ritalin. He had motor focal seizures and I stopped the medication right away. The mfs stopped! He took speech at school since he didn't talk at all until he was 4 years old. It was difficult to get help in the Air Force and constantly moving around and seeing a different doctor every time you went in. He also had extra help because testing showed he was learning delayed. This was in elementary school. He had a lot of issues like biting, hitting, etc...I think because he couldn't find any other way to communicate. I learned sign language and that really helped to communicate and would point to my mouth and say a word as I signed it. This really helped him to learn to pronounce words! It took a very long time to get the Aspergers diagnosis. Which I feel is the proper diagnosis for him. He was in his teen years. He graduated High School even though we didn't feel he was ready. It was a nightmare thorough the high school years. There are a lot of issues. Now he has type 2 diabetes. This just adds to the complications. He has a part time job at Walgreens. He loves working. He mostly loves playing video games. It's like a major addiction. I would love to connect with other parents of adult children with Aspergers!
Del

Elaine - posted on 05/13/2012

I have adoptive twin sons of 19. Diagnosis of aspergersand a nother complex condition came after a long battle at 15. I had know something was really wrong from when the reached 10 and age chronology and social development went in opposite directions. These are bright kids, but their social impairment means life is a nightmare and that they are unlkely to reach even their true academic potential because of their lack of ability socially. From 11 we have been through 6 schools (icluding two special schools) and it always ended in disaster. We tried educating them together and then separately and while the latter was easier in some ways it still failed. One of our boys has now been at thesameschool for almost three years where he hasmade some great progress..but in comarison to the big wild world the stepsforward are minute.
One son had to be placed in care from 16 as his behavour at home got too violent and destructive for us to manage...but sadly fromthat point on he was a lost boy with the authorities choosing a host of unsuitable placements which ultimately led to social isolation, attetion seeking and offending. He developed an obcession for mobile phones and had dozens of them, and was also regularly using social networking sites. He started sending inappropriate text messages to girls (who he didn't know - except via facebook) and tho I warned the people responsible for his care that he was a risk to himself in this way, they refused to intervene and so he was sent to prison. He is now in an asperger facility, but i am still not convinced that inspite of their flag ship specialism status - that they have the grasp of his needs and difficulties. My other boy worries us as he talks to younger girls an is so at risk by doing this. Other kids also bully him and set him up. They make allegations against him and I am sick of the police being at my door. These kids were brought up to know right from wrong, but their social ineptitude, compulsions and the cruelty of others means they are so vulnerable... as are those around them as the frustration blows

Lisa - posted on 05/12/2012

Hello Anne, I have a son who is coming 19 and was not diagnosed with Aspergers until he was 17, we also knew that there was something but it did not become a big problem until his teen years, nice to meet you x

Greta - posted on 03/27/2012

Some good news to encourage you.....finally got my son to move....he has been working at a factory/line type of job which is fairly consistent for him for 3 years. He moved in with a friend from work for a decent price and still close by and no lease which helps. His job is getting irregular which worries me, he hates to apply for unemployment when he is laid off...Because we have shown each other love, I have been able to "force" him to do things, that seems to be the only way to get him going in the right direction, but it has to be logical consequences. I started charging him a ton of money to stay at home(he had gotten a college account at the bank, quit college, but my name was on the account too, so I had to be able to enforce the rent)and said if you don't pay me I'll just take it directly out of your account...he said how unfair it was and I said yes it is...find somewhere better. We are in a cramped apt. He didn't have much room and the price was unfair. But that is how life is. If he wanted something better he had to look for it. He hasn't changed his lifestyle but he is more relaxed I think. He is still on the computer all the time, but he does the things that he has the responsibility for, he changed his address with selective service, he did his taxes already, changed the address for his car insurance. These kids want to live by the rules. Our society is lawless and that is hard for them. I raised him as a Christian with the absolutes the Bible teaches and that has been the best for him. I have also worked hard at teaching him to love everyone when they are different because he is different to them and he wants to be treated right. He is always helping people at work. He will not help my friends with their computers because I've initiated it, but he has found others to help. I have prayed for a mentor for him and a man at work that is retired from the air force has helped him out a lot. I forgot how I forced him to straighten up his problem with unemployment, but he ended up on hold with them for 45minutes, then a man was very helpful and got his stuff straightened out. I continually teach him that taking the hard steps is worthwhile....he hates to use the phone, but he could not get that taken care of by email, it just wasn't working....so I re-enforce the things that have shown to work for him, even when they are hard. I have invited him home for meals he likes on weekends, I have always told him he is welcome to visit(just not move back, lol, it was too much of a stress on the whole family). Working at the factory has been good because he has found some friends that accept him. The nice thing was when I checked out his apt, his roommate is a slob so at least he won't throw my son out, but when I checked the recycle can, it was full of Pepsi cans, no beer.... He is a good man...just didn't meet the expectations we had, but there's nothing wrong with that and I still think he will reach his expectations some day....he is still in a rut...I keep trying to encourage him to go back to school or look for a computer job, because I think this factory could be like many others and go away....I said for his birthday I might come straighten his place up, he smiled....so he still needs help with organizing, and he is ok with that. He will always hate change, he just needs life experience to see things can still work out when you have to change. The reason he has his own car is because I wrecked ours(not on purpose!) and I said he would have to get his own because, because of my accident we couldn't afford two vehicles any more. That made sense to him. Things have to make sense and they have to know you love them. My husband has been coming around, with him(my son) away has helped. The weird thing is he loves to watch "Big Bang Theory".....Sheldon is just like my son.....except mine has no completed college education. The thing I see on that show is that they have friends that accept them and help them. I don't like the sexual stuff on the show, but it's out there, hard to avoid. But if you look at the relationships you see....Sheldon's roomate helps him to see how others see him, and how to act with manners etc....We all need friends that help us be our best and not just family. The other show(just shows there are some of us that can relate!) is "Parenthood". That boy with Aspergers has been so much like my son except I see that they need to not coddle him as much and teach him to not be selfish. And that has started to happen on the show. It's just all common sense....and even this boy accepts things when it is shown to make sense. I'm sad because it might be cancelled, ;( . These have been my outlets to see that others do deal with these personality things....and there is hope. We need to constantly look for the hope...as a Christian these shows don't show my values in many ways.... but it shows that God can help us in many ways when we don't just look for the judgmental things, and look for the good....what we ultimately need to teach these sons and daughters of ours. They are so smart they tend to judge quickly....love with proper consequences is best for them and I don't think a government program is going to achieve what we want, but I do wish there were programs that they could get together with other people like them so they realize they are not odd....to have things in common with others and see how others make it in life. Like a club....not a government program. Maybe that is something as parents we should pursue.

Michelle - posted on 03/26/2012

totally feel your pain. If I could just get vocational rehab to call us back that would be a huge step forward. It makes me crazy! we are now enrolling in college god bless her she wants to go and I will support her 100%. Its just sad that there are not more programs to assist adult children. if they had been diagnoised as minors then ssi may have been easier to acheive. still fighting that battle.

Michelle - posted on 03/26/2012

so we are in the same boat. my daughter just turned 20 and was offically diagnoised right before her birthday. we knew that there was something going on with her around the age of 2 but after many dr visit and being told she would catch up it was a life long stuggle in school iep meetings, teachers that did not understand. beck ( my daughter) also has gad ( gen anxi disorder) along with depression and lots of frustration. I recently applied her for ssi understanding that with a disability we had a very good shot. denied!!! which is so very sad since not one person in that process actually spoke with my daughter. they deemed her not disabled because she can physically take care of her day to day needs. but what about learning about life. she is young for her age, smart and a hard worker but struggles so much with comprehension and verbal communication. so thats us in a nut shell. of course hind sight we can look back and see all the signs but of course back then they were not documented signs.

Donna - posted on 03/13/2012

Hi! I am new to this group. I have a 21 yr old daughter diagnosed with aspergers a few yrs ago. I am so happy to find this site! I too am dealing with the struggles of job searching, college classes etc with an aspergers adult(child). I am always looking for information, education, advice on having an adult child with aspergers.

Laura - posted on 03/03/2012

I am in MN, I have a 19 year old Aspie that was diagnosis-ed in 4th grade. We struggle with the failure to launch.... We are working on finding a job, getting a haircut(its been a year now but he can't decide how to get it cut). We make progress then back track.

Any programs out there are either very costly or we don't qualify since we haven't had county services in the past. This kids get lost, not able to do it on their own but no programs to help them really either.

Would love to hear what other people are finding that has made a difference because honestly I am out of ideas...

Pat - posted on 03/01/2012

Anne, I have a 40 year old homeless daughter who was not 'diagnosed' with Asperger's until she was about 37. She was diagnosed with ADHD at age 16; and now with Borderline Personality Disorder. She has 4 children, whom I am raising.



There was no knowledge of Asperger's when she was a baby; but when I read Jenny McCarthy's book, it was like bells going off in my head.



I love her and will never deny her. So much damage has been done to her and by her. There are no resources available for her particular conditions. I believe that God has kept her all these years and will continue to do His work in her. I will never deny her; but I cannot live with her.



I hope this is not too depressisng. The future for a child like her is so much brighter now. She was such a delightful little child, and is still a gift to me. I have not posted her information on this web site.

Laura - posted on 11/27/2011

My son is 18 and we are working on the"getting launched" and its not going well....or maybe its just not going?

Laura - posted on 11/27/2011

Wondering if anyone has ideas on assisted living for 18 year old Aspie. He is stilling at home going to a Community College somewhat successfully depending on teacher, is supposed to be looking for a job bur that is not happening. Running out of ideas to make progress, he has no motivation. The whole failure to launch Has not had county services so doesn't qualify now. Also refuses to take depression meds.

Deborah - posted on 11/06/2011

Hi Anne, My son is 25 and in the process of getting a diagnosis. He attempted suicide a couple of months ago and went to a crisis stabilization facility for 3 days. They put him on meds for his symptoms of depression and anxiety. He is awaiting his first appt with a Psychiatrist coming up later this month. When all this happened, his girlfriend of 3 years mentioned to me that she thought he might have Aspergers and I started researching it. Like you, I knew something was not right with my son from a very early age but he never got a diagnosis of Aspergers. They tried ADHD but ruled that out and in his teens, Bipolar. He has objected to medications until his suicide attempt. The meds are working for him and he is motivated to get better and even relieved to be (possibly) getting a diagnosis that he is comfortable with. I would like to network, as well, with other parents of children our kids' ages who missed out on a diagnosis as youngsters. Feel free to respond. I live in Macon, Georgia and my son lives in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Thanks! Take care!!

Tina - posted on 08/17/2011

My son is 10 i need any help and any advise i can get especially at bedtime help thanks.

TINA

Kimberlee - posted on 08/16/2011

Hello All:
I seem to be able to relate to everybody ... My son is 17 and was diagnosed at 14.. He is really starting to frighten me .. when it come to how he will live his life ... his motivation to learn seems nill.... he can delve into a new video game and tell you alll about it ... I TOO must remind him to take his meds.. His executive functioning level seems to be at a very low level .... He does not seem to go from putting on his shrt to putting on his pants without getting very distracted. If I give him a direction he is alll over everywhere before doing the task 30 minutes later .... this gets me sooooooooo frustated and then I get soo scared as to what his life is going to look like...
Can anybody help me help him or give me some kind of idea as to how to help him ... OR maybe tell me what to expect down the road .... like I read where somebody said their son does not drive ... so must I always me the chauffauer (?) PLZZZZZZ anything anyone can tell me to help me understand would really help MY brain ...P.S. he is an only child which also scares me that he will not have anybody to help him when I am gone ... I am sooo sacred for him and really do feel guilty for not having another child for him to rely on .... but then again I could not have known .. but I just wish I would have had another sibling for him to lean on .... aspergers or not ..

Angie - posted on 04/19/2011

I'm reaching out for support and feedback concerning my adult son (24). He was diagnosised during grade school with ADHD, seen at Children's Riley Hospital till 18 years of age, due to a hole in heart (VSD). His school years were a Nightmare for him, learning issues and being made fun by other students in jr/sr high. He is now being evaluated for AD and/or Aspergers Syndrome, after entering into Adulthood it became increasing to himself and others that this is more than ADHD. He is now unemployed and no means to support himself. Where does one begin and is adults with these disabilities qualify for Fed/State help ? Thanks, Angie

Angie - posted on 04/19/2011

I'm reaching out for support and feedback concerning my adult son (24). Diagnosis with ADHD during grade school, seen at Children's Riley Hospital till 18 years of age from birth hole in heart (VSD) and like many others this was not seen... His school years were a nightmare for him, learning issues and being made fun by other students in jr/sr high. He is being evaluated for AD and/or Aspergers Syndrome after falling to the ultimate low last year. His father and I divorced his senior year, as he entered into adulthood it became increasing to him and others that this is more than ADHD. It has always been mind, body and soul draining and now heart shattering trying to pick up at this age and learn all along he has been faced with hurdles unknown. He is now unemployed and no means to support himself. Where does one begin in applying for basic needs for adults with these disabilities? Thanks, Angie

Laurie - posted on 06/20/2009

How wonderful that your son has a new girlfriend. That was a trigger for my son, he had an off/on girlfriend of sorts since 7th grade, but she broke up with him last year and went out with his friend for awhile. That was one of the key things that broke his spirit and he became depressed. On the other hand, he learned a big lesson on what a true friend looks like and I hope he takes that lesson through the rest of his life.



My son is getting a chance to work with a job coach this summer - we don't know where yet, hopefully in about a week we will find out. This will be his first time with a job and I am hoping he will do well and the company will be one to give him a break and invite him to stay after the program is done. For now, SRS will be paying his salary, and the employer is getting an employee for free.



I wish you and your son luck in finding a job for him. And luck with your speedster bike rider ;)

Sasha - posted on 06/20/2009

My son has a new girlfriend!! She is a few years younger, and very bright. She knows about his situation, and I have chatted with her and I think they could be great together. Naturly, I am worried. Just today, he was due to get a bus to where she lives so they could spend some time together. He missed the bus, got lost at the other end and not only got into a panic about not knowing where he was but also was convinced his GF would be angry with him for being late. As her parents invited him to stay for dinner I think he has done ok.

He wrecked his bike last week, and as it's his outlet for all his tentions this is a huge problem, especialy as I cannot replace it. so he spent a couple of days at the local retail village and lesure area, and filled in a few application forms and gave out a wad of CV's. Getting a part time job would be a fantastic opportunity for him, and I live in hope one of them will give him a break. Maybe if he buys a bike for himself he will stop treating them like a battering ram ( possibly just wishfull thinking) but thank god he cannot get behind the wheel of a car untill he's 17!!

He's been smiling again lately, and laughing. that is the best soiund in the world.

Laurie - posted on 06/20/2009

Hello, My name is Laurie and I have a 16 yr old son who has apserger's. I have been enjoying reading your posts and many of you have similar stories. I too know that my son will be living with me for quite some time as in our state children can't be put on the waiting list for assisted housing until they are 18yrs old and the minimum waiting time is at least 3 years. We are in the process of a struggle that had our son diagnosed with depression on top of aspergers this past year. Shane does not share his feelings with people and holds things in until he explodes over something, then sometimes things from long ago come out in the aftermath. He has been anxious over becoming a senior next year, graduating from high school and what will happen to him next. When he realized that he would be living with us for at least 3 years after high school, he became a bit more relaxed. Does anyone here know of a site where children who have aspergers can go online to get to know each other? It's so hard for Shane to make any real friendships outside of the casual lunch time relationships at school. I look forward to getting to know many of you and sharing advice, stories, support and above all, humor!



Laurie

Greta - posted on 03/12/2009

Thank you.  What I am going to get from family right now, only my dad knows my son dropped out of college, is that it is my fault for homeschooling him.  I know that is not true.  But everyone thinks a child has social problems because of homeschooling which is a lie.  School would have only made it much worse, because I'm just finding out now what some people have done to him he never would even tell me about.  He was in a group for robotics and I left him there at the man's home.  I know he never got along with this guy, he turned out to be very nasty and Matthew came through it pretty well, but he tells us years later that the man held him upside down once because he was mad at his behavior.  This man was abusive verbally and it seems he probably was physically too.  He was 11 at the time...people have to realize we are not all carved out of the same shell....He was just mad Matthew stood up to him when all the rest of the team let him walk all over him.  At the competition this man hit his own son in front of everyone.  Matthew left the competition with his team and came over and sat with us.  He said he didn't want to get hit next.  The nice thing is we did the competition with me leading a team a couple years later, this man was there, and we won the one division...so it took a while but I told Matthew they get thiers in the end.  Matthew got along with his son and that boy even came up and congratulated him.  He knew what a jerk his dad was. 

Anne - posted on 03/09/2009

Asperger is a developmental delay disability and part of the autism spectrum so I guess I would say that the defiance is part of the package. I have to hope my son is not defiant without a reason. He sees things only in very literal terms too and doesn't understand anything inbetween. He's brutally honest which sometimes is not a good thing too.



Lately my new feeling has been that instead of concentrating on the difficult and negative aspects that come along with having an adult son with Asperger Syndrome, I am focusing on all the pluses. If the whole world was Aspie there might be no wars! He has a delightful innocence and honesty about him that is totally freshing compared to the corruption and ignorance of society.



School was a horrible time for him and if I had it to do all over again, I might have homeschooled too. I live in NE and not many home school in my area. It wasn't an option that I considered. We just hoped he'd find a way to fit in (all pre-diagnosis too).



For whoever asked, he was diagnosed after his 3rd hospitalization for major depression with thoughts of suicide/desperation. He had been misdiagnosed for a time as being bipolar and borderline personality disorder; evidently this is common to have been misdiagnosed many times before the conclusion of Asperger.

Greta - posted on 03/09/2009

How much do you think is just defiance?

Anne - posted on 03/03/2009

Couldn't have stated it better, Greta. God did give us these special people to raise and to love for a reason and I too feel blessed to have him. He can be so annoying on the one hand and on the other the opposite - his honesty is very refreshing. Job, now that's another story. Work attempts have been dismal failures too but I am hopeful he'll find a niche - someplace to fit it. He's writing a book - his story in his own words - which he is certain will make him enough money to live on w/o having to find a 'regular' job.

Greta - posted on 03/03/2009

My son is pretty good now at not "melting down", but he turns a lot of it inward I think and that may be why he was depressed...he does have anger issues, but not fits.  I really think I did help him a lot by keeping him home and putting him in places I knew would help him.  I do remember he had a good friend that was a girl when he was little, she was 7 when he was 4 and she loved to play school with him.  They had a lot in common.  When he was 7 and proposed to her that was the end...oh well...  They were still friendly but I just told him girls get to an age where they just want to play with other girls.  She's getting married this May....One of the other girls he liked but never spoke to just got married last year...now he doesn't seem to have much interest, but it's hard to tell.  He is NOT meticulous in his grooming....have to coerce him to brush his teeth and wash his hair.  When he was at college I don't know if he ever washed....didn't like the shared bathroom.  We said just wash late at night when no one else is there...he thought there was no hot water then, but it just took longer to heat up since it wasn't in use....I know things will be ok with him, God got us this far and gave him to me and my husband for a reason, because he knew we could take care of him.  Just hope he gets a job soon!  When he was in preschool the boy he got along best with couldn't talk at all.....one of his first words was MATTHEW! when he was irritated with him...I thought it was cute and was proud actually...this boy was just delayed...maybe he had the same thing, but his mom said he wasn't talking because she didn't require him to, she always knew what he wanted...He also got along well with an autistic boy at church that was about 10 years older.  I think it's a gift to be able to get along with autistic people....I used to be afraid of people with different issues like that, but now since I've had my son I understand them so much better and feel more in touch with them.  Good things can come out of these circumstances, we just have to look for them.